Problems communicating with classmates: causes and solutions. I'm moving to a new school: how to make friends with classmates? Relationships between classmates at school

It’s good when friendships with classmates form on their own and school becomes practically a second home. But what to do if not everything is so smooth? Show miracles of diplomacy, be wise and patient! How to do it? Now we'll tell you!

Like-minded people: how to find them?

Much easier to build a good relationship with those who are somewhat similar to you. With those who have the same interests and hobbies. Is your classmate Masha, like you, interested in biology? This is a great reason to work together on a report or project, even if you weren't friends before. The main thing is not to be afraid to take the initiative, because most of your peers would be happy to meet new people, but are embarrassed to take the first step, despite their proud appearance.

Do any of the guys listen to music that you like? Great! Ask them about new bands and songs or tell them yourself. Musical preferences are generally a very important topic, it is about feelings, emotions and even fashion, and it always unites, and this is very valuable!

But what to do if no one in the class shares your hobbies, and your feelings and thoughts are not understood? Don't get upset and don't rush to change just to please others.

First of all, you need to understand: are you somehow different from the others, or do you just want to stand out from them?

If you ride a longboard while others paint roses on their nails, or read and re-read books while others discuss TV series, then we have good news for you: being special is a reason to be proud! After all, this means that you think outside the box and do what you like.

Remember that everything in life changes. Your tastes may also change, and you will be able to find like-minded people among your classmates. Or maybe one of them will soon begin to share your interests!

Life is unpredictable: now you have nothing in common with your desk neighbor, and tomorrow he will create a fan chat of your favorite series. Learn to discover new things in people!

Compliments and support: how not to overdo it?

Do you love when you are praised and told pleasant words? So, others too! I saw Nice dress from a classmate? Be sure to give her a compliment, she will be pleased! Has a classmate prepared an interesting report on history? Don't envy him, but praise him. Do you see that someone is in a bad mood or has tears in their eyes? Come up, offer help or just listen - sometimes that's enough.

Why can't you overdo it? If you praise everyone and reassure everyone “for show,” your classmates will notice or feel it. Insincerity can be seen from a mile away and always makes the situation worse, and you can also get a reputation as a suck-up. Therefore, show your participation sincerely and only when it is truly appropriate.

Empathy - what is it and why do I need it?

Empathy is understanding the feelings of another person and the ability to put yourself in their shoes. Can you imagine what’s going through your friend’s head when she got a bad grade, or your sister’s when she had a fight with someone? Do you know how not to add fuel to the fire? To better understand people and connect with them faster mutual language, often imagine yourself in the place of others and try to treat them the way you would like them to treat you.

Gossip: how to rise above it?

It’s one thing to say only good things about a person, but quite another to spread rumors behind his back and start a real epidemic. If someone tells you a piece of gossip, ask yourself: “Would I want people to tell this about me?” And if not, make sure the chain ends with you. And if you yourself have become a victim of unpleasant slander, the advice familiar from childhood will work: do not pay attention.

The gossiper needs your reaction: tears, screams... But, in general, it doesn’t matter what it will be. But if you manage to maintain composure in an uncomfortable situation for yourself, then in the future it will not even occur to anyone to laugh at you. After all, you are above this. This means that your offenders will quickly lose their interest.

But what to do if ignoring it doesn’t help at all? You're not going to transfer to another school because of a couple of gossips! There is no other way out - you will have to talk to your offenders. Try to talk to someone who is spreading gossip about you in private; there is no need for extra ears here. Maintain your composure and never raise your voice. Find out the reason why gossip is being spread about you. It is quite possible that you have somehow offended someone who is saying nasty things about you now. Or maybe it's just envy? In any case, knowing the reason for such conversations will help you deal with them faster.

Bullying: how to avoid it?

Almost everyone is familiar with the situation when a class is divided into several separate groups that do not perceive each other. Or even worse: when everyone starts to bully one of the students. Nowadays this is called the fashionable word “bullying”. And here the empathy exercise will help us again. Put yourself in the place of someone who is teased, offended, and humiliated by everyone. What is it like for him to study in such a class? Does he like going to school? How does he wake up in the morning? Are you sure you want to participate in this mess?

Try to remain neutral and sane. And if it is in your power, then try to help the one who is being offended. Start by getting your friends on your side. And be sure to draw the attention of your class teacher to what is happening. If everyone is bullying one person, it is not at all necessary that he is the problem. Much more often it turns out that other relationships in the class are not as good as you might have thought before.

