How to choose the right punishment for a child. How to punish a child: important rules for parents Ways of constructive and loyal punishment

Some mothers and fathers use physical force, others ignore their offspring for a long time or put them in a corner, others deprive them of the promised privileges, and still others generally leave serious misconduct without consequences.

Where are the limits of permissible exposure and for what offenses should children be punished? Many psychologists are convinced that it is impossible to raise a child without punishment, but they must take into account his age and the severity of the offense.

Experts advise remembering important rules for raising children, which should be taken into account when choosing the most effective and gentle method of disciplinary action.

Is punishing children justified?

A child who is beaten by mothers and fathers for any offense, constantly threatened to be given to Babayka or a terrible wolf, left for several hours in a corner or a dark room, often boycotted for a long time, can, no doubt, be called unfortunate.

Such methods of upbringing in the future will surely backfire with a decrease in self-esteem, a sense of distrust of the world around us, and dislike.

It can be said that such disciplinary methods used by some parents cannot be attributed to education; in fact, this is ordinary cruelty.

However, absolute permissiveness is also not the best option. If a younger child develops the conviction that everything is permitted to him and nothing will happen to him for this, then there will be no distinction between good and bad deeds.

A very common question of parents is as follows: how to behave if. A separate article by a child psychologist is devoted to this topic.

It turns out that punishment is still necessary, but this understanding does not protect parents from mistakes. For some reason, grown-up children begin to remember how they were shouted at in front of everyone, slapped undeservedly with a belt or put in a corner “just like that”.

Punishment must be effective - it is important that the behavior of a teenager change for the better and he understands that doing so is completely unacceptable.

Unfortunately, most children do not do something, not because they understand the futility or short-sightedness of their act, but because they are afraid of being caught and appropriate punishment.

An adequate punishment, according to psychologists, has some important tasks, among them:

correcting dangerous or unwanted child behavior;
control over previously defined boundaries of what is permitted;
support for parental authority;
compensation for damage caused by the child;
preventing unwanted behavior in the future.

Thus, most experts are inclined to believe that it is still necessary to punish. It remains only to understand at what age to do this, for what and how to “punish”, and how to demonstrate to the child that his parents still love him.

As evidenced by age-related psychology, toddlers under two years of age cannot make the connection between their misbehavior and parental discipline.

For example, Japanese parents generally do not punish children until three years of age. Until this period, crumbs are allowed literally everything. But after the age of 3 years, the life of the child is strictly regulated, including penalties for misconduct.

Despite age-specific features, strict and clear prohibitions should already appear in the life of babies, which, however, should not be supported by corporal punishment. For example, a child should not beat his mother or stick his fingers into the socket.

Children of one or two years old should also not be punished. At this age, it is better for parents to use a simple distraction, transferring the child's attention to another object or phenomenon. It is also necessary to explain the undesirability of this or that behavior, highlighting the words “no” and “impossible” intonation.

In order for “retribution” to have a positive effect, it is necessary, regardless of the age of the child, follow some rules:

Follow the sequence. Punishment should follow the same deeds. Also should not be ignored childish disobedience, even if you have no time or you do not know how to behave in this case.
Consider the severity of the offense. A little pampering or a first-time offense should only deserve a warning. Bad behavior (malicious or intentional) should be followed by a serious reaction.
Limit the duration of punishment. Always communicate the duration of the disciplinary measure, otherwise the child will soon lose the relationship between the violation and the restriction, which lasts for a whole month.
act calmly. First of all, you need to calm down, and only then approach the choice of punishment. Otherwise, inadequate measures may be taken.
Coordinate with your spouse. To exclude manipulation, you need to coordinate all the rules, restrictions and punishments with your husband or wife.
Show a positive example. In order for the child to behave correctly, it is necessary to show patterns of the desired behavior. Politeness and honesty are appreciated.
Consider the characteristics of the child. For example, a melancholic person should be punished less severely (or differently) than a sanguine person. The age of the offender should also be taken into account.
Discipline the child in private. This should be praised in public, but the punishment should concern only you and the child. Such solitude is needed so as not to injure children's self-esteem.
Develop a Reconciliation Ritual. It will be useful to develop a special rite that will mark the end of the punishment. For example, you can read a poem, weave little fingers. The last option, by the way, is even good for health.

Another important and relevant information that explains why. All parents need to know this!

Punishment is only a small and not the most significant part of raising children. It is imperative to reward the child for good deeds, thereby encouraging such character traits as kindness, politeness, hard work.

Constructive Methods of Punishing a Child

So, the basic rules for applying disciplinary measures are known. Now it remains to figure out how to properly punish a child and what kind of loyal punishment methods can be included in your parenting arsenal.

Revocation of privileges. This method is especially suitable for teenagers. As a punishment, you can use the restriction of access to a computer or TV.
Correcting what has been done. If your child deliberately painted the tabletop with a felt-tip pen, hand him a rag and detergent Let him correct his wrongdoing.
Time-out. The little “hooligan” is placed in a separate room for a few minutes (one minute for each year). The room should not have toys, a laptop, cartoons.
Apology. If your child offended someone, you need to make him apologize and, if possible, correct the situation. For example, draw a picture instead of a torn picture.
Ignoring. It is more suitable for young children, but this method should not be used too often. Refuse to communicate with a mischievous child, leave the room.
Getting a negative experience. In some situations, you need to allow the child to do what he wants. Naturally, you need to make sure that the child does not harm himself.
Limiting communication with peers. In the case of a serious misconduct, it is worth introducing a “curfew” for a short time, limiting the child’s communication with friends.
Assignment of duties. In response to the misconduct, his parents assign him "community work". This may be an extraordinary washing of dishes, cleaning the living room, etc.

Don't forget one more thing effective method- censure and condemnation. Given the age and severity of the misbehavior, parents talk about why the child's behavior is wrong and what unpleasant feelings it caused.

Knowing how to properly punish a child is really important. However, it must be understood that there are certain taboos in matters of choosing disciplinary measures.

Adult misbehavior can lead to protests, learning difficulties, withdrawal, and unwillingness for children to communicate with their own parents. Resentment can go into the future.

