Family and life in Italy. Women's magazine Superstyle: "Italian" family. Noise, hubbub, commotion

Eugenia Cavaletti continues to talk about her observations of Italian mothers, children and methods of raising them. In the second part of the article we will talk about spoiled children and their upbringing.

Family education: spoiled children

Due to the fact that many families do not want or cannot afford more than one child, the only child in the family grows up extremely spoiled. Such a child (son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter) does not deny himself anything. He is bombarded with toys that he no longer values; his every wish is fulfilled. He is practically not limited in anything and is touched by all sorts of whims. In truth, Italians are extremely lenient towards children. Even if your child throws a tantrum in the store, rolling around on the floor and kicking his legs, the Italians will only smile, someone will say comfortingly to the parents: “Well, this is the norm, this is his period, poveroamore*” (*poor thing).

The only pity is that this “period” lasts until the child turns 16, or even older. And when, finally, the parents understand that the child is an absolute egoist, they say to this: “How strange that we have such a son! We are such a well-mannered and good family.”
This permissiveness is bad not only for the family, but also for the child himself. We have a family friend, a 35-year-old man. The only child and only grandson, caressed by all relatives. As soon as he expressed any desire, it was immediately fulfilled. He had not yet received his license, but a new car was already waiting for him in the garage. The first ones just appeared mobile phones, he already had it. He got married and was given a house. He was raised to be a star, and within his family he was one. But it was difficult for him at school, there was a whole class of these stars. At the university, he studied poorly - the teachers did not understand how “exceptional” he was. Now he works in a small company, he has a wonderful wife and son, but he is unhappy and angry, because he was raised “the very best”, and his real life does not meet his high expectations.

If such a spoiled child grew up in educated family where basic norms of behavior were instilled in him, he usually behaves normally in society, which cannot be said about spoiled and ill-mannered children.

Parenting: punishments

Some Italian parents (and almost half of them) almost never punish their children. Moreover, they don’t even scold them. Firstly, they think that in this way the child develops harmoniously and expresses himself, and secondly, it’s just convenient for them. Parents do not want to waste time painstakingly explaining to their child day after day how to behave and how not to behave.

For example, if some toddler on the playground takes away all of your child’s toys, and in addition hits him on the head with a shovel, don’t expect his mother to come running to you with an apology. On the contrary, most likely this mother will stand aside and look at her “hero” with a sweet smile. What a great guy and earner he is!

Italian children raised in this way do not recognize parental authority at all and do not listen to adults. School teachers complain that they can no longer calmly give a bad grade to a student, since after that his parents show up at the school demanding to explain why their child received such a low grade.

A teacher calls a student's parents and complains that their son is writing on the walls of the school. The parents respond that this cannot be, since their son is well brought up. If earlier in a class of 29 students there were 2-3 such “difficult” cases, then in the last decade uncontrollable students (and, accordingly, “deaf” parents) make up about 30 percent of the class.

You are a star!

Moreover, in lately the following phenomenon is observed. Many wealthy parents definitely want to make their only child someone outstanding and brilliant. Instead of allowing the child to study in peace, allowing him to go to university at will, parents convince their offspring that he or she will be the best volleyball player, football player, ballerina and take him or her to endless training sessions and competitions.

Parents encourage their child to stand out in any way possible. They tell him like a mantra: you must be the best. It is especially difficult for only children. The entire burden of parents' expectations falls on him. As a result, they grow up to be adults who are dissatisfied with life, since it was instilled in them from childhood that they were born for more.

This whole sad picture is confirmed by the surveys “Children of which nationality are less well-mannered” and “Children of which nationality behave the worst on board an airplane.”

According to the results of the survey “Children of which nationality are less well-mannered,” which was conducted several years ago and in which about 500 hotels in Europe took part, Italian children are the most ill-mannered (66 percent). The Swedes, Danes and Swiss were recognized as the most educated. Russians scored 12 percent.

Here are some excerpts from the survey: “Italian children allow themselves to throw tantrums, act up, and scream not only in their rooms, but also in public places. They do not listen to adults at all and are uncontrollable. During lunch, they run around the tables throughout the restaurant, throwing food.”

