The girl asks to let him go but says that she loves him. My girlfriend left me, but I can’t let her go and I want to get her back. Why you need to let your ex-girlfriend go

The girl suggested breaking up... Maybe she was joking, said it in the heat of the moment, in the heat of the moment? At this moment, many thoughts are running through your head - from the pompous “life has given a crack” to the everyday “no one to iron your shirt.” Turn on cognitive analysis and figure out what the girl means and how to proceed.

exponential gap

pause in relationships

breakup true

Selection of a dating site

The girl suggested breaking up: what does this mean?

If a girl wants to break up, the idea of getting drunk or losing herself in the arms of another is good, but not the best. First, awaken the psychologist, analyst and strategist in yourself to understand the reasons, of which there may be at least three.

Indicative gap

With the words “That’s it, I’m tired, we need to break up”, flying from the lips at the moment of fuse, they do not go away, but show emotions. The content of this “we need to break up” could be anything - I want to be held in my arms, I want a fur coat, not enough sex. Or simply PMS with its unmotivated destructive desires. Or the girl is testing you for manipulability. Or develops training practice (she left, you rushed after her to fulfill her wishes).

You need to be a sensitive partner who knows how to understand the moods of your “half”. If, in general, the relationship is prosperous, without “mutual pain, troubles and insults,” as Mayakovsky wrote, there is no threat. We'll talk below about how to get out of an awkward situation when someone kicked you with a heel.

Pause in relationships

If a girl suggests breaking up, saying, “We need to take a break, live separately, figure ourselves out,” don’t panic. This is probably true. Women are brave and straightforward creatures. They say what they think. A pause means a pause. Now, for some reason, she doesn’t want to continue the relationship, but for some reason she can’t put a dot on the i.

Only you know why the girl took the toothbrush (but left some things) and left to sort herself out. These could have been quarrels out of nowhere. Or she got bored in the company of your hopeless attempts to diversify her leisure time. Perhaps you stuck to your line and did not take her opinion into account. In general, say thank you for not sticking a note with the words “I can’t take this anymore, I’m sorry” and not sinking into oblivion, like one of Carrie’s suitors from the TV series “Sex and the City,” but for talking to you honestly, although she left behind a feeling of slight understatement.

Parting true

Sometimes girls decide to break up seriously, having accumulated in their memory a sufficient number of reasons for breaking up or, worse, having met a more convincing male. It is important to understand the following here. A girl going nowhere is tormented by doubts until the last moment. And at this very moment, while she weighs and analyzes the correctness of the action, everything can change. There were stories when a man stood up and the girl became tightly attached.

If the reason for leaving was a competitor who, apparently, has bypassed you, there is practically no chance. At least while their candy-bouquet period lasts. But something can be done in this hopeless situation.

The girl asked to break up: what to do

So, she staged a show breakup, turning on the “it’s your fault” option. If you are really to blame, and she deliciously ate your brain out about it, take note of the entire list of reproaches, lower your eyes and hug her. In principle, the incident is over. The question is - do you need such a bitch who will continue to point to the door or slam it loudly for every offense? If you need it, bend over. Admit your guilt. And if not, become better, stronger and taller. If tricks with leaving happen regularly and out of the blue, tell them that the door opens in one direction.

Don't take her irrational lamentations to heart, but pay attention to the real claims. In the absence of real complaints, firmly and confidently stop manipulation.

Now about the pause in the relationship. Remember this: a pause is not just a pause. If a girl says “we’ll break up for a while,” you should understand that after this time, her ideas about you will not fundamentally change. The problem will not solve itself. The past with all its grievances will not go away. Therefore, right now, during the pause, it is important to strain yourself in order to revive the relationship. And if you continue to be a “mattress” and a “dog,” even the feeling that flared up again after separation will evaporate faster than boiling water.

Find out what caused the “pause”. Admit that you didn't live up to her expectations. Let them know that you value the relationship and want to preserve it. During the “pause”, continue to be attentive, sympathetic and caring.

