Three-year-old crisis in children: how parents can avoid going crazy - valuable advice based on personal experience. A child does not speak at three years old - what to do: personal experience Causes of delayed speech development

The age after two years often becomes the age of inexplicable stubbornness and negativism. This is a very important period in the development of the baby.

During this period, the baby becomes aware of himself and strives for independence. He discovers for the first time that he is the same person as others, for example, like his parents. One of the manifestations of this discovery is the appearance of the pronoun “I” in his speech. Before this, the child speaks about himself only in the third person or calls himself by name.

New self-awareness manifests itself in the desire to imitate adults, imitate their behavior and try in various ways to assert their equality with them.

The child begins to develop a will, which is called “autonomy” or independence. Children do not want to experience excessive control from adults and strive to make their own choices in many, even minor situations.

If parents noticed this moment and realized that it was time to rebuild and change their previous attitude towards the child, the three-year crisis can pass quite smoothly and painlessly. In the case where there was previously a warm, friendly relationship between the parents and the child, and a friendly atmosphere reigned in the family, the parents will even be surprised if someone tells them that their child is at a difficult stage of development. But if parents have not realized that the previous methods of communicating with the child are no longer relevant at the new age stage, then the child can turn into a completely uncontrollable little tyrant.

The child begins to realize himself as a separate person, with his own desires and characteristics. At this age, the child develops new favorite words and expressions: “I MYSELF”, “I DON’T WANT” and “NO”.

The baby often acts the other way around: you call him, and he runs away; ask him to be careful, but he throws things around on purpose. The child screams, may stomp his feet, or swing at you with an angry, angry face. Thus, the baby shows his activity, independence, and persistence in achieving what he wants. But the skills for this are still lacking. He begins to dislike something, and the child expresses his dissatisfaction very emotionally.

The crisis can begin as early as 2.5 years, and end at 3.5 - 4 years.

The parents are horrified: something terrible is happening to the child! Frequent hysterics, sometimes on the verge of seizures: try, don’t buy a toy, falls to the floor and screams like crazy! Incredible stubbornness, disobedience... “Get off!” This is my chair, I sat on it!” - shouts to dad, and there is genuine anger in his eyes. What happened to the baby? “We missed the moment, and some kind of monster is growing!” - the parents state in alarm. “They have completely disbanded!” - Grandparents grumble.

“Nothing of the sort, everything is completely normal!” - say child psychologists. It’s just that a child has a crisis of three years, which is necessary for him to grow up like air. It is in the third year of life that the baby for the first time persistently informs us: “I myself! I'm already an adult!

The crisis of three years must necessarily take place in the life of every child. If it's not there, there's something wrong with the baby. Crisis is good! Yes, a difficult period awaits parents, but it determines a new, very important stage in the child’s development.

There are several similar crises in a child’s life, and each of them can become a creative and progressive stage of growth. It is at the age of three that it is important to support the child’s desire for self-affirmation and adulthood! If your baby is two years old: expect a crisis! It will grow gradually, reach a stormy peak - with those same hysterics and conflicts, and then fade away, becoming a great school of life for the child.

Seven signs of a three-year crisis.

It is important to distinguish normal growth problems from spoilage or from the baby’s whims associated with a lack of mother’s love and warmth.

1. Negativism. The child gives a negative reaction “no!” not so much on the action that he is asked to perform, but on the demand or request of a certain adult. He doesn't do something just because a certain adult suggested it to him. In this case, the child ignores the demands of one family member or one teacher, but may obey others.

At first glance, it seems that a naughty child of any age behaves this way. But with ordinary disobedience, he doesn’t do something because that’s what he doesn’t want to do, for example, go to bed on time. If you offer him another activity that is interesting and enjoyable for him, he will immediately agree.

Negativism is an act of a social nature: it is most of all addressed to specific people. When a child expresses negativity sharply, communication with an adult can take an extreme form, when the child responds in defiance to any statement from an adult: “Eat soup!” - “I won’t!”, “Let’s go for a walk” - “I won’t go”, “The milk is hot” - “No, it’s not hot” and so on.

At three years of age, a child first becomes able to act contrary to his immediate desire. The child’s behavior is determined not by this desire, but by the relationship with an adult. The motive for behavior is already outside the specific situation. Remember: negativism is not a pathology or a child’s sophisticated desire to annoy an adult.

Of course, negativism is a crisis phenomenon that should disappear over time. But the fact that a child at 3 years old gets the opportunity to act not under the influence of any random desire, but based on other, more complex and stable motives, is an important achievement in his development.

When a child is told “yes” and he repeats “no,” the baby makes it clear that he has the right to his own views and wants them to be taken into account. The child is fighting for his autonomy, the fight for his right to choose, which is an absolutely necessary condition for personal development. Encountering categorical rejection of such behavior on the part of the parents, the child finds himself in conditions unfavorable for gaining experience, which is vital for the formation of his personality.

If at this stage of life the “no” of a little person is completely ignored by adults, then the boy or girl may not learn the best life lesson for themselves. The meaning of this lesson comes down to approximately the following: if you want to be good, you always need to agree with external opinion, especially with authoritative opinion. Having made such a decision in early childhood, many boys and girls, who please their parents and teachers with obedience, are not always able to say “no” when their older comrades invite them to take part in unseemly actions.

An adult who causes outbursts of negativism in a child should analyze the nature of the relationship with the child. Perhaps he is too demanding of the child, too strict with him, or inconsistent in his actions. Sometimes an adult, without meaning to, can provoke outbursts of negativism. This happens when an authoritarian model of interaction with a child is used.

Negativism can disappear very quickly if adults do not engage in lengthy arguments with the child, do not try to “eradicate sedition” in the bud and insist on their own. At the same time, negativism can be turned into a game that teaches the child to express his desires and intentions differently. You can, for example, play the “I don’t want” game. Moreover, the role of the naughty child could be played by the mother. And then the child himself will have to find the right solution for the “capricious little mother,” thereby suggesting how best to behave.