What extremes should be avoided when assigning punishments? Experts advise to abandon several excesses:

Humiliation. The disciplinary measure chosen must in no way degrade the dignity of the child. That is, one cannot say that he is a fool, stupid, etc.
Harm to health. We are talking not only about spanking, but also about such cruel methods of education as squatting, dousing with cold water, forcing to starve. It is also impossible to put children on their knees in a corner.
Simultaneous Punishment for Multiple Faults. The correct principle is: one "sin" - one punishment. It is best to punish the most serious offense.
public punishment. As already noted, punishment in public causes psychological trauma to a teenager or harms his reputation in the children's team.
Unreasonable denial of punishment. Be consistent: if you have already decided to take action, keep the promise. Otherwise, you risk losing credibility.
delayed punishment. You can’t force a child to wait, to suffer because of the expectation of an inevitable “punishment”, to imagine what awaits him. This is a kind of moral abuse of children.

In addition, restrictions and punishments may not be applied as revenge or as a preventive measure. It is important to approach this process very carefully and thoughtfully. After all, the main task is to improve the behavior of the child, and not to spoil the relationship with him.

Probably no question parent methods upbringing does not cause such heated discussion as the bodily influence on the child. Many experts categorically oppose such a disciplinary measure, but some parents use it anyway.

Usually mothers and fathers give the following argument as an excuse: "My parents beat me, and nothing - I grew up no worse than the rest."

Additionally, numerous Russian sayings and proverbs come to mind that approve of spanking. Like, beat the child while it is placed across the bench ...

However, opponents of physical punishment give other arguments that seem to be more “reinforced concrete”. In addition to the fact that punishing a child with a belt is painful and insulting, one should also remember about the likely results of such a method of education.

So, a consequence of the use of bodily influence can be:

causing injury to a child (due to excessive use of force);
psychological trauma (fears, low self-esteem, social phobia, etc.);
aggressiveness;
the desire to rebel for any reason;
the desire for revenge;
broken parent-child relationship.

Thus, the father's belt is not The best way raising children. Cruelty will definitely make itself felt, even if the problems will not appear now, but in the distant future.

For more information about, and to what deplorable consequences parental cruelty can lead, read the article by a child psychologist.

Many experts are convinced that it is worth distinguishing between cruelty and light physical impact on a child in order to stop unwanted behavior.

An example is a situation where a frightened mother in her heart spanks her little child who ran out onto a busy road and almost fell under the wheels of a vehicle. It is believed that such bodily influence does not humiliate children, but attracts attention.

As a conclusion

Punishment is an ambiguous method, so there are many opinions and judgments about the possibility and desirability of its use. A brief summary of the above should be made and the most important and useful thoughts.

The perfect child does not exist. A kid is a person who has desires that do not always coincide with the requirements of their parents. The result of this contradiction is punishment.
It makes no sense to punish children under 2-3 years old, because they still do not understand the relationship between their act and parental influence.
Important to consider possible reasons disobedience, sometimes knowledge of the motives leads to the refusal to apply punishment.
You can not punish children for the desire to know the world, for the desire to help or careless actions. But malicious acts must be punished.
All questions regarding disciplinary measures must be agreed with all family members.
It is better to use constructive methods of influencing the child, which should help correct children's behavior.
Physical punishment (if possible), threats, offensive actions should be abandoned. It is necessary to condemn the misconduct, and not the personality of the child.

The question of how to punish a child for disobedience or a serious misconduct should be decided by each parent independently. The most important thing in such a situation is to choose the most constructive method that will help change children's behavior.

However, one should not go too far with disciplinary measures. It is best to explain to the child, without shouting and punishing, why his behavior is wrong and how to behave in a given situation. Parental advice, spoken with respect, will surely be heard by children.

Does the child ignore the requests and demands of the parents, is naughty and throws tantrums, does everything out of spite?

Every mom faces this from time to time. Some more often, some less.

What to do?

How to punish bad behavior and should it be punished at all? These questions are of interest to all parents.

All parents would like their children to be obedient and fulfill all the requirements of their parents from the first time.

However, in reality, this is unlikely to happen. Why don't children obey their parents?

Every kid needs certain rules and order..

So he will feel more calm and confident. Sometimes he wants to check the allowed boundaries and breaks the accepted rules.

If there are too many prohibitions, then the child rebels and stop listening to their parents.

Therefore, the number of words “cannot” should be limited. However, it is necessary to be consistent, otherwise it will not be clear why it is possible today and not tomorrow.

There is also such an extreme when the baby is allowed everything whatever he wants.
In this case, there is no need to talk about discipline - he simply does not know what can be done and what is not.
Sometimes children do not obey when they cannot understand what they want from them..
Therefore, it is important for kids (up to 5 years old) to show the necessary actions and perform them with him until he remembers.
There are moments when the child begins to test the strength of the permitted limits..
These are the so-called age crises. They happen at 3 years, 5-6 years, adolescence. Usually they are associated with significant changes in skills. For example, he learned to walk, became aware of himself and so on.
In some cases, children stop fulfilling requests if they want to attract attention to themselves.

If the child does not obey, then, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the methods of education, the situation in the family, the requirements for the child and his duties. If parents do not take into account the experiences of their children, their emotions, needs and interests, then it will be difficult to establish discipline.

Why is this, and what will happen if everything is allowed

There has long been a dispute among educators and psychologists, some of whom consider punishment acceptable in certain situations and even necessary, and supporters of a "happy cloudless childhood."

In the first case, it is considered that, without constructing in right time system of punishments and rewards, parents will face uncontrollability. After all, they have no leverage over their child.

The second opinion is based on the fact that parents have an obligation to create conditions for the child to have a safe and happy childhood.

Therefore, it is proposed to calmly and kindly treat all the actions of the child, solve his problems, do not scold him or punish him.

Children will grow up and understand all the norms of behavior accepted in society. This direction is guided by the theory of the American pediatrician B. Spock.

Its principles were the denial of any punishment.

However, refusing to punish can make your child selfish and disorganized. He may never learn to respect others.

And is it really possible to endure all the “pranks” of your child for many years and never break loose? No. Accumulated irritation sooner or later breaks out.

This will come as a shock to a child who is used to permissiveness. He thinks that his parents stopped loving him.

Therefore, the refusal to use punishments and indulgence of whims will not get rid of conflicts. These children are even more likely to show aggression, especially when they leave the family circle and face the real world.

In order to properly form the personality of the child, rules of conduct and prohibitions must be established. And if your child is 2 or needs to act completely differently.

About punishment at different ages

So, punishment should still be present in education. But it is worth deciding when and how to punish them.

Punishment should come after the act.

It is worth punishing in exceptional cases, if the child deliberately committed an act, knowing that it was bad.