In half the cases, the suspension of the relationship ends in its complete termination. However, 50% is a good chance to not give up.

If a girl wants to break up forever and communicates this not in the process of smashing tableware, but over a cup of coffee in a cafe where she invited you, she probably hatched the idea for a long time and thoroughly. Approximately three months, psychologists say. Here it is important to understand whether the horse is dead or not. It's time to get off or you can spur it on. But there is no need to go too far, turning from " young man ordinary" into a written suitor who shows highest degree care and attention. It won’t be possible to maintain the level of maximum output (time, money and effort) for long, and she will still leave, having certainly received pleasure from your gentlemanly agony.

If the reason for the breakup was another young man, while saving face, wish her happiness. Show that you respect her choice. Communicate your readiness to renew the relationship. Give thanks for everything.

Saving face in any situation is a quality that many people lack modern men. “Saving face” means looking like a winner even when you actually lose.

Broke up with a girl: how to forget and start living

Let go of the past and you will get the future. This is the answer to the question “what to do if a girl breaks up with me.” Start small - delete her phone number, friend her social networks and stop following her there. And here are a couple more practical advice under the heading “broke up with a girl, how to forget.”

Scientists have found that rupture provokes the production of adrenaline in the body. This is a genetically determined reaction to stress with accompanying symptoms - headaches, fatigue and anxiety. Getting rid of excess adrenaline is simple - lace up your sneakers and go to the gym.
Do you feel empty? Load your refrigerator with delicious food. Foods with tryptophan - found in cheese, fish, meat, mushrooms and nuts - will help cope with depression and blues. Caffeine, vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids have antidepressant properties. A cup of coffee with chocolate, a good steak or grilled salmon is what you need right now.
In general, congratulations. You are the lucky one who had the opportunity to start life from scratch and do what you wanted to do before, but did not succeed due to a banal lack of time (relationships are a time-consuming resource). This is called freedom. Enjoy it, old man.

So, if a girl offers to break up, don’t believe it, don’t be afraid, don’t ask. “I respect your decision, but I want to preserve our relationship,” your answer will at least discourage her. And even if everything is serious, and she really leaves, remember, life has no dead ends. There are traps into which we drive ourselves. And only those who look up conquer the peaks.

How to let go ex-girlfriend

Get the girl back

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Not all of our relationships lead to happy marriage, and not all of our relationships are destined to end on a happy note. Based on this, we can say that each of us will experience several unhappy breakups with girls in our lives, and some of them will forever remain in our memory.

And we all need to solve one big and fateful task: to transfer memories from the “painful” category to the “we were young, happy and stupid” category. And you can achieve this state with the help of three stages that every guy with a broken heart has to go through.

Why you need to let your ex-girlfriend go

We've known a lot of guys who have been pining over their ex-girlfriends for years. They constantly tried to return to their past relationship, tried to get in touch with the girl, looked for her face on the street in the crowd. But most importantly: they refused other girls, even if they were worthy and attractive girls. The guys actually put themselves in a cage of empty hopes and ruined their lives.

It is for this reason that you need to let go of your ex-girlfriend, so that she does not occupy a place in your heart reserved for new feelings and emotions. This is the only way to enjoy life again, have an interest in girls again and improve your sex life.

If a guy wants to become happy again, he must let go of his ex and forget about the dreams associated with her forever.

How to let a girl go - stages

Suffering and sadness. If a guy really loved a girl, then after breaking up there comes a moment when the holes in his heart begin to remind themselves more and more. And the situation takes on the form that only in the company of friends or at work can a person live, and as soon as he is left alone with himself, he is consumed by melancholy.

Even girls, friends and alcohol are willing to do anything they can to help a guy avoid this stage in his life. Anyway, sooner or later such a wave will cover him, and he will suffer!

