What to do if a child lies and steals. Why do children steal and how to wean your child off the bad habit?

Almost every child at least once in his life tries to take something he likes that does not belong to him. It largely depends on the reaction of adults what this situation will become for the child - a new step in understanding the boundaries and rules of human communication or the idea of ​​himself as a criminal.

Usually, parents understand theft as virtually every case when their child (especially an adopted child!) takes someone else’s thing without asking. It is very important for adults to remember that theft as such has a number of fundamental features, which will be discussed below, and there is no need to rush to “labels” and tragic conclusions.

Why does a child take someone else's: 8 reasons

There can be many reasons why a child takes things or valuables that do not belong to him without asking. Let's name them.

Lack of awareness. Until a certain age, children do not understand the concepts of “own” and “alien.” If none of the adults specifically set the task of teaching the child to follow the rule “you can’t take someone else’s property without asking,” then until entering broad social reality (usually school age), the child may have very vague ideas about “property.”

Children growing up in an orphanage do not have “their own” and, accordingly, do not understand what “alien” is. In a social way of life, everything around is common, so taking without permission does not at all mean “stealing.” On the contrary, “whoever took the first gets the slippers.” In addition, children from orphanage or from a dysfunctional family have different ideas about money, its value and where it comes from than their adoptive parents. The difference in ideas, experience and moral standards leads to the fact that from the child’s point of view the strength of the experiences of the adoptive family will be incomprehensible if he “just took” what he liked.

Kleptomania, which some parents who have heard about such a mental disorder fear, is not a feature of children from disadvantaged families, but a disease. The disease is quite rare, not genetically inherited and does not depend on social origin. Psychiatrists diagnose him. Over many years of practice working with adopted children, the authors of this book have never encountered it even once, although they have dealt quite a lot with neurotic and other forms of “ child theft».

Neurotic theft. This type of theft can occur in children who have experienced psychological trauma, are unsure of their current situation, are afraid of the future, have low self-esteem. This is a kind of attempt to fill the “black hole” of anxiety caused by a lack of love in the past, usually in early childhood.

The pleasure associated with a sense of risk, excitement and appropriation of what is desired temporarily fills the inner emptiness. But since this is only a replacement for a real need, it does not satiate for long. After experiencing emotions, the desired calm comes, and anxiety goes away for a while. However, later it reappears, aggravated by feelings of guilt and the feeling that “I am bad.”

In some cases, children in families where parents have a bad relationship may unconsciously use “difficult behavior,” including stealing, as a way to bring their parents together.

Conspicuous theft. The child deliberately violates the prohibition not to take something, although he understands perfectly well that he will get caught - as if he is doing it “out of spite.” After the theft is discovered, he behaves defiantly, is rude, denies it, and lies to his face. Most likely, this is the so-called “protest behavior.” Perhaps the child is testing the boundaries: what will adults do? And at the same time he challenges them: “You won’t do anything to me!” This is a kind of struggle for control, an attempt to measure strength with adults.

Some children during the period of adaptation to foster family can thus check the boundaries and degree of reliability of the relationship: will he be returned from the family to orphanage. Moreover, for some this is supported by real experience when they were rejected for such offenses.

It is also possible that in this way the child “knocks out” special attention to himself. Some children, deprived of love and care, come to the conclusion that the only way to get an adult's attention is to make him angry. Punishment scares them less than indifference. Moreover, they sometimes mistake ordinary restraint for indifference, especially if they are accustomed to shouting and beatings.

Increasing importance. Sometimes children associate the presence of certain things with a sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Envy of things is a manifestation of a sense of self-worth, which often occurs in children rejected by their natural parents. In the teenage environment, there are strict rules: if you don’t have what “all of us” have, you are a “loser,” an outcast, a “black sheep.” That is, for teenagers, owning something is also a way to avoid ridicule and bullying, which they are terrified of. If a child with a happy childhood and a strong home base behind him is more often able to cope with such a situation, then adopted child succumbs to social rejection.

Blackmail. Stronger peers or older children may force a child to steal. This can be either a condition for acceptance into the group (“Are you weak?!”, “Are you a little boy, a mama’s boy?”), or direct threats of physical violence, which the child can pay off with money or things.

Learning. Children who lived in dysfunctional families do the same things that adults do. For example, if adults were engaged in theft, then for a child this was a normal life situation.

In addition, for children, repeating the actions of their biological parents in some cases can be a way of maintaining family identity, attachment to their family: “I act like dad.”

Actually theft can be considered a planned appropriation of someone else's property for the sake of its material value, in the case where a person is aware of the social and moral prohibition on such actions, is aware of the degree of harm to the victims of theft and the possibility of punishment for himself. It is also important to consider the person's age and his ability to understand and control his actions.

Why does an adopted child steal?

It turns out that in many cases, when a child takes someone else’s property, this is not theft. Adults’ experiences can be caused not so much by the child’s act itself, but by their own fears or characteristics social situation, for example, when others condemn the family and child.

Fears that theft is connected precisely with the fact that the child is adopted are justified. Only . Moral development is directly related to the experience of successful attachment. The basis of the “voice of conscience” is not so much the fear of punishment as the fear of losing the love and respect of loved ones, as well as the ability to sympathize with other people.

Most children raised in their own prosperous families, by the senior preschool age, know what is “possible” and “impossible”, “good” and “bad”. However, at first they simply “don’t want to upset mom,” “don’t want to quarrel with dad.” Children become able to follow moral standards independently and consciously, according to the “internal law of conscience,” much later, by about 12 years of age.

In addition, the ability to control oneself, one’s spontaneous impulses, including taking what one wants, also develops around this age. This is connected not only with the social and intellectual development of the child, but also with the development of his nervous system.

If a child had a dysfunctional early childhood, there are delays in the development of conscience: it is difficult for him to sympathize with others and take care of their feelings, because he did not have such experience. He did not have a relationship that he would value more than anything else, so the momentary value of the thing he liked comes to the fore.

Delays in intellectual development, increased anxiety and instability of the nervous system - this and all of the above mean that adopted children may require, firstly, significantly more time to learn correct behavior, and secondly, external control from adults is required longer. “Control” does not mean suspicion of the child and a hostile attitude towards him, but the creation of a system of clear requirements and support for the child in the process of learning new rules of life.

