Secure attachment. Recommendations for the speech development of children Mother-child relationship in psychology

Until the mid-20th century, society did not attach much importance to the role of the mother in the life of a newborn child. It was believed that the baby’s strong emotions towards his mother and crying in her absence are only a manifestation of the natural fear of losing a source of nutrition. Therefore, it was considered quite normal, for example, to send children to a nursery from infancy.

In the 60s of the last century, the word “attachment” was filled with a new meaning thanks to the English psychiatrist John Bowlby. His research has shown that a special, very important relationship is formed between the child and the mother - or another person who constantly cares for the baby - from the moment of birth. This is a relationship of affection - a deep emotional connection between. They lay the foundation for a future in themselves, healthy self-esteem, and most importantly, the ability to trust, open up and be intimate with other people.

The extent to which a child develops healthy attachments to his “main adults” largely determines the quality of his future relationships throughout his life.

In this article, I am a Parent will talk about the main stages of development that attachment relationships go through, and what a parent can do to help their child grow up safely.

The formation of attachment to parents begins from the moment the baby is born. The best time To establish a connection with a child, the first day of his life is considered. It is important that parents spend as much time as possible with him on this first day, holding him in their arms, touching him, looking into his eyes. The stage of connection with the parent ends at the age of 9-12 months, when the child separates from the mother and begins to actively move independently.

The best thing you can do for your child in this case is to help yourself first.

Anna Kolchugina

CHILD’S ATTACHMENT TO MOTHER AND SELF-IMAGE IN EARLY CHILDHOOD

N.N. AVDEEV

The work was carried out with the financial support of the Russian Humanitarian Scientific Foundation, project No. 96 - 03 - 04496.

The study of a child’s attachment to his mother has been one of the leading areas of foreign experimental psychology over the past decades. In line with the ethological approach, the mother-child connection was interpreted as a form of imprinting; evidence was obtained that the interaction between mother and newborn in the first hours after birth influences subsequent communication. In particular, it has been shown that the emotional bonds of the child with the mother are strengthened due to the presence of interaction in the first hours of the child’s life, and the separation of mother and child during this period can lead to negative effects. However, other studies have not confirmed the establishment of specific emotional bonds between mother and newborn immediately after birth. H.R. Schaeffer drew attention to the fact that the newborn has certain biological mechanisms that underlie the need to establish an emotional connection with someone. A great contribution to the solution of this problem was made by the English psychiatrist J. Bowlby with his theory of attachments, according to which attachments to mother, father or anyone else are not innate or the result of early learning (imprinting). In his opinion, some forms of behavior of an infant are innate, capable of forcing others to be near him and take care of him. This is walking, smiling and crawling towards an adult. From an evolutionary point of view, these forms are adaptive in nature, as they provide the infant with the care necessary for survival.

J. Bowlby considers the main result of the interaction between mother and baby to be the emergence of an emotional attachment in the baby, which makes the child crave the presence of the mother and her affection, especially if he is alarmed or frightened. In the first 6 months. infants' attachments are diffuse; after that, attachment to certain

In humans, the first object of affection is usually the mother.

The formation of such attachment is vital for the development of the child. It gives him a sense of security, promotes the development of self-image and socialization. The choice of object, as well as the strength and quality of attachment, largely depend on the behavior of the parents towards the child.

In Russian psychology, the study of a child’s attachments to an adult was carried out within the framework of the psychology of communication, in line with the concept of M.I. Lisina. Selective attachments of a child to an adult were considered as a product of communication, depending on its content. The work of S.Yu. Meshcheryakova studied the development of the system of affective-personal connections between a child and an adult in the first year of life. It has been shown that these connections arise in the first half of a child’s life in situational and personal communication and are the main psychological new formation of this age. Another important product of communication, which also depends on the nature and content of communication, is the child’s self-image.

The purpose of this study was to establish the relationship between a child's attachment to his mother and his self-image. The object of the study was a mother-child pair. The objectives of the study included: studying the child’s self-image, the type of his attachment to the mother, the mother’s self-image, her idea of the child, as well as the mother’s assessment of her attachment to the child and his attachment to her.

Thus, in a mother-child pair, the psychological characteristics of both partners were studied in order to identify additional (in addition to the content of interaction and communication) parameters that influence the development of the child’s self-image and his attachment to the mother.

The study used four groups of techniques aimed at studying: 1) the child’s self-image, 2) the child’s type of affective attachment to the mother, 3) the mother’s self-image, 4) the mother’s idea of her child. The child’s self-image was identified by recording the child’s behavior in front of the mirror in five different situations. In the first situation, the child's free behavior in front of the mirror was recorded, in the second - before the start of the experiment, a colored scarf with a bright design was put on the child's head, in the third - shiny beads, in the fourth situation the mother approached him from behind, in the fifth - a woman was placed behind the child over his shoulder. a bright unfamiliar toy reflected in the mirror. The mirror reflected the child's head and torso and the mother's head and upper torso. The duration of one experiment was 3 min.