And this stage will last until the guy empties himself completely, when there is no longer that person left inside whom he would feel sorry for. A person who could enjoy life and love will die inside!

Beginning and first steps. After such devastation, the man will again come out into the light and begin, step by step, to learn to live without his girlfriend. He will understand that time can be spent with friends, and not necessarily with a girl. He will understand that many girls communicate as sweetly and romanticly as his ex-girlfriend. He will begin to look for new acquaintances, he will begin to look for new warmth in people, which he missed so much.

And the danger at this stage is excessive cowardice and weakness, because it is so easy to retreat back into your dark world when other people burn you with their energy and emotions. Only the one who conquers the fear of the unknown will be able to let go of his girlfriend and move forward to a new star!

Recovery and new love. As soon as a person is able to improve his life without a girl in his life, he will understand that he has a lot of free time and energy for new feelings and emotions. Someone completely devotes himself to a new hobby, someone improves their skills and abilities, and someone sets off on a sailboat of love to new shores.

This is a whole new world, which is open to the guy, a world in which there is no more room for suffering, pain and emptiness. And this is exactly what a guy should strive for.

Letting go of the ex-girlfriend's anchors

An anchor is any thing or emotion that connects your feelings and emotions with your ex-girlfriend. For example, a mug that a girl gave for an anniversary, or general photos that the two of you took together. These are all those things that first make you a little happier, and then plunge you back into the darkness of misery.

Delete all photos of the girl. Many of us love to look at photos of our girls, especially if they are racy photos. But to make it easier for you to get rid of the girl, you need to completely remove them all. Of course, a few days after deletion, you will reproach yourself for this step, you will try to restore them or somehow find them again. But, find the strength within yourself and delete these photos!

Don't go to her page. Put yourself a block or punish yourself in some way so that you can’t go to your ex-girlfriend’s page. Almost all guys after breaking up begin to spy on their ex-girlfriend, and also spy on a guy who is at least somehow connected with her. Don’t look for connections, don’t torment yourself with various thoughts, just give up on it.

Don't go to "your" places. Absolutely all guys, after breaking up with a girl, start going to common places, or start walking near the girl’s house, in the hope of seeing her at least for a moment. Believe me, you will simply waste your time, and such a chance meeting will give you absolutely nothing! Rid yourself of this.

Her friends. You don't need to discuss your girlfriend with your mutual friends and ask them to tell her something. If it happens that a girl gives you another chance, you will be the first to know about it. Asking friends to spy on your girlfriend or give her something: stupid and useless, don't waste your time on this.

Negative. Sometimes guys are so upset by the breakup that they start saying a lot of unflattering words to their ex-girlfriend, and then realize that it was said in vain. As a result, they set themselves the goal of apologizing to the girl for these words, creating an additional anchor debt for themselves! It’s better not to do anything stupid in the first place than to somehow justify yourself to yourself later.

When will I let her go?

You will be ready for a new relationship when all the memories and feelings about your ex-girlfriend turn into something distant, pleasant and completely unnecessary. Then you will be ready for new feelings and achievements. Know that this is difficult, but it still needs to be done.

Getting your girlfriend back can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a low note. However, if you believe that there is an incredible connection between you, then it is worth gathering the cooled coals and trying to rekindle the extinguished flame. If you want a girl to want you back, give her time to remember and realize how amazing you are. And to understand how to do this, just follow the next steps.

