How to survive a divorce from your husband: tips and common mistakes. How to survive a second divorce? Divorce for the second time

How to survive a divorce from your husband

Good day, dear reader. Are you really at the stage of making one of the important decisions in your life, or maybe you have already made it? Have you wondered how to survive a divorce from your husband? This article will help you gain not only confidence in the future, but also find the strength to overcome all the suffering that has befallen you. We will tell you what stages women experience after divorce. We'll show you how to respond correctly to each of them. You will learn what you absolutely cannot do and how to avoid the typical mistakes of most divorced girls. In the article you can also find advice from psychologists on this topic. Take a breath and come out, and then relax a little and start enjoying interesting material.

In every person's life there are problems that are extremely difficult to cope with, but loss is considered the most difficult experience. The death of loved ones is at the highest level, but divorce from a husband is a little lower and, by the way, it is even higher than unexpected dismissal from work. Every woman, after the destruction of her family, wonders how to survive a divorce from her husband. In our article you can find not only the answer to this question, but also make sure that life does not end there.

First, let us warn you that psychologists distinguish five stages that a person experiences during loss. All these stages should be lived through and there is no need to try to show yourself as strong (for show, like I’m so invulnerable) and jump over these stages. The time needed to overcome each stage will be needed differently, because it all depends on the duration of the marriage and the relationship during the marriage. The main rule is to take care of yourself and start spending more time on yourself (), and not think about how things are going with your husband. Well, let’s begin to consider all the stages that a woman will have to go through after a divorce.

Feeling of shock and complete denial of the current situation

This is the very first stage and probably one of the most difficult, because when a person is in a state of shock, he is unable to think sensibly. Emotions at this moment are difficult to control and everything can be aggravated to dire consequences. After the peak of the state of shock passes and the woman calms down, then denial begins. Everything around seems unreal, and the future does not exist at all. Those around her will try to reason with the girl, but all her arguments are sheer nonsense. The moment of inadequacy is simply overwhelming.

Attacks of anger and resentment

The second stage is no less serious and everyone will have to go through it, because controlling your anger is not so easy. Spontaneous attacks of anger develop into unquenchable anger at the ex-spouse. All the worst moments come to mind, and self-deprecation begins. It’s as if the woman opens her eyes to the man’s past actions, which seemed ordinary to her. () She begins to suffer not only from memories, but also from lost time with a good-for-nothing young man. Feelings of resentment can lead to serious depression as well as self-blame.

It is not strange that this stage is a continuation of the previous one, because when the anger and resentment towards the ex-husband ends, it is time to look for problems in oneself. The equator of all stages is the most dangerous and it can become a return to the first stage. It’s simple, because the girl begins to endlessly look for flaws in herself and tries to hammer into her head that she did the wrong thing. The danger lies not in thoughts, but in actions, and a woman will definitely want to correct far-fetched mistakes. This desire to meet and explain, to call and talk, and this can end in tears.

Gray days have arrived, and depression has crept in unnoticed.

As you understand, after all these stages the realization comes that the past cannot be returned and this makes you very worried. The former family remains only in memory, but the loving husband has long been living his own life. It is painful to realize this, but it is necessary, because every divorced woman needs to experience this. Depression affects everyone differently and you need to focus on this. This state can reach the boiling point, and the help of loved ones or friends will be useless. (you need to contact specialists) At the initial stages, relatives and friends are a good panacea.

Long-awaited and adequate acceptance of reality

Having gone through all the stages, you will reach a healing acceptance of reality. This feeling is indescribable and it can work wonders. All feelings come into order, and thoughts become healthy and sober. A person begins to understand that what happened is not a mistake, but a vital necessity for creating a successful future. After this moment has arrived, the woman will feel as if she has breathed in a breath of fresh air, and past problems have simply disappeared. The path to a new and happy life is open.

Having considered all the stages that a divorced woman will have to go through, we focused only on the question of an initial nature. Perhaps, after reading about the stages, the reader will understand what awaits her ahead and this will help her survive the divorce from her husband. The main question still remains, and we will try to list a list of tips and recommendations that will help you understand how to survive a divorce from your husband. The tips may not seem new to you, but they are really effective. We should also talk about the typical mistakes that the fair half of humanity makes during a difficult period. The most basic and critical mistakes and even stupid things should not be made, because they will only make life worse.