It is also important to consider age. Babies up to 2.5-3 years old are poorly aware of what actions they will be punished for. Therefore, it is better for them to simply remind each time what is possible and what is not. You can’t punish if the kid doesn’t even understand why.

It is worth considering the age norms of the psyche. No need to demand from the baby an adult attitude to various situations.

For example, children are often jealous of their parents for each other, do not want to share toys, and so on. You don't need to be punished for it.

Expert opinion

IN early age Parents must constantly explain to the child the consequences of his actions, help to learn the norms of behavior accepted in society.

Children under the age of five often repeat the actions of adults. Therefore, it is necessary to monitor your actions and the people around him. Explain what is possible and what is not. It is especially important to show this with your behavior. If something is forbidden to a child, but they continue to do it themselves, then it is unlikely that they will understand that this is actually impossible.

Also, when choosing a punishment, it is necessary to take into account the nature of a particular child, his temperament, emotionality.

After all, different children perceive the same punishment in different ways.

Psychologist's advice - punish without harm to the psyche

Punishment should not cause either physical or psychological harm.

It should help the little man realize the consequences of his misconduct, draw appropriate conclusions in order to avoid mistakes in the future.

That's why when choosing a method of punishment, you need to follow these rules:

Do not punish in haste

If emotions are at the limit, then it is urgent to calm down: count to ten, go out for a couple of minutes to another room and more. When a person calms down, he more adequately assesses the situation.

Punish lovingly

The worst thing for a baby is not the action itself, but the fact that mom or dad may have stopped loving him. If he feels that his parents still love him, then the punishment is perceived as fair.

Limits must be clearly set and then apply punishment

That is, the child must clearly know what he will be punished for. For example, a kid in a kindergarten took a toy from a friend. If the parents did not explain to him that it was impossible to do this, then it would be wrong to punish him. First we explain, next time we punish.

It is not the child who should be punished, but his offense

For example, hit a neighbor's boy. He knows that this is not possible. You figured out the situation and found out that your child is really to blame. When punishing him, you need to say that he is not bad, because he hit another, but he did a bad deed.

When punishing, it is necessary to clearly define the time interval

For example, "sit down and sit on a chair for 5 minutes", "tonight you will be left without watching a cartoon." The phrases “No more cartoons”, “you will never get sweets” and the like are unacceptable.

After punishment, there must be reconciliation

Well, if you have your own ritual.

When to start?

At what age should a child be responsible for their behavior?

There is an opinion that it is impossible to punish children under 3 years old.

It is based on the fact that before this age the child does not know how to build cause-and-effect relationships.

If a toy is broken, he understands that it does not work, but does not realize that he himself, some of his actions, became the culprit. Therefore, he will not understand why he is being punished.

However, this does not mean that everything can be allowed to the baby. Just in case of his misdeeds, it is necessary to explain to him what cannot be done so that this does not happen again.

If Small child demands something that cannot be done, they try to switch his attention to something else. Make it clear to the baby what is possible and what is not needed as early as possible.

What is possible and what is not?

It is impossible to limit the actions of the child with prohibitions too much. If everything is forbidden, how will he know the world? In such cases, children grow up dependent and lack of initiative.

Expert opinion

Lisova Alina Viktorovna - teacher

Teacher-psychologist of a private development center

However, for deliberate violation of previously established rules, the agreed punishment should be applied. For example, say "if you call the children in the kindergarten bad words, then you won't get sweets for dinner."

The child violated this rule, which means that you do not give sweets for dinner, no matter how much he asks. The rest of the family also must not violate the punishment, otherwise the child will not understand that this cannot be done.

From the point of view of many psychologists, it is necessary to punish for:

Insults, especially towards elders.
Lie.

However, it is worth distinguishing between lies used to achieve some result, and fantasizing, to which children are prone. Fantasies will go away as you grow up.

It is important that parents themselves do not lie and do not teach to lie. Lying should not be encouraged.

Physical violence.

Do you often punish your child?

YesNo

The child must understand that such behavior is not acceptable, even if the parents allow it, then others will not tolerate it.

It is important that parents discourage the use of force against weaker children or animals.

Demonstrative violation of established rules of conduct.

If a child accidentally breaks some rules, then this is not scary. When he knows that it is impossible to do this, but still does it without an objective reason, then such behavior must be corrected.

Theft. It must be severely punished.

What can not be punished:

When a child is hyperactive, he shows restlessness, cannot concentrate on something for a long time.

In this case, it is not worth punishing him. That is his specialty.

And vice versa - the child is slow, does everything slowly, does not have time

This often irritates parents, but no need to scold and rush him, it will not do any good.

The child learns the world, is active

Adults are often annoyed by the high activity of children: they run a lot, jump, make noise, play around. These actions are most often associated not with annoying adults, but with the need to learn about the world around them. This is their natural behavior.

Some actions caused by the physiological characteristics of the child or diseases

For example, a child does not like fish or milk, and there is no need to force him to eat or punish him for refusing. Or the child has enuresis and he described the bed. Scolding him will only exacerbate the problem. He didn't do it on purpose.

Actions caused by negligence. For example, accidentally dropped and broke a cup

The child cannot yet clearly perform all the actions, and adults are often careless.

Manifestation of feelings - jealousy, unwillingness to part with parents, insecurity, unwillingness to share, etc.

You don't need to be punished for it. Later, they will definitely form a more mature self-awareness, they will learn to solve complex social problems, they will be able to control their emotions.

How to be strict without losing trust?

When using punishment in education, the main thing is not to overdo it, so as not to lose the love and trust of your baby. To do this, you need to follow these principles:

Don't impose too many bans

Leave your child room to explore

Requirements should be age-specific

Do not demand what he cannot remember or do yet.

Before punishing, it is necessary to understand the situation
If the child was punished, then be sure to make peace with him afterwards.

Explain your position, remind him that you love him no matter what.

You can not humiliate and insult children

Many parents love to spank children on the butt or on the hands. However, such punishment is rarely effective. Why? If spanking a child is weak, then he is more likely to perceive it as a game.

Expert opinion

Lisova Alina Viktorovna - teacher

Teacher-psychologist of a private development center

It may even be specifically asking for such a punishment in order to attract attention. After all, such a slap does not bring pain. Only very young children of 1-2 years old can perceive it as a ban, if at the same time they make an appropriate face.

If you spank hard so that it hurts, then this is already physical violence. Although some parents apply such punishment and even severely punish naughty children with a belt.

They justify this by saying that otherwise the child does not understand. However, justifying physical violence to any extent, parents sign their own helplessness.

