The man quickly abandoned me. This man was offered to kill his seriously ill daughter, but not only did he not do this, he also abandoned fame and a great career! Ideas for restoring your sex life
Ruslan had a turbulent past. Before his first daughter was born, he managed to try on several roles - a street hooligan, a local DJ, a Moscow artist and even a concert manager. Once in Moscow, Zhanna Friske helped him with housing.
Life constantly rearranged everything from place to place. After a while, Ruslan ended up in Minsk. He transported disc boxes from China; this business later also became unprofitable. One day, the performer of “Black Boomer” came to the city and offered to go with him to Ukraine, but Ruslan Seryoga refused. A successful meeting was with a lawyer who invited Ruslan to become the manager of the J: Morse group, the man agreed.
In 2008, Ruslan had his first child, his daughter was named Polina. At 10 months old, the baby was already eagerly telling her parents Chukovsky’s poems about “bears were riding a bicycle.” Ruslana's wife worked in logistics, and the family bought an apartment. The man admits that life has changed him significantly.
I began to neglect certain people. Every December you could feel like a celestial being. A person calls: “Hello, I have a corporate event, how much does J: Morse cost?” - “$5000.” - “Can I have a discount?” But you already have three orders for this date. And the fourth one you don’t even listen to, you hang up. He calls back: “Why are you hanging up?” - “I have nothing to talk to you about.”
A year before Sonya was born, Ruslan started having problems; he was being set up at work.
Usually newborns are a little scary. And Sonya was born as chiseled as a doll. With correct proportions, like adults. They thought: the wife is beautiful, which means the child must match. Her heart valve was not completely closed. But they thought that it would close when the girl grew up.
The girl had a congenital cleft palate, and this greatly worried her parents. Sonya began to get sick; during the year of her life she suffered two pneumonias. A geneticist with expertise in rare diseases happened to be there at the right time. It became known that Sonya has Cornelia de Lange syndrome.
There is very little information. She is already 5 years old, and no new information on the disease has been added. The entire biological process is slowed down. She is 5 years old, but she looks like a year and a half.
Sonya could not eat regular food; the disease affected her intestines.
For the first three years, we did not know that Sonya had a nutritional problem. The intestines did not take in nutrients. The daughter’s brain was partly deformed because it did not receive the necessary vitamins and microelements. Plus, medications have a terrible effect on her. They roll it back, to put it simply. It's like giving birth to a baby every two to three months.
The first year after Sonya was born was not the most difficult; Ruslan did not quit his job. But over time, savings became increasingly scarce. Based on various advice, parents purchased medications, alternative methods of treatment, and rare drugs. About 40 thousand dollars were spent on all these measures.
And if you take into account many projects that had to be abandoned, then it’s twice as much.
The doctor began a serious conversation.
- “Are you going to leave or stay?” - “I’m staying.” - “Basically, you have two choices: hand it over...” - “And the second?” - “The second... The child is weak, you can just leave the window open... The third inflammation - you understand, he won’t survive... Do you realize that your life will end if you leave the child? The benefit is a pittance. And you have a beautiful young wife. You will cross out her life too.”
Ruslan did not understand what to do.
You know, it was cynical. Essentially, they offered me to kill my child. It worked very subtly. In any other circumstances I would have struck. And then I took the information quite calmly. We actually had a plan for three or four children. But, as they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. The doctor said that our next children will be healthy. But we didn’t even think about giving up Sonya,” the man said.
According to statistics, 90% of children with this syndrome do not live to see 3 years of age.
From time to time, Sonya was twisted from severe pain, as if she was leaving her body, her pupils narrowed, her eyes became cloudy. Then she returned to herself and arched over again, straight up screaming in pain. In most cases, couples separate. It’s good for us that we have a complete family. There is a rehabilitation center on Gaya. That's where I saw enough of everything. “When single mothers carry 14-year-old DTS boys, it’s tough,” the father shared.
In the fall of 2017, Ruslan went to shoot a video and received a call: the child had an allergic shock. The ambulance arrived on time and she was pumped out.
After that I decided that was it. Before that, I had already left Eurovision in Austria ahead of schedule. Now the maximum I go to is McDonald's, a hundred meters from my house. Touring life, “J: Morse”, Seryoga - it’s all over. At night Sonya sleeps. Nothing can happen to her. That's when I work remotely. I go to bed at one or two in the morning, wake up at six or seven in the morning.
A random Facebook post about enteral nutrition came to the parents' aid.
