The child has frequent tantrums, what should I do? What to do if your child throws a tantrum

Like a summer thunderstorm - sudden and strong, often ending as quickly as it began. One minute you and your child are having a great time over dinner at a restaurant, and the next minute the child is already whining, whining, and then screaming, demanding to go home. Children aged 2 are especially prone to such mood swings.

Of course, you may worry that you are raising a tyrant, but take heart - tantrums in a 2-year-old child are not used as manipulation. Most likely, this is a response to some kind of frustration or disappointment. And often it is the child’s language abilities, or rather, the lack thereof, that are to blame.

Why do children throw tantrums?

Why do children throw tantrums? According to psychologists, children at 2 years old begin to understand more and more words, but still cannot correctly express and describe their feelings and needs. As a result, frustration builds up when the child is unable to express how he feels.

Other experts say changes in a child's brain may be causing tantrums. Regardless of the cause, toddler tantrums at 2 years old are normal at this age, and your child will likely outgrow them around age 3. No matter how embarrassed you are by such outbursts of emotion, remember - all parents go through this.

A 2-year-old child has a tantrum: what to do if a child throws a tantrum

How to calm your child down if your child is throwing tantrums? We offer you 5 rules that parents must follow if their child throws tantrums.

Don't lose your composure

A tantrum in a 2-year-old child is, of course, not the most pleasant thing. In addition to kicking, screaming, stomping or banging on the floor, a child may throw things, hit, and even hold their breath until they turn blue. (Don't worry, he'll need air eventually) If your baby is holding his breath so often that you're worried about it, talk to your doctor.

When a child is overwhelmed by an emotional wave of hysteria, he can neither listen nor think, but he can react negatively to your own shouting or threats.

One mother says that the more she yelled at her child to calm down, the worse his hysteria became. As it turned out, simply being there, sitting silently on a chair, helped much more.

As tempting as it may be to simply leave the room when your child is throwing a tantrum, it can make him feel abandoned. A child may be frightened by the storm of emotions that he experiences, and it is important for him to know that you are nearby.

: Instead of leaving him pounding the floor with his fists, approach the child. If he is not too aggressive in his actions, try to pick him up and hold him close to you. Most likely, your hug will comfort him and he will come to his senses faster.

Remember that you are an adult

No matter how long the tantrum lasts, don't start fooling around with a screaming child. IN public places I especially want to just take it and give in, just to stop the unpleasant scene.

Try not to worry about what others think - all parents experience this. Agreeing and giving in will teach the child that you can get whatever you want by throwing a tantrum. This is how more serious behavior problems arise. In addition, a tantrum scares the child even more if he feels that you are not able to control it.

If it gets to the point where your child is hitting people or animals, throwing things, or screaming nonstop, pick up the child and quickly move him to a safe place (such as a bedroom) where he won't hurt anyone, including himself. Explain why he was there (“because you hit your little sister”) and assure him that you will stay with him until he calms down. If you are in a public place - a favorite place and time for hysterical attacks - be prepared to leave before things go too far.

“My daughter just exploded in a cafe when, instead of spaghetti without anything, they brought her spaghetti with parsley. Even though I understood why she wasn't herself, I wasn't going to let her interrupt dinner. I took her outside and we came back when she cooled down.”

Discuss this later

When the storm passes, be there to discuss what happened. Try to help your child express the reason for his tantrum. in simple words, for example: “You were angry because your favorite dish was prepared incorrectly.”

The child must understand that as soon as he learns to express his emotions in words, the result will be better. Say with a smile, “I’m sorry I didn’t understand you.” Now that you've stopped screaming, I know what you want." Then hug him.

Try to avoid possible reasons hysterical

Pay close attention to what triggers your child and act on those observations.

If your child is nervous about hunger, carry a snack with you everywhere. If it is difficult for him to move from one type of activity to another, carefully warn about the changes. A reminder that you'll soon be leaving the playground for lunch (“we'll go eat when you and daddy are done”) will provide an opportunity to adjust rather than cause you to overreact.

Your child is determined to be independent, so offer choices whenever you can. Nobody likes to be constantly told what to do. Offer a choice of corn or carrots, rather than commanding “Eat your corn!” . This will give the child the necessary sense of control.

Watch how often you say “No.” If you constantly throw this negative particle around, you make life difficult for both yourself and your child. Relax and reconsider your battle strategy—after all, will an extra five minutes on the playground disrupt your schedule?

In my practice, I often encounter questions about children's tantrums. What to do when the child throws tantrums, why the girl cries all the time, how to teach a child to treat Are you feeling calmer about everything? Today I will try to answer the most popular questions for everyone at once.

How to calm down a tantrum, if it has already happened?

When a child has already had a tantrum, you can only survive it. We take you away to calm down. At such moments, the child’s nervous system is excited and it takes time to slow down. The most important thing you can do at this moment is be alone with the child, leave public places, just BE CLOSE.

And try to pronounce actions and feelings, the child’s and yours. You need to talk it out not only during hysterics and other acute moments, but also when everything is fine. This is a good prevention of hysterics. The child learns to become aware of himself, feels your support and understanding. It is very important for him to satisfy this need - to be good, to be understood.