Violence breeds backlash. The child will decide that the stronger one can offend the weak one, and will take out the insult on the weaker one, for example, another child or an animal.

In addition, the constant expectation of physical pain causes psychological harm to the baby.

Therefore, if parents do not want to lose the trust of their child, then it is worth using other methods of education than physical punishment.

Rules for Parents

Do you manage to stay calm while punishing your child?

NoYes

Do not cause physical and psychological harm to the child
Punish only for the committed offense, and not for prevention
Multiple offenses committed at once will result in one penalty for all at once.
Do not deprive the child of previously donated items or promised rewards, unless this was discussed immediately
Do not blackmail, do not manipulate his feelings
Punishment must be predetermined
It is necessary to punish immediately after the commission of the violation, and not after some time.

After punishment, it is not necessary to remember the child's misconduct all the time.

Modern parents are increasingly faced with hyperactivity syndrome. Read how you behave in the material at our link.

Punishment Options

Consider several options for punishing a child for bad behavior and disobedience.

Deprive a child of pleasure

As a punishment, you can deprive for a certain time what the child loves: watching cartoons, playing on the computer, eating sweets and more.

Put the child in a special chair for punishment for a certain amount of time to reflect on his behavior

A variant of this punishment is to put in a corner. However, this option is not desirable, because in this case the muscles of the legs and back are tense, and this state is not conducive to reflection.

If the child does not want to collect toys, put them away so that he cannot reach them.

Do not give some time, let him promise that he will collect it next time. Discuss the punishment for the violation. For example, will not be able to play with toys one day. If you break the rule, be sure to punish as agreed.

Comic punishments for small offenses are possible: sit down 10 times, repeat some rule several times, for older children - write this rule several times

The main thing is to give real tasks that the child can complete.

Another of the recommended ways is not suitable for every parent: let the child draw their own conclusions from breaking the rules

For example, to allow him to get wet in a puddle and catch a cold, not to forbid hitting other children, and then no one will want to be friends with him.

Ignoring a child

You have to be careful with this punishment. After all, prolonged neglect can cause psychological harm to the child. But, if you refuse to play with him for some time because of bad behavior, then this will serve as a lesson to him.

How to raise your child, punish him or not, and how exactly, each parent decides for himself. However, it must be borne in mind that the child needs to be able to live and adapt in society. Therefore, it is necessary for all children to adhere to certain accepted social norms. How to instill these rules in them is up to the parents.

Imagine such a picture. You come home tired after a long day at work. Traditionally, you look around. The child is intact, all the furniture is in place, the flowers are in pots, you can exhale ... And then your Barsik comes out to meet you, crookedly trimmed like a lion. And behind him is a happy young hairdresser.

What to do? Yell, spank, put in a corner? What if you want to do everything at once? Take your time. Calm down by using the methods we wrote about earlier and read this article.

We remembered the most common types of punishment and added to each item the opinions “for” and “against” parents from various forums and social media pages.

1. Use force.
Many parents argue for hours on thematic forums about whether or not to use physical force as a method of education. Some are categorically against and are ready to defend this position with foam at the mouth, others believe that nothing will happen from a few slaps, others say that you won’t bring up without a belt.

“You can’t beat people, no, neither big nor small. But if a person has a tantrum, then they stop him with a slap in the face, right? Yes, in the vast majority of cases (in my opinion) the physical “punishment” of a child is a sign of the helplessness of parents and a pedagogical “fiasco”. But there are times when a child can be brought to life only with a slap on the pope? (while remaining calm internally and, oddly enough, based on parental love).

“It's one thing to 'beat' children and quite another to 'slap on the ass'. At the age of one, no one punished anyone, but now my son is 2.5 years old and sometimes he earns slaps on the pope. Both me and my sister were slapped on the buttocks in childhood, and once I even snatched out the belt (for the cause, I remember myself). Grew up ordinary, educated and loving people girls. My husband was thoroughly beaten as a child, he also grew up like a well-mannered one, but there is anger at his parents. Maybe send (once heard: ((((
Thus, my conclusion boils down to the fact that rare slaps on the pope (on the case) are sometimes simply irreplaceable. And they have nothing to do with the concept of "beating", "beating" a child.
I also like a way to calm down - once with a strap to slap, and then only to scare them, they say, now I’ll take the belt kaaaak ... ”.

AGAINST:

“I was beaten as a child for all sorts of nonsense. Well what can I say? Let them not be surprised that I rarely call, I come even less often, and what should we talk about?
And in fact, the point is not in beating, but in the parents’ unwillingness to understand their child (in my case). Of course, I worry about them and hope that everything is fine with them, but I have zero support from them.

“I also don’t understand and don’t accept slaps on the pope and other punishments. Our parents never touched us with a finger, everything went in an educational conversation. I have never hit my child or put him in a corner either. Think for yourself when you say the word NO! what does this mean for the child? Doesn't he understand that he can't? why not? I let my child try everything. So that he understands my words. Want to touch a hot kettle? - let me touch with your finger, let him understand that it is impossible, it means dangerous. Let him take scissors and, under your supervision, cut the paper, sew with a needle, prick himself. So that the word should not be an empty sound. Let him soil his clothes on the street, jump in a puddle, enjoy (you must have clothes for the street, which you can carry in the mud) This is childhood and everything must be taught and tried. My child spills a mug every day. What should I do? and you don't have that? no mood, broken dishes, do not want to swim today. After all, no one hits you in the ass. You want the child to be and behave according to your model, which you have made in your head. And the child is a personality in the first place, and this must be taken into account.

5 SITUATIONS WHEN YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT PUNISH YOUR CHILD

2. Shout.
And to shout at the child - is it possible or not? Multi-page forums are full of topics: "I'm yelling at a child: what should I do?!" Here, opinions differ a little less than on the issue of spanking, most parents are against screaming, but then they themselves become ashamed of intemperance. That's why these topics on the forums and appear.

“That happens sometimes. You tell him once, twice, three, four times - as if into a void, the reaction is zero, then how you bark ... And everything comes right away !!!

“I also yell sometimes, I can’t help myself. Especially when you have to repeat it for the hundredth time - but you took your hat, and then you put it down, but you did it. And nothing, or yes, yes, and then everything is forgotten, yelling ... Of course, not good, but how it helps. The main thing is not to part, so as not to get used to yelling.