This example clearly shows that the correct position of parents is certainly important. But the techniques with which they can “with honor” get out of a difficult situation in their relationship with a child are also important.

2. Stubbornness. The kid insists on something only because he himself suggested it.

Buy a ball!

Mom buys it, but after a minute the balloon is no longer needed.

Buy a car!

Do you really need it?

A minute later, interest in the car disappeared, and it lay there without wheels. The explanation is simple: in fact, the child is not interested in both the ball and the car, but it is important for him to insist on his own. If mom doesn't buy it, she's hysterical! But stubbornness must be distinguished from perseverance: at other times the machine is of real research interest, and your baby will play with it for a long time.

Stubbornness is the reaction of a child who insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he himself told adults about it. He demands that his opinion be taken into account. His initial decision determines his entire behavior, and the child cannot refuse this decision even under changed circumstances.

Stubbornness is not the persistence with which a child achieves what he wants. Stubbornness differs from perseverance in that a stubborn child continues to insist on his decision, although he no longer wants it so much, or doesn’t want it at all, or has long since stopped wanting it.

Domestic psychologists give the following example of stubbornness: “Grandma asks three-year-old Vova to eat a sandwich. Vova, who is playing with a construction set at this time, refuses. Grandma asks him again and again and begins to persuade him. Vova does not agree. Grandma comes up to him after forty minutes and again offers him a sandwich. Vova, who is already hungry and is not averse to eating the offered sandwich, rudely replies: “I said, I won’t eat your sandwich! I won’t do it for anything!” The grandmother, upset and offended, begins to scold the boy: “You can’t talk to grandma like that. Grandma is twenty times older than you. I know better than you what you need to eat.”

Vova lowers his head down, his nostrils flare noisily, his lips are tightly compressed. The grandmother, seeing her grandson’s head down, thinks that she “won” and asks complacently: “Well, Vova, will you eat a sandwich?” Instead of answering, Vova throws the construction kit parts onto the floor, tramples them underfoot and shouts: “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t eat your sandwich!” He is crying because he has been hungry for a long time, but does not know how to get out of this situation with dignity and renege on his word.

Adults who are near the child at such a moment should teach the child what to do in this case, and not drive him into a corner with their demands. Of course, the grandmother can “win the battle” by getting the child to do what she demands. But it is better for an adult not to take the position of “who will win.” This will only lead to increased tension and possibly hysterics in the child. In addition, a child may internalize an adult’s unconstructive behavior and will act in a similar manner in the future.

How to deal with a stubborn child?

• Be sensitive. Intervene less in the child’s actions, do not rush him. Sometimes it is more convenient for a mother to do something for the child, for example, dress, feed, clean, etc., but do not rush. Let him dress and undress at his own pleasure, put away scattered toys and comb his hair in front of the mirror. Be patient. This period in a relationship with a child is not only his growing pains, but also an exam for adults.

• Be more flexible and resourceful. For example, a child refuses to eat, although you know for sure that he should already be pretty hungry. Don't beg him. For example, set the table and place a toy next to it. Pretend that she came for lunch and asks the baby, like an adult, to try whether the soup is too hot and feed her. The result is amazing: many children, carried away by the game, sit down next to the toy and somehow, unnoticed by themselves, eat the contents of the plate along with it.

Or another example: “I will not put on mittens (take off my pajamas, wash my hands, etc.!” A parent can say in a calm voice: “Yes, of course, I DO NOT ALLOW you to wear mittens for a walk (take off your pajamas before lunch, wash your hands with soap and dry them with a towel).” The child usually immediately begins to put on mittens, take off pajamas, etc. These are the “little tricks” that allow communication to not lead to conflict!

• Three-year-old children expect their loved ones to recognize their independence and autonomy. Therefore, expand the rights and responsibilities of the baby. Allow him to demonstrate his independence within reasonable limits.

The child wants to help his mother clean up the mess - great! Give him a rag, a broom or a vacuum cleaner and don’t forget to praise him. If parents during this period begin to provide the child with more freedom, then they support his new self-image and teach him to distinguish between those areas of life in which he can really behave almost like an adult, and those in which he still remains a small child. those in need of help and guidance.

3. Obstinacy. The kid suddenly rebels against ordinary tasks that he previously performed without problems. He categorically refuses to wash, eat, and dress. For example, a child already knows how to eat with a spoon, but he may flatly refuse to eat on his own.

Unlike negativism, obstinacy is not directed at a person, but against the previous way of life, against the rules that were in the life of a child up to three years old. Obstinacy is expressed in a kind of childish discontent, causing a reaction with which the child responds to everything that is offered to him and what is done. Authoritarian upbringing in the family, when parents often use orders and prohibitions, contributes to a clear manifestation of obstinacy.

Obstinacy differs from the usual lack of compliance of a child in its tendentiousness. The child rebels, his dissatisfied, defiant behavior is tendentious in the sense that it is really imbued with a hidden rebellion against what the child has dealt with before.

Very often, parents of three-year-old children complain that the child suddenly begins to show his independence. He shouts that he will tie his shoelaces himself, pour soup into a plate himself, and cross the road himself. Moreover, he often does not know how to do this, but, nevertheless, requires complete independence.

Parents, depending on the situation, the individual characteristics of the child, and family traditions, can solve the problem in different ways: distract the child, persuade him, allow him to act independently. But if this action is dangerous to the life and health of the baby, adults must prohibit the child from doing this (for example, crossing the road, turning on the gas).

4. Self-will. Now the same, painfully familiar, “I myself!” always comes to the fore. He strives to do everything himself that he can and cannot do. Much has not yet worked out, he understands that he needs to turn to an adult for help, but his pride does not allow it, because he is already an adult himself! The poor little man is torn apart by internal contradiction: I can’t do it myself, and I can’t ask adults. Conflict, grief, hysteria, roar...

5. Protest, riot. The kid comes into conflict with everyone, and the parents think that he is maliciously mocking them. Throws a toy:

Lift it up, I can't! - commands mom.

No, pick it up yourself.

I can't! You pick it up! - and hysteria.