In addition, if the reason for appropriating someone else’s property is not commercialism, but other reasons described above, you need to fight not with the external manifestation of the problem, but with its source. Solve problems of neuroticism, loss, the child’s desire to maintain contact with his birth family, etc. Then the problem of “theft” will disappear over time as unnecessary, since another, more successful way will be found to solve the real difficulties that existed in the child’s life.

The child was caught stealing. What should parents do?

Realize the real impact of your actions. When faced with difficult child behavior, especially on a day-to-day basis, adults may experience different feelings and sometimes even break down. But if we are talking about the conscious behavior of an adult, you need to ask yourself: what is my goal? What information will my child receive from me? Physical violence, of course, teaches the child that it is better not to get caught in his misdeeds, and also that when parents are angry, they scream and fight. But this will not teach the child to understand exactly why it is wrong to steal. And certainly not teach him not to do this. Rather, he will learn to more carefully hide his misdeeds from specific people. Therefore, after any emotional outburst, you need to start planning for the formation of changes in the child’s behavior.

Collect complete and unbiased information about what happened. Unfortunately, there is a prejudiced attitude towards children from an orphanage, and the child may be unfairly accused.

Remember that a child who has committed an offense is not a criminal. What happened is a chance for him to master some important rules human community. Hanging “labels” leads to “social hypnosis”, depriving the child of choice in the future: after all, he is already a thief, what is there to think about?

Look for the real reasons. Try to understand what this situation is like from the child’s point of view, what his intentions were and how he understands the result. To do this, you need to listen to him carefully and calmly. It is also important to know the child's life history, because in addition to how the child himself explains his behavior, objective problems and developmental features.

Take into account the age and developmental characteristics of the child. Often adults tolerate the fact that a child is lagging behind in growth or learning, but cannot tolerate delays in the development of conscience. In fact, this is a development zone like the others. A child whose biological age is 12 years old may be morally equivalent to 6 years old. And parents who deal with it will have to base their actions on this reality.

Explain to the child in detail and clearly why his action is bad. Why can’t you take someone else’s property without asking, even if you want to? Tell directly or through fairy tales/games how someone who has had something stolen feels: humiliation, resentment, how bad he feels. What does he lose in relationships with people who takes what belongs to others? Explain that the desire to take someone else’s property visits all people in childhood, and how people overcome this, etc.

Offer a way out of the situation. Compensation for moral and material damage (to the extent possible) for victims. You definitely need to ask for forgiveness with your child (explaining why!), without publicly disgracing him or leaving him alone in this situation. Find a way for the child himself to compensate for the damage caused: return it, make something new with his own hands, give his own in return for what was wasted, etc.

Express confidence(do not demand promises, do not threaten, but express firm confidence) that in the future the child will learn to cope with the temptation to take someone else’s. It is very important that parents clearly express their position: “You are our child. We feel bad about this particular action, but not about you. You are dear to us, so we will ensure that you learn to act differently.”

Show respect for property by your own behavior, including to the child’s own things, ask permission, do not rummage through his things. And do not provoke the child by leaving money and valuables in a visible place until you are sure that the child has learned to cope with the situation.

Solve the child's real problems that are behind the theft. If parents cannot understand what motivates their child, it is worth contacting child psychologist.

Believe in your child. Being on his side does not mean denying the problem, but indicates that the child himself and the relationship with him are more important to the parents than individual, even serious problems in his behavior.

Child theft:

who is to blame and what to do?

Each of us dreams that our children’s lives will be successful. Therefore, when faced with child theft, most often we begin to panic and frantically think about the total depravity of our child, imagining his future as exclusively criminal, or suspect that our child has “thief genes” and, as a result, the development of kleptomania.

Child theft is truly one of the most serious problems faced by parents, educators, and teachers. Cases of child theft are not that rare. Almost every child has taken something that belongs to someone else at least once in their life.

The reaction of adults plays a big role in solving this problem, because the position they take largely determines whether a similar situation will happen again.

Let's figure out what pushes a child to such unseemly acts and how adults should act in such cases.

Theft - This is the appropriation or consumption of material or spiritual values ​​that do not belong to a person without prior permission or notification of the owner of these values.

Often, especially if cases of theft are repeated, they talk about kleptomania. But this is a misconception, because by definition kleptomania (from the Greek “klepto” – I steal, “mania” – madness) –this is a mental disorder manifested in an obsessive, sudden desire to steal things. It is quite a rare occurrence. This disease affects about 0.05% of people around the globe, while in childhood it practically never occurs. We will talk about this phenomenon in more detail a little later.

Psychological portrait of a “thief”

Recent studies by psychologists have shown that all children who steal are characterized by certain personal characteristics In addition, the relationships and the atmosphere that prevails in their families and in their immediate environment also turn out to be similar.

In most cases, it turns out that theft is a child’s reaction to traumatic life circumstances.

Often in families of children who steal, there is emotional coldness, alienation, and even hostility between parents and relatives. A child from such a family either feels that he is not loved, or in early childhood experienced some kind of psychological trauma associated with the relationships of close relatives.

If you try to compose psychological portrait stealing child, then it can be noted that his characteristic features are goodwill, openness, but at the same time not the ability to establish relationships with others. Often these children give the impression of being dependent and childish. As a rule, they are insecure, vulnerable, and need support and emotional acceptance from loved ones. Thieves are also often characterized by insufficient development of will.

The most common mistakes in parenting

provoking child theft

The main mistakes in education that contribute to child theft include the following:

• lack of consistency in education:in one situation the child is punished, and in another they “turn a blind eye” to the offense, or threaten to punish, but do not punish;
• inconsistency of adult demands:dad allows, but mom forbids;
• "double standards":the parents' actions are at odds with the case. For example, parents instill in their child that “you can’t take someone else’s,” but they themselves bring home from work something that “doesn’t fit well.” The child, sincerely believing in the authority and infallibility of his parents, follows their example and for a long time cannot understand why he is scolded if he acts like mom and dad;
• permissive situation:raising a child in the “family idol” style: the child grows up with the thought “I am the best”, he does not learn to take into account the opinions of other people, he is guided only by his own desires and interests. Such children, when they find themselves in a group, continue to behave in the same way as in the family, sincerely not understanding why they cannot take what they want;

total control over the child’s behavior and actions:Some children take an active defensive position, constantly showing stubbornness and getting into arguments over any reason. Others “go underground,” continuing to commit acts condemned by adults, but at those moments when no attention is paid to them.