You can say, for example, like this:

• you didn't like it;
• you liked the car so much that you are very happy;
• you liked this boy;
• you're angry now, so you frown or... you fight.

Preventing tantrums

There are children of different sensitivity. But if a previously calm child suddenly began to become hysterical - look for the reason ! Perhaps you are entering a crisis, or the child’s primary needs for protection and acceptance have ceased to be met (moving, the appearance of a brother or sister, the child was sent to kindergarten...). Food and routine are important. Let's look at some hysterical-provoking moments.

1. Food is important!

Check your menu. Often such mild excitability is associated with food. Sometimes this is a reaction to grains, especially wheat, and sweets. Try to keep your child's diet balanced.

2. Do you accept your child’s feelings?

Speaking out children's feelings, which we talked about above, helps the child understand himself and feel that his mother accepts him as he is. I advise you to listen to the 2nd episode of my psychological sketches, if you haven’t already. This is just an example of how hysteria can be prevented.

Example
Question: Girl 2.6 years old. She has become unbearably capricious, although she has always been like this, but especially now. She cries very often, with bitter tears, if she is denied something. After waking up in the morning and during the day, she whines for half an hour, I carry her in my arms to calm her down. How can I help her become calmer so that she cries less and demands everything through tears?

Answer: The child is still learning to worry, he doesn’t know how to do it. These are the same tears of futility from the attachment theory of Gordan Newfold, a wonderful parent-oriented practitioner. His books describe in detail tears of futility: what they are, how we cry them with a child, and how a child adapts to what cannot happen, including if he is rejected.

Here I would think about the physiological moment, what is associated with a difficult awakening in the morning: does the child have allergies, maybe something is bothering him, this is important to know. For example, my youngest child’s moodiness was associated with indigestion, and until we solved this problem, the child was very moody.

3. Change of environment, loss of sense of security

Children are conservative. They get used to the established order and feel any deviation from it as a threat to their own safety. What could it be? A child is born, the family moves to another city, the mother goes to work, and the child is sent to kindergarten. If the mother is forced to leave, a significant, beloved adult must remain near the child.

Let's look at an example.

Question: My daughter is two and a half years old. On the street, he really likes to be with other children, he doesn’t really need his mother. Please tell me why she doesn’t want to go to kindergarten? Hysteria begins upon entering the group.

Answer: 2.5 years is still very little. At this age, the most important thing in kindergarten is not peers, but the teacher. What is her relationship with her teacher? Is the child attached to him? The most important thing is to establish a connection with the teacher. It is difficult for a child to remain in a group without his mother; he also needs the accompaniment of an adult. When mom leaves, the teacher replaces her. That is, the mother, as it were, hands over her daughter to another adult, and not to a group of children. Tears are a completely normal reaction at 2.5 years old when entering a group. Something feels bad for her there. She feels insecure and doesn’t like something.

4. Crisis of 3 years

Crises are signs of development, the transition of the child’s psyche to a qualitatively new state. There is no need to be afraid of them, but you need to be prepared for an increase in hysterics or aggression during these periods. And try to help your child survive these moments by surrounding him with understanding.

The crisis of three years is the child’s transition to independence, the age of disobedience. Defending his Self. And he gets hysterical or fights, pinches himself if he can’t defend himself otherwise.

Questions:

1. My daughter is 3 years old. When she is afraid, worried, or simply worried (being in a new place, reading a tense scene in a book, etc.), she constantly pinches herself or her parents. Behind the neck and on the bend of the elbow. At 2 years old it was the same, but then it went away, and now with new strength. He cannot sit still, even if he is just happy, runs up and pinches his parents, or simply runs his fingers around the family. This moment is very worrying.

2. Still the same daughter, she reacts very difficultly to situations when something does not go according to her scenario. I used to blame it on age, but a year has passed and adaptation is not happening. I saw that my brother was playing with a string, give me the same one. I saw a new toy on the playground and I want the same one. Wants tea if mom doesn’t get up immediately - hysterics. He throws himself on the floor and screams. Sometimes he shows aggression, is pushed, throws a toy, if done with it. We don’t know how to convey socially acceptable behavior.

Answer: Good question for that age. There are two main points here.

First, a younger brother was born when the child was in crisis. It was difficult for the girl to live this period favorably; jealousy was superimposed. This probably contributed to the fact that the adaptation dragged on for a year.

Second point: 3 years is still very young to be able to regulate yourself. I warn all mothers of 2-3 year old children that until the age of 5 you have one child, and after 5 years another period begins. And once again everything will change after the crisis of 7 years. If you have schoolchildren, you will understand me.

At 3 years old, it is normal to be afraid of new places, intense scenes in books, cartoons or in life, and worry about it. When a child pinches himself, he helps himself through stressful situations.

You need to understand that a preschooler’s psyche is only developing and a child at this age experiences everything through the body. This can be seen when a child first fights and then communicates that he is angry. It takes time for a child to reach the verbal level. I suggest giving more contact in moments of distress: hugging her, quite tightly, tightly, so that she feels corporeal, and be sure to say the following words: I’m with you, we’re together, we’ll get through this. This is on the first question.