An international survey “Which nationality of children behaves worst on board an airplane” found that the most ill-mannered are the British and Spanish. The third place “proudly” is again occupied by Italian children.

Raising children in Italy. Part 1

A large, noisy Neapolitan family in which every relative is loved and helped - this is a classic picture family life Italy. In such a family there is no need to take the child to kindergarten - numerous relatives will help: grandmothers, uncles, sisters... Unfortunately, this picture is gradually becoming a thing of the past. Young Italian women are in no hurry to have children ( middle age birth of the first child - 31.8 years). Young people are infantile, and at the age of 30 they feel like they are 18, not wanting to burden their lives with a child. And large families are also becoming a thing of the past and are found only in the south of the country and in emigrant families. 2 children is the maximum for a modern Italian family, but most often in families there is an only child who receives all the attention of his relatives. The low standard of living of Italians plays an important role in this, because raising even one child in Italy is a large financial burden.

Children in Italy are very loved and are not shy about showing these feelings. Kids here are guaranteed increased attention and a smile from everyone, including absolutely strangers on the street. The birth of a baby is a great joy for all family members, including distant relatives. The child is adored, idolized, pampered, showered with gifts and not limited in almost anything. It is considered indecent to forbid something to a child, even if he “stands on his head”, squeals and swears with strong words. Despite being spoiled, even at home little Italians rarely receive any serious punishment for their misdeeds. If an emotional Italian woman shouts at the baby, she will immediately kiss him. Italian parents' greatest fear is that they will raise a quiet and insecure child through intimidation and restrictions.

An enthusiastic attitude towards children has a special impact on the quality of education and education in this sunny country. Children here have a truly cloudless childhood, and relatives approach issues of upbringing easily and carefree. An Italian child very rarely hears the word “impossible” (and sometimes does not know this word at all). This approach promotes the formation of emancipation, flexibility, a positive attitude towards the world and artistry. On the other hand, children grow up talkative, often rude and selfish, not respecting the interests of others. According to a study by a number of travel agencies in Europe, it turned out that Italian children are the most ill-mannered tourists.

From the age of 3, children go to kindergarten, where they are prepared for school for 3 years. Traditions of early development are not common either in gardens or at home, but Montessori and Walfdor gardens are popular in large cities. Both mothers and fathers are equally involved in raising the family. Moreover, the responsibilities are strictly distributed: if the mother takes on all the life support of the baby at home, then the father “fully” entertains the child on a walk or on the beach, while the mother reads a magazine in a sun lounger. “A daughter is a father’s joy” - that’s what they say in Italy. Daughters and fathers mutually adore each other, but boys are more attached to their mothers, who take care of them, sometimes until retirement. An Italian man's mother always comes first.

There are no orphanages in Italy, instead there are cozy ones family houses for 12-15 people. The love of Italians for children and the desire to make them happy deserves admiration. Therefore, despite the fact that education in Italy is controversial and differs significantly from general European practice, we can learn something useful from it for raising our children.

DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso

When thinking about an Italian family, many imagine something like a Neapolitan noisy and large family that gathers every Sunday for a traditional dinner, and three children is the norm for her. Is this true?

It is enough to come to Italy for a week to see how they love, literally adore and idolize children here. But what is hidden behind this immense love? Is it so good to forgive a child everything, explaining his misdeeds with the universal excuse “Well, he’s still small”? This and much more is in the story about the Italian point of view on raising children.

Let's start with what you can notice immediately upon arriving in Italy. Children are loved, and not only by their parents, uncles, aunts and grandparents, but in general by everyone they meet, from the bartender to the newspaper seller. All children are guaranteed attention. A passerby can smile at the child, pat him on the cheeks, and say something to him. Sometimes no one turns to the parent, it’s as if he doesn’t exist. By the way (don’t let the comparison offend you), the same attitude applies to animals. For Italians, both kids and dogs are a reason once again be touched and smile.

Italian popes

The second point that catches your eye is the Italian popes. If you go out to the playground in the evening, you will see mostly dads there, not moms, and all of them will be actively rushing with their children from swing to slide, from slide to swing.