6. Depreciation. She defiantly breaks toys, turns out her makeup bag and draws on the walls with her mother’s best lipstick. He can call names, insert into his speech rude and even swear words heard somewhere. Psychologists explain: thereby he reminds: “I’m in charge here!”

What is devalued in the eyes of a child? What was previously familiar, interesting and expensive. A three-year-old child may throw away or even break a favorite toy (things loved in the past become devalued). Such phenomena indicate that the child’s attitude towards other people and towards himself is changing. He is psychologically separated from close adults.

7. Despotism and jealousy.

I said that dad would sit on this chair, not in an armchair!

Dad tries to change seats - he's hysterical! If there are other children in the family, the little despot will throw out their toys out of spite and push the “rival” off his mother’s lap.

In a family with an only child, the despotism of a son or daughter can often manifest itself. In this case, the baby, at all costs, wants to ensure that any of his wishes are fulfilled; he wants to become the “master of the situation.” The means that he will use in this case can be very diverse, depending on the “weak point” in the parents’ behavior.

If there are several children in a family, the same symptom can be called jealousy. The child is forced to share power over others with his brother or sister. This situation does not suit him, and he fights for power with all his might. Jealousy can manifest itself openly: children often fight, quarrel, try to subjugate their opponent, to show that one of them is better, “more important.”

To prevent this from happening, parents must be more sensitive to the needs of each child in the family. Sometimes it is better to postpone some household chores, but be sure to devote at least a few minutes of undivided attention to each of the children during the day, no matter what age they are. Any child needs his mother or father to “belong” to him alone for even the shortest time, when he does not have to share parental love with anyone else.

These are the main symptoms of the crisis of three years. It is not difficult to see, having examined these symptoms, that the crisis manifests itself mainly in such features that make it possible to recognize in it a kind of rebellion against authoritarian upbringing, it is like a child’s protest in the logic of “No!” This is a protest of a little person demanding independence, having outgrown the norms of interaction and forms of guardianship that developed at an early age.

All symptoms are located around the “I” axis of the child and the people around him. These symptoms indicate that the child’s attitude towards the people around him or towards his own personality is changing. In general, the symptoms taken together give the impression of the child’s emancipation: previously adults “led him by the hand,” but now he has a tendency to “walk independently.” Personal action and consciousness “I MYSELF”, “I WANT”, “I CAN”, “I DO” appear (it is during this period that many children begin to use the pronoun “I” in speech).

The crisis of three years (as, indeed, any other crisis) will be acute only if adults do not notice or do not want to notice the changes occurring in the child, if parents, at all costs, strive to maintain the same nature of the relationship in a family that the child has already outgrown. In this case, adults try to restrain the activity and independence of their child. The result can only be growing mutual misunderstanding and frequent conflicts.

The crisis of the third year of life is the period when the child first begins to realize: he has grown up and is already something, he can influence other people and circumstances, he can decide for himself what to do, what he wants and doesn’t want. He feels like a big man and demands appropriate treatment and respect! And we, parents, still dictate and command - what to wear, when to eat and sleep, what to play with and what to do. That’s why rebellion is born: I decide everything myself! Moreover, winning the right to self-determination takes place not only in a struggle with adults, but also with oneself.

It is endlessly difficult for parents to withstand stubbornness, screaming, and hysterics. But remember: it’s much harder for your baby in these contradictions! He does not realize what is happening to him and has no control over his emotions; the storm overtakes him from within. This is how the formation of the psyche occurs in agony.

The peak of the crisis is hysterics. Moreover, if before the age of two they also sometimes happened, but were associated with overwork, which means it was necessary to calm down and help, now hysteria has become a tool of manipulation. The child seems to be testing his parents (not on purpose, of course!) to see whether this method will help him achieve his desire or not. By the way, tantrums require an audience - that's why the kid loves to make a scene in a store, on a playground, or right in the middle of a city street.

By the way, the crisis of three years is similar to the teenage crisis. And how wisely the parents behave will largely determine what the teenage period will be like - a severe catastrophe with bad company and mother's tears or a successful, albeit difficult, acquisition of adulthood.

How to behave so that everyone emerges as a winner?

• Change your tactics and strategy for communicating with your child: it’s time to admit that he is an adult (well, almost), respect his opinion and desire for independence. There is no need to do for the child what he can do himself; let him try as much as possible - everything that is not life-threatening: washing the floor, setting the table, doing laundry. Well, he will deliver water, break a couple of plates - not a big loss... But how much he will learn and how he will be able to assert himself!

• Constantly offer choice (or the illusion of choice). Let’s say mom knows it’s time to go for a walk, and suggests: “Kostya, should we go for a walk on the stairs or by elevator?” (Options: In a black jacket or a green one? Will you eat borscht or porridge? From a plate with a flower or with a typewriter? With a spoon or a fork?).

• Don’t force, but ask for help: “Seryozha, take me by the hand across the road, otherwise I’m scared.” And now the son firmly clings to his mother’s hand - the situation is under control and without conflict.

• It is necessary to expect that a child needs more time for everything than an adult, because he still has a different type of nervous system and rhythm of life. Let's say a mother needs a few minutes to dress herself and dress the child, but now he dresses himself - which means the process needs to start half an hour earlier.

All this will help prevent tantrums. And yet they inevitably happen, and very often in public. What to do then?

• To the child’s ultimatum demand we say a firm and harsh “No!” And we turn away. The main thing is to maintain external calm and dispassion - no matter how hard it may be. The baby screams, falls to the floor, knocks his feet, passers-by look disapprovingly... You'll have to be patient. If you follow the lead, hysteria will become a child’s usual tool for manipulating parents.

• If a little obstinate one defiantly falls into a puddle or on the roadway, we grab him in an armful, carry him to a safe place and put him down as we took him - let him scream there. Alas, exhortations at such a moment may not help; you will just have to wait until the storm passes.

• Create pleasant prospects - sometimes this also helps to calm down. For example, my mother says: “Kolya, you screamed because you really wanted to watch the cartoon. But now we will go buy bread. Along the way, we’ll buy markers and draw.”