To assess the child's attachment to the mother, a modified M. Ainsworth technique was used. The experiment studied the child’s behavior in an unusual situation, when separated from the mother, the degree of impact of such a situation and how easily the mother was able to calm the baby after mild stress, how the child’s cognitive activity changed under these conditions. The experiment consisted of seven three-minute episodes, during which the child’s behavior was recorded: emotional manifestations, vocalizations and actions (indicative exploration, play, initiative).

A brightly colored clown mask was used as an attractive toy, and an unusual controlled car was used as a frightening toy.

forms with retractable parts that produce a buzzing sound during operation. The key episodes are episodes No. 2, 3, 6 and 7 (Table 1), when the mother leaves the child with an unfamiliar adult, an unfamiliar adult and a frightening toy, and then returns. As indicators of a child’s attachment to his mother, the degree of grief of the baby after the mother’s departure and the characteristics of the child’s behavior after her return are used.

Table 1

Episodes of an unusual situation

Beginning of the episode

Those present during the episode

An unknown adult joins the mother and child in the room.

Mother, child and unknown adult

Mother leaves the room

Child and unknown adult

The mother returns to the room, the unknown adult leaves

Child and mother

The mother leaves, an unfamiliar adult returns with a bright, attractive new toy for the child.

Child, unknown adult and attractive toy

An unfamiliar adult leaves, the mother returns to the room

Child, mother and attractive toy

The mother leaves and an unfamiliar adult returns to the room with a frightening toy.

A child, an unknown adult and a scary toy

An unfamiliar adult leaves, the mother comes

Child, mother and scary toy

The mother's self-image was revealed through a standardized interview, including questions regarding general and specific self-esteem, maternal competence, satisfaction with appearance, degree of identification with the child and close relatives, and experiences of similarity or difference from other people.

The mother's idea of her child was assessed using questionnaire data. The questionnaire contained questions aimed at identifying the mother’s ideas about her child’s abilities, capabilities, personality traits, character, strengths and weaknesses. In addition, data was obtained on her orientation primarily towards caring for the child or creating conditions for the development of his skills, abilities, personality, and also revealed value orientations of upbringing, problems and difficulties in relationships with the child, the mother’s assessment of the degree of her attachment to the child, and so on. , to what extent the child himself is attached to her and other close people.

During the experimental study of a child's self-image in experiments with mirror reflection, various mental manifestations of children were recorded: characteristics of the gaze (direction, duration), emotional manifestations (quantity, targeting,

duration and intensity), vocalizations (similar indicators), as well as behavior in front of a mirror (directed at oneself or at the mirror). All quantitative data were converted into conventional units, obtained by multiplying the quantity by duration and intensity, adding the products, and calculating the arithmetic mean for all samples. The behavioral manifestations of children were assessed similarly in experiments aimed at studying the child’s attachment to his mother.

Processing of data from a standardized interview and questionnaire of mothers was carried out by assigning points on pre-developed scales in order to assess indicators of the mother’s self-image and indicators of the mother’s image of her child. This made it possible to use the method of correlation analysis to establish paired correlations between the level of development of the child’s self-image and the level of development of the mother’s self-image, her idea of the child, the assessment of her attachment to the child and the assessment of his attachment to himself.

Eight pairs (mother - child) from two-parent families took part in the experiments; the children’s age ranged from 14 to 18 months.

The summary quantitative indicators of the child's self-image, the mother's self-image, and the mother's idea of the child are presented in Table. 2.

table 2

Total indicators of the child’s self-image, the mother’s self-image, and the mother’s idea of the child for each of eight mother-child pairs

Child's self-image

Mother's image of herself

Mother's ideas about the child

When analyzing the table, what first attracts attention is the spread of the child’s self-image indicators from 121 - 125 points in the upper limit to 34 in the lower limit, with minimal expression of self-image in this sample. The spread of indicators of the mother’s self-image and the mother’s idea of her child is not so pronounced, but even here the maximum values are more than 2 times higher than the minimum severity of the indicators.

A qualitative analysis of a child’s behavior in front of a mirror in various situations indicates opposite types of behavior for children with high quantitative indicators of self-image and low, minimal indicators.

Children with a developed self-image enjoy looking at themselves in the mirror for a long time and often smile

their reflection, play with it, putting on and taking off a scarf and beads, showing off in front of the mirror.

Children with an unformed self-image, on the contrary, do not examine themselves in the mirror, casting only short, wary glances at their reflection; they smile only in a test, where the reflection of the mother and child is visible in the mirror, and a brighter smile is addressed to the reflection of the mother. Children in this group quickly remove the scarf from their heads, throw it on the floor or give it to their mother, without trying it on again or going to the mirror. Beads turn out to be attractive to them in themselves, as interesting subject, with which they play for some time, removing it from their neck, waving and tapping, they move away from the mirror and never return to it.