Let's start with the most interesting and useful, namely tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband and remain happy. These recommendations can be classified as self-improvement and finding inner peace and harmony. Every girl can try to implement the advice, and we are sure that this will only be beneficial. We strongly recommend that a woman who has gone through a divorce listen to the following:

Changing your image will contribute not only to external changes, but also internal ones. In a beauty salon you can get a new hairstyle, choose more attractive makeup, and in any boutique you should update your wardrobe. All these actions will not only improve your mood and vigor, but also raise your self-esteem;
For those who do not have the opportunity to switch to children or household chores, you should get yourself a cat or dog, or maybe a cheerful parrot or a nimble ferret. This will help you concentrate your attention on something useful and not think about divorce. Perhaps with the help of a new pet you will have the opportunity to make new acquaintances and make friends;
No one has ever canceled sports, because it is not only health and relaxation, but also a long-awaited opportunity to take time for yourself. You can do anything from running in the morning, to swimming in the pool or going to the fitness club in the evening. Believe me, this is a truly pleasant pastime. A new activity is a way to expand your circle of acquaintances;
Perhaps it's time to do some traveling alone or with friends. New countries and cities mean fresh emotions, as well as the discovery of something new for yourself. You can visit ancient cities and museums, or you can simply go to a resort and relax to the fullest;
A mandatory procedure that every girl must do is getting rid of unnecessary and old things. Particular attention should be paid to those things that obsessively remind you of your ex-spouse. If you can’t do the burning of old bridges yourself, then ask your faithful girlfriend. This action will help you once again realize that a new life has come, and after the old one only ashes remain;
Are you bored with the old design in your apartment, and have you wanted to change the colorful wallpaper for a long time? It's time for changes in the house where you live. Change your usual environment, which will remind you of the unfavorable days spent with your ex-husband. Make a major or cosmetic renovation that you have dreamed of for so long, because you can now afford it. The main thing is that no one will impose their opinion and point out what they don’t like about the design;
An important point will be financial independence, because now you are obliged to provide for yourself. To do this, you need to understand how profitable your job is and whether you like it. It might not be a bad idea to find a high-paying job that you’ve been wanting to triple for for a long time. Think about your career and make all your dreams come true.

As you can see, following all the tips will help stop the chaos in life and take you to a new stage of development. It’s not all that easy to accomplish, but this is another chance to prove to yourself that you are capable of more and deserve the best. Over time, thoughts about how to survive a divorce from your husband will completely disappear. This is understandable, because a completely different life will begin, which will fill the heart and soul with long-awaited happiness.

Now we have reached the interesting section of our article and we will tell you that here you should show unprecedented diligence in order to read to the end. Not every girl will be pleased to learn about the mistakes that will be presented here. An emotional explosion after a divorce forces you to plunge into oblivion and this is fraught with dire consequences. If you break even one rule, consider that you will not be able to survive the divorce from your husband. Every wrong action will set off a chain of events such that Santa Barbara will rest on the sidelines. You may have already done some of them, but that doesn't mean there's no way back. In this case, the main thing will not be how to survive the divorce from your husband, but how not to aggravate the current situation.