Enteral nutrition is a powder that you mix with water. A can of standard food costs 30 rubles. 3 cans for two days. 20-25 cans per month. 600-700 rubles per month. The benefit, in principle, covers these expenses. But the next generation of food costs many times more.
In Belarus there is food of the first group, and it is profitable to purchase the second in Poland. One bank in Minsk costs 4 thousand rubles.
In a Polish store, a jar costs $45-50. But the most amazing thing is that they are sold secondhand for $15-20 apiece. In Poland, if there are such problems, you don’t have to go through 800 commissions. A pediatrician's certificate allows you to buy a jar for € 1. People buy for themselves, and if there is something left over, they sell it at a good price to others in need.
The saddest chapter of a family's life is medical examinations.
Often this is humiliation. There are a lot of holes in the legislation in this regard. That's why I don't want to ask. It's better to earn money.
Giving up your ambitions is the hardest thing. It's just crazy how difficult it is. Fortunately the process was not abrupt. At some point you just stop hanging out and going somewhere. Not because you don't want to. You just can't.
At first, Ruslan tried to hide Sonya’s illness, the man just didn’t want people to feel sorry for him and pretend to understand.
I don't need all this pity. Moreover, she is often pompous. People want to play it to their advantage. Like, out of pity, they offer you a job, and then, like out of pity, they try to pay you five times less. Well, we did you a favor - and you’ll do the favor... It’s not normal when people want to whitewash their karma through pity for their grief. Thank God that now I have adequate and sane employers. You know, in the country there is no culture of communication with people who find themselves in our situation,” says Ruslan.
Ruslan’s wife Elena has lost many people who were once close to her, they don’t know how to communicate with her, they simply cut off all ties.
She showed real courage... Sonya is eating normally now. But brain disorders do happen. Recently the eldest brought the virus. I had to use antiviral medications. Another new baby. And it's Groundhog Day again. We teach Sonya everything practically from scratch. It's hard. Everything else is tolerable... This is my life. It's easier for me now. I know what to expect from people. I have no illusions, because sometimes I myself walked past other people’s problems.
“Love is the main value”, “love conquers everything”, “true love never fails” - I can continue this whole series of sugary phrases that we learn in childhood.
No, I'm not a cynic. I believe in true love. Moreover, I even believe that I myself married my soulmate. But I also believe that love is not everything. After all, before my eyes there are hundreds of examples where truly loving couples still got divorced. Yes, these were real feelings, but, alas, they were never able to preserve them.
As a result, the relationship ends, and every second woman in such cases asks only one question: “What went wrong?”
After all, everything was perfect, you both invested heavily in the relationship, but suddenly - bang! - and everything went wrong. Why did love end? I have seven answers.
He doesn't feel appreciated by you
If you have at least once in your life been interested in male psychology (at least superficially), then you probably know: men do not just desire, they crave recognition. If they do not receive it, their existence becomes meaningless, and the soul simply dies. Well, okay, not everything is so dramatic, but, seriously, never forget: the feeling of being needed is what keeps a man in his relationship with a woman. If he understands that you don’t value him, then no matter how much he loves you, he will leave.
And it's not about just saying “thank you.” You must truly, from the bottom of your heart, appreciate everything that he does for you, support his goals, ambitions and desires. Yes, perhaps you will not agree in some ways, and it will seem to you that there is simply nothing to praise him for. But this is a mistake - because whatever the result, his original intentions were positive.
When I was working on my books or articles, I talked about this topic with countless men - and the vast majority admitted to me that they left their lovers as soon as they no longer felt needed. They just didn't like the relationship anymore. End of story.
You have changed
Of course, when two hearts begin to beat in unison, life around them begins to change. You become family to each other, your relationship becomes more stable, but this does not mean at all that now you can not try harder.
I'll explain. If your relationship now is radically different from how it began, then it’s time to think about it. Maintaining the “memory of the past” allows you to preserve the spark in the relationship, those special feelings that you experienced when you first fell in love with each other. The brain will remember all those emotions when you were simply getting to know each other, and accordingly fuel your interest in your partner in five, ten and twenty years.
Another important sub-point here is also banal self-care - something that many of us neglect when we begin to believe that love has already survived all the trials. Of course, no one asks you to always be in full dress (relaxing is normal), but still don’t forget about yourself. Emotionally, you yourself will feel more confident, and your partner will constantly feel interested in you.
