What to do if you no longer have the slightest desire to live with your husband. How to understand whether it is worth living with your husband or not? What to do if your husband is abusive

Many girls go out get married and after just a few years of family life they begin to complain about their significant other. The fact is that when children start attending school, women have more free time, they can afford to sleep more, watch TV and sit at the computer. A sedentary and monotonous lifestyle leads to the fact that she stops taking care of herself, gets fat, and her former energy and cheerfulness disappear somewhere.

Now she is increasingly complains on health and bad life, constantly takes various pills and tries to recover with them. Meanwhile, it would be nice for her to think about the fact that for health she needs to move actively and reduce weight, and to improve the functioning of her stomach, liver and kidneys, switch to a healthy diet. And to get rid of depression, insomnia and stress, you should not immediately start taking sedatives, you should try to reconsider your habits, way of thinking and life in order to change it for the better.

If you are unhappy husband and with any failures in your life you declare: “It’s his fault!”, then this is a sure sign that you have the wrong way of thinking and you are not ready to change your life. Conviction of being right and the inability to listen to others is the main reason that a woman feels unhappy living with her husband and having children. Of course, it’s not worth holding on to a husband who drinks, kicks his wife and children out of the house, or tries to live off his wife.

Can't be allowed humiliate yourself and endure the ugliness of life. Having no faith in a bright future, wives and parasites live with desires to change their lives, but do not find the strength to get a divorce and find a more worthy place to live. The relationship between spouses in such families is usually called “suitcase”. This is when it’s hard to carry, but it’s a pity to quit. But it is impossible to change your life with such an attitude towards yourself.

Make up your mind finally, and “throw away your old suitcase and buy a modern bag with wheels instead,” so that your cargo doesn’t have to be lifted, and it rolls on its own without much effort. The words “I can’t do anything”, “where will I go with the children”, “what will he do without us, he’ll get drunk” - don’t work. You are not creating complexes within yourself, but trying to change your life. This means we need to look for ways out, learn and fight. Moreover, if not only your happiness, but also the well-being of your children depends on it.

If you don't ready If you are divorcing your husband and plan to continue living with him, then first give up the habit of telling everyone about your sorrows and bad husband just so that they will feel sorry for you. Be prepared to change your attitude towards your husband and the way you live. Analyze your actions and actions that you have taken before.

Conflicts in many families arise because the husband wants to live one way, and the wife another. At the same time, everyone strives to force their soul mate to live the way he considers correct and for this he criticizes, demands and blames his spouse, causing a scandal. But family life does not always consist only of conflicts; there are times when spouses feel respect, tenderness and gratitude for each other. If there are still such moments in your family, it means that the reason that you feel unhappy is in yourself and your attitude to your lifestyle.

In many families relationship between spouses are built in exactly the same way as their parents had. The reason that you are not satisfied with your husband and family life must be sought in your subconscious, in the depth of your beliefs and erroneous images that have formed in you since early childhood. If you want to get rich and fulfill all your desires, then you don’t need to blame your husband for not earning enough. Look for the reason for his reluctance to earn more in yourself.

It's useless to reproach husband in the reluctance to increase family income if you yourself envy the rich and have a negative attitude towards money. Remember how you felt when someone told you about a friend or acquaintance who was able to buy a house in a prestigious location, have a car with a personal driver, or live in luxury in another country? Now imagine that your husband will begin to rise sharply in his career, take up sports and have many friends that he will need to develop his business. Will you be sincerely happy about this? Take your time with your answer. Many wives themselves block their husband’s development, fearing that she will become uninteresting to her husband if he takes a high position. They believe that he will leave and find another as soon as he begins to succeed and become rich.

Instead of raise their self-esteem, to develop their intellectual and professional level, they live in fear and do not give their husband the opportunity to realize himself at work. Demanding your husband to always be there, forcing him to wash, iron, cook and care for the child, you can make your life easier, but do not contribute to the prosperity and well-being of the family in the future. Look at yourself from the outside and learn to understand your fears, grievances and habits. Do not try to manipulate your husband through accusations and threats.

Start working on yours mistakes and find ways to overcome your laziness. Many women are like vampires; they can spend hours talking about their failures in life and complaining about their loser husband, saturated with the energy of the compassion of their mother or friend, and having “refueled” they return to their usual little world, where she is terribly reluctant to do housework and raise children. Understand, a person who does not know how to overcome his laziness cannot change his life only by complaining about his husband. Change your attitude towards life, and these changes should start with yourself and your home.