Age-related characteristics of children's theft

• In a child aged 1 - 3 years The concept of “one’s own versus someone else’s” has not yet been formed.At this age, the child is not yet able to understand what property is, and therefore he is sure that everything in the world “belongs” to him, and as a result of this, on a walk or at a party, the child can take any toy he likes. The child himself, without the help of adults, cannot understand that taking other people's things is not good. Therefore, the formation of the concept of “property” is the task of parents.
• Age 4-6 years - the age of formation of moral habits, but this does not mean that they have already been established. As a rule, children are already able to distinguish between “mine” and “not mine” and have the concept of personal space and personal property. But, on the other hand, it is often difficult for a child to curb the impulsiveness of his desires, which can lead to theft.
• By 6-7 years Usually, voluntary behavior is formed, subordinate to internal social norms, but some children have difficulties with this. Usually these children are more active and excitable; it is difficult for them not only to restrain their desires, but also to simply sit calmly during classes. The cause of impulsivity may be temperamental characteristics (increased activity), and temporary neurotic reactions to any mental trauma (divorce of parents, moving, entering school), and serious mental disorders (for example, mental retardation).
• Between the ages of 8 and 10-11 yearsIn children, theft is often associated with insufficient development of the volitional sphere: the child has a hard time responding to his “I want!” firmly say “no!” to yourself. It is very difficult for such children to cope with temptation, although they feel shame for their action. The child knows that stealing is wrong, but is unable to resist his “want” and commits theft.
• For a teenager 12-15 years oldtheft is already a conscious step, and maybe already bad habit. There are often cases when teenagers are drawn into a vicious circle by force or cunning. Most often, teenagers steal in order to be accepted, to belong in a peer group, or to extort money from them. The so-called “theft of prestige” is very typical for teenagers: the child is egged on by peers, arguing the need for theft by maintaining status in the group, “as a bet.” AlsoStealing at this age may be an alarming signal about the presence of some kind of physiological dependence.

Reasons for child theft and ways to overcome it

Typically, researchers of this problem identifythree main, global reasonschild theft:

But in real life, the range of reasons for child theft is much wider. Let's look at some of them.

1. The child can imitate adults, copy their behavior.This, of course, does not literally mean that parents steal themselves or teach their children to do it. Often, parents simply do not think about the consequences of their words and actions.

It happens that, returning from the store, my mother says: “I took a piece of cheese today.” Considering that a small child has concrete thinking, he will most likely understand the word “Took” literally. And since the parents are the authority for the child, then since the mother “took it,” it means the child can too!

It happens that someone in the family brings something home from work. For example, dad brings paper and says to the child: “Here, I brought you paper, draw.” The child knows that they don’t buy anything at work, which means they take it themselves. This is how the child gradually develops the idea that it is normal to take what he wants.

Perhaps the parents at home discuss other people who receive their livelihood through dishonest means, at the same time showing their envy or saying that such people should be followed as an example.

And if something similar happens more than once, then what can be demanded from the child? So it turns out that the parents themselves taught the child to steal.

1. Careless attitude towards moneyin the family can also push a child to steal. In a wealthy family, usually none of the adults really count money; it is always available. The child always has pocket money. But it happens that the money has run out, and for some reason it is impossible to ask your parents for it at the moment (they are not at home or have a quarrel). The child justifies himself by saying that his parents would have given him anyway, so why ask.
2. One of the possible reasons is trouble in the family sphere,lack of parental love, desire to attract attention. If parents are too focused on their own affairs, or there is trouble in the marital relationship, or a new baby has been born in the family, the child may feel lonely and abandoned, he may feel that his parents pay less attention to him, or even that he is not loved, or that they are unfair to him. And then he can take money or some other thing from his mother’s bag, but always in such a way that the loss is easily detected. The child doesn’t really need the money itself. Theft, in this case, is a means to attract the attention of parents, a cry for help.

Thus, through theft, children unconsciously try to restore the lost connection with their parents. Having committed theft, a child attracts attention to himself, albeit negative: when he is punished, it is still better than when he is not noticed at all. Sometimes a child manages to improve, albeit temporarily, the relationship between parents: usually parents rally to solve a common problem.

For those children who seek the attention of their parents through theft, noisy scandals and severe punishments only convince them of the correctness of their chosen strategy. In such cases, it is recommended to ignore the fact of theft or treat it as an ordinary event. Parents need to communicate more with their child, be sure to approve of his actions, and praise him for any, even minor, reason. It is necessary for the child to develop a sense of self-worth, recognition, acceptance in the family and understanding, to make it clear that it is better to do actions approved by parents and society than negative ones.

1. The reason for committing theft may beparents' stinginessor a child's protest againstparental authoritarianism.

Those parents who claim that their child “has everything” are wrong. In fact, there are many little things like necessary for the child for momentary happiness that parents cannot or do not want to give.It is important that the child’s persistent desire is at least partially satisfied, and does not cause severe stress or anxiety. Exceptions are the momentary desires and whims of children. preschool age.

The situation gets worse if the child’s question “Can I..?” adults, without explaining the reasons, answer “No!”. The child immediately begins to independently search for the answer to the question: “Why not?” And he may well decide that his parents can give him money, but don’t want to. Therefore, it is important that the child knows why sometimes he cannot get what he really wants.

Or another option. The child wants to do present to someone close and asks his parents to give him pocket money, without explaining what he will spend it on. But the parents refuse: “You don’t need pocket money, we’ll buy you everything you need ourselves!” The child, in turn, decides: “They don’t understand how much I need this! They never understand me. You’ll have to look for a way out, an opportunity yourself.”

Parents themselves, without noticing it, slow down the child’s growth, depriving him of independence. This is due to misunderstandings in the family, an incorrectly chosen and applied style of raising a child, and, most importantly, a lack of trust between the child and parents.

1. Can encourage a child to stealdesire for revengeto anyone. The reasons can be very different.

It happens that a child can steal a toy that has been boasted to him for a long time or, secretly take something from someone who offended him, hit him: “I’ll take Sashka’s car because he beat me.”

It could also be a desire to cause trouble to loved ones for refusing to fulfill any of his requests: “Mom didn’t buy me a chocolate bar, for this I’ll draw it on the wall with lipstick, let him try not to buy it next time!”

Sometimes the fact of theft is explained by the child as a desire to restore justice.For example, a ten-year-old girl says: “My mother and I went to the store, there were delicious, expensive candies. I, following my mother, was indignant at their high cost. One day my mother gave me money for only one piece of candy. I hand the money to the seller and say, “One.” She: “Take it yourself,” and turned away. Well, my hand took two of them... I go back and think: “Serves you right, there’s nothing to sell so expensively!”