In short, of course, there is no need to go headlong into the 80s. But still, try every time to draw a parallel between how you behaved when he fell in love with you, and how you behave now. Men forgive us for aging or extra pounds after pregnancy. What they don't forgive is apathy.
He feels that you are unhappy with him
This is due to a man's basic need to be needed. Roughly speaking, the logic is this: if you are unhappy with him, then you don’t need him. Therefore, he will leave you - no matter how beautiful you are.
If, on the contrary, you appreciate everything he does for you, he begins to feel his own importance. Moreover, he begins to feel the need to develop in order to be even better. And this is always a good sign.
On the other hand, don't expect that making you happy is his responsibility. Then it will be a substitution of concepts. Your feelings are your feelings. His task, from his point of view, is to help ensure that his presence or any actions are significant for you in the most positive sense. In other words, if you are equally happy both with him and without him, he will leave.
Your communication is completely negative
If there is not a single good note in communication between partners, the relationship begins to seem like a complete burden. As a rule, this happens when both partners view their union as the only possible source of happiness, instead of feeding on positivity from the outside and bringing it into the house.
Believe me, a woman who deliberately waits to be made happy becomes a burden to a man.
There are almost no neurotics among men, because their logic is extremely simple: you need to avoid the bad and develop the good. Yes, everyone has difficult times - it is naive to think that your couple will never face them. But if negativity and eternal problems have become your daily reality, you need to take action. Otherwise, you will break up very soon.
You have different goals
And do not underestimate this factor. Perhaps, once upon a time, you decided that “love will survive all obstacles,” but here it is important to understand that different values are one of the most insurmountable obstacles. In my lifetime, many couples have broken up, and many because of such an obvious reason that both decided to ignore. Don't doubt it: sooner or later it will make itself known.
A good friend of mine left his girlfriend a couple of days before he was planning to propose to her. The girl was beautiful, but, alas, she was too fond of spending money on all sorts of little things, while my friend, on the contrary, loved to save, since he felt stable only when he had at least something in his soul. And they, of course, could have compromised - but no one wanted to give in.
The difference in life goals can manifest itself in everything: in the desire or reluctance of children, in their number, in the choice of urban or rural housing, in religion, and so on. If you don't communicate your values and compromise up front, chances are you won't succeed. Be realistic and don't think that everything will resolve itself.
You're constantly trying to change him
“I will change him” is perhaps the biggest mistake of all women who enter into a relationship. It doesn’t matter how sensitive you are, he will still feel that you are trying to judge him and mold him into someone who he by definition is not, or even worse, someone he simply does not want to be.
I don’t argue that you and I have a phenomenal ability to change our lovers. But still, do not forget to give your man his own space so that he can develop the best in himself. Don’t put pressure on him, don’t grumble or nag him - a permanent feeling of guilt has never had a good effect on a relationship.
You are not independent
If you are emotionally dependent on your man, expect trouble. As a rule, such relationships very quickly become so toxic that they simply explode. Believe me, no one will be pleased to constantly serve as your vest, and especially not a man who, as you know, values his own time and space. Plus, if you depend on him for everything, he will feel too much pressure. And he will leave. It won't last.
Emotional abuse is a very great sin. Value autonomy in relationships, develop yourself in order to bring new things into your union. Men are not always able to explain that they don’t like something. They just feel it and leave.
Resume
Still, if you feel that none of these reasons apply specifically to your situation, maybe you should think about the fact that he simply did not love you enough? After all, human relationships do not always lend themselves to logic or any intelligible explanation. But what is certain is that if people truly love each other, they will fight for their union.
Just love, however, is not everything. Factors such as compatibility, characters, and values cannot be deleted from relationships. You need to invest in your feelings every day. As soon as you stop doing this, everything will collapse.
Remember: men don't just leave. They leave at a moment when nothing can be saved.
Sabrina Alexis, coach, psychologist, columnist and author of He's Not That Complicated.
As you like it man? How to make a guy fall in love with you? How to win his heart once and for all? Every girl has been puzzled by these questions at least once in her life. There are so many cute guys around, but how can you make him pay attention to you and make his declaration of love sound specifically for you?
Soviets in conquering men's hearts great multitude. And any purposeful girl, of course, will study this entire arsenal. And even more so, a girl in love will do it! Have you tried it? Have you used it? If yes, then now you know that some techniques really work. But more often than not, the strategy of conquering a man fails, and we do not get the desired result. Why is this happening?
