Establishing contact with parents and... “Age crises” or “How to establish contact between a parent and a child”? What is important to your parents
Ulyana Vasilyeva
Consultation for teachers “How to establish contact with parents of preschool educational institutions?”
A modern kindergarten helps a prosperous family and in some ways replaces a child with a problematic family. He trains and advises parents, passes on traditions and educates a person of the future. From this point of view preschool education has much more significance for society than just a place where children are taught and developed.
Working with a family is hard work. It is necessary to take into account the modern approach to working with families. The main trend is to teach parents to independently solve life problems. And this requires certain efforts from teachers. Both the teacher and the parent are adults who have their own psychological characteristics, age and individual traits, your life experience and own vision of problems.
THE MAIN TASKS OF INTERACTION OF THE TEACHER WITH PARENTS ARE:
Establish partnerships with the family of each student;
Join efforts for the development and education of children;
Create an atmosphere of mutual understanding, common interests, emotional support;
Activate and enrich the educational skills of parents;
Support their confidence in their own teaching capabilities.
THE PRINCIPLES OF INTERACTION WITH PARENTS ARE:
Friendly style of communication between teachers and parents
A positive attitude towards communication is the solid foundation on which all the work of the group’s teachers with parents is built. In communication between a teacher and parents, categoricality and a demanding tone are inappropriate. After all, any beautifully built by the administration kindergarten the model of interaction with the family will remain a “model on paper” if the teacher does not develop for himself specific forms of correct treatment of parents. The teacher communicates with parents every day, and it depends on him what the family’s attitude towards the kindergarten as a whole will be. Daily friendly interaction between teachers and parents means much more than a single well-executed event.
Individual approach
It is necessary not only when working with children, but also when working with parents. The teacher, when communicating with parents, must feel the situation, the mood of mom or dad. This is where the teacher’s human and pedagogical ability to reassure the parent, sympathize and think together about how to help the child in a given situation comes in handy.
Collaboration, not mentoring
Modern mothers and fathers, for the most part, are literate, knowledgeable people and, of course, well aware of how they should raise their own children. Therefore, the position of instruction and simple propaganda of pedagogical knowledge today is unlikely to bring positive results. It will be much more effective to create an atmosphere of mutual assistance and support for the family in difficult pedagogical situations, to demonstrate the interest of the kindergarten staff in understanding the family’s problems and a sincere desire to help.
Getting ready seriously
Any event, even the smallest one, to work with parents must be carefully and seriously prepared. The main thing in this work is the quality, and not the quantity of individual, unrelated events. Weak, poorly prepared Parent meeting or seminar may negatively affect the positive image of the institution as a whole.
Dynamism
A kindergarten today should be in a development mode, not a functioning one, be a mobile system, and quickly respond to changes in the social composition of parents, their educational needs and educational requests. Depending on this, the forms and directions of work of the kindergarten with the family should change.
Methods and rules for communication between teachers and parents.
Situational – related to the child’s behavior and learning: what he did, how he slept, what he ate, how he felt.
Organizational - bring something, learn at home, pay for kindergarten, help in a group.
Cooperation is communication “as equals”, where no one has the privilege of specifying, controlling, or evaluating.
Interaction is a way of organizing joint activities.
If interaction is carried out in conditions of openness on both sides, when no one’s freedom is infringed, it serves to demonstrate true relationships.
When interaction takes place in conditions of suppression of one person by another, it can mask the true relationship.
The main point in the context of “family - preschool" - personal interaction between the teacher and parents in the process of raising a child.
In order to earn the trust of parents, a teacher can organize his interaction with them as follows:
Stage 1 – “Broadcasting a positive image of the child to parents” The teacher never complains about the child, even if he has done something. The conversation with parents takes place under the motto: “Your child is the best.”
Stage 2 – “Transmission to parents of knowledge about the child that they could not obtain in the family.” The teacher reports on the successes and characteristics of the child’s development in the preschool educational institution, the characteristics of his communication with other children, the results of educational activities, sociometric data, etc. At the same time, the principle “your child is the best” is observed - each craft is presented to parents as “exceptional”, even if they don't think so.