Directly There is no need to prohibit pinching, otherwise you will reinforce this behavior. I advise you to work around this. We always voice our daughter’s feelings: “You’re so worried, you’re so scared that you even pinch me (or yourself),” that is, we describe the child’s actions.

AND enriching the development environment: playing, drawing, modeling, outdoor games and activities, because nothing develops a child and his sense of himself, his self, initiative, etc. You know I study very deeply play activities and I see how a child blossoms when his mother begins to enthusiastically play with him, that is, speak his language. This helps to get through the three-year crisis more easily and to get out of many neurotic states.

This also applies to the second question. For now, the daughter does not rely on herself, but on the field that surrounds her. It’s as if she doesn’t know her desires, doesn’t understand herself. I saw that my brother was playing with a string, give me the same one, I saw a spoon, I want the same one. Mom didn’t get up, she was hysterical. This is about a two-year-old, most likely. Aggression is normal at this age. The child starts - Mom picks up.

The tantrums, whims, and anger of a child are very sensitive for a mother. How could it be otherwise? She wants with all her might to be good, the best, but here...

First, it is important to understand what is happening and why.

Question: My son Oleg is 2.4 years old. He is a very active kid, a daredevil. The problem is that he often gets angry and hits me and dad. We say that you can’t do this, we hold your hand. I herself sometimes I snap at the child when I can no longer hold back. I have the feeling that he doesn’t understand that we are hurting, and he is amused by this. In a children's group, he can also hit a child, but he knows that this is bad.

Answer: Of course, at this age children fight, become aggressive, get very angry and immediately hit. This is due to the fact that the child still experiences everything physically very strongly and cannot say in words what he feels. And I had two such children: the older one bit, the younger one fought. It is also connected with the immaturity of the brain, with the fact that he does not understand himself well, that he does not know how to experience frustration, and does not know how to talk about it.

A common mistake adults make is that they think: enough is enough and the child will improve. No, that's not enough. Here you need to talk through the situation, the child’s actions, feelings and your own feelings and actions. This is very important for the future. It is important to separate the child's intentions from his actions. The result does not come immediately, but such recitation helps the brain mature and helps form neural connections: the child learns not to hit; he transfers his physicality index to verbalization. For anyone who has difficulties with aggression and anger, I suggest taking the training.

Secondly, parents need to work with their own breakdowns, because if we also have breakdowns, then we end up with our own adult position We are moving into our childish position and we can no longer help the child; someone would help us in this situation.

If mom gets angry and reacts aggressively, then mom needs to work with this, mom needs to strengthen herself. I also think that mom is angry because she doesn’t know what’s going on and own powerlessness reacts with anger and aggression.

Or mom is very tired and overworked, then we need to reconsider

The most painful experiences for parents are associated with moments when children get out of control and behave inappropriately, especially in the presence of strangers. Situations when a child’s hysteria is so intense that the baby throws himself at people, causes harm to himself, and does not hear words addressed to him, can drive even the most balanced mother crazy. Coping with such attacks can be difficult, their causes may not be obvious, it is not always possible to react calmly - all this causes confusion and indignation of parents, and does not solve the problem in any way.

To understand why a child is hysterical, it is enough to look at the characteristics of his development. The baby moves from one crisis to another with virtually no respite, the nervous system experiences enormous stress, during the first years of life the child receives and processes a huge amount of information, learns ways to interact with loved ones “from scratch.”

As a rule, a child's hysteria goes through three stages: screams, motor expression, and finally inconsolable sobbing. Through all stages, the child ignores the words, actions, requests of the parents, behaves aggressively, swings his limbs, tries to fight, and falls on the asphalt. An unpleasant sight, familiar to most parents.

Psychologists identify the following sources of hysterical attacks:

• Imperfection emotional sphere if we are talking about a toddler under two years old;
• Crises: one year, three years;
• Inability to talk about your desires, verbally express dissatisfaction;
• Poor health, hunger, fatigue, desire to sleep, go to the toilet;
• State of nervous overexcitation;
• Stress, family problems, major life changes;
• Copying the behavior of adults or other children;
• The desire to receive parental attention due to the lack of time devoted to the baby, when he feels unnecessary and unloved;
• Negative emotions as a response to any actions of adults or a child (offended that they didn’t give a toy, didn’t buy sweets, forced to leave the playground);
• Short-sighted behavior of relatives: excessive care, inconsistency of requirements, excessive severity or, conversely, lack of boundaries;
• Individual characteristics of the nervous system.

The peculiarity of hysterics and their difference from whims is involuntariness and complete lack of control. The famous doctor Komarovsky notes that children deliberately resort to whims for any reason, trying to get what they want. Hysterics happen from the inability to control your emotions.

How to behave - age-related characteristics of hysterics

Children's tantrums occur in different ways and require different responses - this is influenced by age, mental characteristics, and circumstances. What do adults need to consider when dealing with hysterical children of different ages?

