What to do and what to do if you fall in love with a married man - Psychology, advice. “I love a married man”: What to do if you fall in love with a married man

To decide what to do in a situation where your beloved man is married, you need to listen to your feelings and inner voice, weigh the pros and cons. You must be prepared for the fact that you will either have to come to terms with the role of a permanent mistress, or fight for your relationship to the end and try to take him away from the family. The most prudent option would be for a woman to try to forget someone else’s man and start looking for a more worthy life partner.

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Prospects for such relations

Love can inspire a person, become his inspiration, give vitality and energy, but only if the loved one is single. If the beloved has a legal wife, then this circumstance cannot but upset and upset the woman. If, having learned the truth about a man’s status, a woman decides to continue a relationship with him, then she should be prepared for the fact that quite often she will have to endure many unpleasant moments:

1. You will have to constantly overcome feelings of jealousy. Even if a man assures his mistress that his family relationships have long been devoid of spiritual and physical intimacy, believing this becomes quite difficult over time. Especially in those moments when a loved one spends time with children and his official spouse.
2. You should be prepared for the fact that the man will spend all holidays, such as New Year, March 8, Valentine’s Day, and his birthday, with his family, and the woman will be left alone. If you're really lucky, your lover might pop in for an hour, but all this time he'll be nervously looking at his watch and worrying about not arousing any suspicion from his wife.
3. You will have to endure constant calls and his conversations with his wife or, possibly, with his child. These people are part of his family, and he will not be able to ignore communication with them. Answering calls, he will have to constantly come up with various reasons of your tardiness. This could be a protracted meeting with business partners, a big traffic jam on the way home, or other weighty arguments. While all the mistress’s attempts to reach the man when he is at home will be in vain.
4. Relationships will be accompanied by endless restrictions. Meetings can only take place at the woman’s home, calling her lover will only be possible before the end of working hours, going to a restaurant will only be possible in a place where no one knows the couple.

It’s another matter if a girl appears in a man’s life at a time when his marriage is falling apart at the seams. In this case, all these troubles will be temporary or, if a man is very much in love, he will immediately leave his wife.

There are three options to get out of this situation:

forget about him and delete him from your life forever;
go to any lengths possible and impossible in order to defend your relationship and achieve a divorce between your loved one and his wife;
to remain as a secret lover.

In order to do right choice, you need to think it over soberly and think not only about yourself, but also about his family, relationship with the child.

What to do if you fall in love

How to forget an unfree man

If a woman has come to terms with the fact that he will never leave his family, or love for someone else’s husband turns out to be an unbearable burden, she should do everything possible to forget about his existence. To this end, you need to do some things:

Break up with a man. He must know about the decision of the woman he loves. If the decision is finally made, then you should not follow the lead and agree to the last cup of coffee, give one more chance. A man in this situation must clearly understand that the breakup scene is not staged in order to tickle his nerves, but this is the real ending of the relationship.
Burn all bridges and paths of return. To do this, you need to ignore his phone calls or add him to the “black list” of subscribers, delete the number from the phone’s memory, get rid of shared photographs and things that remind him of him, and do not ask anything about him from mutual friends.
Give free rein to emotions and tears. Immediately after a breakup, you shouldn’t pretend to be iron lady who can easily cope with her feelings. No need to save up negative energy inside oneself, it must be splashed out. You need to cry as much as you want. You can tell your best friend several dozen times about the injustice of life. It would be a good idea to visit a qualified specialist whose main area of work is the psychology of family relationships.
Start life from scratch. It is necessary to clearly understand the fact that life does not end after separation. This is a reason for a possible meeting with a worthy young man. Must visit public places in the company best friends, buy yourself something that you really like. You need to pamper yourself and not deny anything.

How to fight for your relationship

If a woman has made a choice to preserve the relationship at any cost, then in this case the time has come active actions. She needs to push the man to make a final decision. If you want to become the only one for your loved one, then you need to take the following steps:

1. Honestly answer yourself the question of whether the desire to be with a man is an attempt to assert oneself or is it really sincere warm feelings.
2. Adequately assess your chances. You should not openly ask a man when he will leave the family. This formulation of the question will drive him into a dead end. He will simply begin to evade an honest answer. In this case, it is necessary to independently set the time frame for waiting for his final decision.
3. Don't make his wife's mistakes. If he says that he is delighted with the care, affection and tenderness of his beloved, then this is exactly how he should behave in the future. Do not quarrel with him under any circumstances, presenting your claims and dissatisfaction.
4. You need to carefully monitor your appearance on every date. While the man is not around, you need to devote time to your appearance. He should not see any washed out gowns, curlers on his hair or masks on his face.
5. Make him a little jealous. A man must understand that the light has not converged on him like a wedge and his beloved woman attracts the attention of others. The main thing is not to overdo it in this matter.
6. It is worth thinking and giving yourself an answer to the question of what to do if the time before a divorce can take not only months, but also years, does the woman have the desire to wait that long. It must be taken into account that if a man has children in a marriage, he will not stop communicating with ex-wife even after a breakup.

