Why do I choose only married men. Why do I always meet married people? Three reasons why married people are attracted to you

I periodically receive letters with something like this: “I met a man and immediately fell in love, but it turned out that he was married. Why am I so unlucky? Why do I always choose married men? Maybe there's something wrong with me?

Let's talk about this topic.

One of my friends constantly finds herself in this situation. She passionately wants to get married, attends various events where you can meet your soul mate. But every time the same thing happens to her. The single admirer turns out to be boring, and the one she likes is certainly married. And every time after such meetings, she tells how she almost fell in love with a gorgeous man who gallantly invited her to dinner, gave her flowers, was cheerful, witty, smart, and so on. Well, a real “Colonel”! But despite all this, he is married.

Another friend purposefully chooses a “occupied” object for herself and does everything possible to take possession of it. She does this easily, because she is a very charming lady with rare advantages that almost any bachelor would be happy to encroach on. But she is only interested in difficult victories; the easy path is not for her.

How is the personal life of such women? As a rule, these are rare meetings, after which there are first sweet, then bitter experiences about the impossibility of being together, lonely weekends and holidays. There are ups, downs, tears, despair and a lot of “why?” questions.

Perhaps I'm wrong, and there are women who are happy and satisfied with rare meetings and the way their lives go. But they don’t come to me for consultations, so I don’t know anything about them. Accordingly, today we are talking about those who write letters with questions.

So the question is “Why do I choose a married man?”.

There can be a lot of reasons for this, and each case is individual.

Competitive spirit

Having reached a certain age, and never having gotten married, a woman begins compare yourself with other more fortunate friends and evaluate yourself, to put it mildly, not very highly. And then a man appears who raises her self-esteem by paying attention to her, giving her compliments, and simply treating her like a Woman. And then she unconsciously turns on competitive spirit.

She's used to comparing herself to other women. not to your advantage, and suddenly she is given a chance to rehabilitate herself in her own eyes. She thinks like this: “Since he paid attention to me, it means I’m better than his wife!”

This perception of the situation gives her energy, a surge of strength, makes her feel special, significant, sexy, super woman!

But periods of uplift are then replaced by stages of doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty. The man doesn’t call, disappears somewhere without explanation, doesn’t behave at all the way she thinks her loved one should behave. Because of this, suffering, tears and complaints about unhappy love.

Then this period also passes, they meet again, the woman blossoms again. And so on in a circle.

What's next? And then in her soul negative emotions accumulate, which result in claims and scandals. Some women begin to develop feeling of revenge as a defensive reaction. They rejoice when a man has scandals in his family, when they manage to annoy his wife with something, who in fact does not bear any guilt before her. But for our heroine this is not important, because she thinks like this: “I am better than you! It's your fault for daring to think differently. And I will prove to you that this is not so! Of course, there may not be such specific formulations in her head, but her unconscious thinks exactly like that.

Where does this competitive spirit come from? It's very simple - due to low self-esteem and self-dislike. A woman does not love and value herself, allowing herself to be in a situation that brings her negative emotions.

Imagine a woman who loves and values ​​herself. Just imagine what she looks like and how she behaves. Agree, the first thing that catches your eye is her inner light, which you can’t hide. She is calm, kind and cheerful, vibrations emanate from her love and warmth.

We are all made up of vibrations. Even if you don't say anything, you still sound like what's inside you. All women who dated married men were distinguished by one thing - they were filled with suffering, uncertainty, and dissatisfaction. This was read from their eyes, postures, gestures, facial expressions, etc.

This begs the question: “Why then do married men date women who a priori do not love themselves?”

Remember the saying “A fisherman sees a fisherman from afar.” As a rule, both are involved in a game called the “manipulative triangle”. The game is very exciting and cruel. There is a lot of passion and a lot of suffering. A woman who does not love herself allows herself to be used, succumbing to the manipulations of a married man. And he is ALWAYS a manipulator if you play this game with him.

A woman who loves herself does not allow himself to be manipulated. This means that it does not fall into such a triangle.

