Is it worth giving a person a second chance - the opinion of a psychologist. Is it worth giving a person a second chance? Give a second chance to a person who betrayed you

We have already talked about second chances in relationships in one of them. It also describes how to mend broken relationships: what to do and what to stick to. Now let's try to figure out in which cases a second chance can be successful, and in which it is just a waste of time.

Of course, there are so many people, so many opinions, so many destinies and situations, so everyone has their own story, and it ends in its own way. However, there is still life experience, and the experience of psychological consultations, which shows that there are quite a lot of typical examples of positive and negative outcomes of a “second chance” - so let’s try to look at them.

When does a second chance pay off?

In a large proportion of cases, the resumption of an interrupted relationship leads to a very productive and happy life. Why is this happening?

Firstly, after a breakup, which is a big shake-up, a person can realize his mistakes and the mistakes of his partner. He will want to change in order to change his life for the better.

Secondly, knowing about these mistakes and having sorted everything out a fair number of times, the couple will be able to learn to continue to easily and quickly assess their conflicts from the outside, look as if “from above” at all their problems and solve them more clearly and with fewer losses.

Thirdly Having lost something important in their life, having gone through separation from it and having found it again, people begin to appreciate and cherish it even more - a person, a relationship, a family, an atmosphere. And as a result, a more careful, reverent attitude towards your partner, when the head works first, and not emotions or pride, allows the newfound union to strengthen and develop.

With the right approach to building a new relationship, couples in the following types of situations have a good chance of making things work again:

- if your partner or you made a serious mistake once, once you can try to understand, forgive and forget everything;

- if your partner or you have realized the “wrongness” of your behavior over a long period of time, you can always try to adapt to a new direction, begin to control yourself and your actions in the name of joint happiness and love for your soul mate.

- if you have too much in common in life - family, children, a long relationship, special relationships with relatives - then the mutual responsibility for the “second chance” will be much higher and more conscious than in the “we were just dating” situation.

When does a second chance fail?

Remember that any relationship, any person can be given a second chance - no one is stopping you from trying, doing something new, changing something, or giving time and the opportunity to gradually change to your partner. But do not forget that if the second chance ends successfully in 50% of cases, then the third, fifth, tenth chances are a waste of time and nerve cells. Such repeated repeated attempts, as a rule, do not end well. If a person or couple couldn't get something right on the second try, couldn't improve, etc., this means that they most likely:

- or they did not fully understand each other, did not understand with all the depth those moments in which they cannot agree, did not manage to find that very “root of evil” in their relationship;

- or one of the partners does not want to give in and pushes his line, not being able to listen and hear the other;

- or the person does not realize his full responsibility for this “second chance” and does not attach global significance to the new life.

Therefore, first of all, with a “second chance”, whether you are going to take this step or have already taken it, you need to clearly analyze the above points, and only then draw conclusions - whether your second attempt will be successful or not. Everything will not work out on its own; you just need to trace that line, see the point in the relationship where the main obstacles and problems begin.

In general, it is very difficult for a person to change, to rebuild himself, and to change a person from the outside is practically impossible, therefore, if you see that sooner or later the “second chance” does not justify itself, think carefully, maybe you should end such a relationship and not suffer and move towards something new.

So, for example, a man who constantly cheats can swear for the hundred and first time and assure that he will improve, but in reality this will definitely not happen. A person with harmful addictions - drugs or gambling - is also ready to change and give up everything at any moment, but in reality it turns out that only a severe withdrawal from life can do this, and not he himself in his next chance.

Therefore, you should not step on the same rake if:

you have been cheated on repeatedly,
you have been greatly betrayed, and not for the first time,
they repeatedly raised their hand against you,
your partner has crossed all adequate limits,
they never learned to look after you like a woman, to treat you like a real woman(correspondingly, the same for men),
as well as in other similar situations.

And, of course, when you are asked to give a chance again - not for the first time - you can predict with almost 100% that it will not end well. If you were unable to improve the relationship the previous two, three, four times, then it is unlikely that the fifth or tenth attempt will be fruitful.