AGAINST:

“They scream (parents) from impotence when they cannot or do not know how to behave.Further - for the daughter, this is an example of how to behave, and she will hysteria in response. Children are a mirror image of their parents, they are very attentive and far from stupid.Ideally, one glance should be enough for the parent to understand that the child is upset by his behavior.

“You put yourself in the place of a child? or imagine that you are already an aged lady, and yours is already adult daughter due to various problems, fatigue yells at his already elderly mother?
what will it be like for you?"

DO SCARY TOYS HARM CHILDREN?

3. Intimidate.
We all know sayings in the spirit of "if you don't obey, I'll give it to Baba Yaga." And again: “Everything! Now I will throw away all your toys!”. Both promises are unfulfilled, the child after the first unfulfilled word may stop taking you seriously. But many people think it helps. And they hope that Baba Yaga will really take the naughty child at least for a couple of hours.

“My children are phone maniacs, so if they try to make a fuss, I say that if it happens again, I’ll take the phone and won’t give it back. Children very quickly accept the rules of the game.

“Daughter is still a sweet tooth. It is worth telling her that she herself will eat everything sweet (of course I won’t eat it, we have a lot of it), as soon as - mommy mommy, I won’t do it anymore. Works flawlessly."

AGAINST:

“Intimidation by no one knows what is a dubious option, it is not known how it will affect the child. Well, for example, he meets an old woman on the street and thinks this is the same Baba Yaga, stress.
Well, if you scare, although it’s better to threaten, with something specific, so that there is no flight of fancy, which it’s not clear where it will turn.

“Most often, fear is due to the wrong tactics of education, it arises as a result of various kinds of intimidation. For example: “you behave badly, aunt doctor will give an injection” or “I’ll give it to my uncle policeman” or “if you don’t obey, the dog will drag you away,” etc. and a doctor who comes to a sick child terrifies him.”

4. Deprive something.

Taking away your favorite toy, banning sweets or a tablet, not letting you go to the movies - this is what parents often do in response to a child's trick. Seems pretty logical. He made us feel bad - here we are bad for you, an eye for an eye, a phone - for a service broken by a ball.

BEHIND:

“We punish our child like this: we take away all the cars with which he plays. If he is very guilty of something, then for two or three days he is left without toys. We also put it in a corner, thank God that I began to understand what it is and why they put it there. ”

“It is best to deprive the child of something. For example, if he tears books, spoils toys - pick up and don't give back for a long time. If an older child began to study poorly due to too frequent hanging out on the Internet, remove the tablet, phone. It is sometimes pointless to deprive of sweets, cartoons, walks, because there are children who will say that they don’t really need it. I judge by myself and my child.”

AGAINST:

“It is impossible to row all children with the same brush. I have two children and I have to apply a different method to each. If the eldest son was always affected by isolation and deprivation of any benefits and pleasures, then the youngest child is very stubborn and this does not affect him, it helps to express his disappointment with such behavior and talk about the inadmissibility of such behavior.

“Taking what you love is wrong. And if your phone was taken away at work for going out to answer the call, you probably wouldn’t like it. There should be a punishment such as an act. He broke it - clean it up, shouted - apologize and you can always agree, and not take it away.

5. Arrange a boycott.
Why scream or fight when you can just keep quiet? Let the child himself understand what is happening, while the mother silently goes about her business. Quiet mother, quiet child, peace and quiet ...

“And my parents punished me with complete disregard: it came quickly, I realized how nasty I acted, that they don’t even want to talk to me, they don’t even want to look in my direction. It is useless to beat and shout, I generally consider the corner stupid and meaningless. I stop talking with my children, the effect comes faster - they themselves come up, voice their act and behave differently. It is necessary that the child himself analyze his behavior and understand what he is wrong about.

“I didn’t punish children. But she herself was very upset and fell silent. Both my daughter and son were very worried that I was silent and began to ask me why I looked so sad and why I was silent. That's when I explained to them the reason for my sadness, they themselves asked for forgiveness, we put up and our differences were extinguished by hugs.

AGAINST:

“In my opinion, it would be much better to discuss with the child the reason for your dissatisfaction, explain why his act is not good and why you should not do this in the future. Ignoring the baby and not talking to him is really not very good. Firstly, the child may not understand why the mother was offended by him. Secondly, he will get used to “hushing up” problems, and in the future this will not bring anything good.

“The child is not a telepath to understand why the mother held a grudge, especially the baby. This will put pressure on him, but he may not guess or be unwilling to ask. As a result, half an hour of silence and upset mom and baby, who needs it?

WHEN IT IS POSSIBLE TO RELEASE CHILDREN TO WALK WITHOUT SUPERVISION

6. Put in a corner.
Another topic under discussion - is it possible to put in a corner? Some say that it is possible, they were put in, they put their children in, and they will put theirs in. There is nothing better means time-tested. Others say that their children do not stand in the corners and that in general negative energy accumulates there. Who is right - you decide.

“The best method of punishment, according to our doctor, is the good old Angle. For hooliganism, refusal to obey, unreasonable whims that did not stop after the first (!) Warning, you need to take the child by the hand, look into his eyes, briefly and clearly say what he is being punished for, and take him to an empty corner, even better in another room , and forbid them to leave him (if he leaves without asking, return them)”.

“My daughter is 1.5 years old and stood at the computer and demanded to turn on the cartoon. started whining (not crying), freaking out, stomping. I was not going to turn it on for her and said “no”. took me to a corner, said that as soon as she stopped being naughty, she would be able to leave. and a minute has not passed like a child and forgot about his hysteria. now he starts to command, I want her in a corner? the baby becomes obedient immediately. True, I don’t often threaten with a corner, so that we don’t become like a joke. ”

AGAINST:

“As far as I remember myself as a little girl and they put me in a corner, but the fact is that I don’t remember what I was thinking about, but as a rule I didn’t feel guilty, apparently because my mother didn’t spend a lot of time explaining, she just put and All. She also put her eldest son, the little one, in a corner “to think about his behavior”, learning from parental mistakes, she spent time explaining the reason for the punishment. The son usually “thought” there lying, sitting, and also it’s not clear what:)”.

“Not everyone can be put in a corner. My brother stood, but I didn’t, I just went out and started doing some other things. I could either be asked not to do / do something, or clearly explain why such requirements were made to me. Usually after that I easily went to an agreement. I never put my daughter in corners, but if the child got very naughty, I took her to another room, sat next to her and analyzed in detail what exactly seemed wrong to me in her behavior, then offered to sit and think about what was the reason and how avoid mistakes."