Give up the idea of returning everything. Surely there were pleasant moments in family life, but if divorce became a deliberate decision, then the way back is closed. The exception is making a decision spontaneously and rashly, but that’s a different story. There is no need to try to find an approach to your ex-husband and reason with him, all this is in vain. The main thing is to get out of this situation with dignity and never humiliate yourself.
At first, an emptiness forms inside, which you want to fill with new feelings. All this is just an illusion and stupidity, because the search for a new partner will only end in disappointment and new pain for two. No one has canceled flirting and entertainment, but you need to forget about serious relationships for a while. First, you need to completely deal with the past and forget it, and only then build a new life.
An attempt to hide behind the mask of a confident and cheerful woman. The emotions that will overwhelm you need to be accepted properly. If you want to cry, scream or break something, do so and don’t keep it to yourself. It's normal to have bouts of fear for the future. Don't forget that you are an ordinary person inside and this is typical for you.
Never make adult problems part of your children's lives. You should not say offensive words to your husband in front of your child, because this is the father of the baby, who for him is the standard of a man. Manipulating children is the most disgusting thing that can happen to yourself, your child and your spouse. There is only one conclusion and this is a ban on dragging children into squabbles and misunderstandings between parents.
Forbid yourself to believe in the illusion of a past life. You need to understand that if you get to the point of divorce, something has gone wrong. To think that the spouse was so attentive and kind and that this can return is a complete illusion. You are adults who have made important choices in life and now have to come to terms with them. Bringing back the past would be a fool's errand. Spend your energy and emotions on creating a better future based on the mistakes of the past.
Sleep is disrupted due to nervousness and excessive stress. At night there are intrusive thoughts and a flow of information that is difficult to control. 90% of those suffering from this start taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and this can result in serious problems. It is better to consult your doctor about gentler medications, and also spend more time in the fresh air and in the company of your best friends.
Divorce can cause unimaginable pain, disappointment, and a whole host of problems, but resorting to alcohol is strictly prohibited. A momentary weakness to the green snake can aggravate not only the problem that has arisen, but also jeopardize your entire life. The euphoria that drinking gives you is fleeting and will never help you think sensibly or make your dreams come true. We wrote above that you can start raising children, find a suitable hobby, start caring for a pet, or plunge into sports. There are many options and you should simply choose one of them.

Conclusions on how to survive a divorce from your husband

Everything written above should help every woman who finds herself in a difficult situation. We talked about the stages that you will need to go through, and also gave recommendations and advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband. We discussed all sorts of mistakes during times of stress and emotional instability. If you collect the acquired knowledge in your head and analyze it wisely, you can understand that divorce is not the end of life. Marriages are not always happy and this needs to be understood. To create a healthy and strong family, you need to go through many tests. () Not everyone is always ready to sacrifice or compromise, or maybe they are simply not ready to create a social unit. There are many reasons, and we will talk about them another time.

We wish you to find what you want in your life and never wonder how to survive a divorce from your husband. Develop family relationships, learn something new, listen to the advice of the old generation and take an example from couples who have lived together for more than fifty years. In family life, try to avoid talking about divorce, and spend more time strengthening your bonds. If readers have any additions or recommendations of their own, you can always leave them in the comments below. Share your life experience, and maybe it will save someone's family.

If at the trial the spouses decided not to divorce and filed an application to the court to abandon the claim, but after a certain time they still decide to finally break off the relationship and get a divorce, questions immediately arise - is it possible to file for divorce a second time or how many times can one file for divorce? Divorce in Russia in principle? Let's consider this problem.

Important! If you are dealing with your own case of repeated divorce, then you should remember that:

Each case is unique and individual.
Understanding the basics of the law is useful, but does not guarantee results.
The possibility of a positive outcome depends on many factors.

Is it possible to file for divorce again if the spouse has abandoned the claim?

According to Art. 220 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation, the plaintiff’s refusal of the statement of claim and its acceptance by the judge constitutes the basis for termination of the proceedings in the relevant case. At the same time, the court’s ruling, according to which the proceedings in the case loses its force, states that going to court again on a controversial issue between the same subjects on the same grounds and subjects is simply not permissible.

Pay attention! The factual circumstances of the case are the grounds for the claim. Specific requirements are the subject.

The claim for termination of the marriage union again, as well as when applying to the judicial authority on subsequent occasions to the same spouse, must be characterized by:

the same subject;
the same subject composition and legal grounds (impossibility of living in marriage and preserving the family);
but other factual grounds on which the plaintiff explains his application for divorce.

For example, reconciliation with the wife (husband) after abandoning the claim did not help save the family, and the defendant’s behavior did not change for the better. Moreover, during the time of reconciliation, the spouses could have children together, or they could mutually agree to end the marriage.

So, is it possible to re-file for divorce? Either spouse can file by changing the grounds of claim, i.e., the reason for the divorce. In addition, if there are no joint children under the age of eighteen, and both spouses agree to dissolve the marriage, the divorce is carried out by the registry office staff. They will need to contact this body with a joint statement.

Thus, the specifics of marriage and family relations are determined by the possibility of repeated (multiple) filing of a claim for termination of marriage, and the basis for a repeated claim for termination of marriage will be other circumstances that arose after the ruling (decision) was made and indicating that the divorce we won't pass.