A qualitative analysis of the mother’s self-image also reveals two poles, on one of which are mothers with low overall self-esteem, who perceive themselves as not very happy, successful, capable, good mothers and housewives optimistic about the future. Life brings them more sorrows than joys, and they are prepared for the worst, relying on chance and luck. Mothers with high self-image scores generally have high overall self-esteem, assessing themselves as happy, prosperous, satisfied with themselves, their motherhood, and their parenting competence. They are more confident in themselves, are optimistic about the future, and strive to plan their lives and control the events that happen in it.

The qualitative picture of mothers’ ideas about their children also contains two different types for high and low quantitative indicators. High indicators correspond to a focus on the child’s personal qualities, his achievements, especially in the social-emotional sphere, and a positive assessment of the child’s new skills and abilities. Mothers in this group say that the child becomes more and more interesting as he grows and develops. They also ask a lot of questions about how to create best conditions for the development of the child.

On the contrary, low indicators of the mother’s idea of the child correspond to an orientation primarily towards caring for the child; in the first place, skills and abilities are noted as positive changes in development (drinks from a cup, knows how to put on panties himself, etc.), rather than personal qualities ( inquisitive, interested in books, plays well and sympathizes with me if I'm upset, etc.). Speaking about the development of the child, mothers in this group focus on increasing difficulties in interactions with the child (“it was better when I was little and slept in a stroller all day, but now he climbs everywhere and interferes with doing things”), and note more negative than positive changes in his personality, character (“became stubborn, insists on his own, screams, demands”).

Data on the level of development of the child’s self-image showed a correlation dependence both on the level of development of the mother’s self-image and on her idea of the child. The corresponding correlation coefficients are presented in table. 3.

Table 3

Indicators of the correlation between the child’s self-image and the mother’s self-image and the mother’s idea of the child for eight mother-child pairs

Comparable

results

Mother's image of herself

Child's self-image

Analysis of the table 3 shows that the child’s self-image depends to the greatest extent on the mother’s idea of him, as well as on the mother’s self-image: the higher the mother’s self-image and her idea of her child, the higher the child’s self-image indicators.

Quantitative indicators of the type of affective attachment of the child to the mother are presented in Table. 4.

Table 4

Indicators of the child’s affective attachment to the mother (in arbitrary units) in episodes No. 2, 3, 6, 7

Episode #2

Episode #3

Episode #6

Episode #7

Actions

Note. The sign " " indicates negative emotional manifestations.

Let's start by comparing the behavior of children in episodes when the mother leaves the room and the child is left alone with an unfamiliar adult (No. 2), and then the unfamiliar adult leaves and the mother returns to the room (No. 3).

Analysis of the table shows that in episode No. 3, compared to episode No. 2, the activity of the children of the first, third and fourth pairs decreases. At the same time, in the first and third couples, high rates of positive emotional manifestations of children in episodes with an unfamiliar adult decrease to zero when he leaves the room and the mother returns. Qualitative analysis of children's behavior shows that in the presence of the mother, the child begins to look for an unfamiliar adult: he runs to the door, calls him, knocks on the door with his hand.

Thus, children of the first group behave more actively and joyfully in the presence of an unfamiliar adult than in the presence of their mother. In all other children, on the contrary, activity when the mother returns is higher, although among them it is possible to distinguish different groups. Thus, children from the sixth and seventh pairs (second group) show pronounced negative emotions in the presence of an unfamiliar adult, and when the mother returns - weakly expressed positive emotions and not high level activity.

A qualitative analysis of children’s behavior indicates that in the presence of an unfamiliar adult, their activity is completely inhibited, they cry loudly, calling for their mother, and when she returns, most of the time the children sit, stand, clinging to their mother, climb onto her lap, hiding their faces . After persuasion, the children begin to play with the toys offered by their mother, smiling faintly and babbling. However, their indicative, exploratory, proactive and playful actions in the presence of their mother do not even reach the average level (two points).

The third group includes children from the second, fifth and eighth pairs. They significantly increase their activity when their mother returns and do not show negative emotions when remaining with an unfamiliar adult. In all three children of this group, in the presence of their mother, positive emotional manifestations and indicators of orienting, exploratory, initiative and play actions intensified.

Qualitative analysis shows that these children behave quite kindly and actively in the presence of an unfamiliar adult: they smile, initiate communication with him, explore the room, play with objects. However, activity increases significantly when the mother returns to the room: the child approaches her, initiates her to communicate and play, smiles brightly and babbles. The child from the eighth pair, in the presence of an unfamiliar adult, shows minimal activity, and when the mother returns, he runs up to her, cuddles, climbs into her arms, after a while begins to perform exploratory and playful actions, smiles weakly, timidly, trying to stay close to the mother.

Let's move on to comparing episodes No. 6 and 7 of the experiment. Let's consider the indicators of children's behavior in a situation where the mother leaves the room, leaving the child with an unfamiliar adult and a frightening toy (episode No. 6), and then returns, and the unfamiliar adult leaves (episode No. 7). From the table Figure 4 shows that the activity of all children in episode No. 6 in the presence of an unfamiliar adult and a frightening toy is significantly lower (more than 2 times) compared to episode No. 7, where the child and a frightening toy are in the presence of the mother, who has returned to the room. In Episode 6, in a frightening situation, only one child from the second couple shows positive emotions.