What all these cases have in common is that the child understands well what he is doing and why he is doing it. The fight against theft of this kind is carried out with the help of explanation, persuasion, with the help of playing conflict situations. In this case, it is important to help the child develop correct position and behavior in such situations.

The reason here is low self-esteem and lack of communication skills. It’s worth discussing the topic of “friendship” with your child, talking about how to properly get to know guys, how to interest them, and also explain that in this way it is unlikely to be possible to gain authority from a group of peers; there are other, more worthy ways for this. You can, for example, organize a children's party, a party, a joint trip to a picnic, or invite the child's friends to visit. At the same time, it is important to emphasize to friends the importance of the child, to show him respect, to show how the child is taken into account. It is also important to identify a child’s abilities and talents - this greatly increases self-esteem in the child himself and in the eyes of his peers.

1. Another serious reason for theft can be extortion from older children. In this case, parents must protect their child by stopping any attempts at intimidation or blackmail. It is important to explain to the child that in such cases he can turn to his parents and teachers for help.

If a child commits a theft

or is suspected of theft, it is forbidden :

• create hysterics and scandals;
• assume that something irreparable has happened to the baby;
• deliberately deprive a child of what he needs and because of which he took someone else’s thing;
• approve or show indifference to the fact of theft;
• blame the child if his guilt is not proven;
• demand from the child a public confession and repentance for what he has done;
• calling a child a thief and similar epithets, i.e. hang up "labels";
• compare with other children or you: “I’ve never stolen. And who are you like?”;
• do not require the child to swear that this was the first and last theft;
• Do not discuss the child’s behavior in the presence of strangers.

If you do this, it will not only not solve the problem, but will aggravate it; the child may withdraw into himself, stop trusting adults and, possibly, will continue to steal.

How to act correctly

in case of detection of theft

Each specific case of theft requires separate consideration. First of all, you need to find out the situation in detail. Much will depend on the age of the child and the circumstances of the event, the reasons for the theft and the child’s motivation.

Parents who are faced with the fact that their children are stealing canadvise the following:

1. When you hear that your child stole something, try to restrain your emotions, especially if the child is nearby. Strictly but politely promise to look into everything. Know: the child is watching your reaction. In order not to mess things up, control yourself, remain calm and coldly reasonable.
2. As soon as you calm down, collect as much objective information about what happened as possible. Question witnesses. For example, if your child’s classmate has become a victim, do not rush to run to his parents, first talk to class teacher the victim.
3. Don't pretend that nothing happened. Tell your child that you know about his actions and would like to discuss everything. Do not put pressure on the child under any circumstances. If possible, ask him to tell you everything himself when he is ready. Give him a couple of days to think about it. If he is truly guilty and considers himself as such, then this time will be a difficult test for him. Well, if your child is not guilty of anything, he will very soon clarify the situation himself.
4. Don't throw hysterics and scandals. Forceful punishment is the most seductive and the most ineffective, since it does not solve the problem that has arisen, but often aggravates it. It does not promote trust between parents and child and may encourage the child to do a better job of hiding stolen property next time. By giving vent to your indignation, you can ruin a child’s life, deprive him of confidence in the right to good attitude others, and thereby self-confidence.
5. It is important to talk kindly and privately with the child: find out where the item came from, how he further wanted to dispose of the stolen property. What kind of relationship does the child have with the owner of the item? This way you can understand the child’s motivation.
6. You need to let the child understand how upsetting the parents are about what is happening, but it is better not to call the incident “theft,” “theft,” or “crime.” Calm conversation, discussion feelings, joint search for solutions better to clarify the relationship.
7. It is worth paying attention to how the child himself feels about his action - he is ashamed, he repents, or believes that everything that happened is in the order of things. If there is no feeling of guilt at all, the parents' assessment should be sharp and definite: the child should feel that such behavior is unacceptable and condemned. It is important to express confidence that, of course, this will not happen again.
8. There is no need to strive to cause an open feeling of guilt in the child, or to destroy the child’s psychological defenses. It is necessary for the child to understand that theft is condemned by everyone and leads to a deterioration in relationships, and the results of theft (for example, buying friendship with stolen money) do not lead to achieving the goal.
9. You can give a negative review actions of the child, but not the individual , with specific condemnation of such behavior.
10. It is necessary to talk about the consequences of such an act from the perspective of the experiences and feelings of a person who has lost his favorite thing, money.
11. We must not allow the child to be judged publicly and do not insist on demonstrative apologies.
12. If possible, organize the return of the stolen item, preferably without witnesses. If it is impossible to return it this way, pretend that the child found it and return it to the owner. Share responsibility with the child, help him correct the situation.
13. If money is stolen from your parents, you need to express your grief over their absence and tell them what they were intended for. You can limit the whole family in something significant - for example, we don’t eat sweets for a month, don’t go to the cinema, etc., until the stolen amount is collected.
14. When discussing what happened, you need to remember that strong negative feelings can cause the child to hide all actions that he considers shameful or bad.
15. Help your child cope with the effects of stress. Tell him that you are proud of his courage, because admitting openly oneself guilty is an act. If the theft that the child committed was deliberate, tell him that you read in the newspaper or saw a report on TV about a boy who could not find the strength to confess in time and was so confused in his mistakes that... The continuation of the story will depend on impressionability of your child.
16. And most importantly, it is very important to make it clear to your child that you can always count on the help of your parents in a difficult situation.

Prevention of child theft

The best prevention of child theft is complete mutual trust between parents and child. In a family where parents do not lie, children answer them in kind, and theft is rare.

It happens that a child does not have his own personal territory, his own personal belongings, which he can completely dispose of at his own discretion. He does not form the concept of “one’s own - someone else’s.” He can take things from home without perceiving their sale or gift as theft. It is important to clearly delineate for the child the boundary between his own things and common ones, which he has the right to use, but does not have the right to dispose of. It is the child’s lack of experience in owning property that provokes theft.

It is good to direct the child’s activity “in a peaceful direction”: you need to find out what the child is really interested in: sports, art, collecting some kind of collection, some books, photography, etc. A person whose life is filled with activities that are interesting to him feels happier and more needed.

The child must be taught to empathize and think about the feelings of others. We need to introduce him to the rule: “Do as you want to be treated,” and explain the meaning of this rule using examples from your own life.