And to be alone all your life is better than to endure insults. Many of us think so, but it is perceived by many people as the path of least resistance, the wrong path. Of course, such a theory, such a method and style of behavior is acceptable, but you need to understand all the pros and cons of each of them.

Psychologists' opinion

When people come to psychologists and ask whether it is worth forgiving a person, they are often asked by the specialists themselves: “What do you think?” Indeed, as you yourself think, this is how it should be, say experts in the study of human behavior and mood. The key role here is played by your personal comfort and attitude. You shouldn't change yourself and try to do what society says. These may be recommendations or wishes, but not orders.

Giving a second chance to the person who offended you is your full right. You also have every right to do the opposite. Why should you accommodate someone who doesn't? From a psychological point of view, only the correct outcome is the one that requires the least expenditure of your nerves.

Opinions of successful people

If you know someone like this famous actor like Jean Reno, who starred in the cult film “Leon”, which, by the way, could be included in our selection of motivational films, you should have heard his famous words that you should not forgive offenders. He said: “Never forgive those who betrayed you. It is forbidden. Bite your elbows, chew the earth, but do not return to where you were once betrayed.”

Many successful people They say that only parents deserve forgiveness. Traitors should remain outside your social circle. If someone tells you that you are wrong, it doesn't mean anything. If someone stops communicating with you because of some incident in which you were left “in the cold,” and even offended and abandoned, then these people also do not deserve your attention and nerves.

Wise and experienced people say that in 99 cases, those who offended you will do it again. If necessary, they will do this a third, fourth, or even fifth time. Morality and the laws of society say that people need to be forgiven. Forgive them, but don't bring them back into your life. It is extremely rare, that is, almost never, that relationships of a loving and, especially, friendly nature do not last long if they have already been broken. This is fact, not fiction. You're just wasting your time. Of course you can be kind people, but your kindness must be adequate and correct. Very often disappointments make us weak and do not deprive us of hope, but we need to live in real world, and not in a fairy tale, where everything is simple.

Everyone is looking for their place in the sun, their own path to success. You can achieve great heights, but lose everything because of people who do not deserve forgiveness. If a person is very dear to you, then you can try to give a second chance, but just don’t hope that he will realize it and meet your expectations. Don't expect anything good or bad from people. Neutrality is the best thing you can come up with.

Unfortunately, we often hear the phrase: “Give me the opportunity to improve.” Is the result guaranteed after renewing the relationship or are you in for double disappointment? Is it worth forgiving someone who once shattered his dreams and betrayed him? It is believed that everyone deserves a second chance. Every couple breaks up for their own special reason. Young people do not always know how to give each other enough warmth, care, support and attention. Many people despair of finding mutual understanding and break up. After a while, the thought comes to mind: “Or maybe start all over again?” This means that the person is still attached to the other half. What do psychologists say about whether a person should be given a second chance?

Which couples are likely to reconnect?

There are many cases where broken relationships are resumed again and life gets better. In what cases can an attempt be successful:

• When people realize their mistakes and those of their significant other or friend. Such a person strives to change himself and his life for the better.
• A thorough analysis of errors will help in the future to prevent the emergence of conflicts or correctly evaluate controversial issues. You cannot do without friction and disagreement in life; it is important to get out of difficult situations with the least losses.
• After parting, crying into the pillow, consoling friends, getting a person back means still with more love, treat your partner with reverence. If you turn on your head first, and then your emotions, the union will only grow stronger.
• Provided that the partner made a mistake once. There should be no third or fourth attempts. Once you can come to understanding and forgiveness.
• If both parties to the conflict begin to control themselves, readjust to new way, show love to your soul mate.
• If the breakup was just manipulation, an attempt to attract attention.
• If partners have many common interests related to family and children.

People should be given a second chance, but it will only be successful if several conditions are met. First, you must clearly decide what you want: joint leisure, special attention, moral support. Once you decide, convey it to your partner. Secondly, look for new ways to realize these desires. Find a compromise relationship model to feel each other's presence in life. Don't agonize over whether to give a second chance in a relationship. Renew the connection, just try to modify it.