Stage 3 – “Familiarization of the teacher with family problems in raising a child.” At this stage, parents play an active role. The teacher only maintains the dialogue without making value judgments. It must be remembered that information received from parents should not be shared with a group colleague and, in general, should only be used to organize positive interactions.
Stage 4 – “Joint research and formation of the child’s personality.” Only at this stage can a teacher, who has gained the trust of parents by successfully carrying out the previous stages, begin to carefully give advice to parents.
The total duration of all stages takes about one and a half to two months.
To solve the second group of problems, the following methods are used:
Questionnaire;
Conversations with family members;
Observation of the child (targeted and spontaneous);
Method of creating pedagogical situations;
Analysis of children's drawings;
Analysis of stories on a given topic;
Recording parental questions;
Essay by parents on the topic: “My child”;
Recording the child's day;
Diary of a child’s adaptation to preschool education.
These methods are aimed at studying the family and establishing contacts with its members. They are the best suited for implementing the provisions of the new philosophy of interaction between teachers and parents.
DEAR TEACHERS, REMEMBER:
Don't make judgments. The teacher needs to avoid judgments like “You spend too little time raising your son (daughter),” since these phrases (even if they are absolutely fair) most often give rise to protest from parents.
Don't lecture. Don't suggest solutions. You cannot impose your own point of view on your interlocutor and “teach life” to your parents, since the phrases “If I were you, I would...” and the like infringe on the interlocutor’s self-esteem and do not contribute to the communication process.
Don't make a "diagnosis". It must be remembered that all the teacher’s phrases must be correct. Categorical statements - “Your child does not know how to behave”, “You need to contact a psychologist about deviations in the behavior of your son (daughter)” always put parents on guard and set them against you.
Don't pry. You cannot ask parents questions that are not related to the pedagogical process, since excessive curiosity destroys mutual understanding between the family and the kindergarten.
Don't give away the "secret". The teacher is obliged to keep secret information about the family entrusted to him by the parents, if they do not want this information to become public.
Don't provoke conflicts. The teacher will avoid conflict situations in communication with parents, if he follows all the above rules for communication with parents.
It becomes easier without parents. Self-confidence appears because parents constantly worried about money, for health, for me. It was their attitudes that had such an impact on my development of this lack of confidence in myself and in life!
But the parents will eventually return and Why do I need their experiences?. How to preserve that inner state that has just been born?
The question is serious. In general, everything related to relationships with parents is divided into several components.
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Parents are the closest people, even if you had some problems, but they are very difficult to interact for several reasons.
And we begin to share with colleagues, with close friends and with parents, many disputes and conflicts arise due to the fact that loved ones don't react so to this, as we want.
One of the basic principles is not to share anything with people.
Do not share what you have learned, do not share the awareness that has occurred, with those people who don't understand what you're doing.
Because for them, for example, it will be a waste of money and will lead to great doubts and great worries.
And their thoughts and doubts doesn't matter affect you. And the less information people have, the less thoughts they project in your direction, the less worries, the less anxiety, the less all kinds of negativity.
This works very well for parents.
Step one: accept that parents are who they are.
They gave birth to you, they lived their lives, in any case they lived much more than you lived, leave them alone.
If they have a desire to change, they will change; if they do not have the desire, they will not.
The hardest thing accept them as they are: with their attempts to save a ruble instead of buying something of quality. Save on nonsense, then once again make sure that there was no need to save.
It's their problem, it's their right to live like that. This is the most difficult step to take.
With all their cockroaches they deserve the right to live the way they want, deserve that children do not interfere.
Just imagine that your children are now growing up and they start teaching you: “you should have done it this way,” they start kicking you, chasing you away.
Would you be pleased? Do you want such a development of events in your life? Most likely no.
So the first step is to accept them as they are. They have the right to live the way they want.
Step two: protect yourself from their influence
And for this you need to clearly delineate your territory, set your own rules of communication specifically with you.
If you have ordinary parents who
- communicate with grandparents,
- who sit on benches,
- watching TV,
- collect a bunch of diverse information from all sides, especially those stories that happen to relatives,
- and they try to pour it all on your head,
you just need to explain clearly, not in a way that offends them or harshly gives them an ultimatum: “Don’t talk to me about this topic,” but by all means show that you are not interested in this, you live by different laws.