7. Force to work.

Another common type of punishment is labor. Most of the time it's housework. “Now you’ll be washing dishes for three weeks!” And they unloaded themselves, and the child was punished, and the dishes will be clean. The truth is perhaps not very whole, if your bad boy gets tired of it all.

“Hello, I think that the most important types of punishment are labor and deprivation of some pleasures. Work always helps the child to improve and who ennobles the work of the husband, and will help to realize his actions.

“Now children have no labor discipline at all, they need to be taught somehow, at least like that. But the housework will be done and the child will work hard. If my son behaved badly, I didn’t leave him at home with a computer for the weekend, and sent him to his grandfather’s dacha to build a well.

AGAINST:

“Once, with a fool, apparently, because of absenteeism at school, I forced the child to wash all the floors in the house. Well, of course, he washed his son, but since then he has been hostile to any request for help with cleaning. He also has his own duties around the house, but now the floors are only for absenteeism, apparently.

"In no case!!! This is not a punishment, but you are one family and should distribute the work around the house, and not punish her. Will you wash dishes like this only on holidays or something?

What else can you advise parents when punishing a child?

One crime - one punishment corresponding to the offense. Do not be cruel to petty offenses and do not let your child get away with serious misconduct.
The child must know the rules of conduct. If you did not explain to him in advance what to do and what not to do, then this is more your fault than his fault.
Don't over tighten. The child quickly forgets what he did. Punishment should come immediately after, and not in the evening when you have time.
Keep calm. If you constantly raise your voice, then the child will get used to it and stop perceiving it as a threat. And at the same time, he will adopt this type of behavior for himself.
Coordinate with spouse/relatives. If dad scolds and mom forgives, then the child will very quickly begin to manipulate the situation in his favor. You must be in solidarity, at least from the point of view of the child.
Reprimand the child in solitude. You should not punish the child in public, it puts a lot of pressure psychologically.
Do not punish your child for what you yourself sin. If before that you carefully trimmed the cat's coat, do not be surprised that the child decided to repeat after you.
Reward good behavior. Remember that in addition to the whip, there is also a carrot.
Consider the age and nature of the child. Children are subject to different disciplinary measures at different times.
It is clear that putting a student in a corner is no longer age-appropriate. In addition, do not forget about his personality. If your child is usually sad and brooding - do not use the "intimidate" method, if too active - morality reading will not help, etc.

Obedient children and fewer reasons to punish them!

The process of upbringing is quite complex, since it must occur daily, and its success depends on the sequence and purposefulness of actions in adults. But no matter how hard the parents try to explain to the child the rules and norms of behavior in society from birth, there still comes a moment when he violates them, after which punishment necessarily follows. This is where the problem arises for adults, because not every one of them knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly, so that this process is effective, and the child does not do the same in the future. This is a more serious problem than it seems at first glance.

How can a child be punished for disobedience?

First of all, you need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! No matter what your child has done, you should never use force on him. Even if children become too stubborn, they do all their actions intentionally, while no persuasion works, you still need to look for other ways of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the child's behavior. It is better to study special literature that will tell you how to properly punish children for disobedience.

You need to stop the wrong actions and actions of the child immediately after you notice them. Before punishing, you need to be absolutely sure that it was your child who committed a specific bad deed, and your actions will be lawful, because otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will begin to think about that, for disobedience, constantly.

Is it always necessary to punish children for disobedience?

Sometimes parents confuse intentional whims with whims due to illness, hunger or thirst, and very often babies behave this way after illness, because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch they want to sleep, and during the daytime sleep they feel a surge of energy. In this case, it is impossible to punish the child, because the change in the daily routine is unintentional. Therefore, you first need to find out what they are trying to achieve before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: you need to explain to the kids that their whims only upset their parents.

At what age can a child be punished?

Psychologists say that punishing a child under the age of two and a half does not make any sense. The child does not realize what he has done but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid him to play the usual games that he played before. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this cannot be done and does not feel guilty for himself, so parents are advised not to punish the child until this age. You don’t need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, you just need to explain to the child the consequences of his behavior every time, for example, that the plate can break if you throw it away, the toy can break and the child will no longer be able to play with it.

At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will please loved ones, and what will upset them.

Only when reaching the age of 2.5-3 years, the child slowly begins to independently control his actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately indulge in all serious and punish the baby. And at the specified age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. Under no circumstances should you scream. Try to tell the kid the reason why he is wrong, strictly, but calmly. Literally in a year, the child will already be able to independently distinguish good deeds from bad ones. In the event that you punished him correctly, he will be afraid of your anger, and he will confess everything himself. That's why you need to know how to punish children for disobedience.

Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.

How to properly punish a three-year-old child

When choosing at this age, consider the fact how much you own your emotions in this moment whether you can listen to your baby, whether you can devote enough time to him to analyze the situation.

At the age of three, the child begins to actively take an interest in the world around him. If earlier it was enough for him to simply feel something, now this interest is more global, and the main question is “Why?”. He is not yet able to understand why it is impossible to draw with pencils on the wallpaper or pull the cat's tail.

Rules for punishing children aged 6 to 10 years

At this age, the guys already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, the child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring their rights. The methods of how to punish a child of 8 years old for disobedience should be the same as for children younger age However, there are also new principles:

Before punishing a child for disobedience (9 years old is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even greater persistence.
You can not compare a child with other children, the result of this will not be good behavior, but self-doubt and self-doubt.
The child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, you should not punish him with cleaning or homework.
The line of behavior must always be kept to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk to the baby, then you need to maintain this behavior until the child understands what he is to blame for, otherwise he will decide that you will always make concessions and you won't be able to get rid of mistakes.
Do not use the “not” particle, try to explain what needs to be done, and not forbid it, for example, “You can’t eat with unwashed hands” is better replaced with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating.” So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but is told how best to act.
Even small offenses need to be punished. Remember that if, after small violations of the order, the child goes unpunished, then each time they will be larger and larger, and it will no longer be possible to stop the fidget.

General rules of punishment

There are certain rules of punishment, the observance of which will help to achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.

The first rule is that you can't take your anger out on a child. Regardless of the magnitude of the offense, punishment should be a calm and measured action. Only in this way will it have sufficient power. With the breakdown of anger, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will definitely feel it. He does not consider such punishments serious, he will simply be afraid of your cry, he may cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, which means that he will not change his behavior.

Punishment must necessarily correspond to the act. It should not be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation, in addition, it is recommended to take into account many factors, for example, repeated punishment for a similar offense should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt, sincerely repents, then the punishment can be conditional.