• The behavior of a 2-year-old child begins to become conscious. The one-and-a-half-year-old toddler is learning the meaning of prohibitions, gradually mastering a simple technique to get what he wants - whims. Trying to break through the wall of all sorts of “no”s, the baby experiences serious frustration. He is overcome by a storm of emotions, but he is not yet able to control them, which leads to hysterics.

An adult needs to remember that a 2-year-old child, even in a calm state, is not always able to obey, succumb to persuasion, or accept instructions. In an attack, the baby won’t even hear you. Therefore, you need to ensure his safety and wait until the baby calms down. Some children benefit from hugs, while for others it is important that their mother simply be nearby or hold their hand. Still others calm down in their arms. Don’t be afraid and rush to comply with the little stubborn man’s demands. Adults must be firm, calm and confident that they are right.

If a scandal occurs in a public place, leave it as quickly as possible and act as you would in similar cases in private. The reactions of strangers around you will smash against the wall of your confidence if you yourself understand that you are doing everything right. When you feel an unbearable desire to yell at the brawler or, on the contrary, give in to him, take a deep breath and count to five.

During moments of children's hysterics, parents also experience a range of unpleasant feelings: shame, confusion, helplessness, guilt, anger. Thus, the adult himself falls into the state of a child. Having discovered negative emotions in the midst of a scandal, take them for granted, to which you have every right, but do not forget that you have the power to control yourself, your reactions, behavior, words.

• The crisis of three years leaves its imprint on the behavior of the baby - an awareness of oneself as a separate person appears. Typically, tantrums in a 3-year-old child go under the motto “I don’t want and I won’t.” The little rebel refuses all requests and behaves willfully, shamelessly, and stubbornly. The baby is hysterical due to lack of experience, inability to communicate differently, and inability to cope with his own emotional state. This behavior is quite normal and, with a competent approach from parents, disappears after a few weeks.

What should parents do if their offspring throws tantrums at 3 years old? Don't try to argue or try to reason with a child who is having a tantrum. Wait out this difficult moment while remaining as calm as possible. Don’t be tempted to stop everything immediately by giving the screamer what you want - parental decision should remain unchanged, then the baby will quickly understand that scandals do not work and will stop using them, and instead will learn to negotiate. If the situation happened in a crowded place, take the child aside and hug him. When you see that the baby is calming down, switch his attention to something else: offer to do something he loves, or go home to play. You definitely need to talk through what happened with your children: at home in a calm environment, discuss what happened, listen to the child and try to understand. Tell us what emotions such incidents evoke in you, make it clear that this is not the way of communication that will help you get what you want.

If the hysteria happened at home, the wisest decision would be to ignore the screams. Calmly tell your child that you will talk after he calms down, and continue with your business.

Usually parents see in advance that the baby is in a bad mood and is in the mood to be capricious. In such cases, focus on preventing conflict - do not overwork, avoid public places if possible, put your offspring in a situation of choice, depriving him of the chance to confront you with a firm “no”.

As children approach four years of age, they become more flexible; you can build a full-fledged dialogue with them, discuss each other’s expectations, and find a compromise solution. Whims and hysterics stop on their own, becoming unnecessary.

• If four-year-old children still have regular tantrums, pay attention to the situation in the family and your parenting line. A preschooler needs unity of demands and sanctions from all adults, clearly defined rules of behavior, a set of immutable “dos” and “don’ts.” Parents themselves must demonstrate the attitudes and ways of interaction that they expect from their offspring. The following alarming signs may be a reason to visit a pediatric neurologist: an increase in the frequency of scandals, their aggressiveness, duration, physiological manifestations such as holding one’s breath, a sudden involuntary fall on one’s back, loss of consciousness, and the appearance of nightmares.

A child of any age must be taught to negotiate and jointly find a way out of difficult situations. Children learn most quickly by watching close adults, so the wisest tactics of parents are a positive example, control of their own emotions. It is impossible to punish children for hysterics; such measures will lead to a deterioration in relationships and psychological trauma for the child.

Preventive measures

When faced with childhood hysteria for the first time, adults ask difficult questions - how to wean a child from hysterics, reduce their number and intensity, teach the child self-control and safe expression of feelings? Child psychologists recommend focusing on preventing conflicts and creating an environment in which children simply do not need to make trouble:

Introduce your children to alternative ways of expressing anger: you can tear paper, draw angry scribbles, hit a pillow or scream at it, stomp your feet or growl. But the most main way It’s safe to express your anger – to talk about it in words. This can and should be taught to toddlers from early childhood.

• Prepare for significant changes in advance: talk about the imminent start of kindergarten, moving, vacation, dad’s business trip;
• Tell the plan for the day, evening, “after sleep”, so that the baby knows what to expect;
• Hear and respect the child, respond to his needs, spend enough time together; pay attention to the quality of communication, use family rituals - reading before bed, cooking breakfast together, playing an afternoon board game;
• The correct behavior when a “storm” is approaching is to offer the baby something to drink, eat, go to the toilet, hug, and gently divert his attention to something interesting or to an upcoming activity. “I see that you are tired, we need to walk a little to the car, and then we will go home and play together.”