You must have your own, clear, clearly expressed position in this case, so that they know about it.
I had a period when my mother called and said: “You know, they showed it on TV! And in Orel this or this or that. Do you know if so-and-so was killed there?”
I answered: “Mom, why are you telling me all this? Do you want to support me, do you want to cheer me up, do you want to ask for advice? What is the point of this conversation?
The first time she was very offended and cried, saying, “I can’t talk to my daughter about what interests me.”
To which I replied: “That’s great, but The daughter should also be interested in the topic of conversation».
After several such unobtrusive steps, everything became normal. There were no more attempts to talk about these topics.
The less your parents know what is happening inside you, how you live, the better for you, for your strengthening.
I like to use the island metaphor:
Everything that happens in your life, the reality that is formed in your life, is an island.
But while it is still floating, while it is an invisible haze that has not yet formed into a stronghold, keep your inner space to yourself.
Let it be sacred for you so that you don’t feel such influences from the outside to the extent that you feel them.
Parents have less information, fewer questions for you, less of everything else.
Such a fine line, but you need to learn to feel and apply it.
And every time such an unobtrusive wall, wall, wall, wall, wall. I don’t talk about these topics, this topic is not interesting to me, there is no need to go beyond this line.
Step three: parents need evidence
Parents will leave you alone with their worries and problems at the moment when they will see that everything works out for you- on the topic of relationships, on the topic of money, on the topic of social realization, on any topic.
What is important to your parents
If you tell them common truths from the point of view of the spirit, from the point of view of your transformation, they will they won't understand.
I was so persecuted about raising my daughter. That I allow her everything, that she is so independent, that she makes decisions at a young age.
This continued until dad received ironclad proof that this type of upbringing takes place, because there are positive results.
My daughter is 11 years old, and I don’t always know what she does. If there is a problem that needs to be solved, and she knows that mom can’t solve it, she picks up the phone herself, calls dad, and negotiates with grandma.
Sometimes I only find out after the fact that the child coordinated many people to make something happen.
For example, to go somewhere, you need to agree with your grandfather to bring a swimsuit that your parents have. She needs to call her dad and arrange for him to take her to the performance. Because she knows that I have a webinar, mom is busy.
Mom is faced with the fact that such and such things need to be prepared in such and such a way in order for her to be there at such a time.
Now our grandfather beams when he communicates with his granddaughter. And she understands that she would not have grown up like this, if she was forbidden a lot, if they weren’t given complete freedom.
This is an example of how this can work.
More abstractly speaking. Every mother, every father there is a desire to see your child succeed, and for everyone these successes are basically the same.
They need to know that Everything is fine in the children's relationships.
This means that you need to show that everything is really fine in the relationship.
There is no need to show conflicts if you have them with your husband or children.
They need to see your successes and joys. And they don’t need to know that something might go wrong. If you need to vent, find close friend, you don’t need to touch your parents in this regard.
Because parents remember everything. Their brains are wired differently.
They can easily say what the names of your teachers were in childhood, what the names of your classmates were, what grade you received at such and such an age, who annoyed you.
Try torturing your parents, most will tell you about it.
For example, not only do I not know half of my classmates by name, I even look at school photographs and cannot say who they are.
It was so long ago, it was on a different line of life... And they know.
And all the negativity you shared with them just because you needed support, it will backfire on you later same. Especially if this concerns a husband, a beloved man or some kind of relationship. Then they will poke you with this.
Therefore, there must be some kind of Nice picture. All parents want it to be social significance so that there is money.
This means you need to show them this, tell them that you bought something, and unobtrusively, or show them your other successes.
At one time, when I worked as a translator at the Sofia publishing house, several books of translations were published. The first book that was sent to me, I gave it to my parents. Parents needed to see that the child was not doing something incomprehensible, that he was not just sitting at the computer for days.
The fact that there are several published books makes me neither cold nor hot. This experience was in my life, it was useful to me. It didn’t hurt my vanity or my pride in any way, but for them it was important evidence. That's why everyone must find what their parents value.
...To meet their expectations.
No, we are not talking about expectations, we are talking about the evidence parents need that their child is succeeding.
What exactly depends on the parents. For some, career is important, for others, significance is important.