If a man doesn't want to change anything

There are times when a loved one cannot leave his family for some reason. These could be small children to whom he does not want to cause psychological trauma, financial obligations, joint loans and much more. The situation is aggravated if the lover is from another city.

It would be logical for the girl to leave her lover alone, but her feelings turn out to be stronger. In this case, psychologists advise sticking to simple rules, which will help you endure this unpleasant situation more easily, and over time completely forget about the unpromising relationship:

1. A woman’s interests should come first. Although she is not his legal wife, the girl will be able to meet only when she has time and it is convenient for her.
2. There is no need to become his housekeeper who diligently prepares dinner for his arrival. The man should take care of the prepared food. Moreover, now there are no problems with home delivery of prepared food.
3. Don't talk to him about his wife. You should not spoil your mood by listening to his stories or complaints about your spouse. For at least a few hours, he should belong only to his mistress.
4. Do not attempt to tell his wife about the relationship with him. You can make sure your wife knows about everything. But after such a huge scandal and breakup, there is no guarantee that the man will immediately propose. Moreover, he will accuse his mistress of constant scandals with his wife, and no one needs this.
5. Constantly be in search of a more worthy, and most importantly, free candidate for your hand and heart. It should be remembered that in almost all cases married lover is temporary. You shouldn’t devote all your time only to him. You need to communicate, meet other young people, be the center of attention of other men.

Relationship perspective based on zodiac sign

A man’s tendency to have affairs and affairs on the side has a great influence on his Zodiac sign:

Zodiac sign	A married man's tendency to cheat
	If a woman falls in love with a married Aries, then all her attempts to attract his attention or win his heart will be in vain, since representatives of this sign are exemplary family men and faithful husbands. They can cheat only if their marriage is really collapsing
	Taurus people have no tendency to cheat on their wife. They do not succumb to any temptations if they have one and only beloved wife
Twins	Representatives of this zodiac sign are quite loving and will not miss a single beauty. If a lover was born under the sign of Gemini, then the woman should be prepared for the fact that she is not the only one with him. If a man of this sign prefers variety in sex life, then he starts an affair with all the girls he likes
	You can only love a Cancer man platonic love, since he will not be able to reciprocate the attentions of any other woman except his wife. Men of this sign in most cases are good family men and do not tolerate betrayal or breakups
	The most unfaithful husbands are men born under the sign of Leo. They love very much beautiful women, so you shouldn’t count on his mistress to be his only muse
	Virgos are considered the most decent spouses. Not worth a Virgo man. This relationship will end before it even begins.
	Libras are always open to meeting new people. They are quite gentle, but they do not like the drab everyday routine. They constantly want new experiences. A mistress should be affectionate and feminine. This will help you make a Libra man fall in love with you.
Scorpion	Scorpios do not like affairs on the side, as they like stability. They rarely initiate divorces. Relationships with a Scorpio lover are doomed to break up
	Don't even try - Sagittarius. Representatives of this sign are faithful and devoted to their spouses. You should try to find a available man of the same zodiac sign
	Capricorns are among those men who tend to lead double life. It should be taken into account that representatives of this sign may have several extramarital affairs
	Married Aquarians are characterized by frivolity. They can quickly fall in love, get married, and after that, already married, lose their heads and fall in love again. They can easily divorce, but there is no guarantee that he will not do the same with his next wife
	Pisces men are very responsible when it comes to starting a family and choosing their soulmate. They value not only external beauty, but also spiritual support and understanding. A relationship with a Pisces lover will most likely end in nothing.

Relationship between two unfree people

There are times when a woman, being married herself, falls in love with someone else's husband. This can happen for several reasons:

1. Strained, cool relationship with your spouse. If a tense atmosphere constantly prevails in the family, then it is not surprising that a woman tries to find solace in the arms of another man. Without hesitation, she will become the mistress of someone who gives her tenderness, care and affection.
2. Lack of attention from the spouse. This may arise as a result of the husband spending too much time with his friends, girlfriends, or car. A woman wants to raise her self-esteem and find another man.
3. Revenge for adultery husband After the husband has cheated, the subconscious woman begins to search for another life partner. Forgiving betrayal is very difficult and painful, so not every spouse will be able to continue family relationships after betrayal.
4. Dissatisfaction with intimate life married couple. A woman is repulsed by her husband's fast sex, the lack of foreplay, surprises and pleasant surprises. She begins to look for someone who can appreciate her sexual temperament.
5. Desire for bright emotions. Some time after the official marriage, men stop showing their emotions towards their beloved wife. The woman begins to doubt his feelings. Therefore, she begins to look for another man, a relationship with whom will be filled with romance.
6. Excessive jealousy of the husband, which is groundless. Endless reproaches from her husband and psychological pressure lead to the woman actually starting to look for a lover.

A romance between two unfree people usually lasts no more than three years. During this time, there are both recessions and outbursts of emotions.

After about a few years, such relationships end in nothing. People begin to understand and realize the importance and value of their legitimate other half, they try to introduce novelty and improve their attitude towards each other.

If a married woman has an affair with someone else’s husband, then she should try to enjoy this relationship until the moment it brings joy. It’s better not to think that you will ever be able to tie the knot with this man. This will help prevent feelings of bitter disappointment.