Children from the sixth and seventh pairs show negative emotions (whining, loud crying), while the rest do not express strong emotions, with a general tendency to show wariness and a slight degree of anxiety. Children of the first, second and third pairs show weak activity, and all other children demonstrate “freezing”, stopping all activity, standing still, not taking their eyes off the frightening toy. In the next episode No. 7, when an unfamiliar adult leaves the room and the mother returns, the children’s activity increases, the number of vocalizations increases,

more than doubled the number of proactive, exploratory and playful actions aimed at a frightening toy. A qualitative picture of children's behavior shows that in the presence of their mother, children cease to be afraid of an unfamiliar toy with unusual properties and begin to actively explore it, initiating the mother to explore the possibilities of the toy and play together.

Only children from the seventh and eighth pairs show negative emotions in the presence of their mother, continuing to whine; the children weakly initiate their mother to play, are reluctant to explore a frightening toy, preferring to stay away from it, and climb into their mother’s arms, not letting go until the end of the episode.

Assessment of attachments using M. Ainsworth's method involves identifying three main groups of children. Children who were not very upset after their mother left, were drawn to her when she returned, and were easily calmed down were called “securely attached.” Children who did not object to their mother leaving and continued to play without paying much attention to her return were defined as “indifferent” and “insecurely attached.” Finally, children who became very upset when their mother left, and when she returned, clung to her but were immediately pushed away, were called "affective" and "insecurely attached." In accordance with this classification, children from the first group (first, third and fourth pairs) are closest to indifferent and insecurely attached children when comparing episodes No. 2 and 3. Note that the behavior of these children does not completely coincide with M. Ainsworth’s model, since children behave more actively and more joyfully in the presence of an unfamiliar adult compared to their mother. However, when comparing episodes No. 6 and 7, when a frightening toy is present in the situation, the children of this group more actively examine it, play in the presence of their mother rather than an outside adult, although they do not have close contact with their mother in episode No. 7, when she returns into the room. Children limit themselves to proactive actions, inviting their mother to play, drawing her attention to a frightening toy.

According to M. Ainsworth’s classification, children from the second group (sixth and seventh pairs) can be classified as affective and insecurely attached, although they did not experience such manifestations as pushing away the mother after her return. When comparing episodes No. 6 and 7, the children of this group can also include the child from the eighth pair, who cannot be calmed down after the mother returns.

Children from the second and fifth pairs are closest to being securely attached; they steadily increase their activity and show more positive emotions in the presence of their mother in episodes both No. 3 and No. 7.

When identifying the mother's self-image and her idea of the child, the mother's assessment of her attachment to the child and his attachment to her was additionally studied (on a three-point scale). These assessments were compared with indicators of the child’s self-image (Tables 5, 6) and the type of his attachment to his mother.

Table 5

Indicators of the child’s self-image, such as his attachment to his mother, the mother’s assessment of her attachment to the child and his attachment to her

Child's self-image

Type of child's attachment to mother

A mother's assessment of her attachment to her child

Mother's assessment of child's attachment

Securely tied

Indifferent, insecurely attached

Securely tied

Affective, insecurely attached

Table 6

Indicators of the correlation between the child’s self-image, the mother’s assessment of her attachment to the child and her assessment of the child’s attachment

Comparable results

Mother's image of herself

Mother's idea of child

Child's self-image

When analyzing the table. 5, attention is drawn to the fact that the highest indicators of self-image correspond to an indifferent, unreliable type of attachment, and the lowest indicators of self-image correspond to an affective, unreliable type of attachment.

Mothers of insecurely attached indifferent children predominantly rate their attachment to the child more highly than the child’s attachment to themselves. In insecurely attached, affective children, on the contrary, mothers assess the child’s attachment to themselves as higher; in this group of mothers, their own attachment to the child is assessed as weak or average.

The results of the level of study of the child’s self-development revealed a correlation dependence on the indicators of the mother’s assessment of her attachment to the child and a negative connection with the mother’s assessment of the child’s attachment (Table 6).

Table data 6 indicate that the level of development of a child’s self-image depends on the degree of mother’s attachment: the greater the attachment,

the higher the level of self-image development. At the same time, the higher the self-image indicators, the lower, according to mothers’ assessments, the level of the child’s attachment to the mother.