One very wise woman who loves herself said: “If he is married and does not want to part with his wife, for me personally this means only one thing - he loves her, not me. And no matter how offended I may be, it follows that I will give my love not to him, but to someone who can accept and appreciate it! And I wish this man happiness!”

Fear of intimacy

Some women clearly have trauma in their lives during the first year of life associated with their mother. I won’t burden you with scientific terms and evidence of my point of view, I’ll just say one thing - relationship with mom greatly influenced relationships with men.

And now, as an adult, a woman is reinsured against excessive intimacy with men, choosing married ones. On the one hand, she can tell everyone that she really wants to get married and will look around carefully for this. But her unconscious will certainly choose a married man, since this is her protection from serious relationships, who she really is avoids because it sits very deep in the unconscious fear of loneliness. And what we fear, we attract, as we know.

Answer a call

A married, successful man stands out from the crowd because he emits high-level vibrations - calm, confidence, contentment. He is not hungry for sex, he sees a woman next to him every day and knows what is hidden behind the characteristics of a woman’s character. Therefore, he reacts to women without clearly expressed interest and even with a certain degree of indifference. A woman with big claims to being “the best” (smart, beautiful, etc.) cannot ignore such a challenge.

They reason like this: “How come he hasn’t fallen in love with me yet? I am a star! Well, now we’ll see who wins!”

Ladies for whom such a challenge is relevant do not particularly strive to get married, preferring relationships without obligations. But at the same time, they can ardently prove to all their relatives and friends that they are looking for and dreaming of marriage, although every time they choose married people, refusing single ones. In fact, they are very afraid of claims and attacks on their freedom. They should admit to themselves that they do not need a family, and then this will resolve their internal conflict.

Inability to understand men

Other women believe that if someone has chosen a man, it means he is already good enough to be considered as a worthy gentleman. She sees that he is not a slob, but on the contrary, a serious man who has taken responsibility for the family, and he can be completely consider reliable. And he looks very well-groomed - he always has an ironed and clean shirt, which is looked after by his legal wife. And he is so gallant and understanding, as if he sees right through you. He is also witty and generally a very interesting man with deep inner content. And he also has three or five children, which makes his image completely out of the realm of fantasy : “Women give birth to him, which means he’s wow!!! A woman will not give birth to just anyone. Especially the second and third child.” This is what our heroine thinks.

He is also sad, his wife does not understand him, he is lonely and is looking for the only one who would save him. And before that, he already had two unsuccessful marriages, in which he suffered and was tormented, because both of his wives were terrible selfish people who thought only of themselves.

In this situation, all bachelors appear flighty, frivolous and useless to anyone, since they have not yet gotten married.

A woman hangs her ears and becomes a vest for such a man, thinking that it is she who will save him, and it is with her that he will definitely be happy. This awareness greatly improves her self-esteem, she feels necessary and begins to work as hard as he can.

What happens next, add it yourself.

Passion of muzzle

There are ladies who are attracted to these relationships adrenalin, which they receive from secret meetings. By entering into such relationships, they acquire mystery, intrigue which they cannot trust to anyone. And if they trust, this becomes the best topic for discussion. Meetings at safe houses, destruction of evidence - everything is like in the best detective stories. And at first it is very exciting and ignites passion. But time passes, and this begins to weigh on the woman, because everything becomes boring, and then There is no relationship development.

The question is, why isn't it happening? Yes, because a man needs exactly these sensations secrets, intrigue, passion, games. If the relationship is legalized, then it will no longer be a secret, but the man does not intend to play such a game, it is not interesting to him.

Resume

I would like to write the following summary. Everyone decides for themselves how to live and what to do. Only you know what is the best life for you and what is happiness for you.

Self-dislike is surmountable! This can and should be learned. Don't expect people to love you, learn to love yourself.

Walk through life easily and love yourself, and you will definitely meet a worthy free man whom you will love and start a family with. Observe the laws of the Universe, remember the folk wisdom - “you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune”!