If the lover is much older

Many girls fall in love with an adult man much older than themselves. This is built into European culture, which claims that a man should be older, wiser.

If a girl falls in love with an older man, then compared to his wife she will look more advantageous. But it is possible that after a few years of a whirlwind romance, this man will find himself another younger and prettier mistress.

If, after all, the girl fell in love with married man, then you should think about the following:

You need to put yourself in the place of his wife. After all, she gave him best years life, gave birth to and raised children who miss their dad and are waiting for him. This picture should be presented quite often. Over time, the desire will pass.
We must try to get to know the person well before things get intimate. After all, if in his family relationships Indeed, a crisis has arisen, which means there are good reasons for this.
You should live your life and think about him as little as possible. You need to go out with friends, expand your horizons, make new acquaintances with the opposite sex.
There is no need to impose on your beloved man and try to stay away from him. If this does not work out due to objective reasons (for example, he works in the same company), then communication must be minimized. If this doesn't help, you can ask your boss to change your schedule so that you won't be able to meet with him every day.
If you can’t cope with your feelings and emotions yourself, you can turn to a friend, sister, mother, or psychologist for help. There's no shame in this. It will be better than tormenting and eating yourself from the inside.

Being the mistress of a married man is not at all easy, since you have to be in constant tension and accumulate negativity within yourself. In addition, if a woman loves herself and has an idea of family values, she will not allow herself such weakness. You need to learn to respect yourself and other people.

Any action of a man depends on his upbringing, worldview and personality maturity.

A man who marries for love, with a sincere desire to create a strong family, is unlikely to cheat. Risking the daily building of happiness for the sake of an affair for a couple of months is an unjustified act that characterizes a man as an inferior partner.

A man who marries for the purpose of procreation is ready to protect his family, love and respect his wife, and take care of his home. To my loving husband I have enough energy and love that my spouse gives. The thought of a mistress is frightening: new habits, escapades, forced purchases of gifts and accusations of inattention are exhausting.

Behavioral options for a male traitor

But still, some men continue to seek happiness on the side. American psychologist Dr. Ahronz claims: a married man does not admit to his new chosen one that he has a marriage bond until he is caught in a lie. In the current circumstances, the man talks about his wife as something “secondary” and tries to shift the conversation to another topic.

“I’ll file for divorce soon...”
“I’ve been wanting to divorce her for a long time,”
“A little more and I’ll tell her about us.”

One gets the feeling that we are talking about a distant relative or neighbor who is interfering with hobbies. A married man values a well-established life, where there is no need to live on emotions and do crazy things. Rooted way of life family life is necessary, and “silence” eliminates scandals. Women need to be careful and not delude themselves ahead of time. A wife may be unloved, unwanted and even unnecessary, but she and the family as a whole are a significant part of a man’s life. Therefore, words about divorce are heard less and less over time. Here the woman must decide: to waste time and live in illusions, or to refuse the supporting role.

Attitudes of married men towards sex

If a married man enters into a sexual relationship with another woman, he is driven by internal instability: the separation of what is desired and what is real, the desire to escape from problems (conflicts in the family and at work, fatigue and lack of sexual satisfaction).

In the book by V.P. Sheinova “Man + Woman: to know and conquer” provides statistics on adultery conducted by professor, psychologist and sociologist A.N. Zaitsev. In the course of his research, it turned out that the motive for the crime of the threshold marital fidelity- fading love, lack of mutual understanding, as well as dreams on the topic of betrayal. For this reason, 60.7% of married men cheat on their spouses. The professor claims that a married man cheats on the physical level, without touching the spiritual level .

Married men have different attitudes towards affairs on the side. For one, family comfort, the warmth of home relationships and rare closeness with his wife are the ultimate dream, for another - high level libido and fading attraction to his wife are the starting point for finding a partner on the side.

Sex without commitment

On the one hand, it makes life easier if both partners have no feelings and are committed to one-time sex. However, there is a fine line in the area of bed relationships. Psychologist Irina Udilova in the book “Secrets happy relationship…” notes that any “fleeting” novels hold hope for development. Partners become attached to each other and think about a serious relationship. A married man who does not hide his status will warn with the phrases: “I am married” and “I am not looking for a serious relationship.” But for the sake of sexual release, he will speak words of love that are difficult for women to resist. But after sex, a man loses interest and becomes indifferent.

Fell unrequitedly in love with a married man

Each woman is endowed with individual attractiveness and natural feminine strength. Psychologist and practitioner Irina Morozova states: a woman should not waste her energy on a man who does not strive to develop relationships. In order not to end up in a destroyed, empty state, a woman must listen to herself. Ask yourself: Why am I choosing relationships that will not bring me happiness? Some useful tips will help you avoid possible mistakes and understand yourself.

Remember what emotional state you were in when you met your chosen one. If it was a difficult period: separation, betrayal, or the desire to be with at least someone, think about the maturity of the feeling.

Women love with their ears and eyes. It is easy for an experienced man to seduce, using charm to get what he wants. Women, especially young ones, confuse love with a fleeting infatuation: “You are the one I have dreamed of all my life!” This is due to susceptibility to beautiful words and courtship. Assess the situation soberly. Consider whether your feelings are sincere or just attraction. It is wiser to give up a love obsession than to lose youth and full-fledged female happiness.