Steps

Step aside temporarily

Give the girl some freedom. Perhaps you think that best way to get the girl back - fight for her with all your might and by any means; in fact, it is better to give her some respite than to immediately rush into battle. Unless she's in a serious relationship with another guy and you're determined to break it up, play it casual and give her time to heal and reassess the relationship with fresh eyes.
- This doesn't mean you have to cut all ties unless you think it's best. But you shouldn’t text her every five minutes or ask her to go out with you all the time, as you will only push the girl away.
- If you leave her alone, she will likely think about you too. She'll think she hasn't heard a word from you for a while. For a girl, this will mean that you are happy without her. This will intrigue her and make her think about how you are doing there.
- If she initiates meetings fairly early, that's good. But don't rush to get too close when you're together.
- Giving the girl some freedom will make you look more mature. This will make her want you back even more.
- Of course, you shouldn’t delay active actions. Give her enough time to heal her wounds, but not too much time that she forgets all the wonderful moments with you. Cases are different - trust your intuition. However, there is general rule: Give it at least a couple of weeks, but no more than two months.
Think about what went wrong. When giving the girl some freedom, do not sit idly by, watching the movement of the clock hands. Instead, think about why things ended between you. If the reason is obvious, like you didn't spend enough time on it, great. But if the situation is more complex, for example, you did not let her know how much you value her and spent too much time partying, then you need to pinpoint the problems that caused feelings to cool down.
- If the girl was the initiator of the breakup, then the problem is more serious. Think about all the reasons that could have pushed her to break up. If things ended abruptly, look through your email and text messages to find possible reason breakups.
- If you've ended a relationship, it's a completely different matter. You need to convince the girl that you won't break her heart again.
Make a plan to solve the problem. Do you understand the essence of the problem? The decision is yours. If there are multiple problems, you need to find multiple solutions, or one comprehensive solution that solves each of them. If your relationship is broken because you spent too much time with friends, find ways to give her more attention by having weekly date nights and finding more activities to do together. And if the reason is your inability to communicate normally, bring honesty and compassion into everyday relationships.
- First of all, you need to work on yourself. It's clear that you weren't perfect in your relationships.
- Change your attitude towards the girl. If her hobby of horses is driving you crazy, find a way to not be so annoyed by it before moving on.
- If there are a lot of problems, make a long-term plan of action, regardless of whether it relates to psychotherapy, addiction cessation, or a kind of overhaul of the soul.
Work on yourself. Even if you think that you have pinpointed the problem and found a solution that will instantly get your girl back, nothing comes that easy. Instead, work on becoming a more attractive person overall. And when you appear in front of the girl again, she will feel the difference. We are talking about both internal and external work on ourselves. New hairstyle It's unlikely to impress a girl, but the cheerfulness and conscious changes you make to your image will make her pay attention to you.
- Devote more time to your favorite hobbies, be it cycling or mechanics. When a person devotes himself to something he enjoys, he becomes more positive and becomes much more pleasant to communicate with.
- Develop a more positive attitude towards life. If a girl feels happier just being around you, she will most likely want to see you as often as possible.
Make a girl want you back
1. Show the girl that everything is fine with you without her. If she finds out that you are completely miserable, crying in public and screaming her name at every corner, she will forget about you faster than you can say that you miss her. Instead, make sure she knows and sees that you are having a great time every day without her. She will see you as active, full vital energy person and will wonder why you don't openly demonstrate that you miss her more and more.
  - Have fun in places where you're likely to meet her. Show that you're having fun with your friends, let her see you laughing and having fun, but don't overdo it.
  - If you see her socially, for example at a party, don't drop everything to run and ask how she's doing. Ultimately, approach her, but make it clear what an active social life you have without her.
2. Let her friends know that she needs you. Here's a fact: it's impossible to get a girl back if her friends don't support your candidacy. If your friends don't like you because you were too controlling, neglectful, or simply because you're a bad guy, then your goal is to convince them that you're not that bad, and then they'll pass on that information. girl.