Looking for the most effective ways to combat hysterics, sensitive parents use all available sources of information: advice from a psychologist, teachers, friends, own ideas, “tailor” recommendations to individual characteristics your baby. Children are different, each situation requires a special approach, and sometimes the solution appears at the most unexpected moment.

Universal ways to extinguish hysteria

What to do if it was not possible to prevent hysteria, and the disaster is already in full swing? Below are expert tips on how to respond to a child’s tantrums in order to extinguish them as quickly as possible and get out of them with minimal losses for your own and the child’s psyche.

If you couldn’t restrain yourself, and you still shouted or hit your baby in your anger, ask for forgiveness when the passions subside, explain how you felt, and tell the baby that you are very sorry that you couldn’t cope with your emotions. This way you will maintain closeness with your child, teach him to admit his mistakes, regret, and apologize.

Hysteria is a state of extreme nervous excitement, leading to loss of self-control. In children from one to five years old, it most often manifests itself with loud screaming, crying, rolling on the floor and waving their arms and legs. Sometimes children in a fit of hysterics can bang their heads against the wall, bite themselves and those around them. A child in this state cannot adequately perceive conventional methods of communication and therefore it is useless to try to explain or prove something to him. Children use hysterics when they realize that it has an effect on you.

Reasons why children throw tantrums

• The desire to attract attention. To prevent hysteria from arising over this, you need to warn the child in advance that in some situation you will not be able to devote time to him, and offer him an alternative option for independent study.
• Trying to achieve something desired. In this case, you do not need to immediately abandon your decision; you need to confidently say “no” several times if the prohibition is truly justified, and continue to go about your business.
• Inability to express your dissatisfaction in words. You must teach him to express his emotions in other ways.
• Fatigue, lack of sleep, feeling hungry. For children prone to tantrums, maintaining a daily routine is very important. He must be fed and put to bed on time, avoid overtiredness, do not play active games before bed, do not walk for too long, do not allow large crowds of unfamiliar people near him, and do not attend various entertainment events that are new to him. If you have to go to kindergarten early in the morning, wake your child up early and give him time to finally wake up, otherwise if he throws a tantrum, you won’t have time to use the techniques
• Condition during or after illness. It is clear that a mother must promptly notice the signs of an impending cold or the presence of chronic health problems in her child. In this case, he needs to create a gentle psychological regime and consult a doctor.
• The desire to imitate adults or peers. It is absurd to demand good behavior from a child if you yourself often break down and get nervous when something doesn’t suit you. Behave the way you want your child to behave. If he repeats after hysterical children, you need to try to explain to him that it is not good to behave this way, and if there is no effect, try to minimize such communications.

It often happens that we ourselves, without realizing it, provoke hysterics in children. This happens when parents and grandparents are overprotective or apply pathological severity to the child, which suppresses his independence and initiative.

At the same time, the lack of necessary parental care, insufficiently clear expression of one’s attitude towards the positive and negative actions of the child, as well as an undeveloped system of rewards and punishments also negatively affects the child - it gives rise to permissiveness and at the same time self-doubt, the inability to determine the boundaries of behavior that cannot be crossed.

Excessive affection, indulging his whims and lack of reasonable demands also leads to the upbringing of capricious, hysterical children.

Errors in upbringing undoubtedly play a big role in shaping the child’s behavior, but it must be emphasized once again that they are only provoking factors, and the root of all problems lies in the characteristics of the child’s nervous system, which are innate. And it is precisely in early childhood that these features manifest themselves most clearly.

There are several types of a child’s nervous system. Each type has its own characteristics, by which you can determine which type of nervous system your child belongs to. This needs to be determined as early as possible in order to develop the correct tactics for dealing with the child, and thereby help him adapt to various life situations, which ultimately will help him grow self-confident and able to adequately cope with stress. Let's look at the main types of nervous systems in children and how parents should behave to avoid conflicts.

So, weak type of nervous system characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition. Such a child is very impressionable, prone to anxiety and fear. He is uncommunicative, withdrawn, and deeply grieves. He does not like conflicts and does not tolerate changes in his life well. He often has low self-esteem, but he is able to adequately analyze his feelings and emotions. Such a child's mood often changes and he is easily thrown out of balance. But he will never show his emotions with a loud cry; he will express dissatisfaction with persistent whining, which will not stop until you pay attention to him. In stressful situations, his will is paralyzed, he loses control over his behavior, and he becomes insane. In severe distress, such a child is capable of unpredictable actions. Such a child has an unstable appetite and poor sleep.

When raising him, try to be patient with his mistakes, do not skimp on well-deserved affection and praise, and often involve him in communicating with loved ones. Do household chores with him, citing the fact that you need his help. Make sure he gets enough rest, protect him as much as possible from noisy events and sudden changes in life.

The second type of nervous system is strong. The processes of excitation and inhibition are balanced. Such children are rarely in a bad mood. They are only quite nervous good reasons. They get along easily with children and calmly adapt to different situations, conflicts are resolved easily and quickly. They get carried away easily, but quickly change these hobbies, and therefore often do not keep their promises. Such children are easy to raise and rarely create problems. However, if routine factors are systematically violated, children begin to change and behave like children with a weak nervous system.