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One day a girl admitted in class that she had been dating a married man for several years. She added that she wants to end this relationship because she does not see prospects for starting a family in this. Our heroine did some work on herself, plucked up courage and did it - she broke off the relationship. It's time to look for a free candidate. But that was not the case!

The girl began to literally “attract” married men to her. It got to the point that even on dating sites, where the choice is huge, she only came across married people. She was desperate and couldn't understand what was happening.

Why do you think this situation happened to the girl?

Accept or develop? The choice is yours

“Maybe we should agree to the role of a mistress?” — she asked once, having resigned herself. But there are girls who live like this for years. They receive gifts, money, meetings, and deep down they hope that someday he will leave his family and marry her...

Of course, only you can decide how to live and what kind of relationships to build. Just understand one thing: every woman already has There is the same man. It's important to believe this. But the path to it lies through self-development. And this path is full of fears, restrictions and prohibitions. One, stuck halfway, gets used to settling for little, another resigns herself to the circumstances, and the third decides that a relationship is not for her at all.

Consequences of a relationship with a married man

1. you are losing precious women's time, youth, beauty and valuable internal energy.
2. You are missing out on opportunities to meet the one who is already looking for you somewhere.
3. You are deprived of the true happiness of harmonious and promising relationships.

Three reasons why married people are attracted to you

Let's return to our heroine. At some stage, she decided to close herself off from all men and turn to herself. Aftershe identified several reasons why only married men appeared in her life.

• Reason one.The girl was not ready for a new relationship. Inside herself, she never let go of the previous man. There was a strong emotional connection between them. It seemed to her that he wanted her back, she hoped that everything would return to normal.

How to understand whether past connections remain? Write who you see as your chosen one. If this list contains characteristics of a man from a past relationship, then the connection with him is not broken.

• Reason two.She was subconsciously afraid of marriage, since her first experience ended in divorce. In life, everything comes under request: if you’re not ready for marriage, get a man who won’t offer it to you. And it seems that outwardly she will be indignant, but inside she will be safe and calm.

This can also manifest itself if a girl has not been married, but she has the belief that marriage spoils relationships or that after a stamp in her passport, love fades away.

• Reason three.The story of her parents. It turned out that our heroine’s mother was her father’s second wife. A long time ago, when he was married, they had an affair. The father divorced his first wife and married his mother.

The experience of parents often becomes an example for children who repeat the scenario that they understand. Again, this happens unconsciously. There is no need to blame your father or mother; be responsible.

It is important to remember that life is unique, there can be many reasons for dating married people. You always need to understand on several layers: scenarios from the past, parental experiences, negative beliefs. I just described the experience of a real girl.

And one more thing: the woman understands that something is going wrong, but cannot explain why. Then you need to definitely discuss this situation with a psychologist, do arrangements, and energy practices.

How to break off unnecessary relationships?

• Method one.The energetic connection with a man is broken at the sexual and emotional levels. There is a class at the Academy, which is held on the 19th lunar day. In class we do important work, after which you feel a surge of energy and a desire to move forward.
• Method two.It is important to understand what kind of man you want to attract into your life. You need to present him in such detail that everything is included in the description, from his appearance to his interests, education and marital status “single.” You can do this in a special lesson
• Method three.Take a piece of paper and write down what attracts you in relationships with married people. When we write down inner feelings and thoughts, we become aware of hidden motives and can work to transform them.
• Method four. Ask a married man, your current partner, why he is attracted to you. Feedback from a man is always valuable and even sobering for a woman.

Girls, if everything worked out for you and you attracted the one you wanted, don’t stop working on yourself. Relationships are a deep process in which you will need a lot of energy to love, forgive, accept, let go and still be a happy woman.

I wish you a positive attitude!

Psychologists have long noticed that women like married men more than bachelors. Why does this happen and what to do to avoid falling into the trap of unpromising relationships?

Classmates

The study involved 100 single and married women who were shown photographs of men. There were marks on the photo indicating whether the man was married or single. Women had to say what kind of men they were attracted to and which of them they would start a relationship with.

It was found that married men are attracted to single women 4 times more than single men. Married women liked free men much less; it seems that the bonds of marriage are of great importance for women.