Thus, the study showed that there is a certain connection between the development of a child’s self-image and his attachment to his mother, which is expressed in the fact that a high level of self-image development corresponds to greater independence of the child, less dependence on the mother, more pronounced activity in unfamiliar or stressful situation (in the presence of an unfamiliar adult, a frightening toy). In accordance with M. Ainsworth's classification, children with a developed self-image can be conditionally classified into two groups: “indifferent” and “securely attached”. Mothers of such children have a fairly stable self-image, high self-esteem, and a positive emotional sense of self. Their idea of the child is dominated by positive assessments of the children’s personal qualities and achievements, and changes in behavior as the child develops are positively assessed. They predominantly assess their attachment to the child as stronger than the child’s attachment to themselves. Children with low indicators of self-image development show a high degree of dependence on their mother, demonstrate “clinging behavior” in an unfamiliar situation, and with mild stress they experience a feeling of fear and danger. They cry not only when they part with their mother, but also when they are close to her. This behavior conditionally corresponds to the type of “affective, insecure attachment”. Mothers of children in this group have predominantly low self-esteem, low self-image indicators, they experience emotional distress, and lack confidence in their abilities and their future. In their idea of the child, such mothers are predominantly focused on caring for the child; as a positive attitude, they more often note the development of the baby’s skills rather than personal qualities, and they note more negative changes in his behavior. The development of a child is associated with an increase in difficulties that they do not know how to cope with. They assess the child’s attachment to themselves as extreme, and their attachment to the child as weak or average.

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7. Bowlby J. Attachment and loss: Loss, sadness and depression. V. 3. L.: Hogarth, 1980.

8. Gassidy J. The ability to negotiate the environment: An aspect of infant competence as related to quality of attachment // Child Devel. 1986. V. 57. P. 331 - 337.

9. Klaus M., Kennel J. An infant bonding: 2d ed. St. Lois, 1982.

10. Main M., Cassidy J. Categories of responses in reunion with the parent at age 6: Predictable infant attachment classifications and stable over 1 month's period // Devel. Psychol. 1988. V. 24. p. 415 - 426.

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Received by the editors on October 11, 1996.

source unknown

ama... This word is pronounced with warmth and tenderness. Everyone has a special feeling associated with him. And not only because a mother gives life to a person. Next to your mother you feel protected from life's adversities. You can trust your mother with the most intimate things; she will always listen and give the right advice. Mother will not turn away from you, no matter how bad you are.

A special relationship with the mother is established from the first days of life. Emotional attachment to the mother is the most important psychological “acquisition” of infancy. It directly depends on it harmonious development child's personality.

Scientists call a properly formed attachment to the mother secure attachment.

The baby transfers the model of communication with his mother to the world. A secure attachment gives him a feeling of security. It lays the foundation for trust in people. A child with a secure attachment to his mother is proactive, sociable, smart, and calm. An older baby does not have problems with social adaptation He makes friends easily, makes friends, is popular among his peers, is responsive, and inventive in games.

How is attachment formed? In infancy, the baby interacts with his mother an order of magnitude more than with other loved ones. This is due to both physical care, the child’s need for food, and his need for communication. If the mother is attentive to the baby, adequately responds to his feelings, supports his initiative, is always affectionate and gentle with him, the baby “concludes” that such behavior of the mother, such an attitude between him and the mother is the norm. The so-called “working model of oneself” and “working model of interaction with other people” are formed.

The child will subconsciously rely on these models throughout his life. A “working model of yourself” will form a positive self-esteem. The “working model of interaction with other people” will tell you that people can be trusted, they will not cause harm, they are completely reliable and predictable, and you can build relationships with them.

It should be noted that a child urgently needs the presence in his life of a well-known and trustworthy adult not only early age, but also throughout childhood. Moreover, in infancy and early childhood this need is especially acute. Researchers note that the presence of a secure attachment at the age of 2-3 years, even if at a later age (4-5 years) it changes to a less favorable type of attachment, will still ensure a high level of development of the child’s psyche and personality.

Determining who a child is attached to is quite simple. An infant's ability to form attachments is innate. From birth to 3 months, the baby addresses signals to any person working with him at that moment. He tries to get a response to signals, evaluates the adult’s response. From 3 months, the baby himself shows an emotional reaction to the person who constantly takes care of him. By 6 months, he already clearly identifies the most important person for himself (usually his mother). He involuntarily looks back at his mother when exploring something new, runs to her when scared, clings in the presence of stranger, is upset if the mother leaves, rejoices when she returns.

By the end of the first year of life, a stable type of behavioral and emotional reaction to the mother is finally formed.

Types of attachment

Not all mothers behave correctly with their baby; out of ignorance or carelessness, they can make major mistakes in handling the baby. The quality of attachment depends on the mother's behavior.

A secure attachment of a child to his mother is the only correct, safe option for attachment. All other types of attachment are considered unreliable and insecure.

A child's calm, contact behavior indicates a secure attachment. His mother calms him down quite quickly after mild stress; the child does not behave hysterically, withdrawn, does not push away the mother, does not hide behind her. When separated from his mother, he does not show much anxiety, is interested in toys and other people, and when his mother returns, he rejoices and runs to her. WITH strangers The child is a little wary at first, but as soon as the stranger tries to establish a relationship, he makes contact. Categorical rejection of strangers, as well as extreme clinginess to them, are signs of insecure attachment.

There is no complete agreement among researchers about the number of types of insecure attachment. There are from three to five such species. Their descriptions, however, are all the same.

Affective, or attachment of the anxious-resistant type

Many have seen children who are very upset when their mother leaves (even to the point of hysteria), and when she returns, on the one hand, they strive for her, and on the other, they behave angrily and angrily push her away.