In any case, there are many nuances in the divorce process that only a professional lawyer can explain.

And finally, an interesting infographic: the structure of divorces by age at marriage.

It starts just for show, to influence the other side and achieve certain goals. For example, change the behavior of the spouse, obtain material benefits, or create the appearance of a divorce for third parties.

The question may also arise when family life has fallen apart after reconciliation has taken place during the consideration of a court case. That is, a claim was filed and the stated claims were abandoned, and the case was closed.

You can only file for divorce once!

This answer can often be heard from lawyers and even judges who do not have good experience in family disputes and have little understanding of the essence of procedural restrictions.

Let us examine the arguments given for this. This is that the court is obliged to return the claim if a similar claim was previously filed, that is, having the same subject and basis, but the plaintiff declared a waiver of the claims.

Yes, indeed, Article 134 of the Civil Procedure Code of the Russian Federation contains articles indicating the following restrictions:

Article 134. Refusal to accept a statement of claim
1. The judge refuses to accept the statement of claim if:
2) there is […] a court ruling to terminate the proceedings in connection with the acceptance of the plaintiff’s refusal of the claim or the approval of a settlement agreement between the parties

Article 173. Refusal of the claim by the plaintiff, recognition of the claim by the defendant and settlement agreement between the parties
1. The plaintiff’s statement of abandonment of the claim, the recognition of the claim by the defendant and the terms of the settlement agreement between the parties are entered into the minutes of the court session and signed by the plaintiff, the defendant or both parties. If the waiver of the claim, recognition of the claim or a settlement agreement of the parties is expressed in written statements addressed to the court, these statements are attached to the case, as indicated in the minutes of the court session.
2. The court explains to the plaintiff, defendant or parties the consequences of abandoning the claim, recognizing the claim or concluding a settlement agreement between the parties.
3. If the plaintiff abandons the claim and accepts it by the court or approves a settlement agreement between the parties, the court issues a ruling, which simultaneously terminates the proceedings. The court's ruling must indicate the terms of the settlement agreement between the parties approved by the court.
4. If the court does not accept the plaintiff’s refusal of the claim, the defendant recognizes the claim, or does not approve the amicable agreement of the parties, the court makes a ruling on this and continues to consider the case on the merits.

As we see, the court, when accepting the refusal of the claim, must specifically draw the attention of those divorcing to the fact that a repeated claim for divorce cannot be raised. Often, judges, taking this provision literally, unwittingly contribute to ensuring that the process is completed with a decision on divorce.
On the Internet you can find a proposal for such a way out of the situation: get a divorce, and then get married again, because later (if it comes to that) another, newly concluded marriage will be dissolved.

You can file for divorce an unlimited number of times

The given answer is the correct one. And it is still based on the same Article 134.

In order to correctly understand the application of the law, you need to turn to the concepts of a claim and its components - subject and basis.

The subject of the claim is the plaintiff's claims stated in a procedural document called a statement of claim. That is, what the plaintiff asks the court to do. The subject of the claim is formed in the so-called pleading part of the claim and follows after the words “in connection with the above, I ask the court.” A divorce claim is usually accompanied by a demand such as “to dissolve the marriage concluded between me and the defendant on [date] in the registry office [name of the registry office and registration number].”
The basis for the claim is the circumstances that served as the basis for filing the claim. These are, in fact, the breakdown of family life due to betrayal, different views on life, family violence, etc.

Next you need to consider the following. It is unlikely that anyone will argue with the fact that family life is ongoing, that is, it is not reducible to some vicious circle of circumstances, because something new happens every day. Someone used to just have quarrels, but today he found out about the betrayal of his husband or wife. Previously, the husband was aggressive, and more recently this has been joined by drinking, drugs, and gambling addiction.

You probably already understand what we are talking about: the subject of the new claim will be the same, but the grounds will be different. Therefore, a repeated claim will be fundamentally different. Accordingly, the court must accept this claim, consider and make a decision on the merits.