• Finally the baby calmed down. At the same time I realized that the method did not work. Don’t criticize him: “Why were you yelling, I’m ashamed, people are looking at you...”. It’s better to say with bitterness: “I’m very unpleasant that it turned out to be such a cry...” or “I’m so angry about what happened that I just want to scream myself!” Such phrases teach the child to express his emotions. Later, he will also say something like this: “I’m offended that you didn’t notice my efforts!” It’s easier for yourself when you talk through your feelings, and it’s clear to others what the reasons for the outburst are.

A typical mistake of parents during the crisis of their child’s three years is the lack of a firm position, a clear definition of what and how to demand from the child, how exactly to take into account the characteristics of this age stage. Often different family members cannot agree with each other on the principles of upbringing, which creates additional difficulties. The approach that demands complete obedience from the child to his parents and breaks his will is also wrong. The consequence of typical parental mistakes is the formation of a “vicious circle”: mistakes “spur” the child’s negative emotions, and their increase leads to increased parental confusion, self-doubt, and emotional breakdowns.

Correct actions by parents imply understanding the child’s behavior and the meaning of his actions. They rely on a clear position that determines when, how and what to insist on, what to put up with in the child’s behavior, and what educational techniques are useful to use.

To successfully overcome the crisis of three years, you need to remember the principles: firmness in intentions, but flexibility in actions. It is important to take into account the individual characteristics of the baby. It is useful to have in stock various pedagogical techniques that allow parents to help their child successfully overcome the crisis and ascend to a new age level of personality development.

There are a lot of interesting articles here! - http://www.gromootwod.ru/crisisofthirdyear

Psychologists and teachers do not set clear time frames for when a baby should actively talk. Some children expand their vocabulary and express opinions on any topic by the age of two, often annoying their parents with intrusive questions. “The mouth won’t close,” moms and dads sigh exhaustedly.

Sometimes another problem arises: the child does not speak at 3 years old. "What to do?" - parents ask. What is the reason for refusing to communicate with peers and adults? At what age do you need specialist help? Let's figure it out.

When should a child start talking?

Familiarize yourself with the estimated speech development indicators. If there are noticeable deviations from the deadlines, do not hesitate, contact specialists.

Peculiarities:

• In most children, speech actively develops by the age of one year. If at 5–6 months it was “cooing”, at 6–8 months – individual syllables, then by 11–12 months speech becomes more complicated. At first, the words consist of repeated syllables (ba - ba, ma - ma, bi - bi, pa - pa) or monosyllabic (dai, na, am, woof);
• at 1.5–2 years of age, the vocabulary expands, words of several syllables, phrases, and simple phrases appear. Karapuz confidently names familiar people, describes certain phenomena, objects and actions (“Masha wants to eat”, “Give me a cup”). A noticeable delay in speech development should be alarming, but there is no need to panic. The best way out is a visit to a speech therapist;
• At 3 years old, speech is well developed, the child should describe a picture in simple phrases, be interested in the world around him, and ask adults questions. The more detailed (within reasonable limits, without the necessary teachings and notations) the parents answer, the richer the child’s horizons;
• At 4 years old, a preschooler must meaningfully construct complex sentences, compose a story based on a picture, and describe objects, phenomena, and events occurring around him.

Monosyllabic answers do not encourage new questions, often it is a gentle hint: “Leave me alone,” “Don’t ask anymore,” “I don’t want to explain everything to you.” The more often you remain silent, pronounce obscure words and phrases through clenched teeth, the less often your son or daughter will ask questions. Remember: Lack of communication with parents often makes family relationships cooler.

Why the child does not speak: probable reasons

Most often, the problem develops under the influence of several factors. Often, congenital anomalies are supplemented by the parents’ incorrect behavior and reluctance to communicate with the baby at a sufficient level.

If you notice that your daughter or son doesn’t talk much, think: the child cannot pronounce certain sounds (words) or simply does not want to communicate, prefers to remain silent. Neurological disorders may exist and medical attention is required. Sometimes children feel comfortable without saying unnecessary phrases and answer in short words. Without parental encouragement, kids are unlikely to rant or think about anything interesting.

Main reasons:

• birth injuries. Unfortunately, during a difficult birth, certain areas of the baby’s brain are sometimes damaged. Such children require special attention from parents and doctors. In most cases, deviations are noticeable in the first year of life. A prerequisite is constant monitoring of the development of the newborn. In addition to the pediatrician, parents should regularly show the baby to a pediatric neurologist to monitor brain activity;
• hearing problems. Attentive parents will pay attention to the first signs of violations from the first month of their baby’s life. Congenital deafness or partial hearing loss occurs due to negative effects on the fetus during pregnancy. Sometimes the cause of the pathology is a hereditary predisposition;
• childhood autism. Every year there are more and more children living in “their own world.” An autistic child is often a normal child, but completely self-absorbed. He simply does not need to communicate with others, the baby does not suffer, and is in no hurry to speak. The problem of autism is dealt with by a psychologist, child neurologist and psychotherapist. The role of parents is no less important;
• lack of attention, deficit of verbal communication. Some parents do not know that they themselves raised a “silent child”. Reluctance to talk to the child, constant shouting, harmful words and phrases “Shut up, I’m tired,” “What nonsense are you talking about,” “We’ll talk later,” “Don’t pester me with stupid questions,” and similar statements discourage children from wanting to talk. A child sitting quietly in the corner, not disturbing anyone, is an ideal picture for many parents. In fact, psychologists warn about the danger of “withdrawal,” delayed speech development, stiffness, and problems in the future;
• refusal of “live” communication. Many parents, due to fatigue (laziness/lack of understanding of the importance of contacts with the child), replace reading books together, learning poems, songs, and intimate conversations with TV, a computer, or a tablet. Modern gadgets captivate the child and relieve parents, who do not need to answer endless “Why?” Psychologists quickly “figure out” children with whom they have not worked much. The lack of live communication negatively affects the emotional development of the baby and delays speech development.