  - When approaching her friends, try to make nice conversation without seeming too intrusive.
  - When communicating with her friends, do not immediately mention her. Although you can casually ask how she is doing and really let them know how hurt you are if you are capable of being so vulnerable.
3. When the time comes, slowly approach her. Once enough time has passed and you are back in her sight, you need to slowly begin to come back into her life. When you run into her, stop and talk for a few minutes, or casually place your tray next to hers at dinner, or even text her if you know her favorite show is coming on TV.
  - Stay calm. Be nice to the girl, making it clear that you just want to remain friends. Don't shower her with compliments on the second date after breaking up.
  - Once you start communicating again, raise the stakes slightly. Offer her something simple, like drinking coffee or getting ready for a class in the library together. It's not time for romance yet.
4. Show how you have changed. Shouting "Look how I've changed!" - no need. Just spend more time with the girl so that she understands that you have changed your attitude towards life, if necessary. If she thought you were too sloppy, work on your appearance. If she criticized you for always being late, make an effort to show up early for your next coffee date. You should not focus on what you have changed in yourself. Let the girl see everything for herself and she will be truly impressed.
  - Change should come naturally to you. Don't change anything just to appease the girl, otherwise everything will return to normal as soon as possible.
  - If you feel like you really hurt her when you were dating, it's never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you thought so much about the relationship after it ended.
5. Stimulate your worth. Yes, that's right. Even when you think you've almost got your girl back, even when she finally realizes what a tasty morsel you are, it's not time to declare your love. Instead, cast the bait so that she understands that she still has to fight for your love, and not just rush into your arms. As you start dating more and more often, don't forget that you don't have to be available all the time.
  - Disappear for a few hours and let her wonder where you are. She'll just go crazy.
  - After dates, mention them without too much detail, and she will think that she might actually lose you.
6. Make sure she wants you back. Once you feel like you've got her attention and made her jealous, it's time to make sure she really wants you back before confessing your feelings. You don't have to know her feelings with 100% certainty, but the more confident you are in them, the less you will have to blush. Here are some signs of her desire to rekindle the relationship:
  - Pay attention to her body language. When you speak to her, does she lean closer to you and look into your eyes? Does she look down every time she gets embarrassed?
  - See if she is jealous. Does she ask if you date other women or does she seem upset when you talk to girls? If so, then she wants you to be only with her.
  - See if she's started to treat you like her boyfriend again. Does she hug you, compliment you, and ask you out on dates with particular enthusiasm?
7. Confess your feelings. Once you're sure she shares your feelings, there's no point in beating around the bush. Find a time when you can be alone and a romantic place with the right atmosphere Now look into her eyes and tell her how much you missed her and how much you want to be together again. There is no need to humiliate yourself, but you need to show that you have thought a lot about the failed relationship, and are now determined to change everything for the better.
  - Be convincing. Show how much effort you have put into changing instead of making empty promises.
  - Give her time. If she turns you down at first, don't get angry or disappointed. Remember, even if the girl wants you back, her emotional wounds may not have healed yet.
Don't take relationships for granted. Just because you're dating again doesn't mean you shouldn't rush to show her how much you love her.
Take your time. Treat the relationship like a new one instead of falling back into the old relationship. Don't spend all your time together, even if that was the case before the breakup.
Don't repeat the same mistakes. There is no need to constantly think about unsuccessful relationships, but you need to be aware of what caused the breakup last time. If the reason was that you were spending too much time with friends and you find yourself doing it again, settle down a little. And if it all ended because of the girl’s actions and everything repeats itself, have the courage to talk about it.
- Remember how terrible you felt after making mistakes the first time. You don't want to feel that pain again.
- If you feel like you can't be yourself without setting your relationship up for failure, then you need to rethink your priorities.
- Be confident. Remember, the girl loves you, not the meek version of you who needs her attention.