What to do if you are the target of bullying? Unfortunately, there is no universal recipe. You cannot sort things out one-on-one with your offender; it is completely ineffective. You need to work with the whole company, because bullying always involves more than two participants. After all, your class and teachers are witnesses who are also affected by the unfolding drama. They also take part in the process, albeit as observers.

The main thing you need to do is call bullying bullying, violence, indicate that the actions of the aggressors have been noticed, and you want to stop it. Do not remain silent under any circumstances! If you remain silent and endure because you might be considered a snitch, the situation will only get worse! Report that you are being bullied to the class teacher or a school psychologist. Talking to the whole class is not only your concern, but also the direct responsibility of adults and experienced teachers.

What is your relationship with your classmates?

If you have already noticed that your child is reluctant to go to class, does not say anything about school life and classmates, and never turns to them for help, it is quite possible that he is lonely. Your child's class teacher will help confirm your concerns.

Having worked at schools for many years, I often come across the fact that even in large classes, some children remain lonely until the very end. High school prom. Years later, they are reluctant to remember their school days.

What to do when the problem is already obvious? Run to school and deal with unfriendly classmates? Putting pressure on a child? Or maybe transfer him to another class or school? Let's look for a way out of this situation together.

Why is the child lonely?

First, you need to figure out why the child was included in the list of rejected people.

The most common causes of school loneliness are:

• self-doubt, shyness, isolation;
• unkempt or unusual appearance;
• aggressiveness or authoritarian style of behavior;
• different social status in comparison with other children (low-income and children from high-income families);
• lack of communication skills;
• dysfunctional family;
• feeling of superiority over other classmates.

The list can be continued with more specific cases, but the problem of rejection can be aggravated by the fact that the child himself and his parents blame everyone for what happened, but not themselves. But we, wise and loving parents, will not take such a simple path, but will try to help our child become popular in a great team.

How to make friends

Rule 1: love yourself

For some reason, the Russian mentality does not accept the dissimilarity of people: we look with curiosity at disabled people, dark-skinned people, at people with some special appearance. But if adults, due to their upbringing and maturity, only show interest in such individuals, then children are sometimes cruel and aggressive towards “other” peers.

When your child suffers from his individuality, the only thing that can help him is self confidence.“Where can I get it if the baby has gotten it into his head that he is ugly, fat, etc.,” you ask. We will draw confidence from your love for your son (daughter). If from birth he feels universal family adoration, then it will never even occur to him to be ashamed of being tall or having protruding ears. The child will feel like who you see him. Well, if they start teasing in class, give him an example of celebrities who have turned their extraordinary appearance into an advantage.

Rule 2: if you want to have friends, be a friend yourself

According to the boomerang law, we treat people the way they treat us. Encourage your child to take the initiative in building friendships.

This is especially important when a student falls into new team. If you spend a month or two looking closely at your classmates and waiting for someone to become interested in you and love you as a friend, you can waste time and never get it.

It is better to act according to the following algorithm:

• We observe the team for a day or two and notice several interest groups in the class,
• we choose the group of guys with whom we would like to communicate further,
• in the selected group, we select someone who makes eye contact when speaking, often smiles and laughs, communicates not only with group members, but also with others,
• we turn to such a child with some request or proposal, share knowledge on common interests,
• Then we act according to circumstances, developing friendly relations with the chosen classmate and the others.

Particularly popular in classes are kind, sympathetic children who are ready to help. Encourage your child to offer support on occasion and not try to compete with others.

Rule 3: develop a friendly demeanor

Agree that smiling, friendly people do not remain lonely. Teach your child the correct friendly manner: straight posture, arms and legs not crossed, palms in sight, a smile on the face and a pleasant expression, looking into the eyes. This will be the first step towards communication.

Rule 4: develop conversation skills

It's good if your child is naturally sociable. And if not, don’t be upset: a shy person can be taught communication skills. To do this, play out different situations with your son (daughter) at home. The role-playing games “Away”, “At School”, “At kindergarten" and others.

Your student should be able to start a conversation correctly, develop a topic for communication, express approval or denial, and ask questions. Chat with him on different topics, discuss the movie you watched, the fairy tale you read. Psychologists even advise recording such conversations on video, viewing them together with the child, analyzing them and changing roles in such a dialogue. The video recording allows the child to see from the outside his mistakes in constructing the conversation.