Advice to parents! Have you found similarities with situations that often occur in your home? Do you realize that you have little contact with your baby? Main: admit mistakes, understand that a problem exists, and seek help from a psychologist and speech therapist as soon as possible.

Parents are most concerned about the situation if the child does not speak at all at 3 years old. In such a situation, timely assistance from a doctor is important. If you are unable to find an approach to the silent person, visit experienced specialists.

To solve the problem, you will need to consult several doctors:

• otolaryngologist;
• speech therapist;
• psychologist;
• pediatric neurologist;
• psychotherapist.

Correction of speech development disorders depends on the factors that provoked the problem. If weak speech is a consequence of birth trauma, the doctor will prescribe special medications to normalize cerebral circulation and recommend therapeutic techniques that reduce the negative impact of neurological disorders. Classes with a speech therapist, psychologist, and a visit to a children's development center are required.

If a child does not want to speak due to “pedagogical neglect,” he will have to change his attitude towards communication. The sooner adults understand the importance of communicating with their son or daughter, the sooner speech will improve. The embarrassment will gradually go away, the baby will get rid of the “shell” into which he hid due to the fault of his parents.

Adults should be sincerely interested in the child’s affairs, encourage questions on any topic and, of course, find answers. There are benefits from learning new, interesting material for all parties - the horizons broaden not only for children, but also for parents.

The reasons for the development of iron deficiency anemia in children are written on the page.

Helpful Tips:

Some more useful tips:

• stimulate the development of speech skills. Watch cartoons together, read books, look at pictures, take the kids to exhibitions. Ask questions about what you read and saw, try to get detailed answers, continue the logical chain. Do not put pressure on your child if he is not in the mood for discussion;
• Many experts advise sending your baby to kindergarten. Preschoolers aged 3 repeat everything one after another. In a children's group, even the most stubborn “silent one” will start talking. Be sure to explain the problem to the teacher, ask not to put pressure on the child: let the little person want to communicate on his own. There are many examples when, literally, a week or two after starting kindergarten, the baby began to actively speak. For the success of the “enterprise”, be sure to find out how to prepare your child for attending kindergarten;
• Do children have trouble pronouncing certain sounds? Is the kid embarrassed by ridicule due to incorrect pronunciation, prefers to remain silent or answers briefly: “Yes,” “No,” “Okay,” and so on? Contact a speech therapist. Regular classes with a specialist and consolidation of acquired knowledge at home will gradually eliminate the problem. If the baby understands that he can clearly pronounce words and phrases, then the embarrassment will go away and his speech will improve.

Now you know the reasons and methods for solving the problem if a child speaks little or poorly at 3 years old. Be sure to consult with specialists and change your communication style with your daughter or son. Patience and love for the child will help correct the situation.

What to do if a child does not speak at 3 years old? Video - tips for parents:

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If a child does not speak at the age of 2, this may indicate a possible delay in speech development. And when a child does not speak at 3 years old, this is a clear sign of its presence. What does it mean to lag behind the established norms of speech development?

The difference from other children is that the baby begins to speak, only much later. This affects the formation of the child’s psyche and makes it difficult for him to communicate with others. In this connection, cognitive processes are also disrupted.

The prerequisites for speech development are the needs for emotional communication with parents and other adults.

Speech is one of the important components of the overall development of a child. Mental processes such as memory, attention, thinking and imagination are directly related to understanding the speech of others. This is why a lot of effort is required later. After all, it is necessary to make up for lost time while the baby did not speak. A serious consequence is the occurrence of mental retardation.

For timely correction of speech delay, it is important to understand the features of its development.

Stages of speech formation

1. Preverbal period. Begins at birth and lasts up to 6–10 months. Manifests itself in the form of screaming, babbling or humming. In this way, he communicates his needs to others. About being hungry, hurting, scared, wet, cold or hot, etc. Up to 5 months, speech addressed to him causes an emotional reaction in the form of a “revival complex.” At this age, they actively listen to adults talk. And although they still don’t know how to speak themselves, by the end of this period they already understand from 50 to 100 words. May try to pronounce simple syllables such as “ma”, “pa”, etc.
2. Stage of speech emergence. Begins at 8–10 months and lasts up to two years. During this period, the baby begins to understand that sounds can be combined. And use these combinations to meet your needs. For example, call mom, saying: “ma-ma”... And they can also answer questions with gestures. With the help of intonation they learn to express emotions such as anger, joy or fear.
3. Stage of development of speech communication. Begins at two years of age and lasts until 6–7 years. The baby has come a long way in order to recognize speech and be able to use it in communication. At this age, the first words already appear. Perhaps even phrases of two to four words. He understands perfectly well what is said to him and is able to carry out instructions. Having mastered a vocabulary of about 300 words, he is able to point to objects that are named to him.

Table of normal speech development

Required vocabulary table

You can learn more about how to develop vocabulary in preschoolers from the article on.

If your baby does not speak, or speaks poorly, you should find out the reasons for the speech delay. You can contact specialists such as a speech therapist, psychologist, child neurologist, psychotherapist and otolaryngologist. They will help to find the factors that influenced the fact that the child does not speak at 2 or 3 years old. And also eliminate them in order to promote speech development.

Causes of speech delay

Physiological

• Genetics. The maturation process of nerve cells that are responsible for speech activity is very slow. This immaturity of the nervous system is inherited. This means that one of the child’s close relatives was also in no hurry to join the conversations.
• Sometimes the baby does not speak due to a general disorder of the nervous system. It appears as one of the symptoms against the background of intellectual delay and motor impairment.
• Hearing impairment. Speech can only be formed by reproducing what is heard. The child does not understand how words sound. Lack of hearing may be congenital. Sometimes it occurs as a result of injuries to the ear canal or a serious illness.
• Brain diseases or lesions. They arise due to infectious diseases suffered in the prenatal period and during the first year of life. Due to injury, especially during childbirth. And also with hypoxia.
• The baby may speak poorly because his facial muscles, in particular his mouth, are poorly developed.
• And also if he has congenital anomalies of the tongue, lips, palate or facial muscles (“cleft palate”, “cleft lip”...).
• Mental illnesses. With mental retardation, a characteristic sign is a lag in speech activity. With autism, the child has no need to communicate with others; all attention is directed inward. Therefore, speech may be very late.