The first reason for problems with winning a man. Self-deception
Very often girls They behave like children: “This is exactly what I want, he is my ideal!” And then everything follows the script of the book you read... “You can’t argue with a man,” and you silently smile, although in life you are an unrivaled and witty debater. “You should have common interests with a man,” and you actively begin to storm books about cars and football, desperately trying to forget your passion for hockey and cycling. And so on, down the list. Aren't you trying too hard?
Hello everyone! I’m very glad that such sites exist, and that I decided to ask someone for help. I’ll tell you a little about myself. I am 22 years old, I am very pretty, sweet and kind. I have never been deprived of male attention, and now it’s the same, I can write to anyone I want and can easily get a first date. I am not empty-handed, I have a very kind, open and sympathetic soul .I have an anonymous website on which 13 thousand questions have been generated in a year, people turn to me for advice and help in any area of life and I help many with words, people are grateful to me, since my advice really gives people the right answers and motivation to actions. I am very wise for being 22, because a lot of bad things happened in life, after which I began to appreciate everything in life and see the world with some kind of pain in my heart and special sensuality. All men in communication with me admit that I’m a very smart girl, I see the world correctly. BUT... As soon as I start some kind of relationship, it ends abruptly. One after another. I go on dates often, after talking in a cafe I understand whether I want a further relationship or not. When I understand whatever I want, I completely switch to this person. I treat him with all my heart, I give gifts from the heart on holidays (in terms of the fact that I like to do something nice for people), the joy in my soul finally knows no bounds, that this is the person with whom I would I was glad to build strong relationships and start a family. But after a month or two, everyone starts to give up, freezes and disappears completely. I analyzed, maybe this is all because you can’t show your soul to a person so quickly and treat him like family. But here’s the problem... I CAN’T do it any other way... I’m so sincere and good. And everyone hurts me without explaining leaving me... Will it really always be like this? Because 5 people have already done this to me... They all come back , they want communication, and they say that they were wrong, but this does not make me feel any better. I used to think that these were simply not my people, but when the other day history repeated itself... I began to think that it would always be like this, that my kindness would not be of any use to anyone needed. That I somehow behave incorrectly with men... But I can’t do it any other way; (Maybe you have an image of such a very good, calm and quiet girl, and you think that I’m boring for them))) But this is not so, I always the life of the party, I am very humorous, ambitious, charismatic, I have a lot of envious women... But this is all down to one place, when I plunge into a man with my head... how to get rid of this? It harms me very much, I will push everyone away... Advice to everyone I can give it my strength, I just can’t cope with myself... What do you think? I'll be happy to listen to everyone
Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulleten blog!
“...if a man doesn’t want to communicate and date, what should I do? I always worry in such situations and think what’s wrong with me, my self-esteem drops. It’s especially offensive when you realize that a man is just your type and suits you very well. How to help yourself when you are rejected? How not to let go of control over the situation?” — writes Anna.
“We met on the website, talked for a long time every day, as if we had known each other for a long time. We agreed to meet, but just before the meeting he suddenly sent an SMS that his mother was ill and he needed to go to her urgently (he had already said before that she lived in another city). At first I thought that our meeting was only postponed for a while, but it turned out that it was forever. He disappeared for a week, then wrote that there were problems at work and he would have to work on the weekend. Then he stopped answering me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be as upset as I am now, because he and I had a lot in common. But if a man doesn’t want to communicate and meet, what else can I do,” writes Claudia.
Rejection can be experienced as a painful experience. But what makes it painful is our own attitude, and not the refusal itself. The pain can get worse if you let it take over your thoughts.
When you are rejected, you may have a feeling of helplessness, pain, you feel like you are not in control of the situation, because the final decision and control was in the hands of the man. But I have good news for you! In a psychological sense, you are still in control of the situation. As an adult, you have the power to let rejection work for or against you. If you understand this, then you are not helpless.
If a man doesn't want to communicate, this is not a reason for disappointment
The disappointment caused by rejection is just a temporary feeling of bitterness, it is the psyche's way of telling you that it is time to regain your strength, fill yourself with energy.
We don't always realize that the man is rejecting the situation, not you. is not your failure, although it may make you feel like you have failed. The feeling of failure and failure that you experience may indicate that you have taken on too much responsibility for the situation. You ask yourself questions: what did I do wrong, what did I say wrong? Why doesn't a man see your compatibility with him? There are many reasons why a man rejected you, but in most cases they do not concern you personally.