Analyze the situation of the “supporting woman”

To be a mistress is to occupy a secondary position in a man’s life (“sit on the bench”). Not a single woman has yet admitted: “Yes, I don’t expect good things from life,” “I’m ready to be content with little,” “I don’t pretend to have a real feeling.” By taking the position of a mistress, you put yourself in a frivolous position, giving a man a reason to treat you superficially. A woman who oversteps her pride crushes feminine strength. In an open relationship there is no happiness and no fullness of feelings.

Think about whether you will cause the destruction of a possibly happy family

Love takes you by surprise. Psychologist G. Newman claims that 70% of women, without thinking, throw themselves into a whirlpool. But everything has a limit, and even strong feelings are replaced by reason. Rare meetings and words of recognition will echo pain not only in your heart, but also on the fate of the members of your beloved’s family. Remember - in life everything comes back.

Contact a psychologist

Sometimes it happens that a woman, having fallen in love with a married man, does not want to become the reason for a divorce. But the feelings don't fade away. The period of falling in love in adulthood is experienced differently than in youth, when emotions are in full swing. Mature woman may turn out to be weak and misunderstood. Lack of emotional release and support will reduce self-esteem. Good psychologist listens and finds a way out of the situation.

Young and not married woman entering into a relationship with a married man is not uncommon. At first, I like him like no one else. But it is unlikely that he will be destined to spend the rest of his life. In the book “The Whole Truth about Male Cheating,” G. Newman emphasizes: 3% of men leave their family for the sake of their mistress. In the current circumstances, you need to know a few points that will prevent unpleasant situations.

Figure out what role you want for yourself in this relationship.

An affair with a married man does not always imply mutual feelings. For one it is passion and love, for another it is entertainment. If you don’t want to be deceived, find out what the man’s goal is. Relationships like: there is no love, but he is rich and handsome are tempting. But always remember that an intelligent woman is unlikely to be content with words and kisses, violating her own dignity. A man who is incapable of sincere feelings will not make a woman happy.

It often happens that a woman begins to feel love for a person with whom it is almost impossible to build a full-fledged relationship. No one is immune from an affair with a man who already has a wife. Some gentlemen hide this information until the last minute. For some ladies, the news that their loved one is married comes as a shock. In such a situation, many do not know what to do. It is very difficult to get rid of falling in love, so some women decide to remain in the role of a mistress or try to take a man away from the family. During this period, a woman is at a crossroads. To accept the right decision, it is necessary to consider the situation from all sides.

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Why do girls choose unfree men?

When deciding how to further build your life, you need to understand why exactly the lady fell in love with a man wearing a ring on her ring finger. Once upon a time love triangle was something unthinkable for society. Today, a woman who falls in love with a married man no longer surprises anyone.

There are several reasons why women prefer unavailable guys:

There are no worthy gentlemen around. Sometimes it happens that all peers and decent guys are already busy or married.
Interest. Some women are natural hunters, so they are much more interested in men who are least available to them.
The desire to start a family with a trusted person. If the wife has decided to have a relationship with this man and continues to be with him, then this indicates that he is good husband. However, girls rarely think about the fact that at the same time he demonstrates his predisposition to cheating.
Experience. Girls often choose partners older than themselves, since they are already accomplished individuals. A mature man knows how to care for a lady and demonstrates greater experience in intimacy. Such guys know how to turn a girl’s head, and she doesn’t even notice how she receives the status of a mistress.

Elementary loneliness also leads to this, and some women simply do not want to spend extra time looking for men with whom they could build a full-fledged relationship. For them, an affair and a secondary role are the optimal solution, since such relationships do not require much from a woman.

What prospects await the mistress

Of course, love gives a person a huge amount of pleasant sensations; vital energy and a positive attitude. However, if the beloved lives with his legal wife, then all these wonderful emotions are darkened. Even after learning that her partner is already busy with another woman, the lady decides to continue the relationship with him, then she needs to prepare for some aspects that will invariably be present in a secret relationship:

Jealousy. Not a single woman, even one who voluntarily agreed to enter into a relationship with a married man, can calmly accept the fact that after time spent with her, her lover will leave for his wife. She understands perfectly well that they share the same bed, have breakfast, dinner and rest together. Even if a man says that there has been no intimacy between the legal spouses for a long time, the mistress will still have unpleasant thoughts.
Loneliness during the holidays. You need to understand that a married man will spend everything holidays in the circle of your family. This means that the mistress will be forced to remain alone. Under the best circumstances, her lover will drop by to see her for an hour, but after that he will immediately disappear to his family.
Communication with my wife. Since the legal wife has absolutely no idea where her husband spends his time, her constant calls cannot be avoided. This means that the mistress will have to listen to how the man calls his wife affectionate names or communicates with his children. Also, during the conversation, he will talk about how he is late at work or is at a business meeting. Every woman is unpleasant to hear that a man is hiding their relationship.
Restrictions. Many ladies believe that such meetings are filled with romance and passion. In fact, lovers most often meet at a woman’s home. A man cannot afford a hotel or rent an apartment, since there is a possibility that his wife will definitely find out about all his financial movements. The most unusual place that awaits a mistress is the back seat of a man’s car. Partners will not be able to visit a restaurant or just walk around the city, since the man will always worry that one of his friends will notice him in the company of another woman and report everything to his wife.