Recommendations from Injusta lawyers. If, after reconciliation or abandonment of the claim, you file a claim for divorce again, it would be reasonable to avoid the excessive formality of the text of the claim such as “the discord occurred due to the dissimilarity of the characters of the parties.” Write in more detail about the motives for the claim, what the essence of the claims are, how the marital relationship developed. It should not be identical to what was previously stated and should not lead the judge to believe that the spouses themselves do not know what they want.

If the judge refuses to accept the statement of claim for the reasons stated above, demand that the refusal be given to you in writing and appeal it in the prescribed manner to a higher court.

Abuse of the right to withdraw and file a claim

It is not easy to prove that a husband or wife refuses and files a lawsuit again for the purpose of manipulation. This is also facilitated by the paucity of legal proceedings in divorce cases. But you can try to do this, and if successful, the claim will not be accepted.
However, there is a simpler way out of this situation - to file an independent claim for divorce, and, if necessary, with a counterclaim.

Divorce is always difficult and painful. After all, you were going to spend the rest of your life with this person, making plans together, raising children. And now all hopes have collapsed, and an important stage is left behind.

And what lies ahead is still unknown and incomprehensible. Plus stress and deep emotional shock, even if you are the initiator of the separation. And it’s still hard to believe that life goes on after a divorce, and that it can also be happy. But it's true.

Survive the loss

Divorce for any reason is extremely stressful. On the stress scale used by professional psychologists, it ranks second. And there are often cases when, after a divorce, a person finds himself in the deepest depression, from which he can only get out with the help of a psychotherapist.

They will tell you how to survive a divorce from your husband, advice from a psychologist who believes that you should treat this event like any other significant loss in your life - it must be accepted correctly. And, no matter how strange it may sound, we all experience serious losses according to the same algorithm, which psychologists have long calculated.

Before returning to a full life, everyone goes through five main stages:

Negation. For some time the brain simply refuses to understand that everything has already happened and nothing can be corrected. That the marital relationship is completely over and it will not be possible to improve it. That you need to start a new life and let go of the past.
Anger. It often arises during a divorce, especially if you are not the initiator. And next to it is definitely a feeling of guilt for the fact that you could not maintain the relationship. And also the envy that appears when you see happy families.
False hope. This is the most dangerous stage, when it seems possible to return everything back. Divorce looks like a terrible mistake, because there were so many good things in your life together!
Depression. A very dangerous state when you give up and don’t want anything - neither old nor new relationships. It is at this stage that problems with insomnia, overeating, alcohol, etc. usually begin.
Acceptance. And only here does recovery begin, and there is a real chance to start a new life from scratch. When you have completely come to terms with what has already happened, your body and soul are gradually restored, and the desire to change something and try new things comes.

But there is a problem - many get stuck at one of the stages and do not move on. But understanding what is happening to you speeds up the process of stress and brings the moment of acceptance closer. If you realize that you have been in the stages of false hope or depression for a long time and cannot get out of them on your own, be sure to consult a psychotherapist.

For many men, the problem of how to survive a divorce from their wife is further aggravated by the fact that they are not ready to solve everyday issues that their spouse used to deal with. And the fact that children more often stay with their mother, which means that the father’s participation in their lives becomes less significant.

Different situations

Divorce situations are different. Since two parties take part in the process, there are several options for the development of events. Spouses can file for divorce by mutual consent - this is the fastest and most painless way. If only one party initiates the separation, and the other does not agree with it, then the matter takes a serious turn, and the process may drag on.

By mutual agreement

Divorce by mutual consent, provided that there are no small common children in the family, occurs quickly and without any problems, upon a joint application. But only a court can divorce a family with minor children, even if the second spouse is not against it.

In this case, it is better to calmly agree on everything at once:

who will the children stay with?
how often they will see their ex-spouse;
how much he is willing to give monthly for their maintenance;
are children allowed to travel abroad and under what conditions;
how joint housing and property will be divided.

Otherwise, in addition to the divorce, the court will also deal with the division of property and the case of collecting alimony. And this means extra nerves, time and money too. Staying with your ex in normal human relations is the most correct tactic.

On your own initiative

When the initiator of the divorce survives, it is easier to survive. Especially if the ex is an alcoholic, a domestic tyrant, or the reason for the breakup was betrayal. As a rule, it takes some time to make such a decision, and during this period you have time to come to terms with what is happening.