Hello, dear readers! Any relationship is a roller coaster. Today I love, tomorrow I hate, on the third day everything seems to be wonderful again. But any attraction ends sooner or later. Some press the stop valve themselves, others wait for the other half to do this, and others do nothing and fly out at high speed, crashing into a tree, then recovering from the impact for a long time.

If you suddenly realized and are asking the question: “I don’t want to live with my husband, what should I do?” the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Right now you can get really valuable advice, which may not help you deal with the situation 100%, but you will be able to get the right direction for further thinking and action.

Let's get started.

You can't save a divorce

Lately we have all fallen in love with cutting from the shoulder. I don’t understand what happened, but we became maniacally afraid of losing time. We hope to meet a person if, even without any particular reason, we suspect the spouse of having a mistress.

We began to value ourselves more, and more often hope for miracles and those around us. It’s as if, somewhere, not even each other’s other half began to be born, but three or four servants, called upon to make life more colorful and happier.

Many women, and even men, are sure that somewhere, she does nothing but cook, wash, and look after. A woman irons shirts with one hand and makes dumplings with the other, while she certainly weighs 30 kilograms and always has perfect hair. A man earns a lot of money and 90% of the time he just talks about how his wife should never work.

The only interesting thing is where to find so many ideal soul mates throughout our entire country and why should they live with someone who only accepts grace? What can we ourselves give in return to that person who will give us unlimited happiness? Well, except for the unearthly beauty, which you don’t even always want to follow.

Before you think about what to do if you don’t want to live with your husband, think about the relationship in general: what do you expect from your ideal spouse, can you match him, is everything so bad in your existing family, is it always other people were to blame for your misfortune. All this is not very simple, and not as obvious as it might seem to a person, especially with high self-esteem.

Talk to someone about this topic. It would be great if you manage to get an appointment with a psychologist.

Deadly excuses

Society has now come up with so many excuses for any behavior that it is very difficult to understand them and create your own correct attitude that will not lead to psychological pain.

One of my clients, who wanted to leave his family, often repeated the phrase: “Yes, we have two children, but it is better for them to live with separately happy parents than for us to constantly quarrel together.”

This young man was never able to convince himself of the correctness of this judgment; he left his wife, but after some time he realized that he was not able to do this with a child and returned to the school to resolve all their problems and improve family relationships. By the way, they succeeded.

Understand yourself and think twice about your own family values, worldview and contradictions that can lead to intrapersonal conflicts.

Even the fact that you have nowhere to go can become a significant incentive to start over again and achieve a harmonious relationship with your husband. As they say, there would be a desire and something to cling to in thought.

If you're serious

If all of the above did not help, and you are determined to separate, then first of all you need to talk with your spouse and find out his opinion on this matter. Don't be too categorical, because together you are truly capable. Perhaps in a conversation you will understand that he loves you and giving up your family would be a mistake.

Waiting for him to leave or trying to gently lead him to this idea is not the best solution, firstly, it is not very fair, secondly, it is unproductive, and thirdly, you risk waiting too much time. You will completely ruin your relationship with your ex-spouse, and even if it doesn’t seem important to you now, over time you risk regretting what you did.

Try to avoid destructive relationships with people. It's not in your best interest. I can also recommend you a book Mikhail Labkovsky “I want and will: accept myself, love life and become happy”, which will answer many questions and point you in the right direction.

The conversation with your husband will not be easy, but it must take place anyway. After it, your life will change and there is no need to predict in which direction yet. Everything is too unpredictable. That's all for me. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

If you begin to understand that your partner lives with you only out of habit, do not rush to panic. Understand that love is not asked for. It must be achieved and conquered.

Start practicing self-improvement. Remember what you were like when your significant other first met you. Surely a lot of time has passed since then, and you have changed not only internally, but also externally. Get yourself in order, update your wardrobe, get a new fashionable haircut. Study your figure carefully. Chances are, as you get older, you've gained a few extra pounds. Go on a diet, exercise, or start eating healthy. Eat less fried and salty foods, prefer boiled fish, meat, and vegetables. Give up sweets and replace them with fresh fruits.

After you feel attractive again, try to awaken your husband's love. Sharing pleasant memories will help you with this. Take him for a walk to the places you visited when you were young and in love. Look through your shared photos, find gifts that were given to each other a long time ago. Positive emotions can awaken old feelings in your spouse.