Such attachment is formed if the mother cares for the child inconsistently. Depending on her mood, she either kisses and nurtures the baby, or is cold with him. The baby is worried about this inconsistency; it is incomprehensible to him. He tries to achieve proper emotional support by crying, screaming, clinging. If this fails, the baby becomes irritated. He can become angry, hysterical, uncontrollable.

Sometimes this type of attachment is called ambivalent. Ambivalence, that is, duality, characterizes both the behavior of the child and the behavior of the mother. Wanting to console the child, the mother first shows affection, hugs him, offers him a toy, but, noticing that the baby does not calm down, begins to shout at him and rejects him. The baby persistently asks to be held by his mother, but as soon as he gets there, he begins to struggle and tries to be let go.

In fact, this type of attachment is the path to raising a manipulator, a little tyrant. From the mother’s inconsistent behavior, the child will learn that love, kindness, and understanding in this world are not a value at all, and you can always achieve your goal with a good tantrum.

Indifferent or avoidant attachment

Such children are not sensitive either to the departure of the mother or to her appearance. They are not interested in other children or adults. It is difficult to make friends with them, to establish contact - they persistently avoid communication.

Two behaviors of the mother towards the child can lead to this type of attachment:

The mother is unresponsive, impatient, openly expresses negative feelings about his crying and whims, avoids close contact with the baby (rarely takes him in her arms, does not show tenderness, pushes the child away when he reaches out to her in an attempt to cuddle him, find support). Such mothers are selfish and self-centered. They demonstratively reject those needs and interests of the child that do not coincide with their own interests and needs. To calm the child, such a mother uses toys rather than physical contact and communication.
The mother overprotects the child, “messing with tenderness” even when the baby does not want it. It happens that the mother is a supporter early development and works with the child every free minute. At the same time, she does not listen to the emotional state of the baby, his initiative, but does what she considers necessary and useful.

Both options are united by the parents’ orientation towards themselves, their educational ideas (or lack thereof - if the parents do not think about upbringing at all). For them, a child is not a subject, a person, but an object of education (or an object that interferes with normal life). Such parents do not take into account the real needs of the child.

As a result of this behavior of the mother, the child develops a kind of taboo on emotionality and communication. He is closed, conflicted, he has low self-esteem, it is difficult for him to establish contact with new people, and his relationships with loved ones are alienated.

Other types of attachment

There are mothers who neglect their baby and treat it cruelly. In this case, the child cannot draw a definite conclusion about how to behave with his mother, because no behavior is safe. If you observe such a baby from the outside, it is noticeable that he is afraid of his mother (he either “freezes” in one position when he sees her, or runs away from her). This kind of attachment is called insecure attachment of the disorganized type. With such a mother, the child is forced to learn to survive, neglecting any human feelings and relationships, abandoning them in favor of strength. Maybe this is equivalent to a lack of attachment?

These cases are rare, however, any mother needs to be aware of the dangers of an inconsistent, inattentive attitude towards the child. In its extreme manifestation, insecure attachment can lead to pathology - attachment disorder.

Psychologists distinguish two types of attachment disorder:

Reactive type disorder - the child is excessively fearful, cannot part with his mother, avoids communicating with peers and other adults, is overly wary in the presence of strangers, this wariness does not disappear after maternal consolation.
Disinhibited type disorder - the child is excessively clingy to all adults indiscriminately.

Psychologists often identify attachment problems in children who are given other diagnoses, such as post-traumatic stress disorder or conduct disorder.

The mother's insincere behavior poses a great danger. In public, she can caress and undead the child, demonstrating her love for him, and in private, when the baby reaches out to his mother for the same affection, reject him.

Many mothers do this not out of malice. Inconsistency is their character trait. They behave this way with everyone: sometimes they are affectionate and sensitive, sometimes they are cold and unapproachable. Such mothers are sincere, but they cause no less harm than “show-off mothers.” After all, the child in both cases cannot predict the mother’s behavior. If such situations are repeated regularly (reinforced by repetition), then an insecure attachment of the anxious-resistant type will eventually form.

The influence of attachment to mother on a child's life

We found out that the only thing the right type The relationship between mother and child is a secure or secure attachment. According to various studies, it occurs in 50-70% of families.

It turns out that from 30 to 50% of children are raised in unfavorable conditions from infancy. These numbers are worth thinking about.

The experience of rejection by a mother is dangerous and painful. The negative model of oneself and the world formed by such an experience will undoubtedly manifest itself in the child’s entire next life. The attachment of the first years of life is very stable, it is transferred to preschool childhood, school years, period of growing up.

A child who did not have a secure attachment to his mother in early childhood is very dependent on the people around him and is passive. His behavior is unstable and contradictory. He is characterized by low self-esteem. He has problems with communication. And the reason for all this is a subconscious distrust of the world and the people around us. Deep down, the child is sure that people are unpredictable, the world is unfriendly, and he himself is not entirely good. This attitude was once established by the mother.

It is very likely that in adult life emotional and behavioral pattern, determined by the type of attachment of the child to the mother, will affect interpersonal relationships, other aspects of life.