There are situations when a man’s marriage has already begun to crack at the seams. If he really fell in love with a girl, then there is a high probability that he will soon divorce his wife and start new life. But most often it all ends with false promises that a guy can “feed” his secret lover for years.

If this happens, then there are 3 options for solving this problem:

Forget about the man forever.
Do everything possible to achieve his love and divorce from his wife.
Resign yourself and remain a mistress.

In order to soberly assess the situation, it is necessary to consider not only the disadvantages, but also the advantages of such relationships.

Positive aspects of a relationship with a married man

If we talk about relationships with a non-free man, then it is worth highlighting several aspects that may appeal to some ladies:

No obligations. A woman won’t have to constantly think about how she has to sit at home, wait for a guy to come home from work every day, clean, cook and wash his shirts. When it comes to a secret romance, every meeting is a little holiday when the girl looks beautiful and the man comes clean-shaven and in a clean suit.
No boredom. Thanks to such an affair, the woman will experience huge emotional outbursts. If she works a lot and has practically no time to relax, then such meetings will help add variety to her dull everyday life.
Material support. As a rule, if a man already has a legal wife, he will try to level out such a situation with the help of expensive gifts for his secret lover or by even taking on all her expenses. In this case, the girl will not have to think about her earnings. However, there is always a chance that the legal spouse controls her husband's finances.

Peculiarities of behavior of a married partner

You need to understand that in such a relationship, a married man will not reveal to his mistress the real situation of his marriage until the last moment. Typically, these guys start talking about their spouses as if they were some kind of minor piece of furniture. They try to avoid talking about their family so as not to answer unpleasant questions.

Many argue that a wife is a huge obstacle to building a happy relationship. Most guys assure their mistresses that they will definitely file for divorce soon and are already planning to separate from their wife. They demand understanding from their mistresses, saying that the girl needs to be patient and wait.

Sometimes you get the feeling that a guy lives not with his wife, with whom he can always separate, but with a distant relative, who is inconvenient to inform that she is staying for too long. You need to understand that this is not done just like that.

The man wants to prolong the secret romance as long as possible. In fact, such gentlemen rarely plan to divorce their spouse. A married man values an established life and probably loves his wife. He respects her for her care, affection and attention. Otherwise, he would have divorced her long ago.

If the spouses have small children, then this is further confirmation that the man will remain married. Guys are very attached to their children, so they are ready to live with their spouse even without love, just to maintain their connection with the child.

Therefore, lovers should not delude themselves too early. Perhaps a man talks about his wife as if she is a woman absolutely unnecessary to him, but he still continues to live with her. In this situation, you need to decide whether it is worth spending time on such a partner or agreeing to a supporting role.

How married men feel about sex

From a psychological point of view, a man who enters into an intimate relationship with another lady is driven by internal instability. He cannot compare what is desired and what is real; accordingly, he tries to get away from problems that are associated with negative relationships in the family.

Most often, such men experience a fading of love and simply stop wanting sex with their woman. They want to try something new in sex to get the thrill again. In bed with his mistress, the guy wants to do what his legal wife does not agree to. Therefore, you need to be prepared that all the romance and tender hugs will go to your spouse.

An intimate relationship with a married man is almost always sex without obligation. On the one hand, this greatly simplifies life. But if the mistress experiences tender feelings to a man, such an attitude towards her will cause her indignation. She hopes for the development of the relationship, while the man simply makes his sexual fantasies come true.

Most often, for guys, having an affair is a way to get sexual release. They rarely experience warm feelings for such girls, and even if they talk about them, it is most likely in order to continue secret meetings for some time until the deceived lady finally realizes that divorce will never happen.

Very rarely, light affairs and sexual relationships develop into serious love on the part of a guy. Therefore, most often experts recommend ending such relationships.

How to forget an unfree lover

If a woman has decided that such a relationship is not for her and she wants to start building a family, have a child, and not see her man several hours a week, then in this case it is necessary to perform several actions:

Break up with your lover. The woman should calmly explain the situation to him and inform him of her decision. Most likely, a man will suggest having sex one last time, drinking a cup of coffee, or spending one more day together. Under no circumstances should such a possibility be allowed. You need to let the man understand that this is not just a game or an attempt to manipulate the guy, but a conscious decision that the woman will adhere to.
Do not leave any possibility of reconnecting. If an unlucky lover starts calling and writing, then you need to ignore him. It is recommended to add it to the “black list” in social networks and delete his number.
Give vent to emotions. Even if a woman acts as a mistress, this does not mean that she does not have tender feelings for a man and does not suffer because of the breakup. This means that in this situation it is necessary to cry and talk it out. You should not accumulate negative energy within yourself. This will only make the situation worse and prolong the suffering.
Start a new life. You need to understand that such a separation is not something terrible. The woman made the right decision, since this man is already taken. Therefore, it is worth treating yourself to buying a new thing, going on vacation or meeting with friends and leaving this novel as a pleasant memory.