The next type of nervous system is unbalanced. Excitation processes prevail over inhibition. Such children are easily excitable, even a new toy can cause a violent reaction. They sleep briefly and shallowly, easily waking up from the slightest rustle. They often behave noisily in society and love to be the center of attention. They are easily distracted, so they cannot complete the task. Children with such a nervous system like to lead, as it turns out better than doing a monotonous task. If mistakes are pointed out to a child in a harsh manner, he will begin to get angry and scream, and, having achieved his goal, he will constantly use scandals. He likes to achieve everything quickly and always successfully. If it doesn’t work out, they immediately lose interest.

Raise such children unobtrusively. Help them finish what they start, so they will learn patience. Learn to feel the moment when a child stops perceiving what you are trying to convey to him and begins to confront you - change the topic, otherwise a hysteria may begin. Periodically, gently convince him that his behavior is not always correct. Set an example for him with your calmness, because he loves to imitate you.

And the last type of nervous system - slow. Inhibition processes prevail over excitation. These babies sleep soundly, eat well, and gain weight quickly and above normal before they are one year old. These children are calm, reasonable, they do not act rashly, he is comfortable alone, because... no one distracts him from his thoughts. He “swings” for a long time, but if he gets down to business, he will definitely see it through to the end. He is afraid of other people's sudden mood swings. They are reserved in their emotions, so it is often difficult to understand their state of mind. Such children know how to make loyal friends.

The role of parents is to stimulate a child with such a nervous system to take action. Choose games where you need to run around a little and talk loudly. Don’t scold them for being slow - before doing anything, he needs to collect his thoughts and understand what is required of him. Don’t rush to do everything for your child (because it’s faster). Help him overcome his inertia. Stimulate yourself by organizing competitions. And, of course, be sure to play along.

Mostly children with a weak and unbalanced nervous system are prone to serious hysterics.

In children under one year of age, hysterics can be expressed in bouts of prolonged, heart-rending crying, which occurs even with the slightest error in care (wet diapers, hunger, long intervals between periods of sleep, errors in the nutrition of a nursing mother). It is very difficult to calm them down, even if these errors are eliminated. Such hysterics are usually caused by an increase in intracranial pressure and only a neurologist can help in this case. In newborns, this happens due to disruptions in the course of pregnancy and childbirth in the mother, and sometimes as a manifestation of congenital brain diseases.

Stages of hysteria

The screaming stage - the child screams heart-rendingly, demanding nothing and not seeing anyone around.
The stage of motor excitement - he begins to throw everything that comes to his hand, and if there is nothing, he simply stomps his feet and waves his arms randomly.
The sobbing stage - the child sobs, sobs and looks with a suffering look.

If you do not pay attention to the child in the second stage, then the third will not occur. In the third stage, you must help the child calm down, otherwise it can last indefinitely, as it is difficult for him to cope with his emotions. Hug him, hold him close, sit him on your lap and rock him. An exhausted baby, having calmed down, will most likely want to lie down or even sleep.

What to do so that your child’s tantrums occur as rarely as possible, and eventually stop completely.

1. It is easier to prevent an explosion of emotions than to frantically think about what to do.
You cannot wait for the moment when it will be difficult to do anything. You must control the beginning changes in the child’s mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness), and be able to promptly distract the child from the subject that caused the negative reaction. You can offer to do something else, to draw the child’s attention to some other object or phenomenon. Sometimes an outburst can be stopped by showing sympathy for him. bad mood, in this case, you need to try to take him aside and talk to him, calm him down, hug him, and gently pat him on the head. A child cannot always understand and explain his condition, therefore, by helping him express in words what he feels, you give him the opportunity to relax and help eliminate a tense situation. Over time, based on the child’s temperament, you will successfully learn to use this method.
But remember, the distraction method is effective only when the hysteria is in the initial stages, and does not work if it is already in full swing. It is no longer possible to distract the child during this period; the futility of attempts will only drive you crazy.

2. Let your child know that you do not tolerate tantrums.
If a tantrum does occur, stop all communication with the child for this time. Do not try to persuade, scream or spank him - this will not help, and may even increase the manifestations of hysteria. Besides, because of the screams, they simply won’t hear you. Pretend you don't see him. If necessary, wear headphones, but do not react. When the situation calms down a little, you can begin to use various techniques to calm the child.

3. During a tantrum, you need to isolate the child for a short time.
Take your child to a remote place where there should be no children, toys or TV. Let him understand that when he misbehaves, he will not be allowed to play with other children. The child should remain in this place for as long as it takes for him to calm down. If there is a repeated hysteria, he needs to be returned to his original place and again left there for a while, but not completely let him out of sight. The main thing at this time is to remain calm yourself. However, he must remember that hysteria is not a reason to shirk homework or homework and, having returned to normal, he will be able to finish the work.