But if the other party was categorically against the official divorce, and the matter was resolved in court with mutual accusations and scandals, then severe stress cannot be avoided.

In this case, after a divorce, it is better to take a time out:

go on vacation, change the environment;
send the children to their grandmother so as not to take out their irritation on them;
rearrange furniture to update the apartment;
change your image to feel like a different person.

Most often, 1-2 weeks is enough to survive the loss and gain strength for physical and spiritual rebirth.

When your spouse leaves

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love him, but he left for someone else? This seems like a real tragedy that is simply impossible to cope with! But everything passes, and this too will pass, says the ancient wisdom. The main thing is not to aggravate the problem by trying to return an irretrievably lost relationship.

In this case, it is advisable to at least temporarily stop all contact with your ex-spouse. Everything becomes more complicated if there is a common child. It is very undesirable to limit his relationship with his father immediately after the divorce, so as not to cause additional trauma. But their meetings can be arranged in such a way that there is minimal overlap with the ex.

Under one roof

Of course, the ideal option is when, immediately after the decision to make a complete break is made, the spouses begin to live separately. They do not meet every day, they are less tempted to start a showdown again. Moreover, everything is already extremely clear - there is no marital relationship. Whether it’s worth remaining friends, just acquaintances, or not crossing paths at all anymore is up to you to decide.

But, alas, not everything is so simple. Many families do not have the opportunity to leave immediately, and very often a woman is forced to live together with her ex-husband after a divorce for several more months, or even years, until he or she resolves the housing issue. At first it is incredibly difficult mentally. But psychologists say that if you build relationships correctly, it is quite possible to create fairly comfortable conditions for both.

Here are some useful tips that can help in this difficult situation:

Agree that the concept of “we” no longer exists, and now you are not a family, but two well-known people living under the same roof.
Establish hostel rules and duty schedule: from now on, household duties such as cleaning common areas, taking out trash, etc. will have to be done one by one.
Limit your personal space. At a minimum, you should not enter each other’s room unexpectedly and without invitation.
Divide the budget and decide what amount will be allocated monthly for children.
Follow the rules of the hostel: do not make noise late, do not invite guests without the consent of the other party.
Don't forget that each of you now has the right to privacy. But it’s better not to let it happen in front of your ex-husband.

Everything becomes very complicated if there are children in the family. When a divorced mother and father still live under the same roof, it is not easy for them to realize that the marriage has truly broken down and the family as such no longer exists.

Maintaining a warm, human relationship with your ex-spouse will give your children a sense of security and an understanding that they still have both loving parents.

How to live on

Everyone reacts to divorce differently. Some people cope with the shock quickly enough. Others may survive for several months, or even years. But sooner or later the understanding comes that this stage of life is already completed and it’s time to start a new one.

The following advice from psychologists will help you recover faster:

Don't close yourself down. It sounds cliché, but you are not the first and you will not be the last to go through a divorce. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it does not mean your inferiority or inability to build relationships. So stop hiding, go out into the world and start communicating. Of course, you shouldn’t tell the first person you meet about your problems. But when answering the question about your marital status, don’t be complex. You are divorced. All. Dot. But life goes on.
Chat with friends. It is in such difficult life situations that true comrades emerge. And not real either. Be prepared for this - not all of your mutual friends will accept your position. Even if the other side is wrong. She's just closer to them. There's nothing wrong with that either. Forgive and let go of those who are no longer with you. And thank those who stayed. And at the same time, think about it: maybe it’s worth expanding your circle of acquaintances and making new friends?
Change your image. Separating from your ex-spouse is never painless. A negative internal state is immediately reflected in the appearance. Fortunately, the inverse relationship also works. Once you change your image for the better, your eyes begin to shine, your shoulders straighten, and self-confidence and sexuality appear out of nowhere. Don't believe me? Then go to a good salon and check it out!
Find a hobby. Many people try to find an outlet after a divorce in work and caring for children. But, plunging even deeper into the routine, you are unlikely to extract from it the positive emotions that are absolutely necessary now. Another thing is a new hobby. Especially if it's something you've always wanted to try but never got around to due to lack of time, money or other reason. Now is the time!
Be careful with alcohol. The fact that alcohol (and even more so drugs) help relieve tension and overcome stress is nothing more than a myth. Yes, it dulls the pain and creates the illusion of emotional uplift, but the problems themselves do not go away. And they will still have to be solved - tomorrow or in a week. Only in the morning will they be joined by a headache, symptoms of general intoxication and a feeling of guilt. Is it worth complicating the situation further?
Live the emotions. Doctors say that suppressed emotions cause the development of such serious diseases as hypertension, cancer, stroke, heart attack, not to mention psychosomatics. Therefore, you want to scream - scream, you want to cry - cry, you want to tell your ex everything that you think about him - go ahead. But alone. Or next to a reliable friend (girlfriend). And then exhale, take a shower and start your life again.
Control your appetite. A large percentage of overweight women gained it after a divorce. Sweets and delicious food really help overcome stress, as they provoke the release of pleasure hormones, endorphins. But it’s one thing to treat yourself to something delicious a couple of times a week, and another thing to eat stress every night (while suffering on the couch). By the way, pleasure hormones are produced during jogging. So, maybe it's worth getting them from another source?
New relationships. This is absolutely not a case of “knocking out a wedge with a wedge.” Even if your ex-spouse has left for someone else, you shouldn’t start a new relationship out of spite. Until you have fully recovered from the old ones, you will project your claims onto all new partners and in the end you will only receive another portion of disappointments. You need to start a new relationship with a clean slate. And not before you get rid of accumulated claims and existing stereotypes.