How to make your lover make the final decision

If a woman is not ready to give up and end such a relationship, then in this case she will have to fight for her happiness. If it is not possible to break the connection, then you need to follow several recommendations:

Try to understand yourself and determine whether the lady has tender feelings for the person or is simply trying to assert herself at the expense of unfree men. Every lady is flattered by even the illusory possibility that a man is ready to give up everything for her.
Assess your capabilities. Some girls begin to behave too straightforwardly and literally torture their lovers with questions about when they plan to get a divorce. There is no point in being interested in such things. Most likely, the man will simply lie. There is a risk that he will tell his mistress that she has no right to be interested in such things, since for him she is just a short affair that will soon end. Some men begin to evade such questions, while others decide to end the relationship altogether, since they do not want to quarrel with their mistress.
Don't repeat his wife's mistakes. It is necessary to listen carefully to everything a man says about his wife. If he complains that she is not gentle and unkind with him, then you need to be the complete opposite of her. He must feel that his mistress is the girl of his dreams.
Look attractive. It is necessary to prepare for every meeting with your lover. A man should come to his secret lover as if on a holiday. While his wife has been wearing an old robe for a long time and does not use makeup, the mistress should always look her best.
Make him jealous. Men very often enjoy the position of masterfully managing to sit on two chairs at once. They believe that there is no point in leaving their comfort zone, since they are satisfied with everything on both sides. Therefore, the mistress must show her man that he is not the only contender for her heart. The main thing is not to overdo it. You need to assess your partner’s emotionality, jealousy and impulsiveness. If he sees that a woman is thinking about other candidates, then there is a chance that he will begin to take active steps.

It is necessary to understand that despite all the methods of manipulation, several months, or even years, will pass before a man actually divorces. This is a long process, because even if a guy sincerely wants to break up with his wife, they still have a huge amount general issues(joint property, children, etc.).

What to do if your lover doesn't want to change anything

Sometimes it happens that consciously or for some reason good reasons the guy refuses to leave his family and start a relationship with his mistress. If a girl cannot complete such a relationship, and it is very difficult to come to terms with the role of a secret lover, then it is worth learning to relate to the current situation more simply. To do this, it is necessary that the lady:

She put her interests and desires first. Even if she realizes that she is only the second most important woman for a guy, this does not mean that such a lady does not deserve respect. You need to make appointments with your lover at a time convenient for you, and not when he can escape from home for a few minutes; you should not adapt to him.
She didn't turn into his housekeeper. You shouldn’t prepare a delicious dinner for your man’s arrival or burden yourself with other worries. His wife will do all this. The mistress should enjoy such a relationship.
I stopped discussing his wife with the man. The few hours that a man devotes to his secret lover should not be spent listening to stories about his rival.
She didn’t try to tell her lover’s legal wife about the secret affair. Even if the deceived wife herself divorces the man, this is not a guarantee that the man will want to build a relationship with his mistress. He's more likely to hate her for ruining his marriage.
I was in constant search. A married man should be treated as a temporary phenomenon, so you should not make plans for the future. If a lady likes it loose and interesting man, you shouldn’t refuse a date with him. A lover has no moral right to prohibit his secret lover from considering other gentlemen as partners.

If both lovers have families

Sometimes it happens that women for a long time being married, they lose sexual interest in their spouses. This happens if the husband stops paying attention, constant scandals begin in the family, etc.

If in such a situation a lady finds herself a married gentleman with whom she relaxes, then in this case both partners are in equal positions. No one expects the relationship to move to the next level. Both partners understand that such a relationship is temporary entertainment. Therefore, the psychology of such relationships is much simpler.

A married lady should be careful and follow several rules:

Never call or write to your secret lover in the presence of your spouse. It often happens that women give in to excitement and forget about caution.
Assess the chances that the secret relationship will be revealed. Men rarely forgive betrayal by a woman. Therefore, it is important to calculate all the chances that your spouse will reveal the betrayal. It is more rational to end the relationship with your lover than to turn a passing passion into a tragedy.
Rule out the possibility of pregnancy. If a lady finds herself in an interesting position, then she will have to deceive her husband all her life, saying that this is his child, and not admitting to her lover that he became the father of the baby, hiding the true father from him. There is a big risk that the spouse will find out the truth, and the lover will not want to raise the child. Then the unlucky cheater will have to become a single mother.

Communication at work

Such novels have advantages and disadvantages. If a woman fell in love with married colleague at work, it will be much easier for lovers to plan their meetings. They can go on business trips together, be alone after work, etc.

There is a high risk that others will notice that there is a secret connection between colleagues. In this case, there is a possibility that the affair will be reported to the lover’s legal wife. In most companies, such romances are prohibited, so lovers may end up on the street.

When such a romance ends, both people feel awkward, since they must continue to see each other every day. In such a situation, it is much easier to quit your job than to worry every day.

According to statistics, only 1% of such love affairs end successfully. Most often, affairs on the side lead to divorce and family breakdown. Being a mistress is very difficult from a moral point of view, so it is recommended to give preference to free men with whom there is a chance to build a pure and open relationship.