Surround your lover with care and attention. He must understand that there is a loving and sincere person next to him, who can come to the rescue at any moment.

Remind your other half of your feelings and tell him that he is still very dear to you.

How to survive your husband's indifference?

If you can’t get your spouse’s love back, you can act in two ways: tolerate cohabitation without feelings or get a divorce.

By choosing the first option, you can calm yourself down with the thought that love is too deep a concept. It includes friendship, mutual understanding, respect, habit and passion. Surely there is everything in your relationship except passion. Then return her. Try to bring something new into your intimate life, your husband will definitely appreciate it. Have romantic dinners, which could end with your frank dance and a stormy night.

If you understand that further life together does not make sense, call it a day and file for divorce. Of course, it is very difficult to survive a breakup, but believe that in the future you will definitely meet a man who will love you and make you happy.

Good afternoon Please tell me, I am 31 years old, married for the second time, with two children from different marriages. The first marriage probably didn’t work out because of both my and my husband’s stupidity. But we loved each other, but our parents did not love each other and each mother set us against each other, my mother believed that he was not a man, did not earn money, and generally could not do anything, and his mother did not like me.

Well, how did it happen that we both just freaked out and parted ways, and then my pride began to play, I couldn’t ask him to come back. And he doesn’t know why, maybe for this reason too, or maybe not. Then, to spite him, I decided to marry someone else, he was from Moscow, rich, looked into my mouth, carried me in his arms, but that was at the beginning. At first we lived together, I quickly became pregnant for the second time, I was afraid to have an abortion, it was a sin! We got married and stayed at home and didn’t work, so he was constantly jealous of my child, he started drinking, although he always drank, he began to humiliate me, that I was nobody, and I should be grateful to him that he took me with the child, raised his hands against me, I was constantly blackmailing, either with money or that my children would be taken away from me. I’ve been living in my second marriage for 6 years, or rather I’m not living, but I’m suffering. I sat at home for 4 years, did not work, because at first I was pregnant, then I looked after the child from the second home until I sent her to kindergarten, I could not go to work, as there was no one to leave with the children. All this time my husband was drinking and partying, and was constantly blackmailing me with money, but I was judging everything, I was afraid to leave him, I still raised my hands, there were constant scandals, I had nowhere to go. After I sent my child to kindergarten, I looked for a job for a very long time. Now the work situation seems to have improved, but the salary is still small. But when I went to work, I felt like a human being. Yes, he understood this too and changed a little. I didn’t have any feelings for my husband at all after all his humiliation, but appeared for someone else. The other one says that he loves me very much despite the fact that I have two children. But I also feel sorry for leaving my husband behind. And I’m afraid to start a new relationship, in case it doesn’t work out again. Here, after work, my friends and I went to a cafe, warned him that I would be out for a walk, came home late, but he started beating and beating everyone at home, he raised his hands at me again, I decided to divorce him, I said that I was leaving him, but He keeps asking me to give him a second chance, and I know that nothing will change, although he says that he understood everything and that he won’t behave like that.

Psychologist's answer:

Hello, Elena!