4. Your tactics during a child’s tantrums should always be the same.
The algorithm of your actions during outbreaks should be repeated. Even when it happens in public places. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but know that those around you have found themselves in such situations more than once. Find strength in yourself and be sure that you are doing this for the benefit of your child. If such outbursts of emotions occur when communicating with other people, you need to tell them how to behave correctly in such a situation and warn them not to pay attention to the child until he calms down. Communicate with these people in order to assess whether re-education is going well.

5. Tell your child how to express your dissatisfaction in a civilized manner.
Usually children throw tantrums because they don’t know how to express their feelings differently. Make it clear that there is nothing wrong with his bad mood, that all people get upset sometimes, but you need to be able to say what you don’t like. List a few words he might use (for example: I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm very unhappy, I'm sad, I'm bored) and rehearse them with your child. Reward him with praise every time he talks about his worries.

To deal with your child's tantrums, you need to be able to remain calm.

This is sometimes very difficult to do, especially when hysterics happen at the most inopportune moment. But you must be able to restrain yourself. If you still get angry, take a deep breath and go into another room for 3 minutes. You need to lose eye contact with the child. But before that, warn him that you are giving him time to calm down and will be right back. Use the same phrase and say nothing more. The main thing here is calm and silence. Prepare for destruction in the room where the child remains, but do not punish him for it. This method is called "time-out". It is simple, universal and can help maintain a calm state of mind and control anger. However, know that in the future, you must increase the amount of time spent playing together with your child, otherwise, due to frequent time-outs, he may become embittered and lose trust in his parents.
After a tantrum, act as if nothing happened. There is no need to comment on what happened. Let the child earn your favor again.

After two to three weeks of such techniques, your child’s tantrums should become less frequent.

If, despite your efforts and patience, bad behavior still persists, you need to contact a neurologist who will prescribe an examination. If the examination does not reveal any abnormalities, the neurologist will prescribe a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, who will determine whether the child has mental disorders and whether drug treatment is necessary.

A child with an excitable nervous system can be helped with mild sedatives. These can be decoctions of soothing herbs, soothing herbs.

Calming herb or tea for children: Fennel, chamomile, marshmallow, licorice, wheatgrass (1:1:2:2:2). Pour two tablespoons of the mixture into a glass of boiling water, boil for 20 minutes, strain. Take 1 teaspoon warm (for children over 1 year old) before meals 3 times a day or at night for 3-4 weeks. If you are allergic to herbs, you should not use them.

You can give children just an infusion of motherwort in the same dose.

It is advisable to bathe excitable infants every other day in a solution of pine extract for 20 days.

Of the medications, a child is allowed to be given only homeopathic remedies (dormikind, tenoten, notta, nervohel) without a doctor’s prescription. It is also possible to use a drug based on the amino acid glycine. Helps support your child's nervous system vitamin complex neurovitan. The dosages of the drugs are clearly described in the instructions for them. All medications should be given for 4 weeks, then take a break and repeat the course of treatment again.

Only a doctor can prescribe more serious medications for the treatment of children.

Pediatrician S.V. Sytnik

Children's tantrums can complicate the life of anyone, even very patient adults. Just yesterday the baby was a “darling”, but today he has been replaced - he screams for any reason, squeals, falls to the floor, bangs his head against the walls and carpet, and no amount of persuasion helps. Such unpleasant scenes are almost never just one-off protests. Often, a child’s tantrums are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.

This cannot but worry and puzzle parents who wonder what they did wrong, whether everything is okay with the baby and how to stop these antics. Authoritative famous pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky tells moms and dads how to respond to children's tantrums.

About the problem

Children's tantrums are a ubiquitous phenomenon. And even if the parents of a toddler say that they have the calmest baby in the world, this does not mean that he never makes a scene out of the blue. Until recently, it was somehow embarrassing to admit to hysterics in one’s own child; parents were embarrassed, in case those around them would think that they were raising a toddler poorly, and sometimes they were even afraid that others would consider their beloved child mentally “not like that.” So we fought as best we could, in the family circle.

IN recent years We started talking about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And an insight came: there are much more hysterical children than might seem at first glance. According to statistics available to child psychologists in one of the large Moscow clinics, 80% of children under the age of 6 experience tantrums periodically, and 55% of such children have regular hysterics. On average, children can have such attacks from 1 time a week to 3-5 times a day.

A child's tantrum has certain core symptoms. As a rule, an attack is preceded by some identical events and situations.

During a hysteria, a child may scream heart-rendingly, tremble, choke, and there will not be so many tears. There may be trouble breathing, the heart rate increases, and many children try to harm themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, hitting walls or the floor. The attacks in children are quite long, after which they cannot calm down for a long time and sob.

At certain age periods, hysterics acquire stronger manifestations; at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outbursts change their color. They may appear unexpectedly, or they may disappear just as suddenly. But hysterics should never be ignored, just as a child should not be allowed to manipulate adult family members by screaming and stamping his feet.

Doctor Komarovsky's opinion

First of all, says Evgeniy Komarovsky, parents should remember that A child in a state of hysterics definitely needs an audience. Kids never make scandals in front of the TV or washing machine, they choose a living person, and among the family members, the one who is most sensitive to his behavior is suitable for the role of spectator.