Stop and think three times before you let a man give you a cold shower and make you feel inferior in some way. You don't know what's going on in his life right now. He may already be attached to someone, he may have health or financial problems, he may be planning to move to another place, he may be afraid of getting hurt, he may be unhappy with his job. Rejection is not a loss, although it may seem like it at the very beginning.
You just met a man and he was the one you thought you were looking for. And suddenly, to your surprise, he did not want to develop an acquaintance. Will you ever meet the right man again? There are millions of single men in the world; such opportunities are amazing, especially since the number of new acquaintances can now be increased using the Internet.
You met a man at a certain point in time. It was an opportunity that did not materialize. The man and the situation may not be as suitable as you imagine. If a man leaves, it means that he has made room next to you for new opportunities.
If a man doesn't want to date, it's not the end of the world
If a man has now stopped communicating with you, this does not mean that the end of the acquaintance has come. You can meet him again and he will look at you differently. Especially if it was possible to leave the door open. You never know what might come out of a new acquaintance: love, friendship or business contact.
There are women who always leave the door open, of course, until a man violates their moral principles. I would like to give, as an example, the case of Svetlana. Two years ago, we discussed with her, who suddenly refused to continue communicating and meeting. Svetlana met him on Mamba. He seemed suitable to her in terms of education and social level; they lived in the same city, liked to visit the same places and had common views. The first two meetings went well, they talked non-stop, understood each other perfectly, and Svetlana had the feeling that she had finally found her soul mate. And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, there was his SMS, saying that his circumstances in his life had changed and in the next few months he would be busy at work. He wrote that he hoped for her understanding and wished her to find what she was looking for. His unexpected change of mood greatly amazed Svetlana and she could not find a logical explanation for what happened. She was shocked and upset.
A year later, this man contacted her again and asked her out on a date. Svetlana was interested to see him again. At the meeting, he admitted that he was not ready for a relationship and was not as serious as she was, there were many problems at work and therefore he decided to “step aside.” Now things are going great for him and he wants to see her more often. Did Svetlana do the right thing by leaving the door open? It may have been the right decision for this particular situation. After all, a month after meeting again with a former acquaintance, she met his friend, whom she married a year later.
When you are worried or feel unsettled, try to find 10 positive points in what happened.
Positive aspects of refusal:
1. Rejection is only a delay that gives us the opportunity to take a break and choose a new direction and continue to move forward.
2. Refusal can be our guardian angel.
3. Rejection may be an indicator of wrong timing, wrong path, and wrong situation for you.
4. Rejection can be fate, preventing an even worse experience than ending another acquaintance.
5. Rejection may mean that you have avoided a relationship with someone who is on a completely different wavelength in this life.
6. Rejection is an opportunity to reevaluate yourself and your life path: who you are and what you want.
7. Refusal is only a bridge to new opportunities.
8. Refusal can be immediate. In life, everything flows and changes, a man can change his mind at another time.
9. Rejection is just a signal at this moment in time that it’s time for you to move on.
10. Try to add this point yourself, based on your experience and share in the comments! You will help other women look at their problem from the outside.
Rejection is not a loss, although it may seem like it. You never stop being yourself and with every failure you become one step closer to success. The following parable will help you understand why rejection and failure can be a reason for gratitude.
Parable “Reason for Gratitude”
- I need money, can you borrow a hundred tomans? (currency in Iran), one man asked his friend.
- I have money, but I won’t give it to you. Be grateful to me for this!
The man said indignantly: “The fact that you have money and you don’t want to give it to me, at worst, I can still understand.” But the fact that I should be grateful to you for this is not only incomprehensible, it is simply arrogance.
- Dear friend, you asked me for money. I could say, "Come tomorrow." The next day I would say: “It’s a pity, but today I still can’t give them to you, come the day after tomorrow.” If you came to me again, I would say: “Come at the end of the week.” And so I would lead you by the nose until the end of time, or at least until someone else gave you money. But you wouldn’t have found something like this, because all you did was come to me and count on my money. Instead of all this, I honestly tell you that I will not give you money. Now you can try your luck somewhere else. So be grateful to me!
Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbyulleten!
There were 21 comments left on the post “If a man doesn’t want to communicate or date, it’s not the end of the world.”