In the event that several family members are involved in raising a child at once, they should all adhere to a single opinion about punishment. For example, if dad punishes, and mom constantly regrets, then the child will understand that he can always escape punishment. Therefore, before this, it is better for parents to consult and come to a consensus.

Punishment is a way to show the child the consequences of his bad deeds. It should not be aimed at intimidating the baby, he should realize that this is not the way to do it. Sometimes you don’t need to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years old - when this age is reached, a person can clearly understand the cause-and-effect relationships, which means that the punishment will be effective), but it is better to find out the reasons for such behavior.

What happens if children are not punished?

Many modern parents believe that a child's happy childhood is due to the absence of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, with age he will understand everything. An American pediatrician was of the same opinion. He believed that children demand respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment to be violence against the psyche. Thus, responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, this method of education leads to the fact that parents go on about their own child. Yes, it’s easier for the baby to live now, in a world where the mother is responsible for everything, but as they grow older, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.

The main purpose of punishment

Proper punishment allows the child to form an idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid a selfish, disrespectful attitude towards other people, and also helps the child learn to organize himself. The absence of punishment will lead to the fact that for a certain time the parents will simply accumulate irritation, negative emotions in themselves, which sooner or later will still result in punishment. With a high probability, this will be precisely the use of force, which will become a tragedy for the child.

If the child is not punished, he will not feel cared for, as he is likely to believe that his parents do not care what he does. The indulgence of parents does not lead to a change in behavior, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in the life of a child, there must be certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.

If there are too many punishments

Equally, the absence of punishment and their excessive number does not lead to desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personality development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can and cannot be done. Or the child may not comply with the rules, rebel, as a result of which both the first and second options are observed - this is an example of a person with psychological trauma. It will be difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished; as a result, there will be difficulties with taking responsibility, self-esteem, and self-realization as a person.

Sooner or later, all parents, without exception, face childish disobedience. It happens that the behavior of a beloved child is confusing, and sometimes it just baffles. And then adults think about how to punish the child correctly, so as not to harm the child's psyche and not develop unnecessary complexes in the baby.

Punishments: for and against

Disputes about whether it is possible to punish children have long been conducted by both parents and specialists. Opponents of such measures say that it is highly likely that a child who systematically experiences physical and moral impact, during adulthood will be characterized by low self-esteem and self-doubt. This will lead to great difficulties in relationships with other people and problems of social adaptation.

However, in the process of raising children, punishment cannot be dispensed with. Their complete absence in the life of the baby can lead to the fact that he never learns to be responsible for the consequences of his actions.

If punishment is completely eliminated, the child may find that parents absolutely do not care what and how he does. Such condescension of adults will not change the behavior of the baby, but can lead to conflicts. There must be certain rules, prohibitions and restrictions in the family.

From what age to apply

Psychologists and educators say that it is useless to punish children under 2.5 years old. Until this age, children are not able to assess whether they are doing well or badly. Disobedience can be the result of emotional overload, as well as physical fatigue. If the baby is punished, he may take it wrong: the baby will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him. Instead of punishment, you should switch the attention of the little one to something more useful and direct his energy in the right direction.

Understanding cause-and-effect relationships and the ability to control one's behavior come after 3 years, but not immediately, but gradually. At this age, the psyche is still developing. You should not shout at the baby, you need to strictly, but calmly explain to him why he is wrong.

Distinguish between bad deeds and good baby capable of 6-7 years. If before this age the measures of influence on the part of adults were correct, the baby will not be afraid to admit anything to his parents, fearing the consequences.

What to Consider Before Punishing

Before choosing a measure of influence for any child misconduct, parents should consider:

Punishment must be a moral action. Its purpose is to limit the child's undesirable behavior, as well as to prevent such actions in the future.
It is necessary to take into account the age norms of the child's psyche. No need to demand from the baby an adult attitude to various situations.
Children are usually ready to interact with loved ones. If they do something in defiance of adults, there are reasons for this, behind every childish act lies a motive. Parents should understand what is happening and only then punish, if necessary.
It is necessary to clearly distinguish between punishments that are pedagogical measures and those that can be qualified as cruel treatment. Otherwise, a child who has experienced fear and even anger will simply hide what they have done next time in order to avoid a negative reaction from adults.

Influence efficiency

Punishment, in which the child is ready to correct the consequences of his misconduct on his own, is the most effective. It is necessary not to force, but to encourage the baby to make such a decision. For example, to convince him to collect scattered things or toys. You can tell the baby that the toys are cold on the floor, they will cry. Or convince an older child to wash soiled shoes by explaining that their favorite shoes can quickly become unusable if they are not cared for and they will have to be thrown away. Ask to glue a torn book together, explaining that books should be handled with care and talking about the significance of books.

Parents should adequately assess the capabilities of their child. If the kid is not able to correct what he did on his own, he definitely needs help.

Types of punishments

Before punishing a child, parents should take into account: any of the measures of influence, in addition to proportionality to the misconduct, should be applied taking into account the age, as well as the psychological characteristics of the baby, his temperament and emotionality.

Restrictions and prohibitions. They are resorted to in cases where it is required to achieve some action from the child. For example, if he does not want to put away toys or do his homework, then restrictions are imposed, forbidding watching cartoons or playing computer games. The duration of the prohibition must correspond to the misconduct, otherwise the child may accuse the parents of injustice.
deprivation of pleasure. It will be more effective to punish a child by depriving him of something than by doing him bad things. It will be useful for parents to talk with the baby in advance, for which violations he may be deprived of his favorite pleasures. Then the child will be sure of the justice of the punishment. Otherwise, he may not see the connection between his misdeed and the deprivation, for example, of a Sunday trip to the cinema.
Condemnation and censure. The purpose of this type of punishment is to make the child feel guilty and regret the bad deed. The effectiveness of this method lies in the possibility of laying a certain model of behavior in the future. The child will not repeat what he was ashamed of in front of people who are authority for him and whose opinion is important to him (parents, teachers).
Apology. The child must be able to ask for forgiveness for the misdeeds that he has committed, as well as learn to correct the harm done.
But parents should also be able to apologize to the child, demonstrating this in a certain situation by personal example. For example, if the mother responded sharply to the baby when he interrupted the conversation, you can express your regret and apologize to the baby for the rude answer.
Ignoring. This type of punishment is applied at each age in different ways. With a two-year-old baby, a mother may refuse to play, doing household chores. With each appeal, she constantly explains to the baby why she does not go to play with him.
You can not talk to a 4-year-old baby, but when he turns to his parents, they explain to him why they don’t want to communicate with him. And they explain what he needs to do or fix in order for mom and dad to talk to him again. If the child is older, you can explain to him once what he was guilty of, and then not respond to him.