Social

• Lack of demand for speech. When parents do not pay attention to their child, they do not talk to him. Accordingly, he does not develop a need to express emotions or demands to satisfy his needs.
• Overprotection. In the same way, the need for expression is not formed. Why doesn't the baby speak? Parents themselves do not provide such an opportunity. They guess his desires, anticipate them. Because of such overprotection, he has no need to understand something, to try to figure something out. Someone else will do it for him.
• Unfavorable social and living conditions. They can lead to mental illnesses and emotional disorders. And, accordingly, to delayed speech development.
• Negativism. It usually occurs when parents make too much effort to get the baby to talk. They are forced to repeat what they said, scolded if they refuse, begged or punished. If a child at three years old spoke, albeit poorly, then over time he will stop speaking altogether. Refusal is expressed passively, by ignoring the request. Or is actively rejected. The difficulty is that the baby refuses not only to repeat when asked. But he doesn’t speak at all in any situations.
• Distraction with gadgets. Excessive passion for television, computer games or constant viewing of cartoons negatively affects the body as a whole. Until the development of autism. It is sometimes convenient for adults that the child is distracted, but the consequences will not be long in coming.
• Bilingualism. When there are speakers of different languages ​​in the family, it is difficult for the child. It takes him longer to learn to understand both adults. There is a risk that words from different languages ​​will be combined in one sentence. But over time, everything will normalize and he will be able to speak in each of them.

Psychological

• Fright. A child may stop talking due to stress or fear. Sometimes violations manifest themselves in stuttering, sometimes children become silent altogether.
• Unfavorable family environment. If a child at two or three years old witnesses assault or frequent scandals, this can affect his mental development. Speech development may be delayed from constant stress.

Alalia

Why a child still does not speak, or speaks poorly, is when a pathology of the nervous system occurs, which leads to speech underdevelopment. It's called alalia. It is difficult to diagnose, but if detected early, it can be corrected.

There is sensory alalia and motor alalia. With sensory, the baby does not perceive speech; he cannot separate words from each other. Sometimes you can notice how he says the last phrase said to another, or repeats a question. This is called echolalia and is sometimes present in autism. The speech of others sounds in the background, so the brain does not receive enough information. This is why mental retardation occurs over time.

With motor alalia, there are 3 degrees, depending on the damage to the brain:

1. The child does not speak until the age of three, but then a period begins when he speaks in fragments of words, as if “swallowing” endings.
2. If the baby understands what is being said, then he himself is not able to put his tongue or lips in the right position to repeat.
3. May make mistakes in incorrectly rearranging syllables and using the wrong case. Usually accompanied by undeveloped motor skills, simple movements are difficult for them. Thinking and memory suffer.

Alalia occurs due to brain injuries or tumors. With pathology of the central nervous system and difficult childbirth. And also if there is a Rh conflict with the mother. This is why it is important to show the baby to specialists if he does not speak and at least one of the above-mentioned reasons is present. They will be able not only to prescribe correction and treatment. And also to distinguish the usual tempo speech delay from severe pathology of speech development.

What should parents do if their baby does not speak or speaks reluctantly and poorly:

• In order to develop your baby’s speech, it is important to adhere to a clear daily routine. This means that proper nutrition, alternation of sleep and rest must be present. This will contribute to its full development and health. In a cheerful state and in a good mood, he will be more active and easier to make contact. And accordingly take the first steps in speech development.
• Talk to your baby and older child more often. Contact him, tell him about the world around him, about yourself. Share your experiences or joyful moments. This will not only develop his speech, but also teach him to understand himself and his reactions. And also create a closer and deeper connection in relationships. Such a baby will grow up feeling the attention and acceptance of loved ones, which will contribute to his normal self-esteem and his own importance to others.
• If the baby does not speak or speaks reluctantly and poorly, spend more time together, efficiently and actively. Arrange more often for joint recreation in nature or do household chores together. Taking part in helping adults, the child will try to be like them, which is very motivating to develop speech abilities.
• Play various games with him aimed at development. All sorts of easy puzzles, cards with animals or objects will replenish his vocabulary and encourage him to repeat the correct pronunciation after you. The main thing is not to put pressure on him, do not force him, in order to avoid negativism. Captivated by the game, he will try to pronounce the words himself.
• Offer to finish your sentence. Suitable in cases where the child understands, but there is no point in talking about his desires, because the adult predicts them. For example, “Today after sleep we will go...”, “Do you want to eat...”. It also helps to recognize his needs and understand that his parents listen to his opinions and desires.
• Fine motor skills play a very significant role in activating the speech center. You can make crafts together from dough or plasticine. Kinetic sand is on sale, which can captivate even adults. Let him sort out the cereals and pasta. Prepare a space and clothing for finger painting. They develop motor skills and focus their attention on various lacings when the little one tries to thread the tip into the hole. Scatter colorful buttons and beads into a bowl. Tell us about their sizes in relation to each other and their shapes.
• Read fairy tales, tell poems, nursery rhymes and ditties. This develops and replenishes the vocabulary of a two or three year old child. And most importantly, it creates a joyful mood. And lullabies relax and evoke a feeling of comfort and safety.
• If your child speaks poorly, visit playgrounds, parks and play centers more often. When he starts playing with a baby who is already talking, he will try to copy him, do like him. It is parents who are accustomed to understanding and guessing the needs of their child without words. And strangers, especially children, will provoke the rapid activation of the speech center.
• If the “silent” child is already three years old and barely speaks, then psychologists recommend sending him to kindergarten. In the company of similar preschoolers, he will be able to talk. The main thing is to prepare it for the garden. Explain to the teachers that the baby is not speaking yet and that they should not put pressure on him or make demands. And over time, having adapted to new conditions, the little one himself will show a desire to do like the other children.