Rule 5: learn to manage your emotions

Children who cannot control their emotions are attacked by their peers. In other words, by teasing such children, the offenders seem to draw energy from them and enjoy their weakness.

In one of the classes, I often observed how boys teased one second-grader, Yura. In response, he screamed wildly, waved his arms and caught up with his classmates. When I asked why they offended Yura, the boys replied: “Well, why is he so hysterical?” That is, the reaction of the second grader simply amused the children.

What to do in such cases

People like Yura need to learn to take care of their energy field. Let me explain. Psychologists have long argued that each person has his own biofield. When we insult another person, our negative energy rushes into the other person’s biofield and makes an imaginary “hole” in it. The offended person sends his negative energy to you like a boomerang. It turns out that the biofields of both suffer: both the offender and the offended.

To avoid becoming a victim, it’s enough to say two words: “I’m like that myself!” Words act magically: the sent negative energy does not have time to destroy your biofield, but returns to its recipient in a mirror image. There are no hysterics, insults or fights. Teach this technique to your student - it’s been tested, it works!

Rule 6: develop leadership skills

Not everyone is born to be leaders; most people are followers and feel self-sufficient. However, a number of leadership skills will never go amiss in life.

First skill - be the first to put forward new ideas and ideas. Often shy children have even better ideas than the leaders recognized in the team, but they simply do not dare to express them. The task of parents is to allow the child to make his own choices and make some plans at home. This skill will allow you to assert yourself among your peers.

Teachers can also help children overcome indecisiveness by arranging special games: “Magic Chair”, “Compliments”, etc. We are talking about play activities, where the guys give each other affectionate names, say nice words, emphasize best qualities. Such games show shy children that they are treated well.

Second skill - ability to say “no”. Some guys, trying to win the friendship of their classmates, yield to them in everything. This behavior can have very dangerous consequences. The method of playing real situations followed by video recording, described above, can teach you to resist other people’s pressure.

And finally a few simple tips. Promote your child’s communication with peers, invite them to visit, allow him to stay late at rehearsals, school sections, etc. Help your child find friends with similar interests at various clubs, development centers, etc. Be an example of a true friend yourself.

Today, the question of how to find a common language with classmates has taken the form of a communication problem among students.

This has become one of the most current topics, since according to research conducted by school psychologists, more than 50% of students cannot find a common language with their classmates.

Communication with peers is a very important part of learning the world and self-knowledge.

Each person is individual, he has his own inner world, it has its own character and its own characteristics. This is important to remember and take into account when communicating with peers.

Communication is an art and not everyone is able to establish contact with people around them, much less make friends. It is even more difficult for schoolchildren, since children tend to express emotions more vividly, fully, clearly and are less inclined to be flexible in communication. This is further complicated by the fact that children are often cruel to others, and especially if they feel that their friend is weaker. Thus, they increase their self-esteem, often without thinking about the feelings of others.

Not being accepted by the team is very difficult for children, since this is their main circle of communication and interests, the main opportunity for self-realization and recognition, and acceptance by society. Rejection into one’s team can be expressed by the group either by ignoring or physical violence. Such a negative attitude on the part of people significant to the child has a traumatic effect on his mental state.

In order for a child to successfully integrate into the school community, be accepted by classmates and find friends, it is necessary to be interesting to those around him. To be accepted, you need to learn to accept people yourself, with their character and characteristics.

Adaptation in a team largely depends on the child’s self-esteem; the more adequate it is, the easier it is for him to find a common language with team members.

Children express their emotions very openly and sense falsehood. Therefore, you should not try to earn the attention of your classmates with flattery and ingratiation; no one will like this and will give a completely opposite result.

In cases where children show verbal aggression in the form of name-calling, accusations, insults, thereby trying to humiliate the interlocutor and raise their self-esteem at his expense, you should try to avoid contact of this kind and in no case engage in verbal altercations, since victory is already initially on the attacker's side.

You need to speak calmly, confidently, and clearly express your thoughts and desires.

Those around you should be interested in communicating with the child, so you need to expand your range of interests by visiting various clubs and sections. Thus, the child’s horizons will broaden, he will have something to interest the team and something to talk about. This will also allow him to communicate not only with his class, but also to find friends with similar interests.

In order to be able to carry on a conversation with classmates, you need to find out what they are interested in and try to take an interest in this too, then you will have something to talk about during breaks.