The ignore method should not be used frequently and should not last too long. For a child, especially a small one, parents are the main thing in life, and if they ignore him, he experiences stress, feels unnecessary. When the baby does what is required of him, be sure to praise him and kiss him.
Insulation. This form of punishment is used for children under 5-6 years old, putting them in a corner or sending them to a separate room and leaving them alone. You can not turn off the light in the room, aggravating the punishment of children's fears. You should first reassure the child, ask him to think about his behavior. Punishment and misdemeanor should not be separated by time, they should follow each other.
You should not isolate the child for a long time, a few minutes will be enough. After that, you can once again explain to the baby why he was punished.
physical punishment. The method is the most controversial in the process of education. This is not only the notorious spanking with a belt, but also any spanking, cuffs, blows to the hands. This type of influence can instill in the child the confidence that the one who is stronger always wins. This knowledge he will use in adulthood.
Experts say that any physical violence can lead to mental disorders. If a child is in school, he may begin to fall behind in subjects, he may have problems communicating with peers. And most importantly, physical punishment breeds lies. The more pressure parents put on a child, the worse the situation with children's honesty will develop. The child will prefer to lie next time than to experience the pain that the closest people inflict on him.

If the parents' nerves are strained to the limit, it is better to leave the room and switch to activities for a while that will make it possible to recover and soberly assess the situation. The child during this time, most likely, will also calm down, and it will be possible to explain to him what exactly he is wrong about.

Principles of Punishment

Justice. You can’t find fault with a child and punish him for falling under a hot hand, and parents simply take out their anger on him from a quarrel with each other or because of problems at work. This is not his fault. Punishment should be a calm and measured action. Only then will it be effective.
Proportionality to the deed. It is necessary to measure the degree of guilt of the baby and the severity of the punishment. There should be no serious penalties for minor blunders. But to show gentleness, punishing for serious misconduct, is not worth it. Thus, the punishment for an offense that the child has previously committed should be more severe than the previous one.
Time frame. If a child is deprived of something for a while, he must know how long the punishment will last. For example, to ban watching cartoons or using a computer for three days.
Subsequence. All family members must follow the sequence in education and punishment. If mom punished, and dad regretted, the baby simply will not know how he should act. In addition, he will think that he can always escape punishment.
Explanation of the reason. The child must understand why he is forbidden to perform this or that action. Parents need to calmly talk with the baby, explain how bad the misconduct committed by him is and what the consequences may be.

How Not to Punish

To read notations and tire the child with lengthy arguments. He simply will not understand and perceive them. You need to speak clearly and briefly: “You can’t pull the cat’s tail. She's in pain."
Scolding a child for something that the parents themselves do not fulfill. This will cause the baby to protest and may give rise to a feeling of disrespect for them. Children, especially small ones, often repeat the actions of adults. Therefore, forbidding their child to utter bad words, parents, first of all, must exclude them from their own speech.
Punish "for prevention." Punishment should be only for a specific offense committed.
Raise your voice. The child may simply fall into a stupor and stop understanding the parent screaming at him. It is better to calm down and make the suggestion in an even, strict tone.
Postpone punishment. No need to say, having come to the playground: “Yesterday you behaved badly, so today you will not ride on the swing.” The child's psyche is very flexible, and the child may not remember what exactly he was punished for. From his point of view, the punishment will be unfair and incomprehensible. This is especially true for young children.
Act inconsistently. If today a child is forbidden to do something, and tomorrow they are allowed to do it, he will be confused and completely confused about what is possible and what is not.
Threaten obviously impossible. You should not say: “You will never go for a walk again!”
Take active measures during meals, games or before bed.
Use physical labor as punishment training sessions. The negative impressions associated with this will remain in the child’s memory, which can lead, for example, to a decrease in motivation to study.
To intimidate the baby with the fact that mom and dad will not love him. For a child, there is nothing worse than the absence of parental love. Under no circumstances should he doubt that he is needed and loved.

Punishment of children from 6 to 10 years old: rules and features

Often, a grown-up baby has a "rebellion on the ship", with the help of which the child tries to assert his rights. Children over the age of 6 are already aware of their misdeeds and can perfectly distinguish the bad from the good. This feature must be taken into account when applying measures of influence.

It is impossible to punish in front of witnesses, this will only humiliate the child and provoke further persistence.
You can not compare with friends and classmates. It hurts a child to hear that someone's parents consider him better. Such comparisons will not correct bad behavior, but they will provide the baby with self-doubt and self-doubt.
It is necessary to bring the punishment to its logical end. If the parents show weakness (for example, allowing something earlier than the deadline set in the punishment), misconduct will continue, and the effectiveness of the punishment will be reduced to zero.
It should explain what needs to be done, not forbidden. For example, the phrase “You can’t sit down at the table with dirty hands” is better formulated in a different way: “Before you sit down at the table, you must wash your hands.” So the baby will understand that he is not forbidden, but given advice on how best to act.
For petty offenses, the child should also be punished. Otherwise, each time he will be more and more confident in his impunity.

When action is not allowed

There are situations when, at any age, the use of any form of punishment is unacceptable:

Curiosity and craving for knowledge (studying the world, the baby pulls objects into his mouth, puts his fingers into various holes, breaks things and toys, trying to understand the principle of their action).
Features of age (restlessness, inattention, poor memory).
Features of physiology (there is no "relationship" with the potty, does not want to go to bed or sit down to eat).
Wrong behavior due to lack of experience in life situations(takes away other people's toys, is afraid and does not want to go to the clinic), when his parents did not explain to him that it was impossible to do this.
The manifestation of emotions, natural feelings (does not want to let her mother go to work, is jealous of younger child and therefore offends him).
Careless behavior (climbed into a puddle and soiled clothes, accidentally broke or spilled something).
Unintentional actions (forgot to fulfill any request of the parents or did not understand what was required of him).
Desire to help (the child wanted to do something good or useful, but he did not succeed).

When applying punishment, one should observe the measure. Being in some cases a necessity, punishment can be only one of the means used as education, but by no means the main and not the only one. The inability of parents to influence the child in other ways is a demonstration of their own insolvency and lowers parental status.