I want to say right away that the situation you are in cannot have a simple solution! Therefore, for me personally, your hesitation is understandable. And yet, you can find many options for getting out of this situation, but they will depend on your position that you take in it, both focusing on your feelings and considering the impact of this situation on children.
Let's look at the events that you outlined together! If I understood you correctly, then the marriage itself was not built on “high feelings” for each other! According to you, it was concluded “out of spite” for your ex-husband. It seems to me that the resentment towards him is perhaps due to his lack of determination in defending your relationship, and
the desire to prove to him that you are in demand, interesting to others, not the best adviser in matters of love and marriage!
It is possible that you were also driven by the desire to prove to yourself your worth as a woman, especially when the courtship of another admirer takes place at the level of “carries in his arms, looks into his mouth.” When such “requests” for confirmation of oneself “work”, it is very difficult to remain objective and notice some kind of falsity in the relationship! At the same time, a person unconsciously tells another how exactly he would like to receive confirmation of this significance of his! Hence such a response from the other! At the same time, perhaps this other is guided by his own “scenario” for the development of relations. It can be based on a regular trading system - “today I am for her, and tomorrow she is for me!” Then, upon achieving the goal set by this person, such drastic changes in behavior are possible! After all, now she “must demonstrate to me MY importance”! And this could be a need for support, or a desire to dominate in a relationship, or even an aggressive manifestation of the desire to dominate by any means!
Not surprisingly, when such changes occur, an “epiphany” occurs. Why haven't I seen this before? How could I be so mistaken about a person? Why did he become like this?
The answer to these questions is simple - for the most part it was like that, it’s just that while you were busy realizing your “own importance”, you did not pay attention to the manifestations of such traits as incontinence, aggressiveness (possibly as a manifestation of the desire to possess you autocratically).
Now, over time, you have the opportunity to once again reconsider your relationship, only now taking a more sober look at what is happening. Review and evaluate them - how much do they satisfy you as a woman, as a mother? How long and for what purposes are you ready to continue such a relationship? What benefit or harm can they have on the formation of your children? Do you have the opportunity, strength and desire to change your life? When you can answer all these questions for yourself, you will definitely find a solution!
Despite the fact that every woman or man has the right to build their relationships according to their own choice, for which they take responsibility, when these same men and women become fathers and wives, the level of responsibility for such a choice increases many times over! Now they also carry it for their children! Their mental state, the present and future of which depends on the development of the parents’ relationship, must also be taken into account when deciding on the development or possibility of continuing the relationship! Whether they will be “traumatic” factors with which children enter adulthood, or whether this traumatic component will be minimal, now depends on you, too!
So, gather courage, wisdom and determination so that your decision is as informed as possible from all these angles! And the “scales” on which you will have to weigh the pros and cons, and the weights for them are in your hands! Choice is something that every person makes all the time! Don't give up on it and don't put it off until later, when time may already be lost!

The husband should be strong and decisive, and the wife should be flexible and soft. This stereotype is so firmly entrenched in people’s heads that it has given rise to many perverted forms of understanding it. Just look at the sayings “Love your wife like a soul, shake her like a pear” and “If she hits you, she loves you”! Long battles for gender equality have not been able to fundamentally change the matter; even in our progressive times, a large number of women are, to one degree or another, subjected to pressure from their tyrant husband: moral, financial, and often physical.

A truly strong and confident person will never assert himself at the expense of others. He simply doesn't need it. Such a man firmly knows what he is worth, is confident in his abilities, and his own personality does not cause rejection in him. Of course, he may occasionally flare up and cause a scandal (we are all human), but such a person will never systematically humiliate his family and raise his hand against them. The same cannot be said about a tyrant.

“Domestic despots” usually include two types of people:

Men who failed to succeed in life. Having not reached the top of their careers, having not realized themselves in any field, they try to increase their self-esteem, turning into a tough ruler of their home world. Only here does he feel like a king and a god, expecting that his household will obey and please him.
A successful man who carried away a loser complex from childhood. Maybe his parents didn’t like him, his classmates kicked him - it doesn’t matter. Even if such a person achieves success through long and hard work or by a happy coincidence, he remains the same notorious boy. Squeezed internally and afraid of appearing weak, the tyrant constantly tries to dominate. He regularly scolds his subordinates, bullies the driver, “builds” his wife and children, and only under these conditions does he feel confident.

What are the signs to recognize a despot husband?

The tyrant tries to instill fear, guilt and an inferiority complex in his wife’s soul

Trying to assert their power, domestic dictators use surprisingly similar tactics:

Regular criticism of the wife's actions. Under no circumstances should a spouse feel like a good housewife and mother! Such a husband will not even think of saying “thank you” for a delicious three-course dinner, but he will not fail to notice that the bread was cut unevenly, and the vase of flowers was not in the center of the table. If a woman works or has a hobby, the tyrant does not miss the opportunity to remind her that what she is doing is complete nonsense, and her work does not have the slightest value. Most often, the matter ends with the wife quitting, abandoning her favorite activities and settling at home, completely devoting herself to caring for her husband. There is only one meaning - a wife who is convinced of her worthlessness is easier to manage. And the tyrant feels like a daredevil next to her.
Financial control. Whether a woman earns money herself or not, the family budget is completely under the control of her husband. So much so that a lady even has to coordinate the purchase of necessary shoes with her husband.
Psychological pressure.“Point one: the husband is always right; point two: if the husband is wrong, see point one.” Compromises are impossible, the wife’s opinion is not taken into account in principle, in any controversial situation the last word remains with the despot.
Ban on communication. A wife-thing must belong to her owner undividedly, therefore all “extra” people - friends, colleagues, relatives - are gradually erased from her life.
Physical violence. An extreme form of influence of a despot on a spouse. It would seem that this sign clearly signals that it is time to run away. But many wives endure assault for years, which becomes more and more cruel over time. Apparently, the idea of beating as a symbol of a man’s love is so strong in some people.