If dad begins to worry and get nervous, then he will be the one chosen by the child for a spectacular hysteria. And if the mother ignores the child’s behavior, then throwing a tantrum in front of her is simply not interesting.

Dr. Komarovskaya will tell you how to wean your child from hysterics in the next video.

This opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who claim that a child in a state of hysterics has absolutely no control over himself. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the balance of power, and everything he does at this moment is done completely arbitrarily.

That's why main advice from Komarovsky - in no way show that parents are touched by the children's “concert” in any way. No matter how strong the tears, screams and stamping of feet may be.

If a child ever gets his way with a tantrum, he will use this method constantly. Komarovsky warns parents to cajole their child during a tantrum.

To give in means to become a victim of manipulation, which will, to one degree or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.

It is advisable to be calm Everyone adhered to the tactics of behavior and rejection of hysterics family members, so that mom’s “no” never turns into dad’s “yes” or grandma’s “maybe.” Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing the nerves of adults.

If the grandmother begins to show gentleness and pity the child offended by parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children's hysterics. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually stops obeying them and can end up in an unpleasant situation in which they can get injured during a walk, get burned by boiling water in the kitchen, stick something into a socket, etc., because the baby will not react in any way to the grandmother’s calls.

What to do?

If a child is 1-2 years old, he is quite quickly able to form correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises putting the baby in a playpen where he will have a safe space. As soon as the hysteria begins, leave the room, but let the child know that he is being heard. As soon as the little one is silent, you can go into his room. If the scream repeats, go out again.

According to Evgeniy Olegovich, two days are enough for a one and a half to two year old child to develop a stable reflex - “mom is nearby if I don’t yell.”

For such “training,” parents will truly need nerves of iron, the doctor emphasizes. However, their efforts will certainly be rewarded by the fact that in a short time an adequate, calm and obedient child. And one more important point - what before parents apply this knowledge in practice, the better it will be for everyone. If the child is already over 3 years old, this method alone cannot be used. More painstaking work on errors will be required. First of all, over parental mistakes in raising their own child.

The child does not obey and is hysterical

Absolutely any children can be naughty, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the character, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are accepted in the family, on the relationships between the members of this family.

Do not forget about the “transitional” age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.

3 years

At the age of about three years, the child begins to understand and become aware of himself in this big world, and, naturally, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not yet and are not always able to express in words their feelings, emotions and experiences on any occasion. So they show them in the form of hysterics.

Quite often on this age stage Night hysterics begin. They are spontaneous in nature, the child simply wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, arches, sometimes tries to break free from adults and try to run away. Typically, nighttime tantrums do not last so long, and the child “outgrows” them; they stop as suddenly as they began.

6-7 years

At 6-7 years old, a new stage of growing up occurs. The baby is already ripe to go to school, and they are beginning to demand more from him than before. He is very afraid of not meeting these requirements, he is afraid of “letting him down,” the stress accumulates and sometimes spills out again in the form of hysteria.

Evgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that most often parents turn to doctors with this problem when the child is already 4-5 years old, when hysterics occur “out of habit.”

If at an earlier age the parents failed to stop this behavior and unwittingly became participants in a harsh performance that the child plays out in front of them every day, trying to achieve something of his own.

Parents are usually frightened by some external manifestations of hysteria, such as a semi-fainting state of the child, convulsions, “hysterical bridge” (arching the back), deep sobs and breathing problems. Affective-respiratory disorders, as Evgeniy Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are characteristic mainly of children early age- up to 3 years. With strong crying, the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to paleness and breath holding.

With such manifestations of hysteria, it is still better to consult a pediatric neurologist, since the same symptoms are characteristic of some nervous disorders.

• Teach your child to express emotions in words. Your child cannot avoid being angry or irritated at all, like any other normal person. You just need to teach him how to correctly express his anger or irritation.
• A child prone to hysterical attacks should not be overly patronized, coddled and cherished; it is best to send him to kindergarten as early as possible. There, Komarovsky says, attacks usually do not occur at all due to the absence of constant and impressionable spectators of hysterics - mom and dad.
• Hysterical attacks can be learned to anticipate and control. To do this, parents need to carefully observe when the hysteria usually begins. The child may be sleep-deprived, hungry, or he cannot stand being rushed. Try to avoid potential “conflict” situations.
• At the first sign of a hysteria beginning, you need to try to distract the child. Usually, Komarovsky says, this “works” quite successfully with children under three years of age. With older guys it will be more difficult.
• If your child tends to hold his breath when hysterical, there is nothing particularly scary about it. Komarovsky says that in order to improve breathing, you just need to blow in the baby’s face, and he will definitely take a reflexive breath.
• No matter how difficult it may be for parents to deal with their child’s tantrums, Komarovsky strongly recommends going all the way. If you let your child defeat you with a tantrum, it will be even more difficult later. After all, a hysterical three-year-old will one day grow into a hysterical and completely obnoxious teenager of 15-16 years old. It will ruin the lives of not only the parents. He will make it very difficult for himself.

• Doctor Komarovsky