I think that hysteria is not very good; men don’t like it when they are bombarded with messages and calls too. you just need to leave it and if fate itself finds
My 10th positive point is changing your hairstyle and hair color. when a man didn’t want to meet me after several months of correspondence on a dating site, I was upset that I couldn’t look at myself. I went and dyed my hair and cut it. Then everyone told me that I had finally put myself in order
Several times in my life, men’s refusals to maintain relationships with me seemed like the end of the world to me at least... Over time (and not without your help, Yulia!) I realized that this was far from the case. We need to develop, live, and not waste time on those who do not want to spend it with us.
Thank you for the interesting articles!
good afternoon :) the guy left me unexpectedly, everything is fine in the morning, evening, we’ll say goodbye! I didn’t want to communicate, now we correspond with him, often, he is a cancer according to the horoscope. Can he come back and continue the relationship? Is it already over?
@Veronika: Thanks for the feedback. The article is true about the correct attitude towards a man’s refusal to continue dating.
Regarding love, the human psyche can give quite contradictory reactions; a person can love someone, but for some reason refuse the opportunity to be with his loved one. This is possible. But this is a separate topic.
Good evening, Yulia! Eh... I read your article and, at first, my soul somehow immediately felt lighter. But suddenly I remembered one statement that absolutely refutes your point of view, namely:
“The sage was asked: “If a person loves, will he return?”
The sage replied: “If a person loves, he will not leave...”
That is, it turns out correctly, because if a man rejected a woman, then it means that he did not love her at all. Perhaps he only had sympathy for the woman, at most - infatuation, but not love.
Do you think I made the right decision?
I have such a problem, I was at a camp and met a guy there, I liked him, I asked his friend to ask if he liked me, he said yes, but at the camp there were girls who constantly came up and said that I love him, etc. they got him after that, he began to treat me differently than before, then he left, I admitted to him that I liked him, but he didn’t pay any attention to my words, he left, I went on social networks, I decided to offer to meet, he answered me that he He’s not sick, but he’s dating and he has a girlfriend, what should I do????
Oksana, thank you very much for Greg Brendt’s book. This is horror, of course, but true. Thanks to the author of the article for making it possible to read this book. For raising women's issues. Prosperity to your blog.
Hello!!! I need help in the same situation...
I met a guy on the Internet, added him as a friend. Handsome) I liked him! We talked, met by chance, but I was embarrassed by his height (he was a little shorter than me) and that was the only thing that stopped me. then he offered to meet, I refused, citing a recently ended relationship. he waited a week and offered to go for coffee. I agreed. I was happy with everything, I even began to like him even more, despite his height. then we talked on the Internet, by the weekend I called him myself and offered to meet. As it turned out, he was with friends and could not come, but then 15 minutes later he texted me to come out. It was nice that he came. That evening I was already as if subconsciously I understood that this is my man and I don’t care about his height. But here it turned out to be an awkward situation, so to speak, my incomprehensible whims or stupidity, I started to freak out that we were just standing there and not going anywhere (he didn’t come for in his car, but with friends) and after standing with him for 10 minutes, she went with her friend to drink coffee. he left offended! I called him 30 minutes later, he didn’t pick up and wrote all sorts of nonsense. the next day we corresponded on the Internet, I threw a tantrum as if he had left and was not answering calls. he calmly tried to explain that he had gone home to sleep and that I had treated him badly yesterday... I was hysterical for a long time and in the end he deleted me and blocked me. He refused to talk in every possible way. After waiting a little, I wrote to him, but he didn’t answer. I tried to apologize for my behavior, everything was useless (the guy is Aquarius according to the horoscope. And I completely wanted to be with him, but it was already too late. He harbored resentment from my 2-week incomprehensible relationship and that’s all. Attempts to get him back are useless, if at first he answered now he doesn’t answer, doesn’t pick up the phone... but I’m drawn to him and I don’t know what to do next, I haven’t seen him for a month now and he ignores me, doesn’t even want to see me ((((help me get him back... I don’t have it, and when I lose it I cry...
After a relationship with a man, the book “Act like a woman, think like a man” helped a lot. I understand that I myself came up with a lot with him. Seeing what you want does not mean having it. And stop feeling sorry for men. Imagine he is a cat, and you are a mouse. A mouse who immediately the top of its paws is not interesting to the cat. He will pass by. And the mouse, which gives him the opportunity to hunt for it, is interesting to him. And one day he will run out of steam), and then the mouse can twitch the cat’s whiskers, manipulating him. Roughly? Yes. But that’s the only way!