Meditation and breathing techniques, which you can learn in yoga classes, are great for getting rid of negative emotions. If you can’t cope with them on your own, you should seek help from a psychologist or a support group where people with the same problems as you meet. As a last resort, share your experiences on the forum and find out how others overcome the same problems.

Of course, divorce is difficult. But you can cope with it. And the sooner you begin conscious actions to restore your own mental balance and correct your lifestyle, the better. Parting is always followed by new meetings. Life goes on, and how ready you are to turn over the old page depends only on you.

I am 33 years old. This is my second marriage. The first marriage was at 24 and after 1 year it ended in divorce. My first husband and I separated painfully and for a long time. Even after the divorce was finalized, they continued to communicate. The point was his new marriage and the birth of a child. I was left alone. After that I had a relationship with another person and I managed to forget my first husband. Love has passed. Although the former husband periodically appeared with his greetings and how are you.
Then I decided to meet a guy via the Internet. I wanted love, pure and sincere. and found one like this. 3 months after we met, we began to live together (in my apartment. Everyone who saw us said that he was my happiness, that everything in him spoke of his love for me. And I believed, although I didn’t want marriage. I was afraid. After half a year we signed.
I have a strong character. I'm an Aries, he's a Taurus, flexible. I am 4 years older than him and in many life issues more experienced and pragmatic. From the beginning of our family life, he came to me with all his questions, at first I liked it, but then I began to get bored and one day I said that he should learn to make decisions himself, and not run to me over trifles. He was very offended and still cannot forgive me for this. But our family life continued, he became more serious, moved to another job, and became a boss. And after a year and a half he was fired. And we were left without money with credit. On my salary alone. The husband closed in on himself: although he smiled all the time, he was gentle. He said that he would become a housewife and would help me in everything. Instead, he sat at the computer all the time, played, did nothing at home, and was always offended at me over trifles. I was silent for 2 months and then demanded to take any job, he said that he only wanted to be a director. went to interviews. but they didn’t take him, they said he had enough qualifications, but his character was not suitable, he was soft, he wouldn’t survive in such harsh conditions!
quarrels became more and more frequent and I began to think about divorce. We are not talking about sex life at all.
I tried to talk to him, everything turned into a scandal, he slammed the door and left, and returned after my call. We had a heart-to-heart talk. It became easier and we continued our life together. but something was already wrong.
In May of this year, a scandal arose out of the blue, which ended with my hysteria and his leaving home, according to him forever.
2 days later, after tears and a heart-to-heart conversation, he returned. But they began to sleep separately, he withdrew into himself, and after trying to talk, he declared. that probably that love no longer exists, and he is very afraid that he no longer loves me.
Then I decided to take matters into my own hands, saying that this was probably not a diagnosis and that I needed to move on with my life and improve my life. He agreed.
Everything seemed to be getting better, but he pulled away a little at night, no longer hugged me, and constantly during the day plunged into some kind of sleepy state. He slept poorly, was nervous and shouted at me for no reason. We lived like this for 3 months, and 3 weeks ago he provoked a scandal while visiting my parents. left, collected the essentials and left home. 2 days later I came to pick up the phone and that’s all I heard. so this is that he knows how much I love him and that he doesn’t want something, he doesn’t know what. I apologized for the scandal and said that I understand his offense towards me. after that he said a hundred can forgive me. but doesn't want to. He doesn’t want anything anymore! But he promised to think about us on a business trip and left for a week. During a business trip, he wrote on a social network that he had died, said goodbye to everyone, and deleted everyone, including me, from his contacts. When I asked when he would pick up his things, he said that he didn’t know.