The child needs to be responsible for someone or something in the family - for his younger brother, for the presence of fresh bread in the house, for watering the flowers, and certainly, starting from the age of 7-8, for his own briefcase, table, room, etc. . We need to gradually hand over things to him and share responsibility with him.

The simplest measure to prevent child theft is not to provoke it. For example, do not scatter money around the apartment, but keep it out of reach of the child. Sometimes this alone is enough.

An effective way to prevent theft is to provide your child with pocket money. This should not be money for breakfast at school, it should be personal pocket money, issued regularly, which the child can spend at his own discretion. Children perceive their own money with great responsibility. As a rule, even seven-year-old children manage the amount regularly given to them very wisely, and from the age of nine they begin to save it for large purchases, which indicates that they have successfully overcome their impulsiveness. As you get older, the amount should increase.

Very helpful in avoiding home thefts family councils, on which family members distribute the budget. They determine the total income and distribute it for various needs: food, rent, transportation, large purchases, vacation. The council makes contributions for personal expenses for both children and parents. The child becomes involved in the expenditure of funds and even has the right to vote, which raises him in his own eyes and makes him more responsible for family affairs. The child also sees limits family budget, he will find out what is worth in this world. He learns to plan. It is more difficult to commit theft under these conditions.

A few words about kleptomania

Kleptomania – This is an irresistible urge to steal things that a person does not really need and, as a rule, are of little value.Kleptomania is seriousmental illness , which, if not properly treated, can ruin a person’s life.

Symptoms of kleptomania:

• a powerful urge to steal something that is not needed;
• a feeling of increased tension leading to theft;
• feeling of pleasure or satisfaction during theft;
• strong feelings of guilt or shame after committing theft.

Unlike typical shoplifters, those suffering from kleptomania do not seek personal gain when committing thefts and do not steal out of revenge. They steal because the urge to steal is so strong that they cannot resist it. This urge makes them feel anxious, tense, or excited; and they steal to get rid of these feelings. While stealing, they feel relief and satisfaction. However, subsequently they feel enormous guilt, remorse, self-loathing and fear of punishment. However, the desire to steal returns to those suffering from kleptomania, and they steal again.

Episodes of kleptomania usually occur spontaneously, unplanned, for unknown reasons. Stressful events, such as a family quarrel, can also trigger an episode of kleptomania.

Most people with kleptomania steal from public places such as shops and supermarkets. Some may steal from friends or acquaintances. For people with kleptomania, stolen items often have no value and are simply hidden away and never used. Also, stolen items can be given as gifts or even secretly returned to their place. In some cases, people with kleptomania may repeatedly steal items of the same kind, such as underwear. In this case, kleptomania may include elements of fetishism.

Risk factors

Kleptomania is considered a rare mental health disorder. Kleptomania begins in adolescence or young adulthood, very rarely in early childhood or old age.

Although the causes of kleptomania are unknown, researchers continue to study factors that may increase the risk of developing kleptomania. These factors include:

• Excessive stressors, such as major life losses.
• Brain injuries.
• Blood relatives with kleptomania, mood disorders, or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

In conclusion Let us emphasize once again that the general strategy of parents’ behavior in relation to the theft of their children should depend on the reasons for the child’s behavior, the clarification of which is of paramount importance. But in any case, it is necessary to remember that the appearance of such an alarming signal as theft is a cry for help! Theft necessarily indicates a child’s psychological distress: either he lacks love and attention, or he has another serious intrapersonal problem.

Remember: no matter what trouble happens to a child, the main thing is not to turn away from him, but give him a chance to remain Human. And if necessary, give this chance again. It is faith in the child, in the fact that he wants and can be better, that will save him and stop him from taking a fatal step.

When faced with child theft, parents become confused and panic. They are frantically trying to figure out what to do if a child steals and how serious it is. Does the tendency to steal indicate the depravity of the offspring or his mental deviation? Parents do not understand the motivation of their children, who have everything they need. They look for reasons within themselves, considering themselves bad educators. It is widely believed that child theft is characteristic only of dysfunctional families. However, very often theft is committed by children of intelligent and financially secure parents.

The concept of one’s own and another’s is formed in a child after 3 years. No one would think of saying that a two-year-old child stole a toy from another child while playing in the sandbox. But some children's moral development is delayed. There are cases when children 7-8 years old do not realize that they are violating generally accepted norms by appropriating someone else’s thing.

Moral development consists of the assimilation of moral standards and the formation of such moral emotions as shame, guilt, empathy (the ability to put oneself in the place of another person) and conscience. The mental reaction to a violation is formed under the influence of adults. If parents do not explain to the child in time the difference between the concepts of one's own and someone else's, then he will demonstrate antisocial behavior. It will be difficult for him to sympathize with another person and understand his emotional state. Such a preschooler will grow up weak-willed and irresponsible.

The lack of necessary upbringing is often observed in children from wealthy families. Cultured and intelligent people often do not have time to explain simple truths to their offspring because they are too busy. Children are forgotten in families in which parents constantly sort things out. When a child steals, they don't know what to do. Adults do not always connect their behavior with the actions of children.

Trying to fill the gap in education, the student looks for answers to his questions from strangers. It forms mental reactions based on the experience of communicating with them. If people who do not adhere to moral standards become his authorities, the child copies their behavior and consciously commits antisocial acts.

Sometimes adults, without knowing it themselves, set an example for their offspring. If a child sees that dad brought something from work, took goods out of the store without paying for it, or took a table item from a rest home as a souvenir, he will rightly decide that there is nothing wrong with theft.

What to do if a child does not consider stealing a bad act?

If the theft is not confirmed, there is a possibility of error. Unfounded accusations can cause serious harm to a child's psyche. Especially when they are done in public. Even if the mistake is later recognized and the child is rehabilitated in the eyes of his peers, the trauma will still remain. The child will remember the shame he experienced for a long time and painfully.

If parents suspect a student of theft or the teacher reported the theft, you need to calmly talk to him at home alone. It is advisable that the conversation take place without the participation of other family members.

During a conversation, you need to carefully select your words, trying not to humiliate the child or accuse him unfoundedly. If he categorically denies the theft, there is a high probability that he is right. You need to listen to him, then tell him in detail why stealing is wrong. After the incident, it is worth observing the offspring, especially in situations in which he is likely to have committed theft.