If you come to the pool or the beach, then in most cases dad will play and fuss with the baby or toddler while mom reclines on a sun lounger with a glossy magazine in her hands. You shouldn’t think that raising children is entrusted to dads: no, the responsibilities are simply divided in half, and if the mother spends time with the child at home, cooks him food and plays with him in the garden, then the dad will clearly take care of the baby outside the home, and will do this with great pleasure. No matter what shortcomings are attributed to the Italians, their fathers are magnificent!

An Italian dad will never say, “Raising children is a woman’s job.” On the contrary, he strives to take an active role in the upbringing of his child. Especially if it is a female child! In Italy they say: a girl is born - daddy's joy. Dads adore their babies to the point of madness, while Italian boys, on the contrary, are attached to their mother almost until old age. An Italian macho of about 40 years old who lives with his mother, allows her to cook his own food, wash and iron - a completely standard picture, which is impossible to surprise in Italy. Such men are called “mammon”.

Unfortunately, in modern Italy two, and especially three, children are a rarity. According to statistics for 2011, there are 1.3 children per Italian family. Over the past decade, the percentage of families who cannot have children has increased greatly. The main reason is the woman’s age. Of course, there are families with three or more children, but mostly these are families of the south of Italy or emigrants.

Over the past twenty years, the mentality of Italian women has changed a lot. If earlier they were ready to raise children and sacrifice their interests, now they prefer to study at university until they are 28, then start working, live for their own pleasure, travel until they are 35, and only after that think about having a child. Many modern Italian women, and Italians too, are very childish. At the age of 30, they feel like they are 18 years old, and a child seems to them an unbearable and unnecessary burden.

According to statistics for 2012, the average age of a primigravida woman in Italy is 31.8 years, in Russia, meanwhile, 25.8 years.

Early development

After giving birth to a child, a young mother usually tries to return to work as quickly as possible. And the reason for this is not only the economic crisis in the country, but also the reluctance to stay at home with the child. Usually they are “rented out” to grandparents or to paid nurseries. In large cities there are Montessori nurseries, Waldorf nurseries and even bilingual nurseries, where the baby will hear from birth English speech. But there are only a few of them. In an ordinary nursery, the baby will be looked after, fed, put to bed, but early development a child is out of the question. And it’s not that they don’t want to develop the child, but it’s not customary for them, and they simply don’t know how to do it at all.

Even if some mother wants to work with her baby, she will have certain difficulties: there is a very small amount of literature about preschool education, small selection educational games for children (I brought suitcases full of books and toys from Moscow for my children) and the virtual absence of any groups for activities with children under 3 years old. The exceptions are music classes and swimming. Of course, this cannot be compared with Russia, where even in small towns you can find different clubs, groups, nurseries and kindergartens for every taste and budget.

At home, an Italian child is usually left to his own devices. He usually has so many toys that they don’t fit in two rooms, but at the same time he doesn’t know at all how to occupy himself and spends all his time at the game console or in front of the TV, fortunately, his parents allow him to do this: he’s not capricious, that’s great! One of my friends complained to me: “Well, I bought him so many toys, I tell him, go play, let him watch TV, but he doesn’t come!” And with an abundance of toys, the child simply does not know how to play. If the baby is lucky and has a brother or sister, then usually their main role-playing game becomes “Give it back, it’s mine!” Teaching a child to play, or even just playing with children, is not accepted here, unlike in Russia, where parents themselves become active participants in children's games.

Kindergarten (Scuolaterna)

In Italy, a child goes to kindergarten from the age of three. There he is taught to count, write, and prepared for school. Teachers pay special attention to the child’s adaptation in the team: group performances, games with the whole class are constantly held, and trips or excursions are carried out at the parents’ request. Usually 2 times a week a foreign language lesson is held in a playful way, most often it is English. Sports classes and music are held several times a week. A lot of time is devoted to creativity: appliqué, drawing, modeling. There are private and public kindergartens, but the program in them is basically the same.