Once you endure blows, you will begin to receive them regularly

Is it worth saving a “unit of society” if a loved one shows the habits of a dictator, but feelings for him have not yet cooled? What if you are already connected by the strongest link possible - a common child? When the case is not yet pathological, you are not covering up the bruises, and your spouse is capable of normal dialogue, then you can try.

Learn to defend your interests. There is nothing wrong with giving in and compromising in the name of maintaining peace, this is one of the secrets of a happy family life. However, concessions must be mutual. If your husband does not take your opinion into account and openly neglects your desires, you will not be able to build a normal relationship with such a person.

Don't tolerate nagging. Nip comments about your “crookedness,” worthlessness and stupidity in the bud, immediately making it clear that you will not allow talking to yourself in such a tone and, if necessary, you can resist and fight back. But under no circumstances should you stoop to retaliatory insults. Did your spouse harshly criticize your stew? Try to act calm, shrug your shoulders and say: “I think it turned out well. Never mind, next time I’ll try a different recipe.” Naturally, we are not talking about objective criticism expressed in a polite tone (after all, the dish, for example, might actually not have turned out well). It's a matter of the form in which claims are submitted and their number. Of course, swearing at you or humiliation is completely unacceptable!

Do not give up communication and favorite activities to please your husband. You must have friends, a job you enjoy and free time.

Next, there are three possible scenarios. Either your spouse will accept you as an equal person and stop trying to establish his own rules. Or he will understand that you are not suitable for the role of a victim and will demand a divorce (and then it’s up to you to decide whether to back down or break out of this relationship with your head held high). Or he will try to call you to order and put you in your place through physical punishment. The latter cannot be tolerated under any circumstances!

Is it possible to rehabilitate a tyrant?

Try to build a dialogue with your man

It is almost impossible to change an adult without his desire. Moreover, when we are not talking about bad habits, but about a character trait that has long been formed. It wouldn’t occur to you to transform a thoughtful melancholic person into a sociable and cheerful sanguine person? The situation with despotic habits is the same: they already exist, so you can only try to soften their manifestations.

Reflect on your behavior. Maybe you have recently begun to pull the blanket on yourself and have often ignored your spouse’s wishes? Or did they stop paying attention to him, busy with children, relatives, and gatherings with friends? Or did they make fun of their husband’s too low salary, using their own achievements as an example? In this case, you can try to correct the situation by increasing care for your loved one and see what comes of it. A normal person will quickly come to his senses, a dictator in life will only increase the pressure and try to “bend” you even more.

But remember that the analysis of the situation must be thoughtful and adequate. Under no circumstances should you take all the blame for what is happening! The formulation “it’s all your fault, it’s you who brought me down” is the favorite song of tyrants, but this does not mean that it corresponds to the truth.

How to get rid of a despot husband: get a divorce, leave with your child and break up forever

There are women who endure beatings and humiliation for years. Fear of a despot spouse, fear of rumors, inability to provide for oneself on one’s own, children, hope for a miraculous transformation of one’s spouse - all this can maintain an unsuccessful marriage for an incredibly long time. As a result, the family turns into a terrible parody of itself, where the husband sits on the throne with a scepter in his hand, a downtrodden and submissive wife, who has long lost the remnants of human dignity, fusses at his feet, and somewhere in the corner the children stand quietly, taunted by a strict father to a nervous tic. But if a woman comes to her senses in time and decides to leave her dictator husband, the problem is by no means considered solved. Tyrants don’t let go of a convenient victim so easily. How to break the vicious circle and end the relationship forever?

Prepare yourself mentally. No matter how bad the family is, the decision to divorce is an extreme step for a woman and a serious blow to the psyche, so it is difficult to decide on it. Some people are frightened by the status of a “divorced woman” and the prospect of losing financial stability. Others become so accustomed to the role of eternal victim that they can no longer imagine another life - here, although it’s bad, it’s understandable and predictable, but there (in the “big world”) it’s unknown how things will turn out... Sometimes a woman sincerely believes that it’s better this way husband than none. The final decision will need to be made only by you. If you are firmly convinced that you are ready to leave forever, then do not give in to threats and tearful assurances about “from now on everything will be different.” Take responsibility for your life and feel like a real person, and not an appendage to a tyrant. Think about where you will live, and how you will provide for yourself and your children? Whose support can you count on, who can you turn to for help in the worst possible situation? Having a clear plan makes it much easier to act.