If a child steals money from his parents and is caught red-handed, one must resist the temptation to throw out all the accumulated emotions. It is strictly forbidden to insult the thief, beat him, saying that thieves used to have their hands cut off, or threaten him with prison. You need to refrain from using the words: theft, theft or crime. Aggressive behavior adults will embitter the baby. He will become convinced of his depravity and decide that nothing can be changed. An angry child may subsequently commit other thefts to take revenge.

You need to express your disappointment and bewilderment. Many children perceive their mother's sadness painfully. By sympathizing with her, they are more likely to realize their guilt. You should talk to the thief and ask what motivated his action. If the child does not want to tell, there is no need to insist. You definitely need to explain to him why you can’t steal.

If parents allowed themselves to take other people's things, they need to admit their mistake. Sincere repentance from adults will become a model of behavior for their children. They receive their first and most important moral lessons in the family, observing the behavior of loved ones.

Stealing as a way to attract attention

To understand why a child steals money from family members and friends, you need to analyze your life and the child’s behavior. The reason for children's theft may be a desire to attract attention.

Most often, such thefts are committed by elementary schoolchildren and teenagers. But such behavior is usually formed in early age. Children feel a lack of love or complete indifference from loved ones. To get noticed, they steal things.

The child commits his first thefts even before entering school. They may go unnoticed or not given importance. As a child grows up, he steals more and more often and does it more ostentatiously. However, he persistently refuses to admit his guilt and acts as if nothing bad happened. Thieves do not pursue any goals when committing theft. They do this unconsciously and cannot explain the motives for their action.

This behavior causes irritation and anger of relatives. They are ready to forgive the thief if he repents and asks for forgiveness. But persistent denial pushes parents away from him. . Adults consider the child an immoral monster.

Children who commit such theft are open and friendly towards others. They easily make contact and share their secrets. These are sensitive, vulnerable and insecure teenagers. They need the support of loved ones whom they push away with their behavior. Stealing is a cry for help, a way to reach adults.

What to do when a child attracts attention by stealing?

It is necessary to remember when cases of theft were first noticed. Perhaps during this period the married couple was going through a period of stormy showdown or. Watching the destruction of the relationship between parents, the baby suffers and feels unnecessary to them. Even if the parents divorced calmly, without quarrels and insults.

The birth of a brother or sister can sometimes cause a lot of stress in a baby. The inept behavior of the parents, who have switched to the baby and are busy with him around the clock, breaks the heart of the first-born.

The reaction to the first theft could have added to the trauma. If the parents insulted and humiliated the thief, he could strengthen his opinion and become embittered.

To correct the situation, you need to give the child what he has been trying in vain to achieve for a long time - attention. You need to demonstrate your love in every possible way, take care of him, be interested in his opinion, ask about relationships at school. You should not scold him for thefts and demand a confession of guilt. We need to create comfortable conditions for him in which he can relax.

If the thefts do not stop or become less frequent, the process is probably too advanced. In such a situation, you will not be able to cope with the problem on your own. Need professional help. You need to visit a psychologist with your child. If he categorically refuses, you need to consult a specialist without him. Advice from a psychologist will help you develop the most effective line of behavior in the family.

Theft as a consequence of insufficient development of the volitional sphere

The vast majority of children steal other people's things under the age of 10, realizing their guilt. The reason for theft is a strong desire to take possession of the thing you like, despite remorse. The child cannot cope with the temptation to appropriate his friend's robot and commits a bad act. However, he clearly realizes that the robot is stolen. Therefore, the kid thinks over to the smallest detail how to hide the theft and where to hide the robot. Such an act often goes unnoticed.

If the thief is discovered, he finds various excuses for his action. He reasons according to the principle: “Kolya has a lot of such things, so nothing will happen if I take one for myself.”

An uncontrollable desire to take possession of an item can force a child to get into his parents' wallet. Such actions are committed by children who are brought up in strictness. Some adults deliberately do not buy sweets or toys, trying not to be led by children. Watching how his peers enjoy things that he does not have, the child feels inferior.

Preschoolers can sometimes take someone else's thing, considering it a draw. This behavior can be copied from the actions of parents who appropriated a wallet found in a vehicle and rejoiced at their find.

Sometimes a child steals a friend’s thing to take revenge on him for an insult. Bad deed can be performed with the aim of proving one’s fearlessness and asserting oneself. In this case, theft is a manifestation of will. The thief can even demonstratively return the stolen item to the owner.

As a rule, such thefts are isolated. A child who is aware of his guilt rarely steals again.

What to do if a child steals deliberately?

You need to ask the thief to put himself in the victim's place. Children rarely think about what emotions their actions evoke in others. Trying to satisfy their desires, they sincerely rejoice at what they managed to do. However, the thief himself is extremely unpleasant at the idea that someone else might encroach on his property. In a conversation with him, you need to explain how the person from whom the thing was stolen feels. You need to ask your child how he would feel if his favorite toy disappeared. Usually one such conversation is enough to prevent the child from succumbing to temptation next time.

If parents find out that the child feels inferior compared to others, they need to allow him to buy what he wants more often. Fearing to spoil children, adults inflict psychological trauma on them. Its consequences may appear in adult life person and cause him more harm than spoiling.

Parents need to give their children more freedom. Don't be afraid to trust them with various tasks. You can ask them to do homework and prepare meals in the presence of adults. If the kid can’t cope, he will think about how to do the job differently. If successful, the child will be proud of himself.

You need to ask your child to choose a goal, support his choice and help him draw up an action plan. Independence will make children more responsible. She will teach you to rely on yourself and achieve what you want on your own.

Faced with such an awkward and even shameful phenomenon as child theft, adults begin to panic and get lost. The cute kid suddenly seems almost like a future criminal, and besides, reality collides with the stereotype that says that only children brought up in not the most prosperous families take what belongs to others. But scientists convince us that such indecent acts are committed by children who are quite wealthy and surrounded by parental love. That is why it is necessary to find out the reasons why the younger generation steals, and what to do if a child steals, and how to solve the problem.

This material is not about those guys whose “thieves’ inclinations” are formed under the influence of the environment. You shouldn’t even think that parents, who easily appropriate other people’s property, will suddenly become concerned about such childish behavior. Our attention comes to the attention of an ordinary child or schoolchild who seems to have no shortage of money, but for some reason strives to grab a toy from a peer, a chocolate bar in a store, or a certain amount of money from his parent’s wallet. And here it is worth taking into account the age factor.