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

Money has always been my main problem. Because of this, I had a lot of complexes. I considered myself a failure, problems at work and in my personal life haunted me. However, I decided that I still needed personal help. Sometimes it seems that the problem is in you, all failures are just a consequence of bad energy, the evil eye or some other bad force.

But who will help in difficult life situation when it seems like your whole life is going downhill and passing you by. It’s hard to be happy working as a cashier for 26 thousand rubles, when you had to pay 11 thousand for renting an apartment. Imagine my surprise when my whole life suddenly changed overnight for the better. I couldn’t even imagine that it was possible to earn so much money that some trinket at first glance could have such an impact.

It all started when I ordered my personal...

Dear readers, in this article we will talk about what to do if you fall in love with a married man. We will look at what the future can expect for you with such an attitude. Let's reveal possible reasons why women pay attention to other people’s men. Let's figure out how you can overcome the feelings that arise in yourself.

Why do girls stare at married people?

Sometimes love comes when you don’t know that the chosen one already has a soul mate. Another case is when a woman is aware of the presence of a wife, but she is still attracted to other men. Why might this happen?

The desire to have a “home” man next to you. He is already accustomed to family life, he knows how to earn money for the family, maintain a home, and knows how to take care.
The desire to improve your financial situation. Often a woman becomes the mistress of a wealthy man.
Career advancement. A woman can become her boss's mistress in order for him to give her a promotion.
A girl can choose not just a married man, but also a man who is much older than her, if she is not interested in communicating with her peers. She sees them as dunces, whereas an adult man is already experienced, has a job and a settled life.
The bitchiness of female nature, which craves someone else's man. The desire to get him is like a challenge for a girl, the satisfaction of her ambitions.
Choosing a convenient man, for example, a neighbor who shows interest, while not wanting to commit long search life partner.

Why can a man look to the side?

It may seem to you that you fell in love with an unfree man because he began to show signs of attention to you. Unfortunately, women are designed in such a way that they often feel in love only because they are interested in them.

A man can convince that he no longer lives with his wife, that his relationship is on the brink, all that remains is to sign the divorce papers. In fact, he starts an affair on the side for one of these reasons.

Tired of the problems of family life, he wants to unwind.
Dissatisfaction in sexual life and the desire to find an ideal partner on the side. He only needs you for sex.
Inability to resist an attractive woman. Believe me, you are not the first with such a person; most likely, he changes girls like gloves.
The desire to find a secret refuge where you can take a break from the constant scandals at home.
A way to diversify your usual intimate life, to try something new that you are afraid to tell your wife about.
Retaliatory revenge for the fact that the wife had an affair.

What awaits you

If you like a married man, and in your thoughts you are already planning intimacy with him, then you must understand what you can expect from such a relationship.

An endless feeling of jealousy towards your legal wife. Believe me, even when a man says that his feelings for his wife have long faded away and he only needs a mistress, it is not a fact that this is really the case. Understanding that he spends every night with his wife will cause great pain.
Get ready to celebrate all the holidays in splendid isolation. Your loved one will be with his family, with his children.
While dating you, his children or wife will regularly call him, and you will have to be present during these conversations and listen to his excuses.
You will be forced to constantly hide and meet in secret territory, call your lover only at certain hours or not do it at all.

How to proceed

What to do in such a situation? There are actually three options.

When choosing which path to take, you need to be aware of what future awaits you.

Do everything to forget and never think about this man again. This method is the most painful for you. You will have to suffer and cry a lot. But you must understand that it is easier now to get over it and forget than to become the culprit of a broken family or sign up for the role of a woman who is used and who will never start her own family. It’s much easier to leave him alone and think that your betrothed simply hasn’t appeared on the horizon yet.
Seduce, become a lover. If you are ready to play the role of a secret person in the life of your loved one for more than one year, to put up with the fact that he will never spend all his time with you, that you will not be able to have children, then follow this path.
Do everything possible to separate your loved one from your wife and find yourself in her place. A woman must understand that if she breaks up someone else’s family, she will not be happy. You must realize that the man whom you have now taken away will be able to leave more than once, including from you.

How to forget love

The most correct thing in this situation would be to erase all thoughts about someone else’s husband from your head.

Naturally, this is not so easy to do. Human psychology is structured in such a way that it is very difficult for us to place reason above our emotions. I bring to your attention tips on how to get through this period easier.

Stop thinking about him, don’t go to his page on social networks, don’t track his activity.
If you have a loved one's phone number, delete it. Forget about the possibility of writing a message or calling forever.
If you want to cry, don't hold back.
Stop visiting places where you previously managed to see the object of your desire.
There is no need to think that you have a bad fate, to wonder why someone gets such a treasure, and you remain lonely. In fact, you will also meet your soulmate, it’s just not the time yet.
If this happened, “I fell in love with a married colleague,” then the case is really serious. After all, you have to meet with him every day. It will be very difficult to forget such a person. Sometimes the only way is to change jobs. Sometimes the appearance of a new hobby helps, but if your feelings for a married man are true, then it is better to completely isolate yourself from him.
Visit places where you can make new acquaintances. Be open to them.
If you see that nothing helps, you can’t cope with your pain, contact a qualified psychologist, he will help.