It is necessary to develop the child in different directions, then the child himself will be able to set topics for conversation and be interesting to the team.

Another component of constructive communication is flexibility. You should not be too categorical; you should show loyalty to your classmates, but at the same time be persistent and defend your opinion.

Organizing joint activities brings people very close together. Therefore, it is worth doing a common cause or organizing joint leisure, spend time together and preferably outside of school and class, this will allow each child to show a new side of themselves and be interesting to their classmates.

Your child is studying at school and it is very important for him to find a common language with his classmates. If parents notice that their child goes to school without desire, does not tell either mom or dad how his school days are going, and does not say anything about what is happening in class, then perhaps he feels lonely there. In this case, adults need to seek help from the class teacher. He will tell parents about how the child behaves at school, how he communicates with peers, and then it will become clear whether these fears were not in vain. If a problem becomes apparent, parents should consider what they can do to help their child. It would be a mistake if they decide to urgently visit school to deal with unfriendly classmates. You also cannot blame your child or put pressure on him. Some parents firmly believe that they should transfer their child to another class or another school. You need to find a decent way out of this situation and decide what to do right.

Which children are most disliked at school?

Children spend a lot of time at school; here they not only gain knowledge, but also communicate with peers and teachers. Relationships in any way, even friendly team, develop differently: there are quarrels, misunderstandings, conflicts. There are always guys in the class who are disliked. Classmates hardly communicate with such students; they rarely talk to them and are not friends with them. Such children are most often teased and offended. It is very important for a child not to become an outcast, and parents should help him with this.

All parents love their child for who he is, and the child gets used to being loved simply for who he is. There are different kids in the school environment and your child needs to be able to find a common language with them. An extraordinary appearance sets a child apart from generally accepted standards, and he is immediately different from his peers. Classmates may be unfriendly towards children with atypical appearance, for example, with protruding ears or overweight. Peers may dislike those children who are very different from everyone else in some way, in which case such children may become outcasts, or they begin to be given different nicknames. A nickname may be harmless, but sometimes it sticks to a person so much that they stop calling him by his name. There are students in the class who amuse all the children during lessons, imitate the teacher, and make various faces. Everyone laughs at this child’s behavior in class, but after class, such a joker is avoided and no one will become friends with him. If a child has an unstable psyche, he has attacks of anger, he begins to throw books and notebooks, he may run out of class or cry in response to a teacher’s comments or an unsatisfactory grade, none of the children will want to communicate with him. Also, classmates most often do not like those who are called croners. Such children are immediately shown a negative attitude. Children, for example, study well, even read textbooks during breaks, always do their homework, and can answer the teacher’s question, which none of the children in the class could answer. In any class there are always sneaky kids who always try to please the teacher. It is especially bad when such students curry favor with teachers and inform on others. In class they always don't like sneaking around. If parents are overprotective of their child, classmates may call him a mama's boy. Such a child is often humiliated and offended and no one wants to communicate with him.

How to help your child make friends with classmates?

Adults should help their child find his place in the school community. There are a few simple rules behaviors that a child should perform, especially if he does not know how to behave. Parents should teach their child to be kind, sympathetic, sincere, and to help others if they need help. A child will never be called greedy if he gives a classmate a notebook or pen when he forgot them at home, or treats him with candy. People need to be accepted as they are, with all their flaws. There is no need to try to change other guys, you cannot judge a classmate if he is absent-minded or inattentive. Every person is a unique individual, so you need to treat him with respect. Your child must be able to tell the truth. If classmates know that one of the children is lying to their parents and teachers, they will not want to be friends with such a person, since they cannot be trusted.

There are children who are very concerned about other people's opinions, they become dependent on this, so they gradually move away from the team. A child who lacks self-confidence is constantly forced to control his behavior and speech. This prevents him from relaxing and easily communicating with classmates. Children with emotional problems experience difficulty developing communication skills; this is due to their character traits. There are children who are cocky, touchy, and easily susceptible to provocation. If a child has no experience of communication, his classmates may simply not notice him; he withdraws from them because he does not know how to start and maintain a conversation. The task of parents in this case is to teach the child to behave in society. The problem of communication difficulties may also arise if the child frequently misses school.