Thanks for the article, it calmed me down at least a little. This is the first time I have come across such a case. I met him on a dating site. Everything was fine, communicated via Skype. Only I was always negative and pushed him away. I really liked him, but I wasn’t sure if he liked me, he said that he liked me, but for some reason I didn’t believe him. And after a week of communication, he suddenly stopped writing. On the last day I ran into him a little and wrote a lot. It feels like he didn't like it. He grew cold, answered questions with questions, changed the subject, said what was happening, etc. In the end, I wished him good luck. He has been silent for 6 days now and I am sure that he will not speak anymore. Girls, it’s hard to be rejected, I still can’t come to my senses even though we talked for 10 days. What did I learn and what lesson did I take from it? Let the man always have the initiative, never attack him, be a bitch, never say like me, “What if we don’t like each other in real life.” Communicate as if you are a rare diamond among ordinary stones. Never run into him or throw a tantrum, this makes their heart beat faster and they run away to a calm place. Smile when you communicate with him and do not immediately answer his calls and text messages. Their bitches need to be led by the nose. Good luck everyone.
A year ago something similar happened to me, a guy I met and talked to for a month, who said how much he liked me and everything else, unexpectedly for me, very cynically told me about his love, which he met at sea last year and after that they got lost and So he found her on VKontakte, and is planning a serious relationship with that girl, i.e. gave me a turnaround. To say that it was a cold shower would be an understatement... I had a very hard time with this situation for a whole year, perhaps because this guy had a strong fascination with me, but I subconsciously understood that this was not the person with whom I could build something, too he is rude, self-confident and cynical. But I was madly drawn to him.
You need to run headlong from such moral monsters; these are people offended by life who make others suffer for their failures. But the most important thing is that I found the strength to delete his number immediately, there was no communication, no calls or SMS from my side and from him too. I met him almost a year later... The first thing he told me was that he had no fiancée, he was lonely, and asked how was my personal life? I sweetly wished him good luck and said that such a “handsome man” simply cannot help but have a girlfriend, there are still a million young ladies in contact waiting for him, and I went my way...
Dear girls, I believe that there are good, worthy men, you need to separate the wheat from the chaff in time... I learned a very painful but life lesson for myself, my self-esteem has been greatly shaken, but I am confident. that everything will return to normal. The main thing is not to get angry at all the men in the world))) Good luck to everyone!
Probably everything that happens in our destiny is God’s idea! Probably everything that happens is as it should be! So that we learn to appreciate what we have... or not to be upset that we have lost... probably this is all calculated very accurately for the Universe! If it happened like this... then so be it! I accept the situation as it is! I wish you love and let you go... take care of yourself.........
I had a similar situation, exactly as described above! Only by SMS did the guy tell me that he was leaving me because we didn’t like each other, we had no prospects and he blocked me on VK. After his lengthy and detailed explanation of the reasons, I was a little upset and cried silently. I came to terms with the situation and... forgot him for six months. And then I found his phone number and called to find out how he was living now. In general, we communicate again and meet sometimes. Rejection is a rest for both and time to comprehend situations and feelings. Don’t worry! Take advantage of the break for personal growth, new experiences and acquaintances! When just one door closes, hundreds of others open! Get the maximum benefit and experience from your “lunch break” for your beloved, only and precious self! This makes us wiser and more tolerant, smarter.
I have a family and children. My husband loves me, but I’ve grown cold... And then I fell in love. He lives in a civil marriage, has had a lot of women. He’s successful, handsome, with charisma. I’m also bright, sexy, I’ve been a man in stacks for as long as I can remember. There was an insane passion for him, but it was silent and hidden from everyone for six months. He suddenly fell ill: his kidneys failed. ...reanimation. As soon as I found out, I dropped everything and went to see him at a hospital in another city. I threw myself on his neck, dumped everything out... he was in shock, he immediately came to his senses)) but said LET’S LEAVE EVERYTHING AS IS. I’m with I left in tears. I started writing whole poems to him in the attachments... at first I read it silently, then I wrote that NEITHER ME NOR MY WIFE LIKE YOUR LETTERS. I replied that she was just a roommate, because he had been living with her for less than a year, she was rude, I was simply horribly humiliated and deleted the number. But a month later we met at work, I was still weak. I ignored both the greeting and the smiles, I behaved proudly and confidently. I lost 15 kg, had my lips filled in, permanent makeup...men ate me with my eyes ...At night I cried, my husband found my diary, we had a conversation. She said, if you can, hold it, I’ll call you and I’ll leave. Another 2 months later we met at an event, hugged, kissed on the cheek, I’m in shock. Smiles, cares, communicates. We correspond dryly , only for work. I’m already cooling down, I feel that he is completely different in life than I imagined... But I calmed down that he turned around... I think this is not the end, I decided that I just want to sleep with him, break him and live on. It will be so. Only he has no health at all, he is on dialysis... I am 41, he is 49. They play such games even at that age! Love and value yourself, girls!