You can learn more about how to develop speech in preschoolers from the article on. You may also find exercises on speech development useful in the article on.

The sooner you start correctional work, the easier it will be for your baby to speak. In 2015, psychologists and speech therapists at one of the preschool educational institutions in Moscow conducted research with three-year-old children who had delays in speech development. The parents of these ten children adhered to the above recommendations. Basically the task was to make fakes and other things for the development of a small motorboat. And also read a lot of books, poems and nursery rhymes. A year later, 9 out of 10 children caught up with their peers in speech development.

Any new skill of the baby causes a surge of pride in the parents. The first smiles and steps are remembered for a lifetime. And the first words are a real miracle.

However, many parental fears are associated with the baby’s speech. Some are afraid that the child will not speak on time. Others are concerned that the baby's speech is choppy and he doesn't speak whole sentences. And still others are worried because the child does not speak clearly at 3 years old.

While the baby does not yet go to kindergarten, parents hope that all difficulties with speech production will go away on their own. But if a child does not speak at all at 3 years old, then the reasons for the speech delay need to be identified. Of course, the doctor will tell you what to do exactly in this case. In this article we will try to highlight the main causes of this problem and outline solutions to each of them.

Eliminate root causes

• The child should not have hearing problems. Determine whether he reacts to various sounds, to rustling, rustling, whether he hears whispers, whether he knows his name. If hearing problems are diagnosed early, they can most likely be corrected.
• If a child was born prematurely, then much more attention must be paid to its development. Premature babies are at higher risk of developmental delays. Most often, such children catch up with their peers only by the age of 5.
• Make sure the child does not have any mental illness. He must understand you, be active and inquisitive. You see that he is trying to communicate using gestures and sounds.

Lack of motivation

Perhaps your baby just doesn't want to talk. He has no incentive for this. So why doesn't the child speak? It often happens that a growing toddler becomes the center of the family. All the attention of the parents is switched to him, any desire is predicted in advance.

Parents understand well what the baby is asking for. Therefore, he simply does not need to ask for anything.

There is no need to deprive your child of motivation. Even if you understand well what the baby is asking for, do not rush to do it right away. Answer him: “I don’t understand you. Let’s try to explain to me what you want.” If you do this regularly, the child will already be speaking by the age of three.

Availability of company

There is an opinion that children begin to speak faster in the company of peers. Especially in kindergarten, on the playground, etc. There is some truth in this statement. But if a child is 3 years old and does not speak, you should not hope that by the age of 5 he will speak without outside help. Do not delay in seeing a doctor.

Heredity

If there are people in your family who started speaking late, then the delay in speech development may have been inherited by the baby. If the child does not speak, be sure to have a dialogue with him. Try to speak competently and clearly, do not distort your words. Everything he hears is stored in the child’s subconscious. If in a conversation you distort words, replace letters and lisp, then there is a high probability that the child will remember all this and speak incorrectly.

Jar of Hearts

If a situation occurs in the life of a little man that disrupts his psycho-emotional state, he can withdraw into himself. Children often stop talking in stressful situations. In this case, it is urgent to eliminate the source of stress and be sure to seek help from a psychologist. A competent specialist will be able to provide the child with the necessary help. In such a situation, age does not matter.

International families

The reason for a child’s lack of speech may be the parents’ habit of speaking several languages. Perhaps your child knows a lot of foreign words, but does not understand which of them are correct. Therefore, in families where the child has not yet reached the age of 5 years, it is worth limiting oneself to one language for communication.

How to help your child talk

• If a child at 3 years old does not speak, then pay attention to his fingers. The fact is that the fingertips are connected to certain parts of the brain that are responsible for speech development.

The development of fine motor skills helps the baby speak faster. To do this, engage in educational games and exercises more often. Let the baby play with small objects.

Drawing, modeling, assembling mosaics, construction sets, etc. are suitable for training. Massage of the palms and feet also has a beneficial effect.

No need to buy expensive toys. If you approach the issue of development wisely, then materials for classes will be found in every home. For example, you can make educational aids from pasta and cereals, zippers and laces, peas and small toys. That is, from everything that your imagination is enough for.

Please note that children who by the age of three cannot independently fasten buttons and zippers, or confidently hold a spoon and pencils, are at risk. In the brain, the areas responsible for speech, coordination and fine motor skills are located nearby. This means that a violation in any of them can lead to disorders in other departments.

• In order for your children to speak confidently by the age of three, you need to study with them. Be sure to read fairy tales, poems and sayings. Tell your baby literally everything that is happening around. Name the items you use at home and those you see on the street. Every day, new words are stored in the child’s subconscious, which he will reproduce over time. Ask your child to bring you this or that thing, pointing at it with his finger. This way you will understand what your baby’s vocabulary is.

Summer is a special time. Long walks, organized correctly, also contribute to the development of the baby's speech. Show him trees, animals, plants, be sure to name them.

• Not so long ago, doctors insisted that at 3 years old a child is just beginning to speak. Now everything has changed. Children develop faster and more actively. And in the third year of life, the baby should already speak in separate phrases and try to construct sentences.

It also happens that a 3-year-old child does not speak at all, but at the same time understands everything, and he is completely healthy. Wait about 3-5 months. During this period, children experience a sharp leap in development. Perhaps your baby is one of those who is silent for a long time, and then immediately begins to speak in whole sentences, diligently pronouncing every word. But don't wait too long.

Medical assistance

So what to do if your 3-year-old baby doesn’t want to have a conversation? Show it to the following 5 doctors:

- pediatrician,

- neurologist,

- psychologist,

- speech therapist.

Only after a complete examination and diagnosis can you begin the treatment process. Multiple developmental corrections may be required. In one situation, regular classes with a competent speech therapist will help you. This option is possible if the baby is healthy, but has no desire to speak. The speech therapist will teach the child to want to express his thoughts in words.

If the child speaks individual words and phrases, then pay attention to whether he inflects the verbs and whether he uses the words in the correct form. Be sure to correct it. It is important for parents to do this, since children 5 years of age often do not want to work with a speech therapist. For them, the doctor is a complete stranger.