Relationships with parents

Secure attachment: relationships with parents are built on trust and understanding, adult children provide assistance to their parents and participate in their lives.
Dual attachment: grown children remember their parents only when they feel bad (physically or financially). When children are prosperous, they are almost not interested in their parents.
Avoidant attachment: Children do not maintain relationships with their parents and do not remember them.

Relationships between spouses

Secure attachment: an adult is sure that the secret happy family lies in friendship and trust between spouses. He is a supporter of stability and long-term relationships. He understands that relationships develop over time and there may be ups and downs.
Dual attachment: an adult loves passionately, longs to completely dissolve in his beloved. The union of two people, in his opinion, should be close, lovers should be completely absorbed in each other. He's jealous. Believes that finding a soul mate ( true love) very hard.
Avoidant attachment: very skeptical about love, considers it a beautiful fairy tale. He is afraid of emotional intimacy and cannot open up to another person.

Attitude towards yourself

Secure attachment: an adult is characterized by positive and adequate self-esteem.
Ambivalent and avoidant attachment: grown children are insecure, they are haunted by a feeling of being undervalued by the people around them.

Attitude to work

Secure attachment: such people are confident in themselves and are not afraid to make mistakes. They know how to prioritize and know how to achieve goals. They do not take failures at work personally.
Ambivalent attachment: Success at work is highly dependent on rewards. Adults passionately desire universal recognition and approval. Because of this, they often mix work and personal relationships.
Avoidant attachment: grown children tend to “hide behind work” from personal relationships, often their lives are spent exclusively in work. At the same time, they are rarely satisfied with it, even if they achieve excellent results and a good financial situation.

How to form a secure attachment

The “three pillars” on which a child’s secure attachment to his mother rests are stability, sensitivity, emotional and physical contact.

Stability

Attachment is formed quite simply. The baby began to cry, the mother came up to him, took him in her arms, talked tenderly, rocked him, stroked him, fed him. The baby calmed down, felt comfortable, and fell asleep. After some time he woke up in good mood and hums. The mother pays attention to the baby, supports the activity, talks to him, changes his clothes, and offers him a toy. More time has passed. The baby is crying again, he asks to be held. The mother takes him, calms him down again, strokes him and rocks him, plays with him.

With such repeated repetitions of the same actions with an unchanged style of behavior, the mother makes it clear to the baby that she is the person who will always come to the rescue, comfort, feed, and protect.

So, the mother’s behavior strategy must be definite and unchanging - stable.

Stability is also necessary in relation to the object of attachment. In our example, the object of attachment is the mother. It happens (often in wealthy families) that the care of the baby is almost entirely entrusted to the nanny, and the mother deals with the baby only occasionally. It is strictly not recommended to change a nanny if the child’s age is from 3 months to 1 year. It is advisable to continue to follow this recommendation. The object of affection (mother or nanny) should not leave the child for long.

Sensitivity

The correct strategy for a mother's behavior should be responsiveness and sensitivity.

No child’s signal should go unanswered. Crying, smiling, babbling, looking - the mother notices them and immediately interacts with the child. Any initiative of the baby is supported, his feelings do not go unnoticed.

Sensitivity means that a mother instinctively understands her child. She knows what the baby wants, why he cries, how to calm him down, what action will be correct in this particular situation.

Often young mothers, having read specialized literature and listened to the advice of their elders, are afraid to trust their instinct. Of course, the mother must be competent in matters of health and education; mistakes are unacceptable here. But there are such subtle areas of interaction between mother and child in which truisms will not help. And here it would be right to listen to yourself and your child, to believe in yourself.

Emotional and physical contact

Any, even the simplest, action with the baby must be accompanied by a persistent positive emotion from the mother, expressed openly and understandable to the child. This emotion is a manifestation of love. Warmth, tenderness, softness, encouragement, approval - the child needs them just like air and food.

Emotional contact must be accompanied by physical contact. Hugs, stroking, cuddling, rocking - all this is vital.

With regard to the quality and intensity of emotional and physical contact, no distinction should be made depending on the gender of the child. it is necessary to treat as tenderly and affectionately as with a girl.

The response to the child's signals must be adequate. It happens that mothers, having heard the baby’s cry, do not console him, considering this to be unnecessary “lisping.” This is not true. Consolation is an appropriate response to crying.

It is important to listen to what the baby himself wants. Any interaction must correspond to the child’s cognitive abilities and his mood. You cannot “adjust your child to your own needs.”

Most often, any mother understands her child well and his emotional state. But not all mothers consider it necessary to focus on it. They are of the opinion that a child should do what an adult considers necessary, and that one should not indulge his whims. This is a misconception. Until two years of age, and sometimes older, moral and ethical concepts are inaccessible to a child. The desires and mood of a child at this age are not a whim at all. The baby needs to be gently guided to the desired, correct actions, switched to them, and stimulated to perform them. Ignoring a child’s initiative and desires, cutting him off abruptly and rudely is unacceptable.