Turning three is an important milestone in a child's life. From this moment on, most children already share the concepts of “mine” and “someone else’s”, but they can easily take home a doll from kindergarten or a car from the sandbox. And yet, such cases cannot be called theft, since children are not yet able to evaluate their actions. They simply take what they like, without realizing whether it is good or bad.

Children of older preschool age already understand that the thing they like does not belong to them and cannot be taken. However, another problem arises here - the inability to control one’s own desires and passions. Does a six-year-old steal in the standard sense of the word? More likely no than yes.

Psychologists advise associating a child’s taking of other people’s things with theft from high school age, when teenagers appropriate property or money consciously, purposefully, “like an adult.” However, you should not wait for the problem to mature, since you need to work with the initial attempts of theft. Otherwise psychological problem will quickly develop into a criminal one. But first, let’s look at the background to thefts from schoolchildren and teenagers.

Why does a child steal money or things?

Adults, noticing that a child is lying and stealing, often begin to attribute various mental illnesses to him, trying to explain the problems that have arisen. However, kleptomania - a pathological tendency to uncontrolled theft - practically does not occur in childhood.

Read also: Features of adaptation of first-graders to school

Most often, child thefts signal some problems: in the family, child-parent relationships or in communication with peers or classmates. The reason for theft from a student may be one of the following factors.

Impulsive theft

A school-age child is characterized by some impulsive behavior. This feature can also affect the attitude towards other people’s things and money. Simply put, children see something tempting and understand that they should not steal, but temptation ultimately prevails over will, shame and reason.

The problem is also aggravated by peculiar temptations, for example, money, some things or products lying on public display. And the parents themselves are not without sin: remember how difficult it was in childhood to resist the apples or strawberries that ripened in someone else’s garden.

Protest theft

Children often steal due to “neglect”, lack of parental love and understanding. Such a child, feeling his own uselessness (real or imaginary), may steal family money in order to attract mom or dad’s attention and force adults to remember about him and his emotional needs.

In addition, protest in the form of theft can be caused by an authoritarian educational position. If parents prohibit a child from having his own money and limit his needs and desires, he is able to protest his dependence by stealing.

Permissiveness

The downside is permissiveness and excessive liberalism in raising a child. Parents, convinced that they should not put pressure on their children (after all, they are capable of developing without lectures and beliefs), are raising not a free personality at all, but an irresponsible person.

At first, the child is allowed to take other people’s toys on the playground or in the kindergarten without asking, then adults do not pay attention to the phone brought home or the cash that their child has. As a result, theft turns into a character trait.

The desire to assert oneself

Psychology of a primary school child or adolescence is such that respect and recognition from his peers is extremely important to him. This is why children, trying to pass as one of their own, begin to act like everyone else. possible ways, including disapproved ones.

For example, a child from a low-income family cannot boast of a modern smartphone like his richer classmates. In order not to become an object of ridicule or pity, he may steal cash (from the family or on the side) or things.

Another way of self-affirmation is to win the friendship or affection of significant peers. For this purpose, a child can steal money and buy sweets with it, and a teenager can “give” a friend or girlfriend some parental item.

Extortion

If a child begins to steal, lie, dodge, and at the same time it is noticeable that he is experiencing obvious remorse, we can assume that he has become a victim of extortion. Often older teenagers demand money from younger children, threatening them with beatings or other bullying.

Read also: Computer addiction in children: advice from a psychologist

This situation is not just a reason for a serious conversation with the little “thief”, but a reason to contact the police. Blackmailers may not limit themselves to forcing theft, but force the child to take more radical measures.

For company

Sometimes a child steals money from his parents not because of dire need, but because of the desire to pass a kind of “test” of dexterity, courage and coolness. It is no secret that in some teenage groups such behavior is not just approved, but desired.

The company leader stole a phone and showed off the stolen item to his friends? Children with low self-esteem, dependent on other people's opinions, not wanting to be branded as weaklings and losers, also take illegal steps.

Best Intentions

This motive stands apart from other reasons for child theft. A child becomes a “thief” to give a gift to someone close to him - for example, his mother, sister, friend or girlfriend. And since moral principles are just being formed in childhood, momentary desire turns out to be stronger than various rules, advice and parental guidelines.

What not to do if a child steals money

Let's start with what parental steps are undesirable or even harmful in the current situation. After all, many adults, trying to convey to a child the idea that stealing should under no circumstances, go beyond all reasonable boundaries and only aggravate the problem.

1. Don't threaten. Often, parents, having noticed that their child is lying and stealing, begin to be loudly indignant at such “terrible” offenses. Threats of police, imprisonment and general disgrace are used. However, it is at this moment that children need support, not intimidation.
2. Don't label. Criminal, thief, criminal... These are the epithets in the hearts of the parents of a careless child. Of course, theft is an unsympathetic act, but labeling can destroy a child’s psyche and embitter a teenager.
3. Don't compare. If you constantly convince a child that he is bad, terrible, lies all the time, and is not like the sweet boy next door, he will behave even worse. Why change if from a parent kind words can't wait? Well, low self-esteem can additionally become a reason for theft - after all, you somehow need to assert yourself.
4. Don't discuss the problem in front of witnesses. If you find out that a child has started stealing, give up the desire to deal with the scoundrel in the presence of his friends, teachers, and relatives. You need to discuss the theft in private to avoid public shame.

And one more important “NOT” - you should not return to this sin after the situation has been corrected, words have been spoken, and conclusions have been drawn by the child. The biggest stupidity is to remember an offense when a child received a bad grade, refused to wash the dishes or clean the room.

Before you sound the alarm, take a moment to understand why children steal and how to deal with the problem. How should parents behave in this situation when a child has taken or is taking something that belongs to someone else without asking?