If a child has hearing problems, modern surgery will come to the rescue. Currently, children under 5 years of age undergo surgery to implant a hearing aid into the auricle. After the recovery course, the device will not be noticeable, and your baby will be no different from his peers.

Unfortunately, there are situations when delayed speech development indicates a mental illness. To identify such pathologies, a comprehensive medical examination is carried out, showing the level of brain function, the presence or absence of abnormalities.

Perhaps there were severe complications and birth injuries during childbirth. Perhaps the fetus was exposed to oxygen starvation in the last days of pregnancy. All this can also provoke delayed speech development.

In such cases, drugs that affect the brain are prescribed. They nourish the neurons of the brain and stimulate the speech center. But any drug treatment should be prescribed only by a neurologist or psychotherapist competent in this matter.

Physiological procedures help combat delayed speech development. Using microwaves, the areas of the brain responsible for speech and articulation are affected. However, some of these procedures are prescribed only when the intended effect is more important than possible side effects.

Parents, remember that correction of speech development in children aged 5 years and older is very difficult. The younger the child, the easier and faster it is to restore speech function. Correct diagnosis and timely treatment will bring a quick positive result.

On the playground, mothers only have time to brag about the achievements of their kids. One of them already recites poems by heart, another has almost started reading books, and the third, it’s scary to say, even remembers foreign words. And this is such and such a baby who is not yet three years old. You do not take part in this chirping; on the contrary, you try to avoid all communication with other parents. You are ashamed and embarrassed, because not only does your child not recite poetry yet, he hasn’t even started speaking yet. And this in his three years! In general, you feel bitterness and resentment, and you also feel very sorry for your silent baby. You want to help him, but you don't know how. And this powerlessness depresses you.

Why is a three-year-old child silent?

Currently, silent children are much more common than just a couple of decades ago, as are hyperactive children. Ask: what is the connection between them? Let's answer: the most direct. The more active a child is, the more temptations he finds in the world around him, the less opportunities he leaves for himself to study this world verbally. As modern statistics show, today many children begin to speak closer to three and a half years, so the three-year mark is not an indicator. However, this is no reason to relax. On the contrary, you must clearly know all the reasons why your baby may be silent.

• Physiological features of child development. These may be hearing problems, or developmental delays caused by prematurity, or a hereditary predisposition to speech delay. Show the baby to the doctor. Along the way, he will give his verdict, after which you can either begin treatment or even prepare for surgical intervention, thanks to which today even children who are deaf and mute from birth begin to hear and, accordingly, speak, or, if everything is in order with the baby’s physiology, you will focus on the solution psychological and social problems.
• Disadvantages of education. You love your child too much. No, this is not bad, on the contrary, this is how it should be. Only your love deprives the child of self-determination. You rush to the baby at his first call, you try to predict all his desires, you want him to feel good, cozy and comfortable in this world. The question is - why should he tell if everything is fine with him? Overprotection in this situation brings only harm. If a child knows that he will be understood perfectly in any case, why should he try to pronounce the whole word? Lack of motivation will slow down the process of speech development.
• Psychological trauma. The child feels that he is uninteresting to adults. Some changes occur in his life - moving, illness, separation from his parents. Maybe there is an unhealthy psychological atmosphere in his family - scandals, raised conversations. You never know the reasons why a child may withdraw into himself and not want to open up to the world around him. Under such conditions, it is difficult to expect speech achievements from him.
• Lack of attention. It happens that the family is quite prosperous and calm, but the methods of education in relation to the baby are the same - quiet. Sitting the child in front of the TV, occupying his attention with a modern gadget, surrounding the baby with soft toys - many modern parents resort to such techniques. Only in this case does it turn out that the adults and the baby exist on their own. Who should the child talk to under such circumstances?

There is also an opinion that a child should develop among his peers, they say, as soon as you send him to kindergarten, the problem of speech delay begins to be solved by itself. There is some truth in this statement, but only some, because you shouldn’t hope for a miracle called “by itself.” It is better, after all, to understand the possible reasons for the child’s silence and begin to actively solve the problem.

What can help a child speak?

Let's say you and your child have already visited an otolaryngologist, speech pathologist, psychologist and even a psychiatrist. Luckily for you, the doctors did not find any pathologies in the baby’s development. This means it’s time for your personal active actions. So, what can help a child talk?

• Active presence of adults near the child. Active means not just making sure that nothing happens to the little person, that he is fed and clothed, it means talking to him all the time. Constant communication is the key that can open the doors to the world of words for a child. Set an example for him by communicating with him and each other in complete, complete sentences. Read books to him, join in his games to imitate various speech situations, sing lullabies to him.
• The rule “action plus word” should become fundamental. Let the practice of guessing a child's wishes by his gestures remain a thing of the past forever. Let him know that without words his aspirations will not come true. As a last resort, pronounce everything you do yourself and name everything you give to the child.
• The right toys. Down with the TV, phone, tablet and other technical amusements of the 21st century. Children's mechanical toys that move on their own, speak on their own, sing songs on their own - also out. The child himself should be actively involved in the game process, and not be an outside observer. Therefore, we choose cubes and pyramids, do not ignore the most ordinary cars, and do not shy away from simple dolls.
• Development of fine motor skills of the fingers. All experts say that the less developed a child’s motor skills are, the more difficult it is for him to speak. Therefore, in any free time, tie knots with your child, string beads, sort out rosaries, sculpt from plasticine, or even just tear paper. All this will only benefit the future speaker.
• Do not descend to the child’s speech level. Do not lisp or distort words, on the contrary, communicate with him in normal language, clearly pronouncing each word.

Of course, there are no universal recipes. The development of each child is a highly individual process. Some people begin to communicate as early as one and a half years old, while for others, even three years are not enough to develop speech. Of course, in order to get a silent person to talk, it will take a lot of patience. But one day he will reward your efforts. And then you will be able to proudly talk about your child’s achievements not only on the playground.