It is important to understand that the man most likely does not intend to leave his wife.
There is no need to be too gullible and believe that he will soon separate from his wife, just while “she is sick” or “the children have not yet grown up” or “there is no money to file for a divorce.” These are all excuses, it’s just convenient for him to use you.
Don't trust a word he says. A man who is ready to betray his wife, and therefore plans to deceive her repeatedly, is, in fact, a pathological liar.
Think about his family, put yourself in the place of his wife. I wouldn’t wish anyone to feel what a woman who is betrayed feels.
Think about your future. Do you really want a similar fate for yourself? You need to move on with your life, create your own relationships, your own family.
You need to respect yourself. Being in the role of a mistress is humiliating.
If a man shows interest in you and offers to meet you, you need to stop all his attempts.

In most cases, feelings for an unfree man do not bring happiness to anyone. It is very rare when such relationships end in divorce from the current wife and ringing with his mistress. But even in such a situation, you must understand that there remains an unhappy woman with a broken fate, perhaps also with children. Do you really want to be responsible for this? It’s better not to even look towards married men and not make plans for them.

Fell in love with a married man... Biting your elbows and crying into your pillow?

Develop a strategy to extract the desired man from the family?

Or enjoy the benefits received?

This piquant and very common situation in modern realities has more than one logical resolution.

Everyone knows that cupids pierce the heart without thinking about all the complex vicissitudes of the object’s life. A heart wounded by love does not always cause pain.

But in the case of passion for a person engaged to another, not only the heart of the lover suffers. All life is ready to fall into the abyss.

Why do we love unavailable men?

When the one who “fell in love with a married man” is under 30, the reason for the rash act may be psychological immaturity and unpreparedness for a full-fledged relationship.

A passion for feeling with a little pepper, a desire to play with destinies, a pronounced instinct of an Amazon and a predator. When you are under 30, you can easily allow yourself to “make a mistake” and “break the woods.”

Another thing is the age after 30. The same Balzac. It would seem that experience, worldly wisdom, and a sense of dignity have developed sufficiently. But no. Someone else's soul is darkness, and a woman's soul is the hopeless darkness of transcendental secrets.

After 30, a woman finally realizes her purpose. As well as recognizing all missed opportunities.

Lonely old age looms on the horizon, all worthy candidates have been sorted out. We have to win our place in space and time. You have to sacrifice your conscience.

The most comfortable situation has the following plot: a married woman fell in love with a married man. On equal terms. With equal share of responsibility. With the rear covered.

The main thing here is to skillfully balance on two fronts and not cause inconvenience to third objects. Such an idealistic combination does not occur often. But the equation with a married man and a lonely young lady in love is one of the most dramatic and, unfortunately, the most popular situations.

What to do?

Decide on a goal. Do you want to “steal away” someone else’s husband or do you want to get rid of a traumatic relationship and not destroy the usual way of an established family?

There is no point in discussing the morality of the first option for a long time. Everyone has the right to a place under the sultry sun of life. And if you are sure that the object of your love is the one ideal man, without which your life will fade, go for it. Morals and ethics have no place here.

How to “lead” correctly

Don't demand a divorce, just create the most comfortable conditions next to you.
Be a great listener, an unobtrusive adviser, a moderately ardent lover, be interested and passionate about his hobbies, and integrate harmoniously into his psychophysical space.
Don’t criticize – neither his wife, nor himself, generally forget about criticism for the entire period of “removal”.
Do not under any circumstances create an emphasis on the sexual aspect.
and manipulate its weaknesses and strengths.

And periodically ask yourself the question: does the goal correspond to the sacrifices made?

Is this married man's marriage really some kind of misunderstanding for both partners? Can you trust a man who abandoned his family? Are you ready to be in the shoes of your abandoned wife?

Often, blinded by love, hormones, and dreams, women in love forget about such a difficult reflection. Remember the folk wisdom about someone else's misfortune.

“I fell in love with a married man, what should I do? How can I forget him? If a woman internally realizes the pathology of a feeling, admits the impossibility of changing the situation, agrees with the “sinfulness” of such a relationship, the object of love should be excluded from the emotional space.

Admit it, you probably don’t really like being an alternate airfield, Vasya in his iPhone and celebrating New Year one.
Is a man who sleeps with two women at the same time worthy of your sacrificial love? Or do you believe that a healthy and sexually mature husband just “spends the night” with his wife? Imagine your ideal macho man in a real bigamy situation. You are in a harem, and, unfortunately, you occupy second place in it.
Don't make an idol out of him. God-man - from ancient Greek myths and legends. Your handsome prince in everyday life, and even in the role of your husband, is a completely different substance. Even Mayakovsky recognized the destructive power of everyday life.
Love yourself. Don't look for compensation in the form of a soul mate. You are whole and harmonious personality. And with this approach, a worthy chosen one will definitely be attracted.

Falling in love with a married man is always a test. It must be overcome with dignity.

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Thank fate for the experience. Turn on your self-esteem. And break through this painful connection.