Traditions

It is customary to take children with you everywhere - to weddings, concerts, parties, dinners and aperitifs. From the very cradle, the Italian child leads an active “social life”. Newborn babies almost immediately begin to be walked and carried with them - Italian mothers and fathers do not experience any special fears, except, perhaps, the fear of infecting the baby with something. Belief in the evil eye and the desire to protect the baby from strangers is alive only in small southern towns or among the numerous foreigners who have settled in Italy.

By the way, despite such an active life with the participation of children, slings that are so popular in Russia, convenient for walking, have not taken root here. In three years in Italy, I saw only three children in slings, and all of them were children of tourists. Maybe Italian women use a sling at home, but they rarely go outside with it, giving a clear preference to classic strollers and backpacks.

Fears

Italians are very scared by stories of missing children, so it is extremely rare to see small children running around unattended. Most often, kids walk near their own house, fenced in by a fence, in the garden. It is not difficult to find families where the child is 10-13 years old, but he does not go out alone (not to mention children even younger). By the way, many foreign women let their children go out alone at the age of 6-7: for a true Italian mother this is something abnormal and even wild. Also, children are always picked up from school by their parents, or taken home by a school bus. According to statistics, 60% of Italian children spend their free time at home, watching TV, playing, and reading. This is also noticeable on the streets: there are many small children with their parents, there are also plenty of teenagers of about 15 years old, but children 7-13 years old are not particularly visible.

Features of education

In Italy, it is customary to address people as “you,” including to elders and teachers. This is not considered rudeness; moreover, it persists in adult life: you in Italy are addressed either to people who are much older, or to someone you are addressing for the first time (although many people immediately switch to “you” if they are addressing a peer or a slightly older person).

Italian children are rarely told not to do something, so they often talk rudely to their parents, grandparents and teachers at school. For example, the answer “Leave me alone,” “You’re stupid,” “Shut up” from a 7-10 year old child to an older relative is quite common and is not even punishable.

Children in Italy generally do not have a “child-adult” barrier; they are not shy about “uncles” and “aunts”; they can approach a woman reading a book on the playground and tell her “Go away, this is a place for children!”

If you start to analyze this behavior, you can connect it with the blind adoration of the “bambino” in the family, and with the fact that at school children can calmly walk around the classroom during the lesson, and not sit from bell to bell, with an atmosphere of freedom and the permissiveness in which they grow up.

Statistical studies also confirm the bad manners of Italian children. 66% of European hotels noted that children from Italy are the most capricious, noisy and loud. What causes the most problems for those around them is that such “bambini” scream very loudly, squeal and constantly swear, using strong words. Little Italians love to run screaming along the corridors, make noise during breakfast, ride back and forth in the elevator and break everything they find in the hotel room. From the parents’ point of view, everything is going according to plan, because the child is “expressing himself.”

In Italy, rarely anyone dares to reprimand even the noisiest child, so mothers and fathers outside of Italy do not understand the negative reaction to the screams of Italians and are indignant. “How can you shut up a CHILD?? How is it possible? Most of all, parents are afraid that if a child is intimidated from childhood with punishments and constantly silenced, he will grow up quiet, notorious and downtrodden. Moreover, raising your voice at your son or daughter is by default considered something bad and wrong, especially in public place. People will look askance and judge, so we smile and wave while the bambino screeches and runs in circles around the supermarket.

It cannot be said that many establishments have children's corners, but the child will always be accommodated with maximum convenience. Again, children's menu- not the most common phenomenon, so children often eat completely adult food and drink coffee from almost two years old (not every day, of course).

It is customary to address people as “you”, including to elders and teachers. This is not considered rudeness; moreover, it persists into adulthood: in Italy you address either people who are much older, or someone you are addressing for the first time (although many immediately switch to “you” if they are addressing someone of the same age or a slightly older person).

And at the end

Well, I would like to finish by debunking one of the main myths about children in Italy. “There are no orphanages in Italy!” – how often can you hear or read such a phrase. Yes, in fact this is true, since 2006 all orphanages have been closed. But this does not mean that there are no orphans here, or that no one is taking care of them. The so-called “casa-familia” are engaged in raising children left without parents. As a rule, in such an institution there are figures of “mother” and “father”; family and brotherly relationships are established between all children; adults and children live like one big family.