If the mother understands the baby’s emotional state, but does not respond to it adequately, she creates a situation of rejection. Fixed by repeated repetition, such a situation will form an insecure attachment of the anxious-resistant type.

Even with normal swaddling, you should not treat your baby like a doll. A child is not an object of care; he, even a tiny and unintelligent one, is a person.

Let's summarize.

In the first year of a child’s life, in addition to direct care for him, special attention should be paid to the formation of a secure attachment between the child and his mother. It will influence him for the rest of his life.

If you are reading this article and realize that time has been lost, that your child is no longer a baby and is characterized by negative manifestations associated with an insecure attachment to his mother, know that the quality of attachment can change over time.

True, changing it will not be so easy. But in life there are different situations, and among them there are almost no irreparable ones. A child of any age will benefit from your open love, unconditional acceptance, sensitive attention and stability in relationships.

Attachment to mother is a necessary phase in normal mental development children. It promotes the development of social feelings such as gratitude, responsiveness and warmth in relationships, i.e. everything that is a manifestation of truly human qualities. For the development of attachment, sufficiently long and stable contact between the child and the adult is necessary. The baby, using the support and protection of the mother, learns to be active and self-confident. That is why the majority of children who are attached to their mother in the first years of life are later distinguished by the presence of sufficient independence and independence in actions and deeds.

Attachment does not appear immediately, but gradually, in the process of direct interaction between mother and child. With a certain degree of convention, one can consider the baby’s first reciprocal smile to be a prototype of affection—an expression of reciprocal feelings.

The feeling of fear that grips a child when he is left alone means that he emotionally perceives the absence of his mother. Sometimes this feeling acquires such a traumatic significance that it can serve as the basis for the subsequent development of fear of loneliness and loss of favor loved one. The fear reaction at seven months of age indicates a special innate sensitivity emotional sphere child and should always be taken into account by adults.

Anxiety from the mother's departure reflects the emergence of community with her, when the child already consciously perceives himself and the mother as a single whole. In this, the development of group, or social, relationships has begun, and the first such group for the child is he and the mother. Another year or so will pass, and the child will learn to define himself in the first person.

Therefore, when the formation of the “I” occurs, which is maximally represented at 2 years, the child is most intensely attached to the mother. He needs her as a support, as an image of an already established “I”, as a source of a sense of security and satisfaction of urgent needs.

At 8 months, the baby begins to be afraid of unfamiliar adults, expressing this by anxiety and crying. And already at 1 year and 2 months, the child perceives unfamiliar adults less anxiously (a similar reaction does not apply to peers). But within a few months, increased shyness is revealed when meeting strangers. To a greater extent, fear of strangers is characteristic of children who are emotionally sensitive and attached to their mother and occurs more often in boys.

Anxiety experienced even by normally developing children in the period from 7 months to 1 year 2 months can be a prerequisite for the subsequent development of anxiety and fear. Under unfavorable circumstances (the presence of a traumatic life experience in a child, the presence of fears and anxiety of those close to him) anxiety develops into anxiety, and fear into timidity, thereby turning into stable character traits.

Excessively early and therefore traumatic separation from the mother is one of the sources of the development of neurosis. Many children aged 6 months to 2.5 years experience some anxiety when they are placed in a nursery. But this anxiety is especially noticeable from 8 months to 1 year 2 months: during this period, the child perceives separation from the mother very emotionally, and at the same time is wary of the appearance of strangers replacing her.

Children with a tendency to subsequently develop neuroses react extremely painfully even to the temporary but unexpected departure of their mother and the appearance of adults who treat them differently. Responding with anxiety, crying, sleep and appetite disturbances, and even states of lethargy and apathy, such children lose already acquired skills and begin to lag behind in speech and mental development.

Often, already at the age of 1 year and older, temperamentally active children develop negativism as a unique form of protest. In nurseries, they most often sit on the sidelines, cry or remain stubbornly silent and do not come into contact with noisier peers, who rather frighten and irritate them than attract and arouse interest. After all, even normally, up to two or even three years of age, a child prefers communicating with well-known adults than with peers.

In the middle of the second year of life, children are no longer afraid of unfamiliar adults, but only if they have a friendly attitude. When their mother leaves, even before the age of 2.5 years, especially boys, they show some excitement, but calm down quickly enough, because they already know that their mother will return.

Separation from mother essentially means the onset of neurosis due to the presence of a pronounced emotional disorder that the child himself cannot cope with. Stress begins to manifest itself as somatic diseases, including the picture of endless acute respiratory infections that is well known to any educator.

If there is a pronounced, and even more stable, affective reaction to placement in a nursery, it is most advisable to give a recommendation to the mother, if possible, to stay at home with the child until she is 2.5-3 years old. It is extremely undesirable to hand over a child to be raised by relatives (especially those living in another city), since he can hardly tolerate a change in the existing stereotype of relationships and the object of affection at 2.5 years.

It is necessary to take into account that the anxious nature of attachment is often provoked by an overly protective mother and other adults who replace his peers and always limit his activity and independence in some way.