Be discerning. Evaluate your ex-girlfriend before you do anything - she may have changed for the better or for the worse. Either way, you either won't like the changes or it might be easier to get her back.
When spending time alone with your ex, don't openly insult her new boyfriend, as this will make your true intentions obvious and put you in an awkward position.
Put aside all differences and leave no unresolved issues before embarking on this mission.

The question of how to understand that it’s time to let a man go is never asked in consultations. And this is more likely due to the fact that women are often afraid to see the real picture of relationships, afraid to understand that there is really nothing left to save and restore. And, as a result, they are afraid to change their lives.

In fact, fear is the main reason people are unhappy 90% of the time. Of course, this applies not only to relationships between a man and a woman - it can be work, business, etc. But, no matter how scary we may be, sometimes (or rather, even very often) " life lesson The key to meeting this particular person is precisely to let him go in time. So, let’s work together to derive formulas for signs when it’s time to... let go.

A man wants you to change

And they didn’t just change, they changed to suit him.

A person should always strive for the best, for the ideal, for self-improvement. But we must do this according to the will of our own soul, according to our own desire, feeling. If a man begins to change you for himself, you actually lose yourself. A wise decision would be to let such a man go, while remaining yourself, and not to save the relationship and play someone else’s role all your life.

Words are just words. Every person is judged by his actions

Often I hear the phrases: “he says...”, “he said...”. I have a question for you - what did he do from what he said? Dear women, remember: a man is judged by his actions! Only this way, and no other way! Let him say whatever he wants, but if he did absolutely nothing from what he said, his words are worthless! Such a man is worthless. Get him out of your life, because he won’t bring anything good into it!

He said he wants to leave... Maybe I should try to get him back?

Girls, women, girls, remember: You cannot force a man to love you! And they shouldn't do this. Stop humiliating yourself, stop forcing him to love you. If a man loves, he will never allow you to doubt his feelings. Any person can come into your life and say “I love you,” but not everyone is ready to prove it in practice. And very few people are ready to carry this feeling throughout life. Moreover, if a man wants to leave, he will leave sooner or later, and no one and nothing will stop him - not you, not your children together, not a joint business, not a stamp in your passport.

Relationships are based only on physical intimacy

Many people may object here - they say that all relationships are built on this. And I agree - this is so... After all, a man on the first date will never sincerely admire your three educations and knowledge in the space industry - all this, of course, is important, but now inside he will have only one thought - whether he wants you or not, whether you are attracted its sexy or not.

However, now we are not talking about a first date - we are talking about a relationship that has already been going on for more than one month or even a year. And here I want to tell you: if after 3 months of meetings a man is no longer interested in anything other than the sexual sphere, then this will always be the case! And physical intimacy is the only thing that interests him in you in principle. If this is all you need, no question, of course. But if you are counting on the emergence of great love, I recommend that you take off your rose-colored glasses!

Trust is the basis of relationships

A full-fledged relationship is about trust between partners. If your trust is constantly betrayed, there can be no relationship. And there is no need to look for excuses: he couldn’t, it happened that way, oh well, etc. Don't be fooled! Run away from such a man!

A man underestimates you

Every person should know his own worth. And you should know it! You let a person into your life and gave him a piece of your soul, but he doesn’t respect you, doesn’t appreciate you, believes, as often happens, that “Who needs you besides me - I’m like that, and you...”, etc... Don't let yourself be humiliated, don't let yourself not be valued! Remove such a person from your life!

How about a heart-to-heart talk?

This postulate must be true in good relations. If you and a man don’t have a heart-to-heart talk, if you don’t share your thoughts and experiences, the relationship gradually fades away. Remember that a conflict in which true feelings are expressed can save a relationship, but silence, on the contrary, can destroy it. Therefore, if there is no “direct dialogue” between partners, such a relationship is not worth maintaining.

One-sided game: I am everything for him, and he is nothing for me

If a man does nothing for you, and you endlessly sacrifice your happiness, why maintain such a relationship? If you allow him to take more from you than he gives, the harmonious balance in the relationship is rapidly disrupted. Relationships are work. Moreover, it is a joint work of two people. Therefore, it is better to remain alone, but at the same time maintain pride, balance and energy, than to remain in a relationship that requires constant sacrifice from you!

Analyze your relationship with a man, look at it soberly, know your worth, respect yourself, and then you can calmly move forward! Don’t waste your time on stupid relationships, and most importantly, believe that one day the puzzle of your life will fit into one picture, and it will be filled with happiness!