A week later I called him and again asked what he decided? In response, it was said that he would not decide anything until he knew what I wanted. I replied that I am against divorce. after which he said that he had not decided anything yet and accused me of not calling him during this week. I said that he didn’t call me himself, which means that he didn’t want to communicate with me, and it takes time for everything to calm down. He said that he didn’t need my calls and didn’t want to communicate with me. and then he said that I don’t care about him since I haven’t called him once in a week. We decided to talk in another week.
After 2 days I called him with a request, he fulfilled it, but without enthusiasm. and after another 2 days I decided that I couldn’t live in obscurity. The conversation was long. He took all my words as a personal insult, blamed me for everything and said that I had played the game myself. to the questions whether you love it or not. He answered that I myself know, he already told me about this (hinting at an indefinite no in May), when asked about marriage he said that it was not for him to decide, but he did not see any other way out but to go in different directions. I told A more specifically. He said he wasn't ready. Then I gave him 4 days to make a decision.
4 days later I called. but he didn’t answer. called back a day later. said that we need to talk. We decided that it was better to talk in person. I made an appointment on neutral territory, after which he said that since I had figured out his decision, there was nothing more to talk about. I replied that I had not guessed anything and that I wanted to finally hear everything from him directly and without beating around the bush. He didn't answer. Then I asked persistently what he wanted. He mumbled things. I offered to pick it up the next day, he said that it might not work out, I suggested another day, to which they answered that he didn’t know and let’s call him later. After which I accused him of dishonesty. He yelled at me. I hung up. He called. I didn't answer. After 1 hour, he wrote that he would arrive tomorrow and wanted to personally hand over the keys. I said he was coming now, because... In 1 hour I collected his things in the hallway. to which he replied that they won’t, in my opinion. And he will leave the keys in the mailbox.
I said he was a coward!
the next day I called back and asked how I was doing. how I feel. He said that he felt bad, but hang in there. That he will probably pick up the things today as promised, but I’m not sure. I asked if he was sure that he wanted to take it, he said that he would not discuss it for the hundredth time and that everything had already been said. I said that I didn’t need his pity and sympathy, but he said that he couldn’t say anything, that I already knew everything, but I didn’t listen to him.
I picked up my things in the evening, but refused to bring the keys that same day, saying that I was tired. I started demanding, he hung up.
1 hour later he called back and said that he was ready to return the keys, I said that I was busy and hung up. Immediately I received a message that he would teach me to listen to other people. I made it worse for myself and I can take the keys to my apartment from his mother.
I'm tired of this tug of war. when I agree to his terms, he changes them; if I don’t agree, he goes against me. What should I do. And it hurts so much because of the divorce, and here we can’t resolve more than one issue the first time. And besides, he left me all the dishes given to me by his maomy (ceptor) - his dowry. He said what he wanted,. made friends with me, like with all his ex-girlfriends. I categorically answered NO. He asks if I have problems, offers to help, and when I share something, they pull away. not wanting to do anything.
Help! I can't do it anymore! I can’t remain silent all the time I want to tell him something. I want to get a divorce but I can’t. at the thought of meeting him, I’m ready to die, just not to see him. In my heart I understand that it’s all over, but somewhere deep down I still hope that everything will work out. Although I understand that I will never forgive him. I won’t forgive you for leaving me alone with my problems.
I am a determined person, but I still don’t know whether I want a divorce or not. I want it with my brain, but that’s not what my heart screams. Second divorce. I'm a loser. all the men are running away from me