Why do children steal? Like lying, "stealing" is an adult term that has nothing to do with young children. Children have completely different views on “theirs” and “theirs”, not the same as we, adults. A lollipop found in a sticky fist after checking out, or a toy found in a four-year-old's pocket after visiting a friend's house is not proof that the child is already a criminal. The child does not steal, but takes. For a preschooler, ownership means exclusive use. The child believes that he has a moral right to everything that is within his reach. Children under four years of age have difficulty distinguishing the difference between “mine” and “yours.” For them these are empty sounds until adults reveal their meaning. Everything is potentially “mine.” They don't realize that a piece of candy hidden in your hand at the grocery store is stealing until you tell them so. According to the child, he has not done anything wrong until his parents explain to him.
Many preschool children do not know how to curb their impulsive desires. They see a toy, and if they want, they take it, without reasoning about the correctness of the action. The child is convinced that everything belongs to him if it is all in front of his eyes and he can pick it up and play. Instead of guilt, they feel relieved that their desire has been satisfied.
Between the ages of five and seven, children develop the idea that an action is wrong. They can understand the concept of exclusive use and property rights. They come to terms with reality and begin to understand that they cannot take things that do not belong to them. Also by this age the child is able to be a smarter thief. His means of intimidation is the fear of retaliation from adults or fear that forces him to refuse to realize his “desire,” and not an understanding of the immorality of theft. He always needs to explain what “mine”, “yours”, “someone else’s” means. And not just explain, but prohibit taking someone else’s property without asking.

Parents' actions

If you discover that your child has stolen something, it is important that the child understands that stealing is wrong. You may still remember the shame you felt as a child when you were caught stealing, if this has happened in your life. The child should learn the same lesson, although many experts believe that too much shaming or ridicule will have the opposite effect. Simple explanations are best.
In most cases, it is probably best not to ask the child direct questions as to whether he stole something or why he did it - this may cause the child to string together excuses in an attempt to save face. Instead, be straightforward and say what you know about the theft.

It is important to arrange the return of someone else's property in any way. The child must return the item he took to the store, to a friend, or to school. At the same time, you can accompany him and persuade him to apologize for what he did, saying that he will never do that again.
After this, talk to your child. Instead of accusing him of being bad, try to figure out why he stole the item. Explain to him that although children want to have some things, they should not take what does not belong to them. In most situations, if the theft is discussed immediately after it happens, it should not happen again and the child will learn from it.
If an older child (pre-teen or pre-teen) has committed theft, you should again provide him with an opportunity to examine and discuss his behavior, especially relating it to the stressful situations he is currently experiencing. In some cases, your response to your child's stealing may involve a serious discussion with him about peer pressure and its impact on the child's behavior. But at this age, theft most often signals personal or social difficulties and may require professional intervention.

What to do
Stopping petty theft and explaining why it's wrong may seem like a "little thing," but learning to be honest in small matters paves the way for doing the right thing later on.
The child must learn to control his impulses and respect the rights and property of others.

Use the "attachment" method. Children raised using the anchoring method are more sensitive and are able to understand and respect the rights of others. These concepts are easier to learn at an earlier age. It is easier for children raised using the “attachment” method to explain the meaning of moral values. They have a developed ability to empathize and understand the impact of their actions on others. Their parents are sensitive to behavior when it deviates from the norm. Lies, deceit and theft disrupt their inner state.
Since parents who raise children using the “attachment” method know their children well, they can understand the child’s misbehavior by his facial expression or changed behavior. Thanks to strong contact, the child will willingly accept the parents' advice and their moral values. By trusting his parents, he will be able to tell them the truth.

Do not lead children into temptation. Teach your children how to manage their personal money. Family money should be kept in a locked box. Money is provided if necessary at any time. To remember who owes whom and how much, you can use receipts. We also recommend keeping family money out of reach and carrying it in your purse or wallet. small quantity which may be required. Make sure family members trust each other. If a child comes to us and complains, “Someone took my five dollars,” we ask, “Where did you keep it?” We don’t worry about finding out who is responsible for the loss, because we rely on the conscience of our household members. We will never find ourselves in a position where we need to hide money from children who are old enough. The siblings aren't the only possible suspects after all. Our children learned that not everyone can be trusted. This good lesson for life.

Teach exclusive use. The baby is convinced that everything belongs to him if it is in front of his eyes and he can pick it up and play. Between the ages of two and four years, a child may understand what exclusive use is (the toy belongs to someone), but cannot fully understand that the toy does not belong to him. At two years old, you can begin to explain the difference between “mine” and “yours.” During a fight over a toy, the parent may be able to return the toy to its rightful owner, but don't expect the child to fully understand this until age four. Look for other opportunities to reinforce the concept of exclusive use: “This is Watt's toy,” “This is Sarah's bear.” He needs to explain this all the time, and not just explain it, but prohibit him from taking someone else’s property without asking. Over time, the child will understand that ignoring these rights is wrong.
If four year old child brings home a friend’s toy, you need to explain to him how children feel when they are deprived of something, how he himself will feel when another child unexpectedly appropriates his favorite toy. The best way to lay long-term moral values ​​is for the child to draw conclusions from your instructions. Your task is to teach your child to make decisions independently.

Don't allow theft. Encouraging and assisting in the return of stolen items teaches not only that theft is unacceptable, but also that wrongdoing must be corrected. If you find an empty candy wrapper, take the shoplifter back to the store with payment and an apology.

Determine the cause. Need to understand possible reason theft and analyze it by answering a number of questions. Did your child steal accidentally or intentionally? Does your child need money and feel that stealing is the only way to get what they need? If so, offer a benefit. Give him certain tasks and pay for them. Help your child understand that money to buy toys can be earned, not stolen. Sometimes a child steals to increase his wealth or gain attention. Perhaps your child needs stronger guidance? Some redistribution of priorities and strengthening contact with the child will restore order.

Identify risk factors. Check for the following risk factors:

• low self-esteem;
• impulsivity: strong desire, but weak control;
• lack of empathy for others;
• lack of contact;
• angry child;
• changes in the family, such as divorce;
• often gets bored;
• spends a lot of time alone.

By managing these risk factors, you will eliminate lying and theft.
It's important to get to the point. If the problem of chronic theft and lies is not solved, it grows like a snowball. By repeatedly committing offenses, the child becomes convinced that it is possible to live like this. He does not listen to your moral teachings. A child without remorse becomes uncontrollable.

Praise for honesty. A five year old finds someone's wallet and brings it to you. Praise him unlimitedly! “Thank you for bringing Mom the wallet you found. Now let's see if we can find whoever lost it. I bet the person will be very happy that you found them, just as you would be happy if you lost something special and someone returned it to you.” Avoid saying, “Thank you for telling the truth.”
Some children may not have even thought about hiding the discovery of the wallet. Regardless of the praise, let your child know that he did what you expected.

When to contact specialists

You should seek additional help from a children's clinic, child psychologist or mental health specialist if:

• the child often steals things from home or school, from parents or other people;
• a teenager “buys” attention and gains authority among peers through theft.