Don’t be afraid to call hotlines; crisis center specialists can provide significant support in difficult situations

Children are a separate issue. Many women are firmly convinced that a child should not grow up without a father, so they continue to endure humiliation and beatings, even when this is no longer possible. And they make a huge mistake! In a family where one parent constantly bullies the other, it is extremely difficult to raise a child with a healthy psyche. The son will most likely internalize the tyrannical habits of his father, and the daughter will adopt the “eternal victim” behavior model. And they will build their families according to the same scenario. Is this what you really want? In addition, a tyrant husband rarely limits himself to attacks on his wife. Sooner or later, children will also begin to fall under his moral pressure and hot hand.

Make allies. First of all, consult with your family and close friends, call the helpline. Consult a lawyer about your upcoming divorce: what are your prospects, what can you count on, are there any chances of successfully resolving the custody issue?

You need to know the helpline, even if the decision to leave has not yet matured. A conversation with an experienced psychologist will help you not to despair in difficult times and not to do anything stupid. Also, find out the number for your local police department and call them immediately if you feel the situation is getting dangerous. And feel free to scream and cry into the phone! Law enforcement agencies don’t like to go to “everyday life,” so the operator must understand that you didn’t just quarrel with your husband over a cold dinner, but that you really are in danger and are afraid for yourself and your children.

Having prepared the ground, begin to act. If your husband does not have the habit of immediately switching to the use of force, you can try to talk in an amicable way. But try to present the idea of divorce as if the initiative comes from the despot himself. Yes, you understand that you could not become a good wife, and his mother is absolutely right in calling you a bad housewife, so he deserves a woman who is more caring and patient. The more balm you pour on the tyrant's inflated ego, the more likely he is to let you go in peace. Call on all your acting abilities to help, humble your pride and let your spouse enjoy your superiority to your heart's content.

You can negotiate amicably with a tyrant about divorce if the situation is not completely critical

If you have children, emphasize that you not only agree, but even want them to continue to communicate regularly with their father. Don’t even talk about limiting meetings or taking the guys to another city, otherwise all efforts at a “peaceful settlement” will go to waste.

Are you afraid of scenes or manifestations of violence from your spouse? Seize the moment when he is not at home, and only then leave. Pack an “emergency suitcase” in advance so that at a convenient moment everything is at hand: documents (yours and your children’s), money and valuables. But don't do it while you're hesitating! If the suitcase sits in the closet for six months, the husband will definitely stumble upon it, and in this case, a showdown will hardly be avoided.

For the first time, find yourself a new shelter, the address of which your husband does not know. These can be not only distant relatives or an old friend who is ready to host you, but also crisis centers dedicated to protecting women. Unfortunately, there is little chance of finding such an organization in a small town, but the telephone and the Internet largely solve this problem. Try to contact the center in the nearest large populated area, explain the situation and ask for help - they will probably provide you with psychological support, and also teach you how to proceed. Typically, such organizations have hotlines, established connections with law enforcement agencies, and have competent lawyers who can help you file a divorce. Social apartments are provided for women with children, where they can live, if not in complete comfort and pleasure, then at least in decent conditions.

Moving to another city is an extreme measure, but sometimes you have to dare

If you are alone, think about moving to another city, change your SIM card and do everything to erase your ex-spouse from your life. This advice is not suitable for women with children - your babies have a father, and you cannot ignore this fact. You will have to enlist the support of a good lawyer and resolve the issue of guardianship through the court.

If you have already been subjected to violence, write a statement to the police and film the beating. In the future, this will become an additional trump card in court proceedings. Also, have a voice recorder. If your spouse decides to call and threaten, press the record button and carefully record everything he says.

Life with a tyrant often turns into real addiction. Once the first traces of beatings fade, and the grievances fade, good moments emerge in the memory, without which no relationship can survive. Psychologists advise taking a pause of 40 days: this is exactly how long it takes for our consciousness to begin to rebuild. Try to disconnect from problems for this period. Take care of your children, yourself, and fully experience life “in freedom.” Soberly evaluate and weigh your relationship with your husband, and then make your final decision.

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