You know, there is a situation going on in my life right now. We met a guy. We took a walk. The relationship did not last long in terms of intimacy. And after a while he tells me that nothing will work out. By that time I already had feelings for him. He suggested that I just communicate as friends. I immediately said no. Well, judge for yourself what communication can be like after not even a long relationship. As a result, we just talked to him for half a year. Half a year later I find out that he has a girlfriend. I immediately told him that there would be no communication, that I had feelings for him, they did not go away, I wished him happiness with this girl, turned around and left. 1.5 weeks of silence passed. He was the first to write and ask how you were doing. I answered him. And she asked with a hint whether he had forgotten what we agreed on. Well, so as not to communicate anymore. He replied that he didn’t remember this. Either I’m a fool and don’t understand something, or he’s a fool.
What do I want to say! After reading the article and all the comments.
I had all sorts of men and situations with them. If they had told me when I was 10 years old about what awaited me, I would have come to what I came to sooner. As someone correctly wrote in the comments above, such bitches need to be led by the nose. At one time, I heard enough stories from girlfriends (oh, those stories, you know) about how some friend of a friend took the first step, offered to date her, and so on. And now they are already married, happy together. Apparently, I decided to act in a similar way. Well, I’m an Aries, and I’m brave and not afraid to hear the truth face to face! Especially when you like him, but nothing happens and then you are overcome with SOMETHING TO DO NOW. Because there is no strength to wait any longer. The last time I got burned like this was YESTERDAY! I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t wait, I wrote that I wanted more than just communication. Well, what about him? How do you think? I heard what I already understood deep down. They gave me a turnaround in the form of the words: “Yes, I like you as a girl, but I don’t see our future together, why can’t we leave everything as it is?” I won’t say that my self-esteem immediately dropped to the floor, because this is not the first time I have gone through such a school of life and thank God life teaches me something. For example, don’t assume that there’s something wrong with you and that you’re some kind of freak or a loser. Moreover, there are a lot of men staring at me on the street and there are also advances, they are just not the ones I would like to be with. I remembered how a guy ran after me a couple of years ago, similar to this man who kicked me yesterday, and how I was not interested in him. Somewhere inside of me it’s already dawning on me that it’s my behavior that’s the problem. Just as I am not interested in those with whom everything is clear, I am not interesting to him. He saw that there was no future, realizing this after almost 5 minutes of communication. Why then did you write to me and call me a week after leaving, hugging me?! The words of a friend were very sobering: “Well, he wrote for some reason, that he had no one to write to or something.” And then I realized that I had rejected myself, putting the person before an ultimatum: either this way or not at all. You never know what's in his head. In general, I’ll tell you in real life, men lie all the time. So are we. It's a game of all genders. Today he will tell you that he does not want to get married, and in a month you will already see wedding photos on his VK with someone else. And the point here is not that we are not like that, but they just need to be repeated “to lead such bitches by the nose.” Well, that's how they are arranged, well. Hunters, damn males.
Now I personally have decided that I want to work on my self-realization. I want to reconsider my social circle, lifestyle, behavior pattern. I actually consider myself a very worthy girl: higher education in one of the best universities in the country, in my last year I won an internship abroad, worked abroad a couple of times, completely changed my profession to the one I dreamed of, I earn her the money I can allow your mother to make repairs, for example, to her apartment, and 101 more reasons to respect yourself, and not waste your energy on another guy. There will still be plenty of them, and what is it, I will “offend” myself every time, cry, reproach myself because of every idiot? Pffft, now that I said it, wrote it, spoke it, it all became more obvious to me. Self-confidence is the only thing that I and many of us who have been in a similar situation lack. But there is a way out: it can be treated!
So, girls, remember that there will be many more of these men on your way. And even if you find it, it won’t end there! My extensive experience has shown that the struggle of the sexes does not end even after the ring on the finger, and the male instinct works for them until old age: there will be infidelity, jealousy, and possibly divorce. And here, we must understand that our future all depends only on us, our attitude and the resulting model of behavior and actions, which influence their attitude towards us. So here you need to start with yourself, your beloved, with a reassessment of yourself and your life.
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