“Latently, women think that a man’s commitment to family values ​​has already been identified by another woman, which means that he is a suitable partner for a serious relationship,” psychologists emphasize.

In addition, there are several psychological syndromes that cause women to be attracted to married men. Psychologists described each of them in detail and made a forecast regarding the future of such relationships.

1. The “caring daddy” syndrome

As a rule, girls who did not receive additional love and approval from their father in childhood, in adulthood strive to “get” these emotions from their partner. Such girls are drawn to mature men, who are often already connected by family ties. This is how the classic “student-teacher” or “secretary-chef” relationship arises.

As a rule, favorable: older men often feel nostalgia for the “good old days” of their youth and try to bring them back by exchanging their old life friend, who clearly sees all his shortcomings, with a young and naively admiring one.

However, a young lady in love needs to take a close look at her chosen one: a man should feel a thirst for change, he should be full of energy and the desire to “shake up the old days.” Often in adulthood, the fuse is only enough for a short-term affair, and then the man returns to his usual family nest...

2. The “good ones have already been taken apart” syndrome

What are the prospects for such a relationship?
As a rule, nothing good comes out of this. In addition to ugly "woman's" showdowns with his wife and petty revenge on a cowardly lover. Men, with some sixth sense, understand that they are being beaten off not because of unearthly love, but out of self-interest, and they quickly backtrack.

3. The “femme fatale” syndrome

In addition, the status of a “femme fatale,” especially if the romance ended with the homewrecker taking the man away from the family, has a certain romantic charm. Such a woman is envied, discussed, and known as the conqueror of men’s hearts. If the “femme fatale” syndrome is aggravated by low self-esteem, the woman turns into a serial homewrecker: she simply enjoys the fact that she can break up other people’s families...

Most “femme fatales” subconsciously do not strive for marriage: well, these passionate natures are not created for cooking borscht and changing diapers! Therefore, novels can drag on for years, exhausting and at the same time energetically nourishing both partners.

4. The “prince and the pauper” syndrome

It is a rare married lover who does not feel remorse for his forbidden pleasures and does not try to somehow console each of the “victims.” As a rule, these mental torments work wonders on men, turning even the most inveterate miser almost into an Arab sheikh. It’s so simple - to drown out the unpleasantly itching feeling of guilt by giving your beloved woman, instead of a statue of your legal wife, something cute and with a large number of carats...

What are the prospects for such a relationship?
Solid and calm: no one claims anything, and the man supports two families.

5. “Pretty Picture” Syndrome

That is, in fact, a woman simply “gets stuck” on a beautiful picture, falls in love with the image created by the efforts of another woman! She does not see the backside of this “picture”, nor how much work it took her wife to create the “picture” itself.

What are the prospects for such a relationship?
As a rule, falling in love with a “picture” leads to quick disappointment, and the romance ends to the mutual displeasure of the parties. What to do if, in spite of everything, you are watching with envious eyes a charming family - dad, mom and adorable baby on a walk in the park?

You really want to get this tall, smiling man - undoubtedly an excellent lover, an excellent provider and a caring father... It’s difficult to give definite advice. Although popular wisdom says, “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune,” approximately 30% of affairs with married people end in marriage. But think about this experiment of Belarusian psychologists.

Minsk psychologists offered 10 single women to live in a “pseudo-marriage” (without sexual relations) with 10 bachelors, who selected these women from questionnaires. During this time, “wives” were instructed to take care of their “husbands,” surround them with care and attention, communicate affectionately, listen with pleasure, feed them homemade goodies, look after their wardrobe and unobtrusively give advice on how to behave in a given situation.

Initially, women were not delighted with the proposed partners: they seemed to them slobs, careless, unattractive, unable to communicate and care. After 3 months of the experiment, 10 pairs were gathered in a restaurant. All the men have changed dramatically!

And another amazing fact: every woman was delighted with all the men, except... her companion! Perhaps you should still take a closer look at those free men who surround you? Small “investments” of participation, warmth and feminine care sometimes work wonders - see for yourself!