In what cases will there not be a second chance?

Second attempt: will it be successful? Don’t even hesitate whether to give a person a second chance. You always need to give your partner the opportunity to change and become better yourself. The desire to return and connect with a loved one is caused by nostalgia or a feeling of loneliness. The anger and irritation disappear somewhere, only good memories remain: dates, declarations of love, kind words. It is possible to re-establish communication only in 50% of cases. And those who try to get their soul mate back several times in a row are just wasting their time and nerves. Here are the cases in which there will be no second chance and mutual understanding will not improve:

• if the partners never found the stumbling block that prevented them from being together;
• if someone and the spouses do not want to give in and insist on their own;
• if a person is irresponsible about the opportunity to start over, does not value alliance or friendship.

Before you decide whether to give a person a second chance, understand that things will not get better on their own. If your breakup was due to the fact that you did not see a further future with this person, then do not hope for a quick improvement in the situation. You need to endure the pain of the breakup, but it will be better to move forward.

Analysis of separation factors

Behind any breakup are good reasons. There are factors of separation that are quite insignificant: inattention, misunderstanding. It doesn't even talk about whether a person should be given a second chance. But when it comes to lies, betrayal, treason, not everyone can forget everything and start over. A great offense cannot be quickly forgotten; it will still destroy the renewed connection. Not every man or woman can forgive for some serious sins. Before you make peace, think about whether you have the strength to forget everything.

The separation is unbearable

Relationships can be formal or informal. Formal ones include life together, worries, everyday life. The emotional and sensual sphere lies behind informal relationships. Even if you have left or separated, then at the level of feelings you can constantly remember your soulmate and count on her. After all, it is impossible to completely erase a person from memory.

Many psychologists advise not to end the relationship completely, but to become friends. When people live together, they get very used to each other and even when breaking up they continue to be together on a psychological level. If you part as friends, you can recover from this addiction faster.

Both must draw conclusions

Often the reason for separation is misunderstandings. Learn to express your thoughts to your loved ones, do not expect them to guess about your desires. It is important to consider that the psychology of a man is slightly different than that of a woman. If you decide to give a guy a second chance, is there any point in keeping inside yourself what you were missing? It is important that the need to restore communication arises in both. If you have confidence in the feelings on both sides, then you can try to glue the broken cup together.

Disappointments also have their upsides. With this feeling, you learn to accept people as they are. Don't have any illusions about ideal person, after all, you also have shortcomings. Both partners need to understand whether there is a place for each other in their lives.

He tries, she doubts

What can be forgiven and what cannot? You shouldn’t go back to narcissistic imbeciles, people who give up, people who waste their lives, mama's boys. If your boyfriend does not belong to the above list, then give him a second chance. Even if he offended you, you may be angry for a while, but then look at everything with sober eyes. If a guy is trying to demonstrate his feelings and wants forgiveness, then give him this opportunity. Don’t hesitate for a long time, perhaps it’s just as hard for him as it is for you.

This is true love

If you are ready to sacrifice something and make compromises, then the second attempt may end in success. Arrange a meeting, discuss what did not suit you, and find a common solution.

If you had other relationships after separation, but still thought about your boyfriend, it means you can’t let go of your past. Honestly admit to yourself - do you still love him? A positive answer means you need to try again. In order to forgive, a person must be loved.

Starting over is not so easy

Are you still hesitating whether to give a second chance in a relationship? Take advantage of the tips on who should be met halfway. Try to return the relationship if you generally like the guy, but you see some shortcomings in him. It is worth forgiving a person with a difference in worldview, a soft and indecisive personality. Also be loyal to a guy who doesn't have the ability to show social graces.

Don't save your relationship alone. If your loved one does nothing for this, then accept it, because you yourself will not achieve anything. Also, don’t rely on immediate happy life after the reunion. Take your time, take your time. If you and your significant other take a few steps towards each other, then understanding and happiness await you.