And then they lag behind you, really lag behind. They may not understand you, and chances are they don't understand you.
They remain with their claims, anxieties, and worries. But they they see that what you do brings you success, brings you good luck, changes your life for the better.
And even if everything is not the way you want, not as good as you would like, your parents don’t need to know about it.
Fragment of the accompanying webinar, February 2013
Adolescence is special. At this time, questions of self-identity arise: “what place do I occupy in this world?”, “who do I want to become?”, “what environment to choose?”...
Unfortunately, the path to the truth is not always simple: physiological and hormonal changes contribute to sudden mood swings, conflict, and conflicting interests. Relationships with peers and the desire to take one’s place among them come to the fore, and tension arises in interactions with adults: if before parents were people who coordinated and directed the child’s life, their opinion was authoritative, now distance arises and the teenager strives to make most decisions on his own.
At this age, children are very vulnerable, sensitive and exposed to dangers: bullying from peers and conflicts with teachers may occur. Sometimes a child may find himself in psychological isolation and a suicide attempt becomes an extreme way to communicate his trouble or problem. Suicide can act as a protest, a call, an avoidance of suffering, or self-punishment. This usually happens when a child experiences hopelessness, desperation and does not know a way out of the current situation.
Moms and dads are not always able to notice changes in behavior in time and come to the rescue. Many adults imagine the child’s world as their own, only on a smaller scale. This is wrong. Teenagers are interested and concerned about problems that are not taken seriously by adults. They find themselves in difficult and unpleasant situations that adults may not even notice. But it is possible to prevent such situations. The child may begin to see loved ones as allies rather than enemies. How to do it? Medical psychologist Yulia Khokhlova told the “” correspondent about how to establish an emotional connection between parent and child.
The specialist notes that no matter how difficult it is, it is important to maintain trust. It is formed throughout the entire relationship between children and parents, but in adolescence– is especially relevant.
The second important point is to recognize the child’s rights to growing up and personal life. Feeling the child’s distance, parents sometimes begin to worry and try to regain their previous control. At the same time, they make serious mistakes: they eavesdrop on telephone conversations, secretly read their child’s diaries and personal messages, which creates additional barriers to communication rather than improving it.
– We must remember that the main task for a teenager is to demonstrate his independence, so it is important to give him the right to choose in more adult matters than before. Tell him about possible options, but let him choose for himself, do not point out incompetence. After all, experience is gained not only through successes, but also through mistakes,” notes Yulia Khokhlova.
You must admit that parents are not always happy with the community and friends with whom their son or daughter interacts. But we must remember that prohibitions and reprimands can force a teenager to hide communication with someone who is not attractive to adults.
“Be sincerely interested in your children’s acquaintances and friends, and, most likely, the child will ask your opinion regarding dating,” the psychologist advises. – Remember that diverse communication develops personality, and mistrust worsens it.
All of the above, of course, does not mean the abolition of restrictions and some requirements. What is the right thing to do?
– Discuss with your child the fact that adult life there are rules and responsibilities, the specialist recommends. – The introduction of restrictions should not be in a rigid and categorical form. The aggressiveness and self-aggression of adolescents largely depends on the style of punishment in the family. Extreme forms of upbringing (authoritarian-hard, unquestioning, and permissive-soft, without restrictions on behavior), as a rule, create conflict, irritability, and self-doubt in the child. Set flexible boundaries that are negotiable and a “red zone” for unacceptable behavior. It includes actions that undermine your child's well-being. This includes behavior that would become socially unacceptable, illegal or immoral. Establishing clear rules is essential for teenagers. It reduces anxiety and gives you a feeling of control. own life, which is so important when growing up.
IN modern world Parents face a lot of difficulties in raising children. Social and economic changes create risks for the psychological health and well-being of adolescents. Education today is more than providing a child with food, clothing and a good education. It is also about creating an emotional platform that will help the child feel safe and supportive contact with an adult. No family is immune from teenage problems, but children who feel support from their parents cope better and resist the threats of youthful bitterness, aggressiveness, premature sexual activity, drug addiction and alcoholism, teenage suicide and other social problems. Be aware of what is happening in your child's life. Take the time to listen and understand.