The motto of their work: “Give a family to those who do not have one!” In such houses live not only children abandoned in the maternity hospital, but also teenagers whose parents are unable to fulfill their responsibilities towards them. The Casa Famiglia is rarely large - on average there can be 12 children there at the same time.

Italy is one of the most unique countries in Europe. The heiress of the Roman Empire, having passed through the centuries, she managed to preserve and develop the features of the national culture, the main one of which is the combination of clanism and authoritarianism with total freedom. The main role in such a value system is played by the family, in which the foundations of the Italian personality are laid.

Although Italy is no longer officially a Catholic country, the church continues to play an important role in shaping the structure of Italian life. Religion remains an important part everyday life many Italians. On the other hand, Italians are surprisingly tolerant of moral deviations that the Catholic Church considers unacceptable. As a result, in petty crimes, fraud and adultery, although they are not approved, usually see manifestations of human weaknesses and do not attach much importance to them. This means that Italians can be surprisingly flexible and understanding in difficult situations.

For an Italian, the importance of family cannot be overestimated. For Italians, a family is not only a wife, husband and child, but also parents, as well as numerous relatives on one side and the other. In fact, the family is not just a unit of society, it is the basis of the state structure, due to which the country has a highly developed bureaucracy, and 80% of Italian business consists of family enterprises.

Compared to Russia, Italian parents have children at a later age. According to statistics, Italian men and women get married no earlier than 27 years of age. Such late weddings are a consequence of fairly strict laws, according to which the divorce process takes 5 years.

Italians pay special attention to the education of the younger generation. Despite the fact that Italian children are considered the most ill-mannered in Europe (according to the results of a survey conducted under the leadership of Italian psychologist Massimo Cicogna), this can be attributed more to the peculiarities of the Italian mentality. The fact is that children in this country are allowed everything. They are always visible and heard almost all day, with the exception of siesta (afternoon rest time), when children, like their parents, do not miss the opportunity to take a nap. This is why in Italian families children go to bed quite late.

From early childhood, parents introduce their children to all aspects of social life. In Italy, a common picture is when two or three young mothers sit in a cafe, discussing the latest social news, and the kids frolic nearby. Moreover, the reaction of others to the noise and commotion in the restaurant will be calm. For this case, there is a wonderful Neapolitan proverb “Ogni scarafone é bello a mamma soja” (“Whatever the child enjoys…”). Subsequently, such an educational tradition is reflected in the character of a simple Italian - a freedom-loving, morally uninhibited person.

Despite the significant economic decline, which is very clearly observed in Italy in recent years, Italian parents have not gotten rid of the habit of pampering their children. If a child, passing by a toy store, points his finger at another plastic car or doll, then he will certainly get this toy. However, often this behavior of parents should be regarded not as attention to the needs of the child, but as simple servility. Kids scream so much that it is easier for them to buy a toy than to explain why this cannot be done. Thus, parents do not serve their children the best best example. This happens from generation to generation. At the same time, it is the economic recession that causes the low birth rate. Today Italy ranks last in terms of the number of newborns in Europe. This is also an indirect reason for permissiveness towards children.

Another problem is that the upbringing process itself begins in Italy when the child turns 10-12 years old.

Before this, from the age of three, the child is first educated in kindergarten(scuola materna), where he is prepared for a more adult life according to the methods of the famous teacher Maria Montessori, an important feature of which is the early development of children and independent assessment of their own results. Training, as in Russia, lasts from September to June, but instead of a five-point system, verbal grades are given - “excellent”, “good”, etc. It is noteworthy that disabled children study together with other children, which allows early age lay the foundations of tolerance.

From the age of six, children in Italy begin to study in primary school, which is divided into two stages - scuola elementare 1 and scuola elementare 2. For five years, children study general education subjects, passing a test at the end of each stage. Upon completion primary school Children receive a primary school certificate (diploma di licenza elementare) and move on to secondary school (scuola media), where they study until the age of 14. After each year of study, exams are held according to the pass/fail system. If the student fails this test, he is retained for the second year.