The main role in the process of developing a child’s personality belongs to parents. In the family, the foundation is laid for the child to develop an assessment of his own importance, skills and capabilities; here the basic values ​​of life are instilled in him. Involving the child in social life is of particular importance. Parents should ensure that their child takes part in various competitions, events, Olympiads, and sports competitions. It’s good if the child is engaged in drawing, music, and dancing. Social activities will help you find like-minded people and friends. The child’s communication with classmates should continue outside of school, so parents should try to create conditions for this. In his free time from classes, the child will be able to establish relationships with classmates. In order to ensure that he communicates with classmates after school, you can arrange a party and allow him to invite his peers to visit. Parents can also figure out how to encourage children to communicate together in every possible way. It is important to teach your child to be responsible for his words and actions. He must correct mistakes himself, and not ask mom and dad for help. The ability to approach problems with humor will also help your child improve relationships in the classroom.

It is important for parents to have a confidential conversation with their child. When your child comes home from school, ask not only about his grades, but also about what he learned that was useful and new, who he talked to, and whether he has a friend. Since schooling is the most important stage in the life of any child, parents should be more attentive to everything connected with it.

Not all so good. Of course, it’s great that the child has a trusting relationship with his parents and enjoys their company. However, he must definitely learn to communicate with his peers, otherwise he will adult life serious problems may lie in wait for him: it will be very difficult for him to get used to groups; the inability to find a common language with people can seriously affect his personal life and professional success, depriving him of a chance to achieve career heights.

Is it initially the parents' fault that their son or daughter is not friends with anyone?

Not at all necessary. There are children who, due to their nature, have absolutely no desire to communicate. Parents do not protect them from their peers at all; on the contrary, they would be glad if their child was friends with someone: he invited his friends to visit them, went to see them.

However, there are other families whose home is closed to guests. Children are taught that there simply cannot be good friends: they will deceive, betray, and will not do anything selflessly! Sometimes all this is said not directly, but rather veiledly. For example, it seems that parents are not against the friendship of their son or daughter with this or that child, but the latter always has some negative traits: either he is simply a worse student, or does not behave so well, or his parents are lower in grades. social status, that is, they can communicate, but their beloved child will not have much benefit from this communication. Children are very subtle psychologists: they perfectly capture the thoughts of their parents and try not to go against their will, sometimes they even play along with adults, every now and then informing them about certain mistakes of their schoolmates.

If the parents never limited the child’s communication with other children, did not prevent his school friends from visiting their home, did not discuss the shortcomings of other children or their parents in his presence, then it is their fault that their son or daughter does not have it turns out to be “friends”, no!

What could the child himself be to blame for?

The children's team is often harsh and even cruel, but, admittedly, to some extent fair. What kind of companions do children not like? Those who behave arrogantly, aggressively, are greedy, complain to parents on every occasion, and lie to teachers. One negative trait is enough for the guys to turn away from their classmate. And children don’t like being dirty. Let their parents constantly remind them that they need to wash themselves and be neat in their clothes - they are intolerant of other people’s weaknesses!

How to help your child find a common language with other children?

First you need to find out the reason why there are no children in the class who sympathize with him. How to do it? First, listen carefully to the child himself and force him to tell the truth. Let him tell in detail how his classmates treat him and how he responds to them. Secondly, be sure to talk with teachers, specifically ask them a question: have they noticed that the child does not find a common language with his friends? What, in their opinion, may be the reason for such isolation from the team. Thirdly, muster up the courage and listen to the children themselves: in primary and secondary grades, children are still quite open, they do not know how to dissemble, they can exaggerate the problem a little, but, in general, the picture should become clearer from their answers.

Help must be correct!

When trying to help a child adapt among his peers, parents must be extremely tactful: rude interference in the personal space of their son or daughter is fraught with consequences, even if they are still just children. How to do this so that the child does not get offended or become withdrawn? It is impossible to give specific advice: parents must feel for themselves when and at what moment they can start a conversation with their child about his problems, and be able to find the appropriate words.

If you have to contact third parties - teachers or classmates of the child, then do this as delicately as possible in relation to the latter. Ask the teacher to keep the conversation secret from your son or daughter; talk not with all children, but with the most friendly, responsible, independent - those whose opinions will be quite objective. The teacher can again tell you which child to contact.

You also need to prepare for a conversation with classmates. You should not ask such too straightforward questions: “Why don’t you love my child? What did he do to you? You can start the conversation with neutral topics: “Which lessons do you like best? What do you want to become? And only then, when the children start talking, joke: “Why doesn’t anyone come to visit us?” Or again, half-jokingly ask: “Does my son (or daughter) offend anyone in class?”