The matriculation exam at age 18 opens the way to entering university and obtaining a bachelor's degree. High school graduates can enter educational institutions various profiles, classified in Italy as the highest system high school(scuola secondaria superiore). These are analogues of vocational educational institutions (technical institutes, vocational schools, art schools, colleges) and lyceums. They study from 14 to 19 years of age. In this case, the main dropout occurs during training. According to statistics, only half of those admitted graduate from such institutions.

Preparation for entering universities is carried out in lyceums. There are three varieties: classical (liceo classico), technical (liceo tecnico) and natural sciences (liceo scientifico). The curriculum of all lyceums includes Italian literature, Latin, mathematics, physics, natural sciences, philosophy, and history. Graduates take an exam (esame di maturita), very similar to the French baccalaureate exam, and receive a certificate of maturity (diploma di maturita), with which they can enter university.

The classical lyceum provides general preparation for entering the university, and its graduates have the right to enter any faculty. Accordingly, in the other two types of lyceums, the emphasis is on the study of certain sciences. The remaining educational institutions at this level provide vocational training. These include technical institutes (istituto tecnico) and vocational institutes (istituto professionale), which teach crafts, commerce and hospitality.

What comes to mind when you think of an Italian family? Surely one imagines a matron in a flowered dress with a child in her arms and several more offspring clinging to the mother’s skirt. And dad is in the background, sitting in a chair, reading a newspaper or watching a football match. But I have to disappoint you: Italians have changed.

They still love children, but...strangers and from afar. It turns out that Italy has the lowest birth rate among other European countries. Thus, in the Apennines there are 1.34 children per woman, while in neighboring France this figure is already 1.98. Bel Paese is not China, and there is no need to limit the birth rate legally, because even despite numerous calls and exhortations of the last Popes, the local residents do not want to properly “be fruitful and multiply.”

Italians in most cases - mainly for a number of economic reasons - limit themselves to only one child, and even then they have one after the age of 30, or even closer to 40, when they are already confidently on their feet, financially secure and have been able to pay off a large sum. part of the loan for the apartment. And only immigrants in Italy do not stop at one child... There was even a story about a native of either Algeria or Morocco, who made an unfortunate joke, noting that soon there would be no Italians left in Italy at all, because they did not want to have children, in while they - immigrants - give birth to as many children as Allah sends them.

But once they give birth, Italians dote on their offspring! They are allowed literally everything, and it is not for nothing that Italian children have a reputation for being the most ill-mannered in all of old Europe. In many Mediterranean countries - but still on a special scale here in Italy - it is customary to idolize children, considering them almost a miracle!

So the average Italian, as soon as he sees a woman with a child, immediately breaks into a smile, sticks his head into the stroller to get a better look at the child, lisps and makes faces and will certainly ask the mother in detail about how old she is, what her name is and what this cute one looks like Creation. A touching picture, isn't it? But only from the outside: imagine that as soon as you stop - whether in the subway, waiting for a train, or crossing the road at a traffic light, or sitting on a bench in the park - how you and your stroller are immediately attacked with advice and compliments by talkative and noisy child-lovers!

The reason for this enthusiasm lies not so much in the all-consuming love for children, but in the ease with which Italians express their own emotions, without really limiting themselves to basic standards of decency. The principle is extremely simple: if I like something (someone), then I will tell the whole world about it!

And yet, Italian children - despite the selfless love of their parents and the sympathy of passers-by - cannot be envied. Why? Italians drag their offspring everywhere, to restaurants and shops, until late at night, until the child falls asleep in the stroller from exhaustion. And not because parents are unable to part with their adored child or have no one to leave him with, but because rocking a child to sleep is too difficult a task. As well as teaching children good table manners and how to behave in public without raising heart-rending screams around the area for no reason or no reason.

Well, meanwhile, the dads are still reading the newspaper, isolating it from everything and everyone. And if you want to admire a caring Italian mother preparing spaghetti for her five offspring, then watch old